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  1. #11


    Does your daughter give you reasons why she wants to homeschool? If the teacher truly thinks nothing is amiss, yet she is down and crying about going, then there is missing information.
    Honestly, I think youd be far better off working with the private school than going for a generic, annonymous online school. The teacher knows her, has ideas about what sort of work is appropriate for her, cares about her. If she just wants to be home, they may be more flexible about that. You dont need tutors and babysitters, but you do need to help build up her happiness.

    Get to the bottom of why she is miserable, why she wants to homeschool.
    Homeschooling DS13, DS6.


    My spelling was fine, then my brain left me.

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  3. #12


    Getting to the bottom of why she wants to homeschool has been a challenge. We have seen two therapists and a neurologist. I thought maybe it was her ADD, but she is very high functioning and is able to complete her work without problems and is not overwhelmed by the work at her new school. I don't think she is bored now that the teacher has addressed the need to increase the level of her work.
    They did not think she had depression or social anxiety. She just had one of her friends over last night and they had a blast together, so she has no problems making friends.
    She is very introverted though, does not like big crowds or groups of people and I think that going to school with all of the talking and constant hustle and bustle just generally makes her unhappy. I really don't think there is much more to it than that. She is very much a homebody, even when we go on vacation to anywhere really she would prefer to be home. I am waiting to hear back on if they would let her go for two days a week and have her home doing work the other two days. I really think that would be the best compromise, although I am sure she still will not be completely happy with that. I think that is the only set up I feel comfortable with though at least until she is in 8th or 9th grade.

  4. #13


    Quote Originally Posted by Nic1 View Post
    She is very introverted though, does not like big crowds or groups of people and I think that going to school with all of the talking and constant hustle and bustle just generally makes her unhappy. I really don't think there is much more to it than that.
    This sounds similar to why my DD found school stressful. My DD is gifted with a low processing speed and is very inattentive (not sure if she has ADD, but we are looking at further assessments). She did perfectly well at school socially and academically but was distraught at home. Since she was younger than your DD (we pulled her out at 8 years old), she could not really understand or articulate at the time that it was school that made her so unhappy. But now she can, she remembers it as being busy and loud and hard to concentrate. She picked up on the distress of others even if she was never the one being told off by the teacher or being bullied. And she found it very difficult to concentrate and follow through all the instructions. She did it, and the teachers could see no problems with what she did, but for her it took a huge amount of energy and just wiped her out.

    I hope the school will allow you to have her home some days so you can see if that helps and works with your schedule.

    In class, do they do anything for her like allowing her to go to separate quiet work area if it is busy/loud or wearing noise cancelling headphones to block out the background noise?
    NZ homeschoolers (school year runs start Feb to mid Dec).
    DD 12 (year 7) and DD 7 (year 2).
    Fourth year homeschooling.
    Part-time freelance science copyeditor.

  5. #14


    They do have a couch to sit on to read if they are done with work, but it's still not quiet, it's a small class of 6 kids so she does let them work together alot. I think for any other child, especially an extrovert it would be ideal. We had another miserable Sunday evening crying about upcoming school week. We had a great weekend and she even did a math and reading assessment I wanted her to do for me without any complaints.
    I really do want to homeschool her, I could kick myself for taking a job outside of the house (previously I worked from home and was really isolated and unhappy) but that would have made homeschooling much easier. NZ mama your daughter does sound so much like mine. I find it hard to tell people the reason why she wants to homeschool, and even my husband has a hard time understanding. I think they just don't get how unhappy she is and why, it's good to get another mom's experiences.

  6. #15


    Maybe its like NZs DD, where she is overstimulated at school, and needs a quieter work environment to be productive.

    Is there any harm in letting her be at home all five days, if thats what she so desperately wants? If she is home alone, are you afraid she will set the house on fire, drink alcohol and wander around the neighborhood half clothed and muttering phrases from her favorite anime show, or invite rapists and or burglers into the house?
    If she has a cell phone to contact you, and she knows her alternative is going to class every day, she may be motivated to do her work in the day and not destroy the house. Try to work with the school.... either to do all the same work at home, or a customized home study plan. They want to keep your money, they will be motivated to make something work! It would be a stepping stone towards homeschooling, but without a lot of the worries you seem to have. (And better than online school!) If shes advanced for her grade, its not as though she wont have the academic skills she needs if she returns to classrooms in the future. (Homeschooling could pretty much be considered free, definitely less than what youre spending per month would cover a years worth of goodies and then some! You might retire from working and have more money in pocket at the end of the day.)

    Sorry for rambling a bit.... your daughter is desperately unhappy, and the only reason Id suggest looking for a compromise with the private school is that it is low risk for you. No additional costs, some comfort, and if it doesnt work out, youre no worse off. Its not the typical spiel to parents - but way better than dumping her into a mess of online school plus throwing money at tutors and babysitters.
    Homeschooling DS13, DS6.


    My spelling was fine, then my brain left me.

  7. #16


    This sounds so similar to me deciding to homeschool or not. Should I? Shouldn't I? It caused me so much angst for so long. Taking the step to try it was such a great relief. DD was happy. I no longer had to deal with trying to ask for accommodations at school (which no matter now nice the teacher is, you get tired of being the squeaky wheel). Its not all smooth sailing and some days are really frustrating and a juggle. But overall, everyone is happy.

    I think its pretty clear that staying with the status quo is not a go for you or your daughter. Neither of you are happy with that. So you could either:

    1) Stay at private school and ask for her to be home on set days per week when you are there. Then if it still does not improve for her happiness, you could look at full time homeschool.

    2) Pull her out to full time homeschool and set your own curriculum and work out some supervision for her on the days you are not there (is it legal to leave a 12 year old home alone where you are?; the age in NZ is 14). I understand the not wanting to leave her alone all day long on the days you work. My DD is introverted and gets stressed by loud, busy environments, but I don't know how she would go working at home on her own all day. She likes to have someone else there. Are there any homeschool coops in your area? Could you set it up so that the days you work are days that she can go to coops or activities?

    3) Pull her out to full time homeschool and do an online school to start with. Yes they are not great and they have all the downfalls that have been mentioned. But they are also not terrible either. If it helps you to start homeschooling and it makes it easier to transition, it is ok. As long as you go into it knowing what issues you could face and you are willing (and able) to switch to another type of homeschooling. We online schooled for 10 weeks to start. My DD's brain did not atrophy and it gave her much needed relief from the stress of school. I don't think she learned more than in school (certainly learned less than with our own curriculum) and I spent a lot of $$ and time, but we would have never started homeschooling otherwise. Even doing online school, she was so much happier than in school.
    Last edited by NZ_Mama; 10-14-2019 at 05:37 PM.
    NZ homeschoolers (school year runs start Feb to mid Dec).
    DD 12 (year 7) and DD 7 (year 2).
    Fourth year homeschooling.
    Part-time freelance science copyeditor.

  8. #17


    Thanks for the great encouragement. I love the breakdown of options, that has been kind of the options I have been looking at.
    The school did not want her to do a 2 day option. I understand as it does make it difficult for the teachers, so that option is out. On top of everything, and her already being unhappy, last week was terrible for my daughter socially. There are only 2 other girls in her class, which I figured eventually would be a problem, but it was going ok until now. Well, one of the girls was really upset that my dd did not want to go to her birthday party and was rude and just generally not nice to her all day. She was so upset about it I couldn't get her to go to school the next day. I could have made her go, but I genuinely felt bad for her. I know this is part of growing up, but it is extra hard when there is no other friend to go to when one person is mad at you, and that is how it is at this school. Anyway, that really helped me decide it was just time to move on. I am also feeling really crunched financially as well, and I just feel like we are not accomplishing what we need with where we are at.
    I have found a private online school that I am going to go with for now, I figure it will give me the time to get my feet wet and decide if we like it or if I go with my own curriculum and get tutors for the days I work, or if we go back to public school. I am in the process of trying to get someone to come to the house for a couple hours in the morning, just to check in, but in NC the minimum age for a child to be alone is 8 and she is almost 12 and very responsible, so if she needed to be on her own until 230 when the afternoon sitter comes in I think that would be ok.
    I really hope this is at least going towards where we need to be. The last 18 months has been a roller coaster of up and down with school and I am just so emotionally exhausted. I go back and forth between being really excited about the flexibility of having her home and feeling overwhelmed and having second thoughts. I would love to travel more and once my older child graduates high school in 3 years, this could be a reality with my younger one schooling at home, whether online or homeschool curriculum. We have a month with the online school that we can get our money back, so I have told my daughter we need to really evaluate in that month how things are going. I know they will not be perfect, but I hope that we both have a feel for if this is going to work or not. If not, I know they still have seats at a local charter school that a few of my friends have been really happy with, so she knows that is our default option. Anyway, thank you so much for the input, I will try to update you guys with how things are going.

  9. #18


    Glad to hear. Hope it works well for you all. Let us know how you go!
    NZ homeschoolers (school year runs start Feb to mid Dec).
    DD 12 (year 7) and DD 7 (year 2).
    Fourth year homeschooling.
    Part-time freelance science copyeditor.

  10. #19
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    Sounds so much like my dd. She would cry and say the days too long. Academically she was gifted, ahead of her class, advanced reader. I pulled her out of school the Friday before 2nd grade started. I too was worried about socialization. I quickly learned there are plenty of options.
    My first advice is to check your local homeschooling laws and requirements. Next, check out some co-ops. Some are religious, some aren't. Even at the religious ones, you will find secular homeschoolers. The one my dd attends is religious, but very diverse. One teacher is a budhist, her besty is jewish, and dd is still learning about different religions and beliefs. I dont believe any of it. Makes no sense to me. Moving on...once you start going to homeschooling activities, you will find more activities. So far here, we have homeschool dances, field trips, play days, conventions, acting classes, sports, girl scouts, civil air patrol, you name it, its out there. I originally was going to only homeschool elementary and it was going so well, and the schools here got worse, we stuck with it and she is graduating this year!
    I work very part time. I work may be 2-4 hours per day. Luckily some of my clients have allowed me to take dd with me. It gets her out of the house. Drop her off at activities in between. The co-op has been AWESOME for her! Its 2 days per week. Shes only there for a few hours. She also played sports with the city league. So so much out there. Quite a bit geared towards homeschoolers.

    I wish you both the best!
    Bobo 13 yrs old - marches to the beat of her own drum, driven, out going and loud, yet she loves nature
    Booger Boy 21 yrs old - quiet, self assured, confident and laying his own path

    umbers cucumbers!!!!

  11. #20


    There are some good "Getting Started with Homeschooling Guides" that are short, free, and which might help put your mind at ease over this decision.
    Here's one: "Guide to Homeschooling" -

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