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  1. #41

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    Quote Originally Posted by LoveMyBeautifulGift View Post
    Loved that post! And I'm right there with you on the hindsight thing. We really didn't clue in to how advanced she was until Kindergarten (we didn't do pre-k). To us, DD set the standards for our normal (she's an only, and the first grandchild), so to have other parents giving us the side eye on the first day of school because DD read me the very simple directions the teacher had set out at her desk was a bit bewildering.
    YES. I can relate to every word. Our son was our first experience with all of this and he was our normal. He has two younger siblings who haven't been assessed but who are also very intelligent. We get looks all the time.

    To everyone: Thank you so much for such a fun discussions of these children! I had a blast this week with you
    Cait Fitz @ My Little Poppies

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  3. #42

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    I am coming late, maybe the end of this discussion? But I had to jump in. This thread sounds so like my experiences. It is wonderful to hear others who have walked this path.

    I am homeschooling because of my 9 year old son is 2E. He taught himself to read at 3 and had a hard time interacting with the kids at the preschool but could talk about all sorts of topics with adults for hours. By 4 1/2 I had him in a pre-kindergarten class for half day where he was bored with the "academics" but could barely manage the classroom (being bored didn't help!), he stayed with the same teacher the next year and did "kindergarten" with the 1st graders (still unchallenged no matter how she tried, and she did try!) but still acted out horribly. His teacher would say it was so hard to deal with the flip from having a child talk with her at an adult level on academic topics and then loose it after a child in the class did something and have a huge fit, you think you can expect so much because they are so "advanced" and then you have it shoved in your face that in emotional things he is so very far behind. By 5 I was going to high school and college level texts to try to answer his science and history questions. He could have a discussion with me about the politics around the civil war one minute and throw a fit like a 2 year old the next.

    He hates to write, always has, and still fights me on it, we think it is disgraphia but it hasn't been diagnosed. His scores on the testing we did do were not indicative of his true level because he struggled to write and would not always focus (might have a bit of ADD as well). The range of scores was huge, and the psychiatrist that did the testing told me that several areas were lower than they should be so would have been even wider if he had tested to level. We sent him to a small private school for 1st and 2nd grade that was supposed to be able to meet him where ever he was but he desperately wanted friends and didn't want to be different so he would work at his level but the level of the class. He wanted to be liked and would try to be funny, but his funny is not funny for his age group, play on words and adult humor (clean but conceptually adult) went right over their heads so he found that acting out got him the attention he wanted so his behavior got worse. After many (many) talks with the teachers and head of school, where they said he wouldn't perform so they were "challenging" him I finally decided that we had to homeschool. We were finally in a place that I could leave my job so now we are at home!

    He is doing so much better now, I can challenge him with deep science lessons, and below grade level writing, we can take our time when needed and race through when he gets something quickly. He likes school now, the love for learning he used to have before school is back. I love it! I still see some of the behavior his teachers saw, he doesn't like to be too challenged but if it is too easy he doesn't do well either, so there are days when I have to take a step up or back to adjust being flexible is a necessity.

    We have done a lot of talking though situations, knowing what to expect has helped. He still doesn't have any close friends that are his age, he has friends that are older than him and younger than him, older for discussions, younger for playing. He joined swim team this year and it has helped immensely as he is one of the youngest and can look up the the big kids. Being placed with better swimmers keeps him on task and makes him want to be better. It is also something that he has to work at unlike so many academic things and challenging him physically doesn't make him feel inadequate (like school work can) so he pushes himself.

    Interestingly I am finding that his younger brother is so different and yet so similar. I am glad that we are homeschooling because he won't have to have the same problems. He is just now starting to read but he tags along with his brother in most of his studies and while he doesn't do the output (writing and what not) he understands the concepts. He loves to learn and begs to do his stuff on the weekends and afterschool hours because he wants to keep going. He won't have to loose that because he doesn't fit into a classroom. I wish I could have brought my first home sooner, he wouldn't have so many scars to work through.

    I wish these children could go to school with their "peers" but who are their peers? Is it the child 2, 3, 5 years younger than them that they can be socially and emotionally? Is it the child that is just as much older than them that they can comprehend subject matter at? Maybe the level that their out put is at? How can a teacher, even the most well intentioned teacher, truly "differentiate" enough to meet these children's needs? When we do science we read books with pictures first, then off the internet at the high school / college level to understand the topic, then do an experiment that he can only write up in short answer form. I have to use low level curriculum for out put and high level curriculum for the true deep dive he wants. A teacher with 30 kids in the classroom can't do that for him. Both of his teachers tried to do the best for him, they loved him and tried to nurture him but just couldn't do it. Maybe when he is older and can be more patient when he is bored and can ask for more when he needs it - and that is not more output but more depth more content - he will do better at school. Until then we will continue our many level, flexible, follow the rabbit trail path we have started.

    The other problem I have had with all of this is that I can't really talk to others about it, either I am met with you are exaggerating, your hot housing him/pushing him, or other parents getting upset because they think I am bragging and upstaging their child. None of which is true. He is an amazing child who is equally a blessing and a challenge, some days fall more one side or the other. He is simply more than "normal" children. He is more advanced, he is more behind, he is more emotional, he is more sensitive, he is just more. And while tactics that people suggest work for "normal" children they don't for him, they don't address him at whatever mixed stage he is at so while it sounds great to try what So-and-So's mom did, it normally backfires. And then they think that again I am trying to say how special my child is when really I am just looking for help or to vent just like they do when they are chatting with other parents during a soccer practice or swim meet. So instead I try not to say much, or only say the things that are at least close to "normal." All because being gifted means perfect when it is so not perfect!

    Wow that was long... Thank you for starting this!

  4. #43

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    Quote Originally Posted by magicsonata View Post
    He is simply more than "normal" children. He is more advanced, he is more behind, he is more emotional, he is more sensitive, he is just more.
    This really resonated with me. I think the bolded parts especially are what are particularly hard for us to deal with, and especially hard for others to get. Like you, I have felt that even my venting has to be carefully edited...thinking on it, I need an ideal peer group for DD and some amaze-balls parents to go with it that I can relate with

  5. #44

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    Cait - You could have been describing my 7 year old son. His development is asynchronous and as such has made things difficult. He is the size of a 11-12 year old, has the vocabulary of an adult, and is emotionally a 5-6 year old. He too is kept up at night with is fears of the world. His understanding of the world drives the fears. People's expectations of him are quite out of sync of who he is and where he is at right now.

    Your comment "Put simply: his body houses thoughts that his emotions cannot yet process." is where we are at and probably where we will stay for a while.

    We are accidental homeschoolers, due to a system that could not accommodate his needs appropriately. We have noticed the same things you have, flying through work, fears/frustrations with new work, understanding of concepts well past his years. It is helpful to know that we are not the only ones.
    A mama who teaches college writing, as well as help her 11-year-old in
    choosing his own life adventure. Using Global Village School to support our desire to develop a sense of social justice and global awareness.

  6. #45

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    Quote Originally Posted by atomicgirl View Post
    That's a great list. I look forward to digging around a bit a finding new things. As I skimmed over your resources I realized why your Blog name sounded so familiar. I've read "Small Poppies". I'll also keep an eye out for your new FB page.
    It's up on FB as of yesterday and is called "Raising Poppies" -- there is a great group there already and fantastic conversation. So much so that I can barely keep up (in a good way!!)
    Cait Fitz @ My Little Poppies

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  7. #46

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    Quote Originally Posted by magicsonata View Post

    I wish these children could go to school with their "peers" but who are their peers? Is it the child 2, 3, 5 years younger than them that they can be socially and emotionally? Is it the child that is just as much older than them that they can comprehend subject matter at? Maybe the level that their out put is at? How can a teacher, even the most well intentioned teacher, truly "differentiate" enough to meet these children's needs? When we do science we read books with pictures first, then off the internet at the high school / college level to understand the topic, then do an experiment that he can only write up in short answer form. I have to use low level curriculum for out put and high level curriculum for the true deep dive he wants. A teacher with 30 kids in the classroom can't do that for him. Both of his teachers tried to do the best for him, they loved him and tried to nurture him but just couldn't do it. Maybe when he is older and can be more patient when he is bored and can ask for more when he needs it - and that is not more output but more depth more content - he will do better at school. Until then we will continue our many level, flexible, follow the rabbit trail path we have started.

    The other problem I have had with all of this is that I can't really talk to others about it, either I am met with you are exaggerating, your hot housing him/pushing him, or other parents getting upset because they think I am bragging and upstaging their child. None of which is true. He is an amazing child who is equally a blessing and a challenge, some days fall more one side or the other. He is simply more than "normal" children. He is more advanced, he is more behind, he is more emotional, he is more sensitive, he is just more. And while tactics that people suggest work for "normal" children they don't for him, they don't address him at whatever mixed stage he is at so while it sounds great to try what So-and-So's mom did, it normally backfires. And then they think that again I am trying to say how special my child is when really I am just looking for help or to vent just like they do when they are chatting with other parents during a soccer practice or swim meet. So instead I try not to say much, or only say the things that are at least close to "normal." All because being gifted means perfect when it is so not perfect!

    Wow that was long... Thank you for starting this!
    I LOVE everything that you wrote and I relate to all of it, magicsonata. I have a "more" child, too. Parenting him is hard, educating him is hard, and finding friendships for him is hard. And you can't talk about any of it! I mentioned this in another post, but I started a group with another friend of gifted kids. It's on FB, it's closed (so your FB friends won't see your posts) and it's off to a fantastic start. It's called Raising Poppies if you want to search for it. You'd feel at home there, I guarantee it!
    Cait Fitz @ My Little Poppies

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  8. #47

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    I just created a group using Meetup because there isn't a group in NH. So, if any of you are from NH, I'm your girl. If not, create your own! It was easy and there ARE kids like ours out there. It's just that no one can talk about it!
    Cait Fitz @ My Little Poppies

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  9. #48

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mariam View Post
    Cait - You could have been describing my 7 year old son. His development is asynchronous and as such has made things difficult. He is the size of a 11-12 year old, has the vocabulary of an adult, and is emotionally a 5-6 year old. He too is kept up at night with is fears of the world. His understanding of the world drives the fears. People's expectations of him are quite out of sync of who he is and where he is at right now.

    Your comment "Put simply: his body houses thoughts that his emotions cannot yet process." is where we are at and probably where we will stay for a while.

    We are accidental homeschoolers, due to a system that could not accommodate his needs appropriately. We have noticed the same things you have, flying through work, fears/frustrations with new work, understanding of concepts well past his years. It is helpful to know that we are not the only ones.
    Hi Mariam!
    It's amazing, isn't it? And frustrating, too. I wish we could get all these kids together because I'm certain they'd have a blast. I mentioned it in another post but I have an online FB (closed) group now to talk about this stuff. Raising Poppies. The discussions are fantastic already
    Cait Fitz @ My Little Poppies

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Asynchronous Development: Many Ages at Once