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  1. #1

    Default Roll Call, 12/10

    After last week's positive-themed Roll Call post, it's time for a venting opportunity. Since it's the time of year when we are around relatives we may not normally visit with through the rest of the year, I was thinking about some of the stupidest or most frustrating questions about homeschooling I've received from these relatives. (Disclaimer: I've been lucky that the ones closest to me and whose opinion I value the most have been supportive of our educational decisions.)

    One Christmas dinner when my kids were high school age, and already taking dual credit classes at the local university (which the kids had talked about over dinner), my professor SIL asked me how my kids will EVER be admitted to college. To this day, I'm not sure if she thought (1) my kids would be too stupid from homeschooling to get in, (2) I was too stupid to have not already researched college admissions, (3) colleges don't accept homeschoolers. After I picked my jaw back up, I just looked at her and reminded her that they were ALREADY taking college courses. A couple of years afterward, I loved my kids proving her wrong.

    Yes, Alexsmom, I should have just asked for someone to pass the bean dip!

    Share the stupidest and/or most frustrating questions you've received from not-so-well-meaning relatives, friends, or perfect strangers. How did you respond?
    Carol

    Homeschooled two kids for 11 years, now trying to pay it forward


    Daughter -- a University of Iowa graduate: BA in English with Creative Writing, BA in Journalism, and a minor in Gender, Women & Sexuality Studies

    Son -- a Purdue University senior majoring in Computer Science, minoring in math, geology, anthropology, and history

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  3. #2
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    Inmom - Ugh to SIL!

    I got more from family when they were younger, mostly about socialization. Now I get more from acquaintances - you should put your kids in XYZ private school because it's so amazing, and your kids seem bright, and it is such an amazing school.

    Pass the bean dip.

    But what I'm really thinking is. . .

    No. Just no. Not only is tuition outrageous, but all the expected extras (like trips out of country, fund raising) add on thousandS of dollars. I don't value spending hundreds of thousands of dollars on primary education. Several of the kids that go to these school have talked to my kids about how overwhelmed they feel - that is no way to live when you are all of 13. I want my kids to be in the real world - the racially, ethnically, economically, politically, religiously diverse one - not the artificial, elitist world of private school (my opinion of course ). I have no desire to return to full time work and then to use all the money to pay for tuition. I've worked while raising kids - to say you are busy is an understatement - I value peace. I like my kids and I want to be around them. Also, I'm sheltering them, but not in the way you think. I want to shelter them from misinformation - it's my job to set the tone and have frequent conversations about sex, drugs and drinking, mental health, actual history, racism, etc. and to have those conversations often as part of our daily life. Finally, community college is free here at 15, why wouldn't we take advantage of that? Finally finally. . .ok not really. . . I could go on forever, but I'll zip it.

    I used to say it was out of our price range, but then I just got information on financial aid (haha!). I haven't figured out a good response yet, so I just try to validate them, and ask questions about their kid.
    Rebecca
    DS 14, DD 12
    Year 8

  4. #3

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    I get the same about sending DD11 to school. We don't have any real private schools here. Some of what are called state-integrated. So they are allowed their own "special" values but the curriculum has to be aligned with the NZ curriculum, and they get government funding. They also charge a relatively small amount in fees. But they are all various types of Christian (Anglican, Presbyterian, Catholic etc.). So I get "oh why don't you try XYZ (Christian school), its amazing". And I just smile and say it does not fit our values and maybe we would try ABC school (the most alternative of the schools in our city), which always gets me a sour look. If I am going to send DD11 to school, it certainly will not be a Christian one where they only teach one view.
    New Zealand-based freelance science copyeditor. Homeschooling DD 11 (year 7) and DD 6 (year 2).

  5. #4

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    Not all the time, but often enough, I get the feeling that some parents feel that YOUR decision to homeschool is a judgement on THEIR decision to not homeschool. So then they have to convince you that their decision is better. People who send their kids to private schools don't get anywhere near the amount of questioning that homeschoolers do, although we are essentially tiny private schools.

    If the other person is a parent I know well enough, I just tell them, "Live and let live. We each do what we think is best for our kids."
    Last edited by inmom; 12-11-2019 at 03:00 PM.
    Carol

    Homeschooled two kids for 11 years, now trying to pay it forward


    Daughter -- a University of Iowa graduate: BA in English with Creative Writing, BA in Journalism, and a minor in Gender, Women & Sexuality Studies

    Son -- a Purdue University senior majoring in Computer Science, minoring in math, geology, anthropology, and history

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    Quote Originally Posted by inmom View Post
    Not all the time, but often enough, I get the feeling that some parents feel that YOUR decision to homeschool is a judgement on THEIR decision to homeschool. So then they have to convince you that their decision is better. People who send their kids to private schools don't get anywhere near the amount of questioning that homeschoolers do, although we are essentially tiny private schools.

    If the other person is a parent I know well enough, I just tell them, "Live and let live. We each do what we think is best for our kids."
    Agreed. I also think people automatically assume people home school for one of two reasons. 1. God / religion 2. You believe public schools / teachers are awful.

    The other reasons, are just beyond what they think about typically.
    Rebecca
    DS 14, DD 12
    Year 8

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    Ok, 3 reasons maybe . . . 3. your kid has some type of learning or behavior disability.

    So when they know its not 1 or 3, they assume 2.
    Rebecca
    DS 14, DD 12
    Year 8

  8. #7

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    Hmmmm Or maybe they know #2 is the truth and feel guilty for not homeschooling?

    We have been doing rounds of doctors visits for my little one, and each time they ask if I need a docgors note to excuse his absence. It boggles my mind that parents need a doctors note if their kid is off doing something!

    I dont get random questioning anymore - although once in a while there is an odd comment. “Oh, DS seems socialized alright, so I guess its okay”. I tend to think that its the PS kids who arent behaving in a “socialized” way. Adults and people out of their friendship circle are sort of invisible to our PS neighbors, and to me thats not how people should behave!
    Homeschooling DS13, DS6.

    Atheist.

    My spelling was fine, then my brain left me.

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    @ AM - maybe so.

    Now that I think about it I used to get a fair amount of the "what no school today?!" from strangers when the kids were little and we were out running errands. I always wondered if they assumed my kids were sick and I was dragging them around with me, infecting the store. Ha!
    Rebecca
    DS 14, DD 12
    Year 8

  10. #9

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    On the positive side, in the last 5 years or so locally I've noticed many more homeschoolers "out and about" during school days. I don't know if that means there are more of them, or if it means they are not so hesitant about being seen during school hours.
    Carol

    Homeschooled two kids for 11 years, now trying to pay it forward


    Daughter -- a University of Iowa graduate: BA in English with Creative Writing, BA in Journalism, and a minor in Gender, Women & Sexuality Studies

    Son -- a Purdue University senior majoring in Computer Science, minoring in math, geology, anthropology, and history

  11. #10
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    [QUOTE]
    Quote Originally Posted by alexsmom View Post
    Hmmmm Or maybe they know #2 is the truth and feel guilty for not homeschooling?

    I think the ones in public school particularly feel this way. Some of them work and then leave their kids in after school daycare till they can be picked up. If their kids are struggling in school with academics or social issues, they feel especially guilty because they aren't able to do anything about them.

    The ones who signed their kids up for private school seem happy with their choices and don't seem to begrudge homeschooling so much. Still, I am often met with awkward silence regarding homeschooling. People I haven't seen in a while will say, "Are you guys still doing that homeschooling thing?" I do find that question annoying.

    I also get: "He should be with other kids." Run with the wolves mentality.

    Our fall baseball team had a host of behavior issues. Unsportsmanlike behavior, insulting or demeaning other players, yelliing over the coaches, hissy fits, crying and so on. DS was the only homeschooler on the team and the only one the coach consistently praised for doing what was asked and not complaining. Most of the kids went to public school and a few to private school, and people think we should send our kids over there for socialization??


    We have been doing rounds of doctors visits for my little one, and each time they ask if I need a docgors note to excuse his absence. It boggles my mind that parents need a doctors note if their kid is off doing something!

    This was one of the reasons I really hated public school. Once, I checked DS out to go for a morning dentist's appointment. We had just barely finished eating lunch when the office called and asked when we were bringing him back. Then shortly after, they called me again to rush me. Nothing particular was going on. They just felt like they owned MY kid during school hours.
    Last edited by vicsmom; 12-13-2019 at 11:47 AM.
    Homeschooling an only, DS10

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Roll Call, 12/10