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  1. #1

    Default child who want to go to school - hair tearing update - help!

    I've posted here before about my 11.5 yr old who wants to go to high school next year. Bad idea, but I"m all for helping the kids with their (crazy) goals.

    We decided she needed to do some pretty intensive maths to 'catch up'. Also some workbook type stuff to get familiar with schooly ways and language. She's been pretty much delight directed up till now.

    I am sitting with her to help. She is driving me insane. There are too many ways to explain them all - let's just say focus is difficult for her. Not because she has focus issues...she has 'attitude'. Big time. It's kinda beneath her to write legibly, not doodle on her page, answer in full sentences, apparently.

    Snitty, eye-rolling attitude when I required her to narrate back to me something from our Ancient History study. Picky to the nth degree with ds. Sweet as pie to anyone outside these four walls.

    Some of it is raging hormones. Anyone used natural supplement with their daughters to help moderate their PMS ?

    I'd quit on 'schooling' her if she has an attitude and let her experience the consequences of going to high school utterly unprepared but that will make my year next year a living hell of mammoth homework sessions and tutoring. And, more importantly, it will be uber distressing for dd. She's smart but not schooly. I don't want her to start getting "I'm stupid" ideas from failing at school.

    Arrgghh! Give me a plan! Dh is all for being the bad guy and telling her she can't go to school. That's attractive but undemocratic.

    Of course, while all this is going on, dd13 and ds7 are being golden children, so dd11 can truly whine "Why do you pick on me!"

    Help!

    Oh yeah, the other thing bugging me is that all the family who I thought were now pro-homeschooling are so excited about dd going to real school! Like a normal person!! what does that make the rest of us, freaks??

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  3. #2
    Senior Member Arrived dbmamaz's Avatar
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    Can you use a program you can grade, and tell her she cant go to public school unless she achieves a certain grade from the program? That would put the responsibility back in her lap. The attitude, tho, you probably need to learn to ignore. I would avoid things she has to do orally, tho, and make her write it - thats what she'll have to do in school. Then you can show her exactly what she woudl get points off for at school, too, in writing.
    Cara, homeschooling one
    Raven, ds 10, all around intense kid
    Orion, floundering recent graduate
    22 yo dd, not at home
    Inactive blog at longsummer

  4. #3

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    Not that this is helpful, but my 11-year old niece took particular pleasure in being hurtful to her mother in subtle ways. Saying other people's cooking tastes better, telling me (in front of her mom) that she hates the clothes her mom buys for her, and just being a little brat in general. My sister in law is the sweetest person and I know it hurts her to be treated this way. I really think it's just the age.

    Can you make the quality of your daughter's work and her behaviour a condition of going to high school? For example, telling her that illegible answers will be marked wrong and school and answering with a bad attitude will get her in trouble. If she can't show you that she can't do those things, you can tell her that she isn't ready to go to school. Use high school as the carrot, in other words.

    Isn't it great how the other siblings enjoy being the "good" kids? My daughter loves to point out how she didn't do whatever her brother just did to get in trouble, and my son complains that his sister doesn't get punished as much as he does. Oy.
    Mother of two monkeys...daughter age 10 and son age 11.5.

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    Senior Member Arrived dbmamaz's Avatar
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    Oh, yeah, my daughter turned evil at 11. It lasted for 6 years.
    Cara, homeschooling one
    Raven, ds 10, all around intense kid
    Orion, floundering recent graduate
    22 yo dd, not at home
    Inactive blog at longsummer

  6. #5

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    Cara, don't tell me that! Another 6 years of this and I'll be in an asylum!

    Part of the problem - with the school work at least - is that we haven't articulated conditions for attending high school. So I think we need to do that soon.

    I find ignoring the attitude difficult, especially when it's directed at my other children. And me. Any tips ?

    AMM, it is kinda helpful to know I'm not the only mum with a demon child!
    Last edited by Stella M; 02-09-2011 at 04:38 PM.

  7. #6
    BrendaE
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    THis is just MHO and i have no idea about the particulars, but BECAUSE she is now hormonal (and there is hope my got better this year and is almost 14) You, her parents should be making the absolute judgments on what school she will attend (PS or HS). Yes.. of course she has an opinion, but YOU are the ones who know best at this point in her life. She will most likely flip out if you say no. It will only last a month (hopefully) it will however make life a little more solid. Those "what if" and If you then you cans" are quite stressful on someone just entering puberty. Again, just a general observation.

  8. #7

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    If I tell her 'no school', she'll turn into the kid from The Exorcist. Truly, that's what I'd like to do though. I don't feel comfortable with being so authoratative - I don't want to disrespect her choices - but yes, her brain is one big hormonal mush atm. Not in the best place for making big life decisions. And I guess high school will still be there in 2013, 2014 etc etc.

    I do have an alternative plan in place for next year; MCT (she loves English), writers circle, youth theatre and extra dance classes, so maybe that would sweeten the 'no'.

    I can tell I'm stressed - there's a typo in my subject line and I can't remember how to spell authoratative.

  9. #8

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    I have no problem with putting my foot down and saying no. I'm the parent, I'm the one making the big choices for him (my son is 12), because he's not old enough to know what is best for him. I remember being that age, school work wasn't my priority. Being popular and boys were my main interests. I wish now that my Mom would have put her foot down, and got me back on track. Thankfully he loves homeschooling. But I'd have no problem with putting my foot down, otherwise I'd feel guilty for letting him do something that I know wouldn't be best for him. And education is just not something I waver on. Just my opinion though.
    Jennifer- homeschooling Mom to Jason (12 years old)

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    Senior Member Arrived dbmamaz's Avatar
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    I did step in more when she was being mean to her brothers - but i think we had a major breakdown, i probably should have been firmer with her. It was hard becuase she was my first, auhthority has never been my freind, and she was SOO good and easy when she was younger, i kept thinking my miracle perfect child would come back . . . turns out part of it, she was mad at me about something and I never figured it out and she didnt tell me until she was 17 . . .
    Cara, homeschooling one
    Raven, ds 10, all around intense kid
    Orion, floundering recent graduate
    22 yo dd, not at home
    Inactive blog at longsummer

  11. #10
    BrendaE
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    Just to add... especially at her age... if you send her to high school, she WILL learn her manners, life perspective and every thing else from her peers. This hormone thing may or may not calm down. Every girl seems to be different. If you do gather up the "balls" to put your foot down.. yep..she will probably go nuts. You will have to find the strength within yourself to let her no repeatedly that it is not up for discussion. It is OBVIOUS you dont think she should go. She may go helter skelter on it.. but you will end the current hair pulling so.. one for another... it will only get worse if she starts making her life choices on the basis of her friends at school.. and she will. It is natural.

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child who want to go to school - hair tearing update - help!