View Full Version : Divorce and Homeschooling

02-27-2012, 01:00 AM
Does anyone here have positive experiences of homeschooling post divorce? We HS pre-divorce but the split was abrupt and resulted in a cross continental move and I have sole legal and physical custody. I have this fear that HS will be used as an excuse to make a custody fuss, despite the fact that he was a supportor pre-divorce.

02-27-2012, 07:39 AM
Anything can happen and one of the worst things about divorce is that stuff that was normal pre becomes cannon fodder post. But for the moment I'm still hs'ing B1 and BOO and ES hs'd in two different houses until he went to high school. So it can be done. Document and take lots of pictures and keep your ex in the loop as much as possible. I'm sorry. Even if it was necessary it's still hard.

02-27-2012, 09:53 AM
I'm sorry you have to go thru this. Divorce sucks regardless of circumstances. Having not been in your shoes, I can't offer personal experience. Pefa, that was great advice about taking pictures and keeping records. I didn't even think of that. Stay strong, Joyful and feel free to vent here.

02-27-2012, 10:08 AM
Ahh, been there, done that. Heh. Most of my blog posts about homeschooling usually include mention of doing it through and after divorce.

Let's see - my husband of 17 1/2 years and I divorced in December 2010. When he was stationed in Korea, I met somebody there and it was just a "there's my soul-mate" experience. My first husband was an absolute doll about letting me go, because I had never loved him.

We agreed to continue to homeschool our son (who was 8 at the time), even though it is an international effort. LOL My first husband is in the USAF and living in Germany. Me and my second husband (also USAF) live in England.

How do we do it? Well, we have 50-50 shared physical and legal custody, though I'm aiming to have my son spend more time with me (but that's another story and situation borne of my motherly dissatisfaction with how my ex handles things with my son). When my son is with his dad, I continue to manage all homeschooling. I plan for the year and send my ex lesson plans on a weekly basis.

If things go well and I have my son in more of a 70-30 situation (for physical custody), then I will minimize my homeschooling expectations for the 3 months out of 9 that my son would spend with his dad. I'll expect him to cover the basics: reading, writing and math. With me, my son will have 6 months of a full school schedule (so add on history, science, French, and a variety of other topics).

My ex is trying to convince my son to go to the DoD school on base in Germany. Our son does not want to do that. This whole thing probably came up, because my ex just wants to ingratiate himself with his mom and his new wife, who has serious objections to homeschooling. I have no idea what the lady does all day, but she definitely does *not* guide my son into activities that will broaden his mind and imagination. From what I understand, they leave him to his own devices with video games all day. Bah! Hence my reasons for deciding that my son should be here for 6 months and with his dad for 3, versus 6 months here and 6 months there.

Anyhow, there's the very basic way we handle it - I manage the lesson planning and curriculum selection. My ex never objected or brought up public school, until his new wife came into the picture and didn't want the responsibility of step-motherhood.

You have my empathy and sympathy. It can be tricky, and if your ex wants to use homeschooling as a reason to file for modification at all, he's going to have to back up any claims in such a motion.

We're doing our best to keep everything out of court and informal, and I won't play the "file for modification" card unless absolutely necessary on my side. Though it's nice to have up my sleeve, and I know full well that I can back up all of my claims (in my case).

Basically, I'm trying to arrange it so that my son is with his dad when the public school is on summer vacation, so my ex really just has to make sure my son does his very basic work and then he can get out and be with other children. Because I am adamant about what is best for my son and advocate for what he wants (which is to remain homeschooled), I do my best to simplify things for his dad on both an educational and social level.

So that is one way to do things post-divorce, but certainly not the only way. :)

03-01-2012, 07:15 PM
I don't have any advice but hope everything works out well for you and your child/children.

03-02-2012, 02:34 AM

Sorry about your sudden changes. I hope that it all works out well for you.

Pefa: Document. Do you mean detailed as in write down everything that is done every day and every book etc, in something like Skedtrack that can be printed?

03-02-2012, 04:39 AM
I'm homeschooling after divorce. I have sole physical and legal custody.
However- My ex and I are lucky enough that we got married young and divorced young- we both knew it was the right decision to part ways, and while we have hard feelings, we don't hate eachother. Because we've had a "nice" divorce, we are able to communicate, and we are on the same page for what we want with the kids. I do prepare for the "worst" and something changing, but I don't see that happening any time soon.
The most important thing to us, is helping the kids know that their parents (me, my ex, and my current husband) are a team, no matter what, when it comes to parenting these kids. So I keep him in the loop as best I can.
As far as homeschooling goes, I "report" back to my ex what we are doing, and how it is going. I blog about our lessons, and he gets to see the pictures. We use standardized tests twice a year, and ex gets those results too. I keep track of attendance and S&S even though I don't have to legally. I also keep track of how often we call, and save all emails. (we live on the opposite side of the world- Cali to Germany, so we don't do visitation currently, but are planning on flying the ex here to visit). I do this so in case something changes with the ex, I have documentation to back up that what I am doing is in the best intrest of the kids. It may be overkill, but I want to protect myself and my kids, just in case.

03-02-2012, 09:53 AM
actually, i was thinking this didnt apply to me - but technically it does. I'm divorced from the father of my older 2 kids. But he's so totally uninvolved, i mentioned to him when his daughter was going to be dual enrolled for high school in community college, and i mentioned to him that I decided to homeschool his son. (all by email tho). But since our daughter turned 18, I dont even bother - she just got accepted to university and i'm not sure he'll even hear about it. He actually joined fb to learn more about her life, but she doesnt much like fb. He's just totally out of the loop. He never gave us any money, either, tho when he got on SS disability, we got a small amount from them.

03-02-2012, 10:03 AM
I don't think you need to do elaborate documentation, especially if you can remind ex why he liked hs'ing pre-d. If you follow a curriculum, do whatever you'd normally do to show progress, if you don't then figure out a way to assess the kids on a regular enough basis so that everybody can comfortable that they will have the tools they need to be self supporting responsible adults.

Despite the title, which I hate, I totally recommend the book Joint custody with a jerk. It's a very practical non-judgemental, problem solving book that really helps me clarify which problems are mine, which are his, which are ours, and which are the kids and where to go from there.