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  1. #1

    Default Just Need to Vent!!

    So just got a text from my parents saying that they are very concerned about me homeschooling DD and DS10 and how concerned they are that I am not working as a physician blah, blah, blah. I am so tired of my controlling family and their need to butt in where it is not needed nor wanted.

    My husband is active duty military, we move every 3 years and getting relicensed in every state is a crazy ordeal, not to mention that I have been looking for part-time work but no one wants to hire a part-time physician, those jobs are preferred for the mid-levels. They have to pay me too much. Honestly I am a physician solely because my mom told me that I had to get an MD or Phd to be in this family. I had just told her that I wanted to be a high school history teacher because I much preferred my history classes to my science classes, this was in my senior year of college. I did not want to get a phd in history so I just went ahead and applied to medical school and ironically got into UVM solely because of my history degree. UVM found that liberal arts majors were better doctors.

    Finally as far as the homeschooling goes, both kids are really excited to start this year and DD did well academically last year at the public middle school, but asked to come home because she found it too stressful and overwhelming and didn't feel like the kids cared about learning. Regardless it is still none of my parents business and I am just so tired of their meddling. My DH is currently on a plane flying across country and I don't have any homeschool friends IRL to vent with - thanks for listening.
    Beth
    DS16 with ASD, DD12 and DS10

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  3. #2
    Senior Member Arrived RTB's Avatar
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    Default

    Oooo gurl!!!

    If you feel the need to respond. . . I think you just validate the love they have for their grandkids, note their concern, and then let them know that the topic is not up for discussion.

    Then you take a big deep breath and take a bath, have a tea, glass of wine, go for a run, whatever works.

    Big hugs.
    Rebecca
    DS 14, DD 12
    Year 8

  4. #3

    Default

    Vent away!

    And then see about what it takes to become a history teacher. Maybe youd be able to get a job at the local community colleges as an adjunct professor? (I think its easier to teach there than at a public high school.) Maybe you wont really want to do it anymore. Maybe you will.
    But sooner or later, you may want outside employment, and wouldnt it be better to be something you enjoy? Your mom will probably rant about how youre living your life wrong, and wasting yourself, but like you know, thats her problem.

    Hugs and hugs!
    Homeschooling DS13, DS6.

    Atheist.

    My spelling was fine, then my brain left me.

  5. #4

    Default

    Oy. Just be glad you're not laying that kind of a trip on your kids. And middle school is the best time to homeschool. Parents. Pshaw.
    Want to read about my homeschool?
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    Children's Books, Homeschooling and Random Musings...

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    http://simplify4you.com/

  6. #5

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    AM - I have thought about teaching eventually, but right now I am enjoying being home with my kids. Honestly I wanted to stay home with my kids since DD was born. DS16 had colic and honestly I was happy to return to work with him - of course at the time I was active duty and didn't have a choice. But by DD I really would have preferred to stay home, at the time we couldn't afford it - DH was in residency and money was tighter, but also my Mom had made me feel that staying at home would be so unfeminist of me. Now I look at it and think the most feminist thing is being able to have a choice regardless and do the thing that makes you the most happy. Luckily currently we have the money for me to have this choice and I am happy to take it. The physician shortage will be epic in a few years, I am sure at some point I can make my way back into it if I want, otherwise I will figure out another path.

    Farrar- so right! DD definitely figured out that she preferred homeschool for the middle school path. I have told my kids that I just want them to be able to support themselves financially and then they can do what brings them joy. I don't care if that is a zip-line operator in Hawaii, the options are endless!
    Beth
    DS16 with ASD, DD12 and DS10

  7. #6

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by HawaiiGeek View Post
    Honestly I am a physician solely because my mom told me that I had to get an MD or Phd to be in this family. I had just told her that I wanted to be a high school history teacher because I much preferred my history classes to my science classes, this was in my senior year of college. I did not want to get a phd in history so I just went ahead and applied to medical school and ironically got into UVM solely because of my history degree. UVM found that liberal arts majors were better doctors.
    Wow! I can't even imagine parents telling a child what profession she had to be. I'm so sorry.

    A dear SIL gave me great advice years ago, even before we had kids: Do what is right for YOU and your immediate family, even if it puts relations with extended family at risk. Explain to them why you make the decisions you do, then it's up to the extended family to support you or not. But still hold true to yourself.

    So, be a happy stay-at-home mom, or a history teacher, or a physician, or the best Starbucks barista ever--but do what makes you and your spouse and kids happy. And Farrar is right, middle school is the BEST time to homeschool kids.
    Carol

    Homeschooled two kids for 11 years, now trying to pay it forward


    Daughter -- a University of Iowa graduate: BA in English with Creative Writing, BA in Journalism, and a minor in Gender, Women & Sexuality Studies

    Son -- a Purdue University senior majoring in Computer Science, minoring in math, geology, anthropology, and history

  8. #7
    Senior Member Evolved Deli76's Avatar
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    Open that vent!
    My family was controlling to the point that I was told I was too stupid for college, a mans worst nightmare, and a horrible mother. Basically, They wanted me to stay under their thumb. And when I left home, boy did my son and I pay the consequences.
    I learned that its no ones business what I do or why. The more I kept my family in the dark about what I do, the better me and my kids and hubby are. But now I am accused of living in a bubble. But I have just chosen to not participate in the madness. I am quite aware of whats going on with them.
    I have decided that my choices and actions are mine alone, and I am aware that they will affect me and my kids and hubby. I do what I do for my kids and hubby. Mainly I do it for myself, because If I am not happy about my decisions, that unhappy feeling will spread to my hubby and kids. If I cant function, everything else falls apart. When I started homeschooling DD, I got some serious side glances. But oh well. My kid. This is what she needs. This is my son, this is what he needs. This is my hubby, this is what he needs. Everyone else can jump off a bridge...better yet...a cliff.

    I know my post may look harsh. But its really not. Ive learned that this is my life, my family and I am the one who has to live with the results. Not anyone else. Are my kids coming to so and so after a fight with a friend? Help with lessons? Help dealing with a bully? Waking up several times a night to check on my sick kids or hubby? No, they are not. I am.

    As for college...I was the first female to finish the Machine Tech Certification. I was so excited to walk down the isle, get my diploma, don that cap and gown! My son graduated from High School. My daughter is on track to graduate 1 year early. My son plays 3 instruments (by ear), and dd is highly gifted. She is on her way to Civil Air Patrol. She would like to go to the Coast Guard. I am self employed as a Dog Walker/Pet Sitter. I have a certification in Canine Massage Therapy and I just finished my certification for Canine and Feline Diet. I will be finishing my certification for Canine and Feline Physical Therapy. I still have a thing for Math, and actually thought about getting a math degree. And I help my husband in our own small Machine Shop.

    Go for it!
    Bobo 13 yrs old - marches to the beat of her own drum, driven, out going and loud, yet she loves nature
    Booger Boy 21 yrs old - quiet, self assured, confident and laying his own path

    umbers cucumbers!!!!

  9. #8

    Default

    Oh man, so sorry, it really just makes it all the more lonely/isolating/frustrating to get through the hard parts of homeschooling when you don't have support.

    We don't have it from either side. Ex teachers on both sides. One side just never says anything and acts like the fact that the DD's even do school does not exists. And I find that sad for them (the DD's) because they never get asked "oh what are you learning" etc. Whereas when older DD was in public school, they did ask it. We will just talk about what she is doing to them, but just get a blank, silent wall in response.

    On the other side, my mother, who lives in the same city as us and could be so helpful. But she is really not into it. Homeschooling is concerning and so forth. Its like I can't show any sign of weakness in what I talk to her about or she gets on it as an opportunity to say something. About my work too. I freelance from home, and even if my kids were still in school, I would still freelance because I don't want a regular job. However, if I mention things like workload/income inconsistency I get comments like "well you could always put them in school and get a job".

    No advice, just I am here with you, so if you ever feel like venting...
    New Zealand-based. DD 11 (year 6 [NZ system]) homeschooled, and DD 6 (year 1 [NZ system]) who is currently trying out public school.

    Freelance copyeditor, specializing in scientific text, who will make mistakes in my posts (I don't self-edit).

    That's a kea (NZ parrot) in my avatar. You can learn about them on Beak & Brain - Genius Birds from Down Under on Netflix.

  10. #9

    Default

    And with higher education/work criticisms, I know how that feels too. When I was finishing up my PhD and was pregnant with DD10 at the same time, there were so many mutterings from some in my academic department about "why do a PhD if you are just going to have children and not go down the academic path". Like if you are going to have kids then you should not get a higher education. I did my PhD for the sheer joy/interest of learning really deeply in a specific area. Even now I get it from other female peers who have chosen to work full time in academia or as physicians once having kids. Its like they look on me with disdain. But its my choice to be at home and freelance as an academic editor, and I enjoy the diversity of the work that I do.
    New Zealand-based. DD 11 (year 6 [NZ system]) homeschooled, and DD 6 (year 1 [NZ system]) who is currently trying out public school.

    Freelance copyeditor, specializing in scientific text, who will make mistakes in my posts (I don't self-edit).

    That's a kea (NZ parrot) in my avatar. You can learn about them on Beak & Brain - Genius Birds from Down Under on Netflix.

  11. #10

    Default

    Thanks guys so nice to know that I am not alone!

    NZ- I just don't get the Mommy wars. Why can't we just be happy for other women and the choice they make that works for them.
    Beth
    DS16 with ASD, DD12 and DS10

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Just Need to Vent!!