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  1. #1
    Senior Member Evolved Deli76's Avatar
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    Default Sitting here....

    In near tears. Well...my eyes have been welling up. This year has not been going well. We had a rough start. The first co-op collapsed. (ive only gotten $12 back so far). The second one, dd has not been too enthused about. Its a fight to get work done. She was only a couple assignments behind, but now she is more behind and her grades show it. Mind you this co-op is only once a week. She still says she is bored. She says she wants a sibling. I cant do that. My baby making organs are gone and even before that, those things hadn't worked in years and made me very very sick. ( my cycles were every other week and i was curled up in a ball in between from the pain, couldn't leave the house because they were so heavy a pad lasted me 5 minutes). Which is another problem. My health. In February I was diagnosed with diabetes, damaged liver, and multiple allergies. Something is wrong with my heart but the fbi has my records. (long story). Needless to say my health has also taken a toll on my family. Especially dd.If I have a migraine, my back hurts, my legs hurt, she helps out. She shouldn't have to. I don't want her to. She says she doesn't get to see her dad as much as shed like to. Hubby has taken on a second job to pay down some debt and to pay for healthcare. Cant pay $900 per month.
    So, I have decided to send dd to the co-op she was going to last year starting in January. Its 3 days per week. I am thinking she is needing more time with other kids her age. If I send her back to ps, she would never see her dad. He works evenings. She would be in school during the day. Co-op 3 days per week I believe is good. Would that even make dd a homeschooler anymore? I would still be teaching Math and U.S. History.I would still have to buy out the contract for the current co-op. I don't want to stress out the teachers anymore. (there was a meeting, not a bad meeting, but it gave me insight as to whats going on with dd) And more importantly, I don't want to stress out dd anymore. So that's a done deal. She should be enjoying herself. And shes just not. Shes bored. Shes lonely.
    I just cant figure out why everything has gone haywire? The first 3 years of hsing were pretty good. last year, the only prob I had was getting her to do math. This year.....its everything. I am also figuring its hormonal. She officially started puberty last month. I was so worried she would have the problems I did. Thankfully not. So hormones are raging. We fight constantly. I am hoping this ends soon. I am scared to death of having the relationship with dd that I have had with my mother. I don't like being mad at dd. I don't like asking her 10 times to do her lessons. I know there are going to be disagreements with my children, but it scares the crap out of me to have a strained relationship with them. That one actually brings me to tears.
    I am thinking there are a lot of changes at the moment and we are on some bumpy road. Hopefully the road will smooth out and we can start off the new year on the right track.
    Bobo 13 yrs old - marches to the beat of her own drum, driven, out going and loud, yet she loves nature
    Booger Boy 21 yrs old - quiet, self assured, confident and laying his own path

    umbers cucumbers!!!!

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  3. #2

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    I'm sorry you are dealing with so much.
    The changes in your relationship with your daughter may be affected by all that is going on, but it may also be the age - or a combination of both. I have been told by several parents, all parents of 11 & 12yo girls, similar stories to yours. Three of the four HS'ing families we know are considering school because of the frustrations between the daughters and mothers and because the girls want more friends.

    With regard to your health. I have always had bad migraines and felt like a lousy mom when my children had to take care of themselves at young ages. e.g.When they were toddlers and I would gate them into the same room as me and ask them to pretend they live in 'quiet town' and play while I dosed in a half awake/half asleep state. But, in the long run, I think it has made them more compassionate and it is their normal.

    I think your co-op idea sounds great. I wish we had co-ops in our area.

    I understand your concerns about your relationship; I had a horrible relationship with my mother and worry about having the same with my children.
    Last edited by dbsam; 12-04-2015 at 12:21 AM.
    homeschooled 4th through 8th grade - currently in public high school 10th grade
    Dumplett (girl - age 15) and Wombat (boy - age 15)

  4. #3

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    A co-op 3 days a week sounds like a reasonable compromise where DD still gets to see her dad, gets the extra socialization she would like, and still gives you time with her and to yourself.

  5. #4

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    Deli, that stinks. So sorry things are rough.

    Girls and their mamas...at around age 11-12 or so, right? Ack...it's like ovaries become magnetized and reject each other. LOL.

    It was at about age 11 that Elle sat me down and had "the talk" where she explained homeschool was cool and all, and she loved me, and she really liked it when she was little....but now...she just really wanted a best friend, and to go to dances that might have boys...and have a real math teacher (LOL...apparently, I was lacking!)...and to be allowed to do more BY HERSELF. She made that last part really clear. BY MYSELF, Mom. I'm not a little kid, anymore.

    It was honestly like my biggest freaking fear. She wants to try school. I absolutely panicked. I didn't think her academics were good enough, I thought she'd be ill prepared, I was secretly harboring traitorous fears that she would be so socially *different* she'd be treated badly by the kids. My imagination had a hay day with it. And I did NOT want to do it.

    But Elle kinda kept up the pressure and brown nosed her Dad into talking to me about it.

    "She really wants to give it a try."
    "I know. I hate it."
    "Maybe she'll go for a couple weeks and decide it's not for her?"
    "You really believe that?"
    "No, but I thought it might make you feel better. I think she's lonely. She's said as much. She wants to do stuff independently that other kids are allowed to do independently. Catch a bus, change classes, go to lunch with friends. She wants freedom and respect. She feels like we're infantalizing her."
    "Yeah, I know. She told me she's tired of being Rupunzel."
    "Ouch! Burn! That makes you the witch!" My husband finds this all together too funny.
    "God, I hate this. We have to let her try, don't we?"
    "Sorry Babe. I think we do."
    "I really, really hate this."
    "It's gonna be fine."

    So we had a family meeting, and compromised. This all went down around the end of sixth grade. We agreed we would spend seventh grade doing some evaluation, studying what would be expected in "jail school" and filling in any skills gaps she might have. We made a workable plan with a target for starting school at the beginning of the year in eighth grade.

    She tried school...and loved it.

    Not saying that's how it would go down for you...not even saying that it's what you should do. Just wanted to mention what we did it....and it turned out fine I get the fear. Are they well enough prepared? Will the other kids accept them? Are there too many dangers? It's scary. For me, it wasn't that I didn't trust Elle....I just didn't trust the rest of the world. LOL.

    Your relationship is gonna survive this age. Seriously, it will. Everyone has some rough times in these years.

    Pick your battles.
    Listen twice as much as you talk.
    Keep hugging them and telling them you love them....even when their behavior makes you crazy.
    Remember how fecking HORRIBLE being that age was...lol...and have some empathy.
    Don't push academics so hard in these years. Do make them a part of daily life, but don't freak out if grades drop a little in the hormone rut. It happens. Adjust expectations, and expect and allow some civil disobedience.

    It'll be ok. It really will. If you play your cards right...by the time she's 14 or so, you guys will be able to laugh at this stuff. Or at least not cry over it. LOL.

    Don't know if this matters...my Dad worked 2nd shift most of my childhood. I didn't see him much during the week, but I saw a lot of him on weekends...and it was actually kinda cool when I had time off...cause we could have lunch together, shop, do projects before work. Wasn't ideal....but we all survived it. I saw enough of him to be ok.

    I think a best friend....could make all the difference in the world for your daughter. Girls get all private around 11...they need a confidant. Sometimes Mom can wear that hat....sometimes she really can't.

    Wish you both better roads ahead. This too, shall pass I promise. But yeah...you might be still heading into the eye of the storm. Hold onto your butt...and keep breathing.
    Retired Home Schooler
    One kid, Elle, Sophomore at The University of Michigan studying Cell/ Molecular Biology Go Blue!
    One hubby, 23yrs

    Not a fan of homophobe, Everett Piper, who is sometimes promoted by others at this site. Read about him here:: http://www.rightwingwatch.org/conten...itics-hate-god
    CAUTION: might make blasphemous remarks that could potentially offend religious people. Please use ignore feature if sensitive.

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