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  1. #1

    Default So, now I'm afraid to talk about HSing with my "friends"

    This happened a few weeks ago and now that I've had time to reflect, I'm thinking HSing is going onto the list, along with being a registered Democrat and atheist, of things I just have to keep to myself.

    Backstory - this woman and I both have 2 kids and her youngest is about the same age as my oldest, so I had sort of hoped they could be friends. We met for coffee a few times (just me and her) and we talked about all sorts of stuff. She knew about my beliefs and we had even talked about my homeschooling. She seemed on board and even entertained the idea of HSing her youngest (he's 3 btw, and in preschool) and she complained endlessly about her oldest kid's kindergarten (we finally got our kids together and she complained to just about every mom on the playground about the end of year tests, etc.)

    So anyway, I don't bash PS because I went to PS and it's not like I can guarantee that we'll HS our kids thru high school. I NEVER said anything bad about PS and listened to her gripe about the testing, how early she had to get up to get her DD to the bus stop, how much homework her kindergartner had, etc.

    I posted something on my blog about a book I'd read on unschooling and mentioned how I agreed with a lot of the ideas. I have my blog set to post on facebook and holy moly... I wish y'all could read the things she wrote. It got way out of hand and to the point where I had to email my friends and tell them to stop replying to her on FB because her replies just got crazier as the day went on.

    She said such hurtful things about me and my kids that there was just no taking them back or blaming it on a bad day or whatever. I unfriended her, so then she emailed me to attack me one last time. I didn't reply because, just wow.

    I'd like to be able to blog about HSing philosophies and such but after that, I'm afraid to say anything much about it (other than on here, of course).

    Anyone else lose friends over your decision to homeschool?

    (My ILs, or least my FIL, read my blog and they haven't said a word

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  3. #2

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    Oh, I meant to mention I was surprised she didn't rip my DS a new one for being shy at the park (you know, being unsocialized and all!) because he wasn't interested in being friends with her son after all. But interestingly (no, really, I don't mean to be mean or anything, just making an observation), her socialized preschool kid spent most of the playdate pouting under different trees. She kept having to go fetch him.

  4. #3

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    I wouldn't say I've lost friends over it (in fact I'd say I've gained way more than I've lost thanks to places like this forum), but I have noticed a cooling from some of my friends who are educators. I'm always very careful to say I don't blame teachers (both my parents taught elementary school) -- I blame the way the system is set up, and teachers are handcuffed in their approaches to instruction. Still, I think some of them assume that we feel like we're somehow better than them, which is absolutely not the case. None of them has come right out and said anything, and perhaps I'm reading too much into nonverbals, but I can't help but feel like something's different.

    Ultimately, though, I can't care about that. The people whom I care about the most are supportive, or at least if they're not, they haven't changed the way they treat us or the kids. That's really all I could ask for. I'm sorry that this situation turned out so badly for you, but you have to be who you are.
    Dad (39) to 2 DSs Hurricane (aka Nathan, 11) and Tornado (aka Trevor, 7)
    He likes to think he knows what he's doing. Please don't burst his bubble by telling him otherwise...

  5. #4

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    Yeah, I have to think at least with her, I hit a nerve. I don't think I'm better than anyone else, but she must not be secure with her decision to PS or something?

    Mark, you are correct. I have gained more friends than I've lost, but this one really hurt because I really liked her.

  6. #5

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    Keep on blogging...it will weed out your true friends and make the rest go away

  7. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by eilla05 View Post
    Keep on blogging...it will weed out your true friends and make the rest go away
    Exactly! lol

  8. #7

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    Oh yuck! What a horrible thing to have to go through. I just do.not.understand why some people get so defensive about other people's decisions.

    We don't really know very many people where we live so I haven't had any horrible backlash yet, but I do have a "friend" (mom of my son's good buddy here) who visibly hates that we homeschool. She also hates that I stay at home instead of playing the martyr like she does, but whatever. She invited DS to stay at their camp tonight for an "end of the school year" party for her son, even though she knows we'll be schooling through most of the summer. ?? I gracefully declined.

    You were definitely right to defriend this crazy woman. Toxic relationships just aren't worth it, IMO. I do hope you keep blogging about whatever makes you happy, though--don't let one bad experience ruin what should be a positive thing in your life.

    Hope you have a better weekend!
    Mama to one son (12)

  9. #8

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    That is the problem with blogging or posting anything online where others can see who you are. On one hand you get the ability to have discussions with people you might never meet due to different schedules or geography and on the other hand, people you thought knew you pretty well are suddenly shocked and surprised about your positions on politics, religion, child rearing, economics, or the weather.

    I have a facebook account, I haven't used it in a while. I use an entirely different identity there and I do not fill out the forms properly to identify myself and my actual location. I do this for a reason. You never know who is going to go wacko on you, online and use whatever it is against you in a kangaroo court of your peers. Ask me how I know this? :P

    I am only getting one side of the story here, but it sounds to me like when you two are together, she has her *selective listening device engaged. Because the only thing that surprises you is the fact that she seems shocked by positions you indicate you have expressed already in her physical presence. That says a lot right there.

    If I were you, I would delete her nasty comments. If there are some that are cogent to the discussion that aren't ad hominen attacks, you can leave those up, but delete the others. You might want to save them with a screen shot first, so if she ever denies trolling you on facebook or your blog, you have some evidence of some kind.

    When I have been trolled on my blog, this is the statement I make:

    This is my blog. That means that in this small space in virtual reality, I am allowed to express my thoughts however they may arise. If I have said something that upsets you greatly, blogger, word press and others allow you to express yourself on any subject you choose on your very own blog. While civilized discourse is always welcome here, and that includes discourse in the form of disagreements and counterpoints, rude, threatening and unlawful comments, or spam will not be tolerated. I reserve the right to delete any comments I find inappropriate for my blog or that deviate from the discussion.

    I am sorry that you had to go through this. Do be careful about what you write when associated with your legal name. It can come back to haunt you when you or even your spouse is hunting for job or competing for a raise or promotion. And honestly some parents form highschool-cliques that are just as ugly as anything any of us might have witnessed in the 11th grade. So watch your back.

    As for not disrespecting public school. I have a lot of mixed feelings on that. I knew a couple of great teachers. I was bullied by other not-so-great teachers. Both groups of *teachers had a profound impact on my education and my development. Some I still work hard to forgive every day. I agree that some good and great teachers are handcuffed to an ailling system. But there are other bad actors who seem perfectly happy to be a leech in a stagnant pond.
    Last edited by Greenmother; 06-24-2011 at 01:57 PM.

  10. #9

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    I agree with you pretty much on everything Greenmother.

    I am careful on my blog, though it's easy enough to find if you google my name. I have written with that in mind though because I don't have contact with my family. I don't post pics of my kids, etc. because I don't want my family to know what they look like and so on. They know DS's name and I think they know DD's. I am known to vent and swear on my blog but with a name as rare as mine, I don't write anything I wouldn't say to someone's face

    I hadn't thought to screenshot the discussion. I don't think she's the stalking sort, but I have been careful not to mention the incident on my blog or again on fb.

    As to bashing PS, I try really hard to at least not voice my judgements of other parents (same with circumcision, etc.) I may have an opinion but I try to keep it to myself when it doesn't directly affect me, as with her choice to send her kids to public school.

  11. #10

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    Alright, so I went back to find the whole thing on fb and I'm sort of cracking up over the things she said. Oy.

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So, now I'm afraid to talk about HSing with my "friends"