Page 1 of 4 1 2 3 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 35
  1. #1

    Unhappy Dreading breaking what I believe should be good news

    O.K. so here is the scenario. I have been putting off letting my mother know that I will be homeschooling my son because I already know that her reaction will not be positive. She really liked the school we had him in last year in part due to the fact that it was a Catholic school. (She's quite religious)

    I did not want to ruin a big trip that she and my father were going on and if I had told her before she would have harped on it the whole time. I have been hinting at the fact for the last few weeks and they will be heading back this way soon. Basically I am getting ready to drop the "Nuke" as my brother has been calling it. Any suggestions as to how I might soften the blow or survive the shockwave would be greatly appreciated.
    DON'T PANIC

  2. Ratings Request Leaderboard
  3. #2

    Default

    Tell her in a public place; cafe etc. Then, when she is telling you for the 100th time that child will suffer from your poor choice, look at watch and say "Is that the time ? Oh gosh, please excuse us, we have to be at a very important appointment in 10 minutes. Thanks for your concern, I knew you'd support us." and leave.

    Also, is it possible to soften the blow for your mother by allowing your ds to attend Mass with her sometimes etc ? My MIL is absolutely freakishly religious and I 'let' her give the kids holy cards and pray over them etc because it makes her happy and it's pretty harmless as these things go. I explain to the kids that it's part of their cultural heritage, even if it isn't part of our beliefs.

    Just get used to passing the bean dip. It gets easier; most semi-reasonable people can see, as time goes on, that the child is thriving and learning and it allays some of their concerns.

  4. #3

    Default

    Melissa's suggestions are great. Also, if you can say anything that might make her think you're homeschooling for reasons that she might appreciate - maybe not religious reasons, but maybe something along the lines of how homeschooling will protect your son from "certain" influences - then she might be a bit more tolerant. Don't lie, of course! You shouldn't have to do that, and of course if she argues that there's always the private school, you can always point out the expense or hassle of it.

    Some people are always skeptical and don't understand homeschooling. Others do relax about it over time, even if they still make the occasional, "So when are you going to put him in school?" comment.
    Wendy
    Mumsy to Gavin (13-year-old artsy boy) and Rowan (3-year-old disco queen)

  5. #4

    Default

    You've gotten good suggestions. I think the key thing is to be prepared and keep your cool, but don't go into it with the expectation that the conversation will go nuclear, as you say. That sort of expectation has a way of fulfilling itself, ya know?
    Want to read about my homeschool?
    http://farrarwilliams.wordpress.com
    Children's Books, Homeschooling and Random Musings...

    Want help homeschooling or sending kids to college?
    http://simplify4you.com/

  6. #5

    Default

    How about having her son break the news that your family will be homeschooling? ;-) That's the way it went down in our house. I insisted. And I agree with playing up the politics of the situation -- if there's an angle you can use like "protecting" the kids that will make it go down easier than by all means use it!

  7. #6

    Default

    The way I have told people is along the lines of "We are giving homeschooling a try next year." It sounds like it is almost a tryout, not something that you will be commited to for the long haul. It might soften the blow if she just thinks you are giving it a try just for a limited time.

    My Mom was really OK with it, but she does say things like, "You can put them back anytime, right?"

    Just remember that you are doing what you feel is best for your child. Sometimes things like this have been hard for me as well, but I remember that its abut my family and while her input can be considered, its ultimately my decision. I have had to let lots of things roll off my back over the years because I know, as she puts it, "Well, I wouldn't do that." In the end its, not really important whether my Mom would do it or not, its my choice.
    Jessica (Me 46), Chris (husband, 46), Maddy (daughter 10,) Owen (son 8)

    I'm finally blogging! A Woman's Pause http://www.jessicajudd.blogspot.com

  8. #7

    Default

    Thank you all for the great suggestions! I am still worried about her reaction she is a bit high strung and prone to extended outbursts but I feel a little better now. I can definitely work several angles in terms of the methods they were using there, his difficulty with the teacher (she is moving up to the next grade so he would have had her again this year) and the cost. Plus one of his best friends from the school is also going to be home schooled this year so that might help since we are planning to set up some playdates and other activities for the two of them.

    The church suggestion may be an option but of course I have to discuss that with the other half. We have settled on teaching him more extensively about Buddhism and that might help concerns she may have about his spiritual development. For some reason she likes Buddhism more than paganism (lol go figure) maybe she will be more alright with this than I am expecting but you are all definitely right I need to be prepared and I need to be calm. When people disagree with her she tends to try to work them up into a frenzy with her. I must avoid the frenzy if at all possible.
    jessica14 your suggestion about wording will be used, I think it will make her feel better and I don't want her to look at this negatively. Maybe if I explain to her that he could go down to Louisiana and visit her an extra time or two that might help as well. Man I got to write this stuff down...thank you all so much!
    DON'T PANIC

  9. #8

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by MamaMia View Post
    Maybe if I explain to her that he could go down to Louisiana and visit her an extra time or two that might help as well. Man I got to write this stuff down...thank you all so much!
    This did soften the blow somewhat for my in-laws. I talked to my mom over the phone. I don't think she agrees with our decision but it is nice that she basically trusts us to figure out what is best for our own kids. Some parents just can't let go and trust their grown children.

  10. #9

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by clancariens View Post
    How about having her son break the news that your family will be homeschooling? ;-) That's the way it went down in our house. I insisted. And I agree with playing up the politics of the situation -- if there's an angle you can use like "protecting" the kids that will make it go down easier than by all means use it!
    The only problem with having the child tell them is that if the grandparent decides to start saying all kinds of negative things it really puts the kid on the spot and could crush their excitement. I think I would make this an adult only conversation and explain to grandma that nothing negative is to be said to the kids.

    I really like a lot of Melissa's ideas. Public places are always best for handing out news that may not be accepted well. You may want to preface the conversation with something like "I'm going to give you some news. I'm not sure how you will feel about this so I'd appreciate it if you would hear everything I have to say and then consider it before reacting." That may not work but it may slow her down a bit.

    Good luck!
    Alice, mom to
    DD11
    DS9

    Our Home School Blog

  11. #10

    Default

    Oh, Alice, you've got me wrong, by "her son" I meant MamaMia's husband. Since it's HIS mother that might be the one taking issue. I made my husband tell his parents of our decision.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
About us

SecularHomeschool.com was created to provide information, resources, and a place to share and connect with secular homeschoolers across the world. Secularhomeschool.com aims to be your one-stop shop for all things homeschool! We will be highlighting information about wonderful secular homeschool resources, and keeping you up to date with what is going on in the world of secular homeschooling. But that is only the beginning. SHS is your playground. A place to share the things that are important to you. A place to create and join groups that share your interests. A place to give and get advice. There are no limits to what you can do at Secular Homeschool, so join today and help build the community you have always wanted.

SecularHomeschool.com is a community and information source where secular homeschoolers ARE the majority. It is the home for non-religious homeschoolers, eclectic homeschoolers, freethinking homeschoolers AND anyone interested in homeschooling irrespective of religion. This site is an INCLUSIVE community that recognizes that homeschoolers choose secular homeschool materials and resources for a variety of reasons and to accomplish a variety of personal and educational goals. Although SecularHomeschool.com, and its members, have worked hard to compile a comprehensive directory of secular curricula, it does not attest that all materials advertised on our site, in our newsletters, or on our social media profiles are 100% secular. Rather, SecularHomeschool.com respects the aptitude of each individual homeschool parent to fully research any curriculum before acquiring it, to ensure that it holistically meets the educational, personal, and philosophical goals of each homeschooler.

Join us
Dreading breaking what I believe should be good news