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  1. #1
    Junior Member Newbie
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    Oct 2017

    Talking New Here!! Hi. I am considering homeschooling my 11th grader. Late start!!

    I have an amazing daughter who is 16 and in 11th grade. She has 6 credits and has attended 4 classes this year so far.

    I would have homeschooled from the start but we lived in an enclave of amazing schools and people. She was thriving and had an A/B average and a zest for learning.

    Then came divorce and her world fell apart. She chose to live with her dad, and the lack of structure he offered. Things have gone downhill since.

    I have finally gotten "permission" to enroll her in a transfer school or perhaps home school her.

    She likes the idea of homeschooling, but I am not sure that she will do it. I am certain she will not comply with any transfer school because she does not have the skills that one would have aquired by now.

    I believe that if she were dedicated and open to the fun and uniquness of home schooling that she could thrive and it would change her paradigm completely.

    Also, I am a bit weary of the drama of saving her just to have her head back to her dad and either fall into depression or just get lazy. I want to set up home schooling at a time when she is most likely to do it and get what is avaiable.

    As you can see, we have multiple issues here. The age of my kid, our family situation and our ability to get her involved in something that will work for her.

    Ideas? Thoughts? Experience?

    Alternately, I can enroll her in one of the transfer schools and let her find her way, or flounder, and be ther for her when she is older.


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  3. #2


    Hugs, and welcome!

    Is she living with you right now, or with her father? One of the flexible things about homeschooling is that it could be done without disruption if she's wishywashy about where she wants to be... but both households have to be buying into it. Im sure there are some self-motivated teens that can homeschool themselves despite no parental oversight, but it seems not something youd want to bet on.
    Homeschooling would also give you the opportunity to work on relationships, get her to a better place in her own head.
    My experience (and my kids are younger) is that what makes a great homeschooling year is when *I* am dedicated and involved with it. Not that Im there just dictating the lessons, but that Im watching documentaries (that I find), Im cooking meals to go with what we are learning about, Im playing math games with them.

    If a regular school, or a transfer school wont make a success, you might as well try homeschooling. See how she envisions it being, and try going with that, instead of finding some shiny in a box curriculum and trying to impose SchoolAtHome on her.
    Ask questions, we can help!
    Homeschooling DS13, DS6.


    My spelling was fine, then my brain left me.

  4. #3
    Junior Member Newbie
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    Oct 2017


    I know I am speaking poorly about here dad, so please forgive me. He has done nothing to help her in her education. After 2 years he applied with her to a single school. She went to the interview alone and had a panic attack, so I had to come get her.

    I initially told her I would not help her with homeschooling unless she lived with me, but what can I do? I can't let her flounder completely.

    We have a wondeful relationship, but she insists on living with her dad.

    She needs to choose herself and I am trying to help her figure out how to do that. She will be great when we are together but will then go home to a depressing houshold with no support. But that is no excuse to stop tying. I'm a mom.

    I am considering writing up a contract with her. I don't quite know what to put in it. I need an agreement that makes sense while not coming across like a monster helicopter parent.

    You see, her dad is hoping she will fail. THis way it will show that I am a bad parent or something in this strange competition he has with me.

    I don't want to set her up for failure. If she really isn't going to do this, I'd rather let her stay where she is and figure it our on her own then come to me again when she is really ready.

    Once I pin down her committiment, great! But until then I want to be ready to rock-and-roll with this thing on the sour of the moment.

  5. #4


    First off, I want to say that homeschooling in a divorce situation can work. I've seen families pull it off. But both parents have to be not just agreeable to it but also able to put all their differences aside and be on the same team when it come to education and present a united front to the child(ren). Otherwise, it is likely to just cause more problems than it solves and divide the family even more.

    I homeschooled my older children from the start until their father and I divorced. There was no way their father would work with me to present a united front (heck he didn't even do it when we were married but that's another story entirely) so they all went to public school for late middle school and high school. It really was the best thing for our situation once we were divorced. I wish we could have kept homeschooling and my second oldest actually begged to be homeschooled again after a year or two in public school but it really just wasn't in the cards for us then.

    That was my experience, now for your situation...

    I see that you are in NY which isn't known for being the most homeschool friendly state. There are lots of hoops to jump and lots of oversight (I have a few friends who homeschool in NY)... it's doable of course but it is something to consider and look into when making your decision.

    I don't know the exact laws in NY, but I know in NC for example that a child can legally drop out of school at 16 and after 6 months of being dropped out they can apply for adult high school at the local community college. It's a little different than a GED (which is another option). In adult high school, the student can study at their own pace and get all their credits and "graduate". This is actually what my ex-husband did instead of going an extra semester in traditional high school when he failed senior English class.

    Once she has a diploma or GED, she can take community college classes, get a job or internship of some kind, do some job shadowing if she's unsure of the direction she wants to go. If she previously had a zest for learning, letting her take control of her education, potentially taking a non-traditional path to get there, might be just what she needs but honestly in a divorce situation with a child who is getting very close to 18yo in a state with a lot of oversight, I think I would lean more toward getting a GED or alternative diploma and getting her in community college or some kind of internship or job training. Once my ex-husband had a few years of military service under his belt and a CCAF degree, no one cared that he didn't have a traditional high school diploma and he makes a very nice living (good enough to completely support a family of 7 comfortably on his income alone).

    If you would really rather homeschool, that is certainly an option as well. I would recommend looking into online programs for her so she can do her lessons no matter if she is at mom's or dad's house but I just wanted to toss some other possible options for her in here as well.
    Last edited by MapleHillAcademy; 10-08-2017 at 06:10 PM.

  6. #5


    I think if both you and she want to try homeschooling, she is going to have to come live with you. Whichever way of schooling she goes for, its really the custodial parents responsibility. If she stays at his house, she is going to have to roll with the way he does things. Woman to woman advice, Id say dont let your daughter cause fights or (more) disagreement with your ex. If shes complaining and moaning and groaning, and having panic attacks and wants you to rescue her, tell her shes gotta live with you, with your rules. Youre probably going through a rough time as it is, dont let your daughter play you.
    Sorry if that comes across as mean and offbase.

    Theres no contract or legally binding agreement you can make with her that will get her to do "homeschool" all on her own at your ex's house. Its just a recipe for disaster. Getting her enrolled in an online school, without a parent sitting there overseeing, is not going to work.
    Homeschooling DS13, DS6.


    My spelling was fine, then my brain left me.

  7. #6


    I didn't see your second post earlier. After reading that, I would lean even more toward encouraging her go a non-traditional route to finishing her high school education (GED or adult high school if they have that option in NY) and letting her start exploring post high school options.

    The thing about older teens, you can lead them to water but you can't make them drink. That is true of any child no matter their age but it is especially true of teenagers. While I didn't necessarily mean an online school, just online programs like Khan Academy (sorry if that was unclear earlier), it is really unrealistic to micromanage a teenager, especially one who has the option to go to the other parent's house when things don't suit them.

    I completely understand the weirdly competitive parenting nature some divorced parents take on. Both my ex-husband and his new wife are both like that. Mildly annoying at best and utterly destructive when they just can't drop it. I can say though that it is possible to raise kids who grow up to be decent people despite having one parent constantly trying to sabotage everything. I have one high school graduate and one about to graduate this year who are both on great paths in their young lives even if it isn't the paths I imagined for them when they were young children.
    Last edited by MapleHillAcademy; 10-08-2017 at 08:34 PM.

  8. #7
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    With her age, can she work part time and earn credits toward graduation? And at home do reading, writing and math? And to get the phys ed in a sport through the city parks and rec or a local homeschool co-op?
    My son was having some trouble the last 2 years of public school. No matter what I offered to him he shot it down. Its just that age, They want the path with the least resistance. They want the parent that is hands off and will give them everything and kiss their hineys. I dont kiss my kids hineys. He did stay in ps and graduate. But once he got into the working world, he opened up. I wish he would have taken my offer to homeschool and work part time when he was a junior. He looks back and admits he should have.
    Also, a co-op can be a good thing. Its maybe once or twice a week for an hour or more. There are many options. Does she have any interests such as photography, or programming, art? That can be a starting point for hs'ing and de-schooling as well. Instead of a curriculum, go to a museum or art gallery. Many many options that are educational but not schoolish.
    I wish you both tons of success in the future. Please let us know how it goes. There are tons of seasoned hs'ing parents here that will have amazing ideas.
    Bobo 13 yrs old - marches to the beat of her own drum, driven, out going and loud, yet she loves nature
    Booger Boy 21 yrs old - quiet, self assured, confident and laying his own path

    umbers cucumbers!!!!

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New Here!! Hi. I am considering homeschooling my 11th grader. Late start!!