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  1. #1

    Default Do HS kids feel like they're missing out?

    Hi all,

    I'll be starting homeschooling DS right from the beginning, and (if all goes as planned) will be homeschooling all the way through high school.

    But that makes me wonder, for kids who have been HS'd from the start, do they ever wish they could try PS? Does anyone have experience with going through this? Did you let them go to PS, then go back to HS? Did you just power through it?


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  3. #2
    Senior Member Arrived Elly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2013


    We homeschooled for 4 years, from K through 3rd grade. He's going to private school in September. I just asked him and he says he doesn't think he missed out. The reality is, you can never do everything. Kids who go to school miss out on stuff too - chances for long afternoons playing with friends, time to read, field trips...

    4th year of homeschooling DS, now 9!

  4. #3


    We homeschooled from 2nd and 3rd grade onward, all the way through high school. My kids never wanted to try public/private school; we re-evaluated every year and they always had that option.

    That being said, each one thinks there are things they missed. DD desired a bigger social circle, for example. DS had a difficult time finding homeschoolers that were sufficiently nerdy for him. Maybe going to our local ps (~2000 kids) would have allowed him to do so.

    Neither were interested in school team sports, band, or dances, so those were never an issue. They are both now in college. In hindsight, both state they wouldn't have done it any differently, for a whole host of reasons. If you're interested in those reasons, let me know.

    Homeschooled two kids for 11 years, now trying to pay it forward

    Daughter -- a University of Iowa graduate: BA in English with Creative Writing, BA in Journalism, and a minor in Gender, Women & Sexuality Studies

    Son -- a Purdue University graduate: BS in Computer Science, minor in math, geology, anthropology, and history

  5. #4


    Quote Originally Posted by inmom View Post
    DS had a difficult time finding homeschoolers that were sufficiently nerdy for him.

    That's funny. I would've thought homeschooled kids would've been a bit more on the nerdy side
    Your post was really helpful, thanks! I keep thinking that all of the "normal" kids will be public schooled, so DS might feel like the weird kid. But from these responses, that doesn't seem to be the case.

  6. #5


    Hmmm. My older has been HS since the beginning, and one of the quickest ways to get him upset is to suggest he go to public school. The less-nice neighbor kids are public schooled, and his charter gets refugees (from PS) going through their own PTSD symptoms as they try to socially rehumanize after the savagery of their public school experience.
    I think having interaction with PS kids keeps the fantasy portrayed on TV (Sid the Science Kid, Daniel Tiger, etc) from being believable.
    Homeschooling DS13, DS6.


    My spelling was fine, then my brain left me.

  7. #6


    My sons do sports (PS ones for the older, club ones which both PS and HS kids do for the younger), so they get some of the 'best' from PS from those (larger friend/acquaintance circle, group bonding, etc.). My eldest showed interest around 7th grade, but it was more because we were becoming very unschooly and he wanted more structure and challenge. We've slowly moved that way, and now he is officially going to start his high school studies. He has been part of the high school planning from the beginning: he has a post-high school goal, and we have examined what he needs to achieve it and went from there. He now sees that, while HSing isn't perfect, he has a lot more latitude and freedom to shape his schooling the way HE wants.

    He doesn't care about dances; we're going to give him a graduation party, which is the more important part for him. He likes the idea of being around teens a lot more, but it's more the idea of it than the actual doing, as he is a bit introvert sometimes and has a hard time finding other teens with his same passions. Really, at this point, the only thing that sways him to the thought of PS is meeting more girls.

    The younger would love to play with other kids all day long, but the idea of sitting in a classroom all day long and having to listen to adults with utmost authority gives him the willies!

  8. #7
    Senior Member Enlightened Artmama's Avatar
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    Jan 2015


    We have Homeschooled from the start but DD has had the opportunity to dip her little toe into the PS world every once in a while because of different jobs I do. Just about every time she has been in a PS setting, even with me there, her response at the end is 'Whew! That was crazy!' She does have some PS friends and sometimes the subject comes up with them of when she plans to go to 'regular school'. For some reason she has decided the answer is 'When I am 10'(she's 7 now). She seems pretty confident that there is nothing she is missing out on except having to get up early.

  9. #8


    My kids don't feel like they are missing out. two went to school for 3 months, two have never been. It is typical for them to be curious about school, but I spelled it out for them. If they go to school, they can't do outings during the day, clubs or sports after school. Their bus gets home too late. We are rural, and there is a commute. Their days are long. The two that went did enjoy school, but it was academically not challenging. Thta suited one kid fine, and the other, not so much. They like that they can do more or less as they choose, choose their own subjects, set their own schedule and be more physically active than if they go to school.

    The only one who says he would rather try school is the little one. He wasn't old enough tot go with the others and felt left out. IMO it isn't about school at all, it's about not doing what his brothers were doing. The ones that went whole-heartedly would rather be home.
    homeschooling 4 boys and baby girl for 10 years

  10. #9


    Mine absolutely never have. They've been homeschooled straight through (starting 8th in the fall).

    But obviously your mileage may vary on this. I think it depends on your homeschool community, your overall community, what activities are available to you, what sort of kid you have and what the kid's needs and personality are... so many variables.

    I have seen some people say that they or their kids feel like they're missing out not being in public school. Sometimes the complaints seem absurd. Like, I saw someone complain once that they didn't get to do all the cool field trips that public school kids do and my eyes sort of bugged out. Like, what the...? Public school kids take one or two overcrowded, mostly lame field trips a year. When my kids were younger, we took multiple "field trips" every week. And we still have at least a couple a month. Just... bizarre. On the other hand, some people don't have access to sports or music or specific activities without their public school (we do, so not an issue for us) either because they simply aren't offered or because of finances. And some people feel left out of their small communities or neighborhoods because everyone goes to school (not an issue for us because there isn't a strong neighborhood school here, so it's common for other kids in our 'hood to be at different schools) and the whole community of parenting and kids is centered around schools. Those are things that are harder to get around if they exist for you and you may feel like you're missing out.

    I agree with the sentiment that you will always be missing *something* no matter what. The kid who has every opportunity in the world and is brilliant enough to take them all still has a limit on her time. I always say that I can't choose if my kids will end up in therapy or if my kids end up screwed up - I can only choose what they end up in therapy for. Just do what you think is best, basically.
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  11. #10


    Most of the things people fret about their children missing out on are the idealized version of school from the 1950s: Prom, Sports, Band. It's like the holy trinity of public school and American youth. Not all that long ago, school children didn't do any of those things. Schools didn't provide those services, and the kids were just fine.

    Does your kid want to go to school? If yes, then send them. People feel like they are missing out if they are denied things they want. If your kids don't want to go, then they aren't missing out.

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Do HS kids feel like they're missing out?