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  1. #11

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    A second for outside activities, if she feels up to them. My 14 yo doesn't get too much flak (he was homeschooled before we moved to this town), but he does yearn for more friends--friends that think like him, which, unfortunately, is going to being slim pickings in or out of PS. But his extra activities help him feel connected. He runs with a 70 y.o. He volunteers with a bunch of retired vets. He hangs out with the younger kids at our homeschool group (made up of mostly younger kids). We're going to start a book group between him, a 30 yo family friend, and myself. And he talks to a out-of-state friend a few times a year, and just got back from visiting him for a week. So while she will hopefully keep her PS friends, expanding her group will allow her to see beyond the narrow scope of high school.

    At the same time, talk her through it. Let her voice how these texts makes her feel, what she thinks she should do...walk her through it. That, too, is part of homeschooling! Throughout life, she will have to make decisions that people don't understand or don't like. Learning to respond kindly, but firmly to her friends may end up being one of the most important things you teach her.

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  3. #12
    Senior Member Arrived lakshmi's Avatar
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    " I appreciate that you feel comfortable sharing your opinion."
    "You have every right to disagree with what I think is best for my child."
    "I feel comfortable doing it this way."
    "If it doesn't work then I can always change course."

    And then change the subject. Or just keep saying the same things over and over until they change the subject.
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  4. #13
    Senior Member Enlightened Lianne13's Avatar
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    I hate to hear of her situation as I can be anxiety prone. I have no problem telling critical people to blow it out their back side, family or not. They don't live in my house so they have no say whatsoever. A "friend" making those comments will not get a call in the future. Our oldest daughter just turned 14 last month and is in 8th grade. She was the main reason we decided to homeschool both our girls. She (in 1-4th grade) had so many issue in school with anger, bullies, blowing up at people for breaking her concentration. We deschooled for 6 months and she improved a lot, but it is like she has never taken homeschool seriously. She puts in zero effort. I could let our 12 yr old unschool herself (which we have dabbled with) and she would never fail to be learning something on her own. The 14 yr old would be dead in the water, no gears turning at all. Drives me insane.

    Our girls barely have any friends because nearly every time they meet kids they get treated like crap. Kindergarten up it has been nothing but mean kids. It has made me very unsympathetic to other people's kids. They are on a youth scholarship bowling league and that is the only place I think where the kids are nice to them. I love crazyme's post. I would much rather my kids hang out with older, mature adults than peers their age, since their peers have absolutely no clue what's going on/what end is up.
    Last edited by Lianne13; 03-24-2017 at 11:18 AM.
    Two daughters, military brats to active duty Air Force, ages 13 and 15.
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  5. #14

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    Do you know how moderated that group is?

  6. #15

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    Lianne--the 70 yo running buddy has been a true mentor. They talk about all sorts of things and it was through some of those conversations that my son has been able to formulate his own goals for after school. I can't recommend a mentor enough! Unfortunately, you can't just order one up, it has to be organic. A like minded relative would be easiest, but we don't live close to family. Look at what her interests are, and then look for groups that focus on it.

  7. #16

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    I just want to let you know that I could have written this post!!! My daughter is in 7th grade, this is her first year homeschooling. She had been asking to do this since 4th grade for various reasons. We gave it a go this year and the homeschooling itself has been wonderful, loving what we are doing (for the most part), enjoying having more free time, time to pursue interests, getting to sleep in, etc. What was and has been the most difficult thing is how some of her public school friendships have changed and are changing. I knew that this was a likely possibility, though I think I was naive in thinking it would be more natural and not so hurtful and intentional seeming. One of my daughter's closest friends from when she was 2 has been the most hurtful. I know that some of the things coming out of her mouth are things that her parents must have been saying or talking about. She has made it very clear, vocally so, to other mutual friends in front of my daughter that homeschoolers are dumb, socially inept, boring, weird...missing out, I could go on. These conversations happen at dance class, where my daughter's friend will speak to others in front of my daughter of all these ideas and opinions. It's been SO HURTFUL!!! So far, I've just been there to talk with my daughter. Posing questions here and there, trying to get her to think of the "why" these kids might feel the way they do about homeschooling. Perhaps they are threatened by her doing something so different? Worried about losing their friendship? Uncomfortable with their lack of confidence when it comes to going against the norm?

    Peer pressure is high on the radar right now for us in the middle school years, fitting in rather than standing out. It's almost like my daughter, (since homeschooling), is all the more determined to stand out. She used to have beautiful long hair (like all the other girls) and she recently chopped it all off into a pixie cut. Old friends had opinions on this too, and none were positive. I feel like it's her way of declaring that she's cool with being exactly who it is that she is. That's what I want for her more than anything. Being able to love to read, love science, whatever! She couldn't be that person in ps anymore. It was exhausting.

    It's just such a tricky time with the age that she is and with all the outside pressures!! I don't want her to be lonely and to be on the "outs" when it comes to social things, yet...the social things surrounding our ps are pretty lousy! We do have a homeschool group and my daughter has met a handful of nice girls there, though they are all from religious families and I kind of feel like a fraud around them. Ack!! I just want one good friend for her, and I would be fine.

    I know that I'm not really offering advice, but just wanted to share that we're right there with you on this one. It's not fun. It doesn't feel good. But it offers opportunity for conversation and definitely room for some character building.
    May my heart be kind, my mind fierce, and my spirit brave. Learning at Home with Me
    Homeschooling DD (13)

  8. #17

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    Quote Originally Posted by Happydays525 View Post
    ...Uncomfortable with their lack of confidence when it comes to going against the norm?

    Peer pressure is high on the radar right now for us in the middle school years, fitting in rather than standing out. It's almost like my daughter, (since homeschooling), is all the more determined to stand out. She used to have beautiful long hair (like all the other girls) and she recently chopped it all off into a pixie cut. Old friends had opinions on this too, and none were positive. I feel like it's her way of declaring that she's cool with being exactly who it is that she is. That's what I want for her more than anything. Being able to love to read, love science, whatever! She couldn't be that person in ps anymore. It was exhausting.
    That is so insightful and so right. Teens are so much about fitting in, and I just want to force them to see themselves as their unique, beautiful, true selves. Thank goodness for HSing!

  9. #18

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    [QUOTE=BethAnnFair;223784]Just having a very bad day here! We recently decided to homeschool our 14 year old daughter, who is the 9th grade. She has never been homeschooled before. She's an excellent student but has serious anxiety issues. In the last year she has walked out of class numerous times, just walked out and left, calling me to pick her up because she can't handle the pressure. She had to drop band, drama, FFA because of the pressure. All of her friends are big time activity nuts and I think she kept trying to fit in. But she is super smart, loves to learn and told me numerous times that when she went to school she felt nothing all, no motivation, no happiness, nothing, just numb. So I am happy we made this decision, which by the way was HER idea, not ours.

    So now I find out that all of her public school friends are being super critical of homeschooling, telling her in texts that she will be miserable, that her anxiety will get worse, that she will never want to leave the house, etc. I am so angry that instead of being supportive these kids (with their heads filled with garbage by their parents I am sure!) are being so damaging to her. I know they are worried about not seeing her as often, but we had planned for her to see them as much as possible, plus obviously they talk every day. Have any of you had to deal with this? How did you handle it?

    I would like her make some new friends who are also homeschooled, who will be more understanding. Would love to hear from others who have also dealt with these issues.

    Thanks![/QUOTE

    Fist off, so sorry for your experience. My son has friends that are curious about how homeschooling works. I find that having his friends over for sleep overs and other events gives them an opportunity to get there questions out. Most of the questions I can tell are generated more by their parents than the children, but fun never the less. We have large dry boards up in an area of the house, and several times over the months I have over heard the children asking my son what concepts are written on the boards that they have not been exposed to themselves. Another noticeable difference the other children notice is when they call on their days off of school and hear my son telling them he is in class and not to call until after 4. They start to see that homeschooling for our son is not on the school time table. I would say in the last few months my son's friends have a clearer understanding about homeschooling. So my suggestion is have those sleep overs and get those suspicious parents talking through their children. I have to remember it is usually the parents that ruin everything. The children still want life to be fun and hassle free! Let your daughter know she has our support! RAH!
    Religion is excellent stuff for keeping common people quiet...Napoleon Bonaparte

  10. #19

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    Investigate with your daughter the "mean girl" phenomenon, talk about bullying, insecurity, online safety, and peer pressure. Read books together on the topic. Then read books about powerful women throughout history, social issues facing girls and women around the world, and equality. Help her find her own voice. Give her room to spread her wings and figure out who she is outside of her friends and former role as a traditional school kid. Enroll in classes that interest her, explore what is offered in the community. Meet other homeschool families and teens. Continue being her support system and listening ear, and show her that the world is so much bigger than her former peer group.

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