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  1. #11

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    Ugh -- Yeah.

    I think parents who push their kids that hard on very specific paths rarely ever get the clarity to understand why it is so controlling and so wrong. I don't know, if at the outset, they just assume if you get the degree they want you to get that the sunk-cost aspect of it will keep you in line for the rest of your days; or if they just assume you will see the light and know "they were right all along."

    My mother was the exact opposite and (frustratingly) is very happy that I ended up on the stay-at-home path (Very accidental -- and not what I planned) although not happy about the homeschooling (the reason I am on that path) b/c she does not understand that aspect of it.

    On the plus side, I guess it helped me really understand that kids are not mini-me's and helps me understand that my son's path will be his own.

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  3. #12

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    I don't think it had anything to do with money. They did pay for my college, but I was an RA so my room and board was covered for 2 years. They did not pay for my medical school - I refused to let them pay - I got a military scholarship (at the time Clinton was in office, so it didn't seem that risky). My mom always regretted that she didn't get her Phd and so she wouldn't let me not get it. But exactly like you said at least I know not to make my children be anything they don't want to be. Hope to just give them the confidence to go and be whatever it is they want to be as adults!
    Beth
    DS16 with ASD, DD12 and DS10

  4. #13

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    Just ask your parents these three questions. Aren't the kids most important thing in our lives? Aren't we supposed to do everything we can for their success and happiness? And more on the selfish side, aren't we supposed to do what makes us happy to be accomplished and truly successful ourselves? The answer is yes, yes, and undoubtedly, yes. For you, homeschooling your beautiful children is the answer to all three. I hope you will succeed in changing their mind. If not..
    Let me also offer my sympathy and hugs because I've been suffering such meddling behavior my entire adult life. My career, my choice of life partner, my parenting and even my place of residence have always been disputed and of course, found to be completely and utterly unsuitable.
    The worst thing is that parents do this because they love you, care for you, and believe they know better. They are just being overprotective. Try to see love behind their meddling and decline as gently as you can, without losing your cool (I know it's easier said than done).

  5. #14

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    Yikes! Iím sorry you had that experience. I can empathize with you though, as my family is quite judge-mental and demanding and was very very hard on me growing up. (I was asked to move out of the house at 18 because I didnít want to go to college!!). Many moons later, my father tried to fist fight my husband in our tiny bungalow home in a sleepy suburb in ohio because we pulled our son out of school and began our homeschooling journey.

    Iíll tell you what though...I took time to cool down, digest the entire relationship, not see them for a while...and did my best to let it go. I think theyíre just confused. Our life is so different from the one they created. They probably donít understand and it makes them angry. At least, thatís the conclusion I came to. I donít share much information with my family because I know they havenít changed but my son sees my parents on a social basis once a month or so and they spoil the heck out of him. Maybe one day Iíll share the whole picture with them (after Iíve uncovered my demolished adolescent confidence)...haha... But for now. The least information possible seems to be safest.

    I really hope you are able to maintain your strength and convictions through this. Having a demanding family can really get under your skin. But you know in your heart what is right. Follow that feeling and let everything else fall where it will. You can only control yourself after all.

    Good luck!!!

    Ps. I learned a long while back that anger is always a secondary emotion. Itís a defense mechanism. Maybe my parents are embarrassed, or scared, or confused. There is something underlying the anger. I donít know if this applies to your situation but itís really helped me to understand my own family.

  6. #15

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    After all these years I still get people close to me telling me that we shouldn't be homeschooling. It's YOUR family, not theirs. Thank them for their concern and move on. Healthy detachment could be good for you, too. (((HUGS)))

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