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  1. #1

    Default re-defining friendships

    So, most of my adult friends where the moms of my kid's friends while they were in public school. I might have be disowned since I ranted a bit much about how my son was mentally abused in PS.
    So, I do miss their company and I they were good friends for the past few years, but now I need to either find new friends or re-define my old friendships.
    while homeschooling is great, I still feel I have lost these friendships.

    i did send out an e-mail to these friends and let them know that I was still needing those connections and I hoped to see them and find common interests and get our kids together on occasion.
    HS two boys, 8 and 9,
    About to take a wonderful adventure abroad! Wish we could just learn as we roam full time!
    Now on to a great adventure- read about it here at TravelPod
    writing for SensoryFlow when I get the motivation.

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  3. #2

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    It sounds like telling your old friends you still valued them is a positive step in the right direction My first instinct was to suggest you also follow up by picking one person to specifically invite to do something. I run into a lot of people who say "Oh, we should get together sometime," but concrete plans never get made. I personally have stopped putting much value in those conversations as a result. The folks that whip out their calendars are the ones I know truly want a little of my time and that gesture is pretty meaningful to me. Perhaps an attempt to make a concrete plan with one person will help you reinsert yourself into the larger group? Particularly if you make an effort to find out to ask after everyone? I'm not sure my suggestion fits your particular group dynamic, but maybe something along that line will help.

    I hope someone bites and is receptive to reconnecting Good luck!

  4. #3

    Default

    Do you have any outside interests/hobbies you can indulge every once in a while? In my case, I got involved in community theater back in '08 after not having done it since college, and out of that have come some wonderful relationships, great fun in productions, and even a sketch comedy group. If you have the time to seek out a group that participates in a hobby you enjoy, you may find some great new contacts who have a built-in shared interest. Worked great for me. The trick may be finding the time!
    Dad (39) to 2 DSs Hurricane (aka Nathan, 11) and Tornado (aka Trevor, 7)
    He likes to think he knows what he's doing. Please don't burst his bubble by telling him otherwise...

  5. #4

    Default

    thanks for those suggestions, I actually got a phone call and 2 replies from my e-mail. Guess it was a way to say, who wants me in their busy lives. i will have to understand those who put my friendship lower on the priority list, and move forward.
    Mark, my hobbies right now are travel . . .to odd places on the map and taking my kids with me. So mostly my group of friends take cruises and enjoy sipping drinks on a beach, so that I have a hard time finding in common with many people. I write a for a website, still not much in common with others.
    but I am also reaching out to the other parents in my local HS community, already trying to set up a coffee date.
    any more suggestions? Who else has been down this road?
    HS two boys, 8 and 9,
    About to take a wonderful adventure abroad! Wish we could just learn as we roam full time!
    Now on to a great adventure- read about it here at TravelPod
    writing for SensoryFlow when I get the motivation.

  6. #5

    Default

    I left my social network behind when we moved 2 1/2 years ago, and it's been really challenging. My best friends happen to be the parents of my son's best friends so it was a double whammy for both of us when we left. We live now in a community that is openly hostile to outsiders (and you are considered "from away" if your family hasn't been here for generations) so finding new social contacts has been near impossible. I am on friendly terms with my sons 2 friends that he's made here (both from ps) but they have less in common now that he's being homeschooled. Still, I make it a priority to get him together with his friends as often as possible, although the parents don't get together socially. My hobbies aren't social hobbies either; I have little interest in getting together with other ladies to knit, for example. That's my private downtime and not one I'd like to share or talk about. And as far as having in things in common, well, so far I just haven't found anyone here that I share an even general world view with yet, so if I do manage to make contact with anyone it is on a very superficial level.

    I wish I had advice for you, but at this point in my life I've given up on making new contacts for myself. We aren't living here permanently so it's not all bad, but I do vow to make more efforts when we relocate someday. Having a deep sense of community is vitally important to me but something that has to be put on hold temporarily. I think you did a great thing by reaching out to old friends. I find that so many people have a hard time making that sort of gesture, yet it's meaningful for anyone, and I sincerely hope it pays off for you. Glad to hear you have a homeschool group in your area as well; hopefully it can be a source of connection.
    Mama to one son (12)

  7. #6
    Senior Member Enlightened ercswf's Avatar
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    Default

    I wish I had some advice. But I too have given up on connecting with people outside my house. Quite honestly i'm sick of people only taking my number, Acting like they want to hang out with me but then it's all followed up by "Can you watch our kids while we all go (insert activity)" I used to say sure but honestly not anymore, i'm doing being the sitter for everybody while they go off and have fun. So as of this year I give up on the one thing that has been a struggle my whole life. I have hobbies to occupy my time that I have free that I can't spend with others because they are non existent in my life. (I should add that I did have friends at one point in my life. However when you have your first child at 17 you tend to lose all your friends when you become a SAHM. and refuse to let your house be the party house)

  8. #7

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    We should all move to the same commune in a remote area of any state we can agree on and have our own little non-religious homeschooling cult that will get on the news. ("Secular homeschoolers -- Are they coming for YOUR child? Details at 11.") At least we'd have other like-minded people to talk to and do stuff with.
    Dad (39) to 2 DSs Hurricane (aka Nathan, 11) and Tornado (aka Trevor, 7)
    He likes to think he knows what he's doing. Please don't burst his bubble by telling him otherwise...

  9. #8

    Default

    I'm in, Mark!
    Mama to one son (12)

  10. #9
    Senior Member Evolved wild_destiny's Avatar
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    Me, too! That sounds fun! I can only imagine the news stories that would generate!
    Deanna
    quirky daydreamer, lover of twisted humor, mother of 4 living in northwest Arkansas

  11. #10

    Default

    Mark, if we get enough homeschoolers together we could probably build the place out of our combined supplies of legos!
    Mother of two monkeys...daughter age 10 and son age 11.5.

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