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What Is A Mother?

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What is a Mother?

A Mother is a gourmet chef: "It's spinach and eggplant casserole, and don't give me that look, mister!"

She is a fashion consultant: "No, you can't wear your Optimus Prime costume to the beach."

She is a psychoanalyst: "What were you thinking when you flushed Mommy's jewelry down the toilet?!?"

She is a crime scene investigator: "These are YOUR Star Wars pajamas sticking out of the broken dishwasher..."

She is a trash collector: "Give me the gum."

She is an interrogator: "Where did you get a caulk gun from?!? We don't even own a caulk gun!"

She is a beautician: "Your cow lick's sticking up again, let me fix it..." (Daubs spit on head)

She is a repairs expert: "I glued your space man back together sweetheart... He's good as new... just don't touch him, ok?"

She is a doctor: "I know what this boo-boo needs. A magic Mommy kiss!"

She is a research assistant: "Ask your father."

She is a taxi driver: "We're almost to grandma's. Please stop kicking my seat."

She is a paleontologist: "Those aren't dinosaur bones, honey. The kitty must have used your sandbox as HIS sandbox."

She is a translator: "Take Elmo out of your mouth so I can understand you."

She is a Zen master: "Your favorite sneakers are wherever you left them."

She is an event planner: "Yes, Jimmy's birthday party is Tuesday. No, you cannot bring your skunk."

She is an art critic: "Definitely the coolest booger sculpture I'VE ever seen."

She is a career counselor: "Do your math homework or you'll end up working at McDonald's."

She is a magician: "I've turned last night's potato soup into potato soup casserole!"

She is a politician: "Although I did say that we could have ice cream tonight, I have since found out that we do not have money for ice cream."

She is a psychic: "No you did NOT brush your teeth. I can smell your breath from here."

She is an actress worthy of an Academy Award: "Yes, Grandma will live forever. And I think your joke about the fart powered bus is hilarious."

She is a linguistics expert: "If you EVER use that word again, I will give your Transformers to your cousin Brucie."

She is a therapist: "If that kid doesn't want to be your friend, he is obviously stupid. You are the greatest."

She is a prophet: "Your Dad and I will always love you, even if you burn the house down."

She is both an ATM and an investments advisor: "Yes, you may have five dollars. No, you may not spend it on Red Bull."

She is a psychiatrist: "Have you lost your MIND??!"

She is a negotiator: "If you will just go potty, you can have my car."

She is a nutritionist: "Hello, Poison Control? Should I worry that my kid ate Preparation H?"
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