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bovinesituation
04-13-2012, 06:33 PM
I don't really know where to start and I lurk more than I post so... ;)

DS is almost 5 and would hypothetically start K in the fall. DD is 3 and she's doing pretty well. She sleeps through the night, likes to read, and is more up for adventures. DS? Almost 5 and still not sleeping through the night (there goes my "well, he won't be doing this when he's in kindergarten" argument because OMG he's still getting up. And lately he goes in and wakes up DD!) So DS doesn't sleep and he talks all. the. time! I'm serious when I ask him if his mouth doesn't get tired! He can be in the middle of asking a question and he'll start a new one and I can't keep up! He's on-the-go, doesn't get along well with other kids (namely ones that talk as much as he does), and has trouble listening (to put it nicely). In short, this kid drives me bonkers!

The ped wants to do a sleep study and frankly, I feel it might be time to discuss ADHD. I don't know how that affects our decision to homeschool, if he'd get more help with ADHD in public school, etc. But I'll be honest, I have filled out the paperwork for public school.

I realize that a lot of that stems from me needing a break because I'm going a little nuts being here 24/7. I don't get out much because by the time I cook and clean up, it's around 7 pm and if I go out, DH is texting me by 8 or 8:30 wanting to know when I'll be home. So I don't have much time to go out and I don't have that many friends anyway.

My ILs live maybe 5 minutes away and help some, but when I asked them about keeping the kids overnight or during the day sometime (both FIL and MIL take time off to do stuff like go to a craft show or have lunch, take a nap, whatever) it turned into what ended up being a very convoluted "no". In order for them to take the kids on a Friday night (which they've done once before and said it was fine, the kids slept fine, etc.), MIL would have to have built up a week of vacation time. Now, she doesn't work Saturday so I can't understand WHY she needs a week of vacation time and FIL couldn't explain it either... it's all just so stupid. So basically, I will never have their help to get a break ever. I told FIL (this whole exchange was by email) that I haven't been to the dentist in 13 years, I don't get to go out like most of the public school and even homeschool moms I know, and just... nada. No help.

Pretty much in order to get a break from Mr. Motormouth, I'm going to have to put him in public school. I don't want to do that and I don't foresee it ending well, but I'm at my wit's end. What would you do? Am I missing something?

theWeedyRoad
04-13-2012, 06:58 PM
I'm not sure I'll be much help, but plenty of commiseration. My father was constantly offering to help- so I asked him to watch my kids for an entire 24 hr period (usually they take the kids at 7pm and expect us to pick them back up by 9am). He said yes, but never had time (but somehow manages to take my neice and nephew for 2-3 days at a time). And my dh used to do that, too, but... now I conveniently forget to turn on my cell when I go out. If there is an emergency, he's competent to handle it. If not, much as I love him, I need my ALONE time (even his 'I love you's used to irritate me because they were constant). I don't really have close by friends either so I will visit my sister, a neighbor, or go to the bookstore if I really need to get out.

It does get easier. I joke that my kids are old enough to forage for their own berries now. But if you need to put your ds in public school for now (or always), then you need to. There is no shame in that.

My sister once tried being a stay-at-home mother. After a few months with her VERY active ds, though, she put him back in daycare. I think their entire family verges on ADD, and it was exhausting for her. I've been a SAHM for... almost 10 years. And I'm not sure how I'd cope with her kids 24/7 either, because both are just REALLY intense kids.

farrarwilliams
04-13-2012, 07:22 PM
DS is almost 5 and would hypothetically start K in the fall. DD is 3 and she's doing pretty well. She sleeps through the night, likes to read, and is more up for adventures. DS? Almost 5 and still not sleeping through the night (there goes my "well, he won't be doing this when he's in kindergarten" argument because OMG he's still getting up. And lately he goes in and wakes up DD!) So DS doesn't sleep and he talks all. the. time! I'm serious when I ask him if his mouth doesn't get tired! He can be in the middle of asking a question and he'll start a new one and I can't keep up! He's on-the-go, doesn't get along well with other kids (namely ones that talk as much as he does), and has trouble listening (to put it nicely). In short, this kid drives me bonkers!

The ped wants to do a sleep study and frankly, I feel it might be time to discuss ADHD. I don't know how that affects our decision to homeschool, if he'd get more help with ADHD in public school, etc. But I'll be honest, I have filled out the paperwork for public school.


Okay, I'm not saying it's not ADHD... and the sleep thing is clearly an issue. But at the same time, the behavior... kinda typical. 5 yo boys all lack attention spans. They all lack focus. They're almost all overactive by our adult estimations. They all have trouble listening. It may be more intense because of the sleep thing - or because of other stuff going on. But I don't know if putting him in school would help any of it - most of this is parenting stuff - figuring out what's going on with your kid and how to manage it (a constant struggle, of course, but sometimes we're in better places than others, ya know?). That's a question that's totally separate from school or no school in most ways.

I guess my first thought is to get some clarifying questions around this. Would school be for him or you? Even if it's for your sanity (always important!) is it a decent school? Are there other ways to get time for yourself so you can endure? Are there other interventions you need to look at for him?

Keep in mind that, even if he were to turn out to have ADHD, it's all just a phase. Your kids are really little and have been for a long time now. But there is a point where they won't need, need you physically every moment like they do now. It eases off. Homeschooling him two years, four years, six years down the road won't feel as immediate and loud and difficult (probably).


I realize that a lot of that stems from me needing a break because I'm going a little nuts being here 24/7. I don't get out much because by the time I cook and clean up, it's around 7 pm and if I go out, DH is texting me by 8 or 8:30 wanting to know when I'll be home. So I don't have much time to go out and I don't have that many friends anyway.

Not okay. I don't know what to think of dh's who do this sort of thing (on top of apparently not helping with the clean up) but so uncool. I don't know what his job is, but unless it's featured on a TLC reality show, right now your job is harder than his. Period. I got super lucky with my dh on this one so I don't know that I have any advice, I just wanted to condemn him with scant evidence on your behalf.

Good luck, whatever you end up doing. And hugs!

Avalon
04-13-2012, 09:50 PM
I feel so sad for you! You mentioned in another post that you're feeling depressed, and honestly, that is the very first thing you need to address. I've dealt with depression on and off, and I notice that my problem-solving skills are the first to go. I need to feel better myself before I can have any perspective on a situation or make good decisions.

My 12yo dd is a terrible sleeper, and has been since birth. In her case, she has never been able to fall asleep easily, and she wakes up easily for the first couple of hours. Even now, she is usually awake until 11pm or later and she often wakes up at least once before truly settling in for the night. It's no biggie with a 12yo, but it was mighty exhausting when she was 5, 6, and 7 (and 8....).

If your son is really a handful, he might just be too much for your in-laws to handle at this age. It might be hard for them to admit it, and they don't want to hurt your feelings.

I second Farrar about your husband. He needs to step up and get involved in a big way. I just got myself a cell phone a year ago, so I suppose my hubby never had the ability to reach me during those early years. If I was out, I was out. I often just went to the library. At least my dh understands about my "moods" and he encourages me to take care of myself. He's often the one pushing me out the door to go out for coffee or go to the gym if he can see that's what I need.

Accidental Homeschooler
04-13-2012, 10:55 PM
It sounds like you are just not getting the sleep or support you need. We have sleep issues here with my dd6 and it is hard and I have tried a lot of different things, read a lot of books... and haven't found a solution. I was just on the hater thread about how much it sucks to be chronically tired. It affects everything. Does your dh know how you are feeling, not that you are considering school, but that you are worn out and need some support? Sometimes my dh can be a bit clueless if I don't tell him that, you know, "I NEED A BREAK!!!" Your dh is maybe not seeing the problem or how big it has gotten for you. My dh for a long time had a hard time managing our dd6 and had to put in the time to learn and I had to let him. I got one phone call like that (just one). But we have been parenting together for 14 years and it took some time and effort to figure out to work together.

I don't know if going to sleep is a problem for your son but we had a lot of difficulties and are using melatonin now and it really helps. It does not take dd an hour and a half to go to sleep anymore. We do still have the night time waking and that is hard. I started crawling in bed with her just so I would only have to get up once and that is much better than getting up several times a night. We put an extra twin bed right next to hers. This is the best thing I have found and most nights I get some sleep, not always enough because she is a snuggler. If she wakes up and I am next to her she goes back to sleep. If I am not then I will be getting up or the whole family is awake. So we are coping and managing but if you go ahead with the sleep study I would be really interested in hearing about it!

I don't have boys but I know that they can be very active at that age and I know a few people who have delayed kindergarten a year for that reason. Schools are not that great at dealing with this because they just don't have the structure or flexibility. I think this is why so many kids, especially boys, are getting meds. Many of them meet the criteria for ADHD, but I think it is pretty well accepted/understood that it is over diagnosed for this reason. I am not saying that you shouldn't send him to school or that he doesn't have ADHD, just that the schools don't always have the answers, they sure didn't for my dd.

Lou
04-13-2012, 11:32 PM
I don't really know where to start and I lurk more than I post so... ;)

DS is almost 5 and would hypothetically start K in the fall. DD is 3 and she's doing pretty well. She sleeps through the night, likes to read, and is more up for adventures. DS? Almost 5 and still not sleeping through the night (there goes my "well, he won't be doing this when he's in kindergarten" argument because OMG he's still getting up. And lately he goes in and wakes up DD!) So DS doesn't sleep and he talks all. the. time! I'm serious when I ask him if his mouth doesn't get tired! He can be in the middle of asking a question and he'll start a new one and I can't keep up! He's on-the-go, doesn't get along well with other kids (namely ones that talk as much as he does), and has trouble listening (to put it nicely). In short, this kid drives me bonkers!

This sounds a bit like you might compare the two, which isn't a good outcome for the child that isn't living up to your standards. (not meaning that in a harsh way, I find myself doing it)

The ped wants to do a sleep study and frankly, I feel it might be time to discuss ADHD. I don't know how that affects our decision to homeschool, if he'd get more help with ADHD in public school, etc. But I'll be honest, I have filled out the paperwork for public school.

MOST pedi's won't test for ADHD until age 7, because the tests don't really apply until they can or can not focus on classwork in a classroom. When you homeschool it seems that differences are there, but they are FAR LESS intensified then they are when the child is in a mainstream classroom. (in other words, if you think it's bad now, just put him in school and you will very likely see an even WORSE side to the personality traits that currently drive you nuts)

How routine are his bedtime & wake up rituals? Are they consistant? I find that if I mess with the consistancy of my son's bedtime he can take up to 2 hours to get to sleep and he was a HORRIBLE sleeper. I had to get black out curtains and tip toe around the house for years! I literally had to shut the world out for him because any even soft white noise/music/heartbeat things would keep him up. His mind was just always going. He is nearly 7 and just beginning to understand SOME (minor, very minor) ways to shut down his ovre active mind when it's spinning out of control on him. His bedtime is mostly consistant. The time is consistant the routine leading up is consistant but sometimes we allow a show after dinner and sometimes we don't. We always read before bed (after the show if he gets one) so it's pretty routine. And he is allowed to sleep in until he wakes up naturally, so I know he is getting enough sleep. IF he wakes up before getting a min of 10 hours I put him to bed EARLY the following night.

I realize that a lot of that stems from me needing a break because I'm going a little nuts being here 24/7. I don't get out much because by the time I cook and clean up, it's around 7 pm and if I go out, DH is texting me by 8 or 8:30 wanting to know when I'll be home. So I don't have much time to go out and I don't have that many friends anyway.

I rarely go out on my own for FUN purposes. I'm going to guess maybe one evening (movie/coffee with a friend) once every other/few months. I have kiddos with me 24/7 because we don't really have a babysitter situation.

My ILs live maybe 5 minutes away and help some, but when I asked them about keeping the kids overnight or during the day sometime (both FIL and MIL take time off to do stuff like go to a craft show or have lunch, take a nap, whatever) it turned into what ended up being a very convoluted "no". In order for them to take the kids on a Friday night (which they've done once before and said it was fine, the kids slept fine, etc.), MIL would have to have built up a week of vacation time. Now, she doesn't work Saturday so I can't understand WHY she needs a week of vacation time and FIL couldn't explain it either... it's all just so stupid. So basically, I will never have their help to get a break ever. I told FIL (this whole exchange was by email) that I haven't been to the dentist in 13 years, I don't get to go out like most of the public school and even homeschool moms I know, and just... nada. No help.

My FIL lives RIGHT NEXT DOOR and he won't watch them unless he has plenty of notice and it's a short time frame and they can watch a TV show while I'm gone. If I were to be gone longer then a TV show length he's not up for it. My MIL can't watch both of my kids at the same time because they tire her out. My parents are not in the same area.

Pretty much in order to get a break from Mr. Motormouth, I'm going to have to put him in public school. I don't want to do that and I don't foresee it ending well, but I'm at my wit's end. What would you do? Am I missing something?

What would I do?

Well, I can tell you what I did, since I too have a motor mouth busy intelligent non-stop active alert busy boy. You can learn from my traggic mistake. hee hee!

I signed him up for preschool the first second I could. I sent him to school/lessons/camps, etc...as often as I could. I ended up having a puking stomache headache depressed child that was riddled with anxiety by the time he was in kindergarten! I ended up pulling him out of kindergarten to homeschool mid-year.

I had lost that sweet innocent little boy I adored. I looked back and realized the behavior that I couldn't keep up in the past, with was NOTHING compared to what negative behavior I was dealing with by the time he was in kindergarten.

I spent a year homeschooling him, giving him space to refind himself. Gave him more playtime opportunities then strict rigid school time. I found my sweet lovely child again, however he has been tarished and still deals with some heart wrenching anxiety over his past. My biggest regret in life to date is: sending him to school in the first place and if I could do it all over again, I would never of sent him to school ever.

And are you missing something?

You are missing your child's positive traits. (trust me I know the positive traits are often hard to see thru the negative ones, especially when you have a lovely compliant child to compare him to)

You are missing the most inpressionable years of your child's life worrying about cleaning up dinner, tidying the house, making life 'perfect' when life isn't perfect and it's ok to embrace the less then perfect life we are all currently 'enjoying' ;) My husband is a PERFECTIONIST and if I tried to live up to his standards of housewife, cook, cleaner, etc....I'd be in a mental ward for certain! He can pick up the slack if the dishes in the sink mean that much to him. I have my good days where super mom/wife kicks in and I can accomplish it all above and beyond the call of duty, but on most days there is SOMETHING (many times several things) that linger left undone. :)

Whatever you do, don't miss out on snuggling up your little busy boy and just loving him for who he is. He is old enough to understand that mommie needs a little ALONE time. Put on a favorite cartoon of his, get in the bathtub (door locked!) and put in earbuds, listen to some soothing music and FORGET for a moment that you have dishes, laundry, motormouth kiddos, husband wanting you home with him, etc. Just enjoy that 10 minutes of bath time. 10 minues a day is over an hour a week. If you can get a 20 minute bath (WOW! Congrats to you!) that is nearly 2.5 hours a week just for you to breath deep and relax! :)

I wish you the very best and will be thinking of you for a while now, because I have been there done that and it's HARD! It wasn't until I accepted it and embraced it that it got better. I had to literally shut out the outside world for a while (aka hermitting) to relearn my new role as mom, regetting to know my kids, finding OUR groove, etc...)

best of luck in the future for you!!! {{{hugs}}}

pnctink
04-14-2012, 07:58 AM
I think you've received lots of great advice here. I have a friend who told me to get away at least once a week to save my sanity. I go to volleyball once a week, or out to the library. I do it when the kids are in bed, but DH knows that I need that time to recoup, and just have time to think.

cupcakes0104
04-14-2012, 08:38 AM
I've talked to my husband about how guilty I feel, period, when I take time for myself and little things that he does that make it worse. He is now more careful not to ask me what time I'll be home in a "hurry up" kind of way or to ask if I can wait for him to do the 3 S's (shower, shave...) or to get on the treadmill when I've asked to go out. He likes to watch action movies, typically rated R, when he is on the treadmill so he doesn't want to be in charge of child care during that time. That's fine except for when my head is spinning around with flames shooting out of the top. After lots of communication, he gets it.

I also try to take breaks proactively. My head may not be spinning around yet but if it has been a few days since I did something alone, even if it is grocery shopping, I try to go. When the kids were younger, I would say "Oh, I'm fine, I'll wait" and pass up a good opportunity thinking I'm so tough. Then, never failed, a few days later I'd be blowing a gasket.

Keep plugging away at getting DH to understand that you need a regular, guilt-free break. AND, if HE can't get his parents to help out, he's on the hook.

dottieanna29
04-14-2012, 10:36 AM
(((Hugs))) I know exactly how you feel. Your son sounds exactly like my boy. Non-stop talking, whether anyone is listening or not, never used to sit still, never slept, argumentative, whiny and totally exhausting. I tried all the usual suggestions - lots of time outside running around, lots of exercise, one-on-one time. Nothing worked. I don't know if you are opposed to tv and computer time but that's really what helped us.

First the sleeping. Purely in self-defense we started letting him watch tv while lying in bed. He didn't know how to read yet and no matter what routines we tried, he just would not go to sleep. He's a definite night owl. We would put on something calm and boring - sometimes nature/science shows, sometimes Kermit's Swamp Years (for some reason that put him right to sleep). Our house is very small so we could go to bed and still know if he got up. Now that the sun is up earlier in the morning, he's getting up earlier and falling asleep somewhat earlier.

We've done some testing and it turns out part of ds's problems may have been boredom. I am a very relaxed, loose homeschooler. Partially because he was young and I was working things out, partially because I was reassured by the fact he was working ahead of where he'd be in public school. I have found what works well for ds and some of it is workbook stuff that he can do independently as long as I'm sitting with him, so I sit and read a book once dd is done. He's 6 1/2 and tested at 3rd to 4th grade level so I've found some things that are more challenging.

There's one thing I've found that really helps me get some peace and quiet out of him - computer games. He LOVES the computer. We do a lot of educational stuff - Jumpstart, Reading Eggs - but he also loves the interactive world games like Toon Town and Minecraft. He's getting a LOT of practice with reading playing these games and I get some time without him demanding attention. We limit it but even an hour a day of peace can make a difference for getting the dishes done or straightening up a little (and I'll admit, some days it's more than just an hour).

Dh has always been very good about letting me take time out. I just have to remember to ask for it since it's not an automatic thing. I don't have a lot of friends I can call on to do things with so I usually will take in a movie I want to see or go sit in Panera with my computer or a book. A few hours of uninterrupted time can make a big difference. I agree with the others, you need to talk to your dh and tell him how important it is that you get some free time. How does he feel about sending him to school? Is he okay with it or even prefers it, or would he prefer you keep homeschooling?

Sending my son to school isn't an option for us until he's much older. He has a few quirks that would make school miserable for him. He had a hard time in preschool at 2 1/2 and was in Early Intervention, so we know school would be a bad idea. I'm not opposed to public school at all, my oldest has always gone to school and she did great, had a wonderful experience 99% of the time, and is graduating this year. But, all kids are different and, unfortunately, school may make a lot of his issues worse and you will still have to deal with getting homework done and all the issues that come along with public school.

Lou
04-14-2012, 12:20 PM
ha ha dottie, it's not an automatic thing for your hubby to give you alone time and eagerly ask to watch the kids??? what kind of man did you marry? ;)

Seriously, my hubby (and I'm sure most of them) are far more giving when they have specific requirements to fill. IE: Tuesday I would like to the movies with a friend honey, do you have anything going on, or can you watch the kids, it will involve feeding them dinner, doing the bedtime routine and putting them to bed. I do not know what time I will be home, but I have to turn my phone off during the movie so I'll call you and check in if you'd like.

If I say something like that to my hubby (give him warning) he's 1000000% ready and willing to help me get mommie time. He'll be the first to say, go go go have fun, enjoy yourself, don't worry we'll be totally fine, have fun, etc...BUT If I spring it on him with my bad mood that has surfaced because he hasn't helped out recently, that style of communication goes over like a fart in church.

bovinesituation
04-14-2012, 12:33 PM
ha ha dottie, it's not an automatic thing for your hubby to give you alone time and eagerly ask to watch the kids??? what kind of man did you marry? ;)

Seriously, my hubby (and I'm sure most of them) are far more giving when they have specific requirements to fill. IE: Tuesday I would like to the movies with a friend honey, do you have anything going on, or can you watch the kids, it will involve feeding them dinner, doing the bedtime routine and putting them to bed. I do not know what time I will be home, but I have to turn my phone off during the movie so I'll call you and check in if you'd like.

If I say something like that to my hubby (give him warning) he's 1000000% ready and willing to help me get mommie time. He'll be the first to say, go go go have fun, enjoy yourself, don't worry we'll be totally fine, have fun, etc...BUT If I spring it on him with my bad mood that has surfaced because he hasn't helped out recently, that style of communication goes over like a fart in church.

This cracked me up!

My dh says the same thing... "go walk when I get home then!" So I did. I had my walking shoes on when he walked in the door, had leftovers lined up in the fridge so all he had to do was nuke and put on plates. He asked me if I wasn't going to eat. Well, yeah, when I get back. It's like all the gears aren't turning sometimes, you know?

I try not to compare the kids because one's a boy, one's a girl, TGO is younger and benefits some from our experience, etc. But TBO... you have to meet him to get how much he talks/moves/etc.

I don't think I overlook the + traits, but it's hard to deal with the overwhelming-ness of him, you know? I will say that he's pretty bright for his age. He's 4, almost 5, and considering my mostly unschooling approach, he can write his name, spell words, and does addition/subtraction that I don't think I did until 1st or 2nd grade. He loves science and engineering sorts of things. I can get him to watch a handful of shows (mythbusters, cyberchase, umizoomi... anything science or math) and he likes doing stuff on the ipad or phone.

DH took the kids overnight for a trip to the zoo. I'll be interested to see how many more gray hairs DH comes back with ;)

kailuamom67
04-14-2012, 12:51 PM
I just want to chime in on the issue of school......

If you are having trouble managing 1:1 with your son, how can we imagine that it will be better in a 1:20 (or greater) ratio?

We sent my deliciously different boy to school, not knowing or considering any options....it's just what you do when you both work, right? Anyway, the results were crushing. Of course we kept trying different things at school, and the results got more and more crushing until I was literally looking at residential psych programs for my boy in 5th grade.

We pulled him home, and magically all of the really wacky stuff ended, and he's back to my quirky, attention span of a gnat, lovey boy.

Im not saying this to make you feel guilty, rather to let you know that for us, school was not the solution. My personal anxiety level has much improved since bringing DS home.

I think a lot of families function in the way that mom just manages the kids and dad may "watch them" as a favor. You need to get over that and have some defined time that's yours. Ask DH how he would feel if you called him at work 100 times a day wanting to know when he'd be home. (if you do, knock it off��).

I just ignore the cell phone when I'm out. If DH needs something he can text me his question. Otherwise, I'm sure he's competent to manage anything. Btw - ive seen a lot of moms get into trouble by criticizing what DH did or how he did it with the kids and house. That is a big no no, when we want help, we need to let them do it their way or for that matter find their way. So long as there's no trip to the ER, nothing else matters. The relationship that the dads make with their kids during that time is important and fine if it looks different than how you would do it.

Now, I'm not saying that you do this, but I know many moms who do.

kailuamom67
04-14-2012, 12:55 PM
I forgot to add.......I let people minimize my concerns about my child's issues for years. When they gave me the feedback, just a boy. They're all like that, etc, etc...., the delay in my responding appropriately to my child harmed him. Trust yourself and do your own research.

bovinesituation
04-14-2012, 01:08 PM
I just want to chime in on the issue of school......

If you are having trouble managing 1:1 with your son, how can we imagine that it will be better in a 1:20 (or greater) ratio?

We sent my deliciously different boy to school, not knowing or considering any options....it's just what you do when you both work, right? Anyway, the results were crushing. Of course we kept trying different things at school, and the results got more and more crushing until I was literally looking at residential psych programs for my boy in 5th grade.

We pulled him home, and magically all of the really wacky stuff ended, and he's back to my quirky, attention span of a gnat, lovey boy.

Im not saying this to make you feel guilty, rather to let you know that for us, school was not the solution. My personal anxiety level has much improved since bringing DS home.

I think a lot of families function in the way that mom just manages the kids and dad may "watch them" as a favor. You need to get over that and have some defined time that's yours. Ask DH how he would feel if you called him at work 100 times a day wanting to know when he'd be home. (if you do, knock it off��).

I just ignore the cell phone when I'm out. If DH needs something he can text me his question. Otherwise, I'm sure he's competent to manage anything. Btw - ive seen a lot of moms get into trouble by criticizing what DH did or how he did it with the kids and house. That is a big no no, when we want help, we need to let them do it their way or for that matter find their way. So long as there's no trip to the ER, nothing else matters. The relationship that the dads make with their kids during that time is important and fine if it looks different than how you would do it.

Now, I'm not saying that you do this, but I know many moms who do.

That's what I figure... he's disruptive, to say the least.

laundrycrisis
04-14-2012, 02:58 PM
DS1 is like this. I would not go along with the idea that it is ADHD or that it is a "problem" that you therefore need expert help with. There is a book you might read - Living With the Active Alert Child by Linda S. Budd. Active Alert is a specific temperament. Needing little sleep and having a lot of energy and a lot to say are part of it. I'm not saying there are not "issues", but sometimes it really is just a temperament and that might be worth looking into.

For getting breaks for you, and getting more sleep, it really helped once he learned to read. Now he will read in his room when the rest of us need to be left to sleep. He has also matured enough to understand that my brain can't deal with listening to him all the time and he has learned to give me some quiet and read. I have also channeled some of this energy into school work that is challenging for him, and that wears him down some. Anyway the high energy part of it has gradually gotten better with time.

outskirtsofbs
04-14-2012, 04:09 PM
I can relate totally to what laundry is saying. My DD is obviously a carbon copy of her son and your motormouth--LOL High energy, never stops talking, never stops moving, never hardly sleeps, etc. I also TOTALLY feel your pain about never having any time for yourself. I'm in the same boat and there are days where I feel so much stress.............but I am glad that DD is at home because even though I could really use some quiet time (there are days I want to run screaming from the property), I would never subject her to public school again. It is and can be tough. Good luck to you.

dottieanna29
04-14-2012, 04:20 PM
LOL Lou. Dh actually has come home from work, seen that I was stressed and told me to go out for dinner and a movie. It hasn't happened lately but he used to all the time. I don't have to worry about dinner since he cooks it every night when he gets home from work.

Dh is actually great with the kids and doesn't see watching them as doing me a favor. He sees it as part of being a parent. Although, that was a situation we had no choice with for a while. Steph's activities had a lot of demands with taking her to dance, competitions, etc. so he always had a lot of time alone with the kids.

baker
04-14-2012, 04:50 PM
I am with my kids 24/7 - time alone is very important to me and dh knows this and is great about doing his part. One thing that has really helped me is to embrace the "free range kids" approach. I never felt I should hover and be with my kids constantly, but felt I'd better or everyone else would think I am a bad parent. I now idolize Lenore Skenazy! My kids are happier, I am happier....life is good!

I hate that our society has most of us so frightened to let our kids be kids. Not sure what your parenting style is, but if you feel comfortable, let he kids in the back yard unsupervised, etc. my kids are a few years older, so it is easier.


Tell dh he needs to help more. Make sure he knows you trust him with them (I have known moms who don't trust that the dh will keep them from certain death if left alone!)