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ursula northman
03-19-2012, 08:07 PM
I have an awkward situation with my ex husband, with whom I share custody of DD1 and DS. I have to get notarized permission from him to HS, and he has given it, but just for DD1. DS will have to stay in PS until it becomes clear that he is struggling (he is not, but I am still not happy with him in PS). I am trying to work the logistics of this out in my brain before we begin next year.

The big issue I see is jealousy. Our home curriculum includes a lot of hands on learning outside the house (ie field trips), and I cannot pull DS out of school to join us for all of these. His sister is going to talk to him about it when he gets home from school, and I know he will feel left out. He also loves the idea of staying home and having Mom for a teacher and being in the same 'class' as his sister. They are very close.

Also, I just feel like he is going to be missing out in general. I am not sure he really enjoys school at all. I know his is learning and progressing, but it is getting harder and harder to motivate him to get to school. I don't think he is interested. The novelty of leaving the house every day has worn off, and I really don't feel like a fight with him every morning. It is going to remove a lot of our flexibility, too. I can't up and decide that we are going camping during the school year when the crowds are swarming, I have to wait for a break in PS. We tend to be a very spontaneous family, and that was a big reason I wanted to home school. I hate looking at the calendar and seeing a festival the kids would love 200 miles away the day after tomorrow, and we cannot attend because of the public schedule. ARGH!

Who has one in PS and one at home? How do you cope?

dbmamaz
03-19-2012, 08:18 PM
Not specifically answering your question, but can you encourage him to pressure his biodad when he sees him? Maybe he can wear him down?

Accidental Homeschooler
03-19-2012, 08:31 PM
We had one in ps and one at home for about three months. The one still in ps was very resentful and angry. We ended up hsing her too. I have no experience dealing with parenting with someone I am divorced from though.

ursula northman
03-19-2012, 08:46 PM
I think if DS raises enough of a fuss I can convince biodad to sign the papers. But that is easier said than done, because he doesn't talk very well, and 'dad' doesn't listen very well. If I can convince him that keeping them in different school systems is making them both miserable we will be all set, but until then, I don't know how to pull it off.

Numericmama
03-19-2012, 08:50 PM
I'm sorry, this is a tough situation. I have a hard enough time with my kids' biodad and we live together.

dbmamaz
03-19-2012, 09:17 PM
Ooh. . . make sure sometimes biodad gets to watch him while you and dd are off on a field trip . . . does he live close enough to get to pick him up after school sometimes? (i HAVE been divorced . .and also separated from current dh . .. dh thought his life would be easier as a single dad than married to me, so I made sure to give him a LOT of time w the baby . . . to make sure it wasnt too easy . .. lol )

dottieanna29
03-19-2012, 09:35 PM
I am dealing with co-parenting with an ex but my oldest has always gone to public school. I homeschool basically because of what my son needs so never tried fighting with him to homeschool her. I'm assuming that you need his approval because of your divorce decree? If so, how about an online virtual public school? I didn't see where you are located but this may be something that will meet the terms of your divorce agreement while still allowing you more flexibility and having him home with you.

Your son is only 5 so I don't know that I would want to put him in the position of trying to convince your ex to let him homeschool.

Pefa
03-20-2012, 07:13 AM
I agree w/dottieanna - if ds brings up wanting to hs on his own that's one thing, but asking him to do it puts him in the middle of what, given his age, is the grownups' job.

Can you go to mediation? Has biodad articulated any reasons? Who knows what lurks in the minds of exes, but asking might help.

One real advantage of hs'ing and co-parenting is flexibility which makes visititation that much easier.

Sorry I don't have anything terribly helpful to have, but I do know how frustrating the situation is.

ursula northman
03-20-2012, 10:08 AM
Biodad lives in another state, and we are basically dealing with a "PS is better" stigma from him, albeit not very deeply rooted. He hated school, too, LOL. Within a few motnhs I am pretty sure I can convince him to HS the boychild. He is using his 'dad card' for the first time ever, and I think it is getting to his head. He wanted to maintain some sort of control, and the only way was to say no to the boy. It WILL change with the conflict this decision has brought on.

My concern is in the meantime. Does anyone else have conflict between their PS kids and their HS kids? How do you deal with it? I am feeling guilty that I don't have the power to make what I feel is the better situation for my son as well as my daughter.

Avalon
03-20-2012, 02:03 PM
I've always been in favour of explaining as much as possible to the kids, in an age-appropriate way. Depending on your child's maturity, you might be able to explain that Mommy would like to homeschool him, but Daddy also has an important say in the matter. Mommy and Daddy have to BOTH agree that this is the best thing for him, and right now, Daddy still thinks that the best place for him is in school, and we have to respect that. Mommy and Daddy are going to keep talking about it, and in the meantime, it's his job to do his best.

Some people might disagree with this approach. It might be better to come up with an explanation that doesn't show any disagreement between Mommy and Daddy.

This is probably harder since the dad is out-of-state. It's not like he's picking him up from school half the time, and can observe his mood directly.

mratts
03-20-2012, 02:20 PM
I've always been in favour of explaining as much as possible to the kids, in an age-appropriate way. Depending on your child's maturity, you might be able to explain that Mommy would like to homeschool him, but Daddy also has an important say in the matter. Mommy and Daddy have to BOTH agree that this is the best thing for him, and right now, Daddy still thinks that the best place for him is in school, and we have to respect that. Mommy and Daddy are going to keep talking about it, and in the meantime, it's his job to do his best.

I think this is a fantastic suggestion. I would NOT put DS in the middle of it, but if it were me, I would definitely explain why he's being left out (without dad-bashing at all). His sis was having trouble in PS, and PS is working out fine for him, so dad would like him to keep going to PS. I would also make sure DD doesn't get antagonistic with her brother - hopefully she can be sensitive to the situation!

Good luck! I know this is stressful to you, I just hope it gets resolved soon. If your ex still doesn't want to let go after the end of the PS year, you might try mediation with some hard evidence that you wouldn't be scarring your son for life by HSing - pics, projects, journal entries, etc., detailing what you've done with DD this year. (((hugs)))

Numericmama
03-20-2012, 09:30 PM
I wouldn't say this though: Daddy still thinks that the best place for him is in school, and we have to respect that.

Instead I would say : Daddy still thinks that the best place for him is in school, so that is what we have to do for now.

It is almost the same, but I don't like respecting that someone thinks him being is school is better, especially since you don't.

I like the virtual school idea too. But you would have to start next year. That is how I keep my husband happy (because I don't respect his opinion the PS would be OK for our kids) and I have complete freedom. I just have to know the rules so that I can report accurately to the Virtual academy.