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View Full Version : Anyone Getting Any "Teachable Moments" Out of the Contraception Broo-ha-ha?



Crabby Lioness
02-17-2012, 11:57 AM
I'm trying to, as I have an almost-11yo and a 12.5yo daughters.

Also I'm trying to use talking about it rationally to take the top off my inner geyser of fury at having this even brought up in 2012.

farrarwilliams
02-17-2012, 01:57 PM
I was trying to explain "contraception" to my 7 yos after they heard it on NPR one day. I think they were just totally confused. Did you ask this, Crabby, about not understanding the non-reproductive aspects of sex? My kid said, "Why would you try to make a baby without making a baby? That just makes NO sense!"

AddlepatedMonkeyMama
02-17-2012, 03:17 PM
This doesn't answer your question at all, Crabby, but it made me laugh. My kids like to hear about when they were born and they always ask, "Did it hurt?" I tell them that it did... a lot (no drugs!). One day, as we were getting into the car my daughter suddenly asked me, with a very worried look on her face, if there was medicine (not shots!) that she could take to keep her from having a baby. I told her that there was. She didn't ask any more questions, but she looked very relieved. :)

Next time she asks, I'll tell her about epidermals.

Crabby Lioness
02-17-2012, 03:50 PM
I was trying to explain "contraception" to my 7 yos after they heard it on NPR one day. I think they were just totally confused. Did you ask this, Crabby, about not understanding the non-reproductive aspects of sex? My kid said, "Why would you try to make a baby without making a baby? That just makes NO sense!"

We're going with, "Responsible parents use birth control to space their children so their children don't grow up in poverty. They marry and work hard to save money so they can afford their first one, then the space out the rest so Mommy and Daddy can give each one the attention they deserve."

Crabby Lioness
02-17-2012, 03:54 PM
This doesn't answer your question at all, Crabby, but it made me laugh. My kids like to hear about when they were born and they always ask, "Did it hurt?" I tell them that it did... a lot (no drugs!). One day, as we were getting into the car my daughter suddenly asked me, with a very worried look on her face, if there was medicine (not shots!) that she could take to keep her from having a baby. I told her that there was. She didn't ask any more questions, but she looked very relieved. :)

Next time she asks, I'll tell her about epidermals.

I had four babies without drugs, and they didn't hurt much. Of course, my longest labor was 75 minutes. The shortest was 10 minutes.

Jeni
02-17-2012, 04:17 PM
I had four babies without drugs, and they didn't hurt much. Of course, my longest labor was 75 minutes. The shortest was 10 minutes.

I've been thinking about this a lot. I am so much more stressed about the contraction part, that hurts like a b****. Labor was a breeze, both with drugs and without. But without was only 6 mins, so maybe that's why.

As for the OP, it hasn't even come up and probably won't for some years I expect. Our biggest issue is how to explain gay marriage/family so they understand. They are very black and white about the issue, a downside of homeschooling in such a anti-gay place, they don't get to meet people who have other types of life styles. They hear it on the news and TV all the time, so it comes up every once in a while.

farrarwilliams
02-17-2012, 04:57 PM
I taught middle school girls' health while I was preggers with my boys (and before that as well - it was always a learning experience for me). We did a class on babies and pregnancy and I was fine with it, but one of the other teachers, who already had three kids was there too and the girls were like, but doesn't it HURT? And she basically said, yes, it really does... but then afterward your body is so pumped full of all these happy hormones for bonding with the baby and resetting your body and it makes it so you literally cannot remember it that well. She pointed out that she'd had other painful experiences she could remember in life with so much more clarity, but childbirth was all a blur. And I find that that's SO true! And my labor lasted more than three days!

AmyButler
02-17-2012, 06:07 PM
My 9 yr old really hasn't expressed any interest in *what* contraception is, but she is outraged that any man can tell a woman what she can or cannot do. But then, this is the same child who has started going through all instructions on things replacing him and he with her and she--with no prompting from Mommy. (And as someone who has studied feminist theory, I am so proud of her for realizing the issue on her own!)

dbmamaz
02-17-2012, 10:21 PM
a freind of mine is trying to explain the personhood thing to her son, but she was trying to explain it as a difference between biological and legal personhood, and he didnt get it. he's a very precocious 9 yo and she's a bit of a hard ass feminist in a lot of ways (aside from being a SAH crunchy mom)

we also have the gov't requiring all women to have intrauterine scans before an abortion . . . i havent tried to explain that to my "where did i come from book is inappropriate" 8 yo

opheliag
02-17-2012, 11:27 PM
I had to explain what was going on to my kids because I've been a bit of a raging, swearing person all week (at least everytime I get on my computer). My 11yo son doesn't think its right for men to make medical decisions for women. He thinks women should decide for themselves. That's a good start, and I'm proud of him for coming to that conclusion. My two younger kids don't really understand it all yet.

Crabby Lioness
02-18-2012, 12:58 AM
I had to explain what was going on to my kids because I've been a bit of a raging, swearing person all week (at least everytime I get on my computer).

Thank Goddess it's not just me!

Ellie's mom
02-18-2012, 08:51 PM
...I had know idea this issue has flared up, again.

We have gone over the issues from the year dot. Life death birth were always treated as part of the real world; she grasped that around 2yrs. The choice to have babies, she grasped about 4yrs that she is not a cat. About 7yrs, we talked about some of the tough choices women have to make and that NO ONE else gets to make those decisions for them.

Now we can talk about Rich White Men encroaching upon our freedoms yet again. This election year will certainly be educational

Crabby Lioness
02-18-2012, 09:43 PM
...I had know idea this issue has flared up, again.

We have gone over the issues from the year dot. Life death birth were always treated as part of the real world; she grasped that around 2yrs. The choice to have babies, she grasped about 4yrs that she is not a cat. About 7yrs, we talked about some of the tough choices women have to make and that NO ONE else gets to make those decisions for them.

Now we can talk about Rich White Men encroaching upon our freedoms yet again. This election year will certainly be educational

Read it and scream. (http://www.rhrealitycheck.org/)

I still haven't figured out how to handle Virginia, Ohio, and Kansas' mandatory rape bills. State mandated rape of pregnant women -- :explode:

jessica14
02-19-2012, 04:02 PM
I'm actually trying not to listen because it will make my head explode. About 18 months ago, I had a D and C to "resolve" a miscarriage (about 7 weeks). Soon after, I heard that there was some legislator in the South that wanted to make such a thing a criminal offense because it was equal to an abortion. That made my blood boil for obvious reasons. I didn't know that something that had not ever developed normally was in fact a person equal to my living children. On an opposite note, one of the interns (male BTW) referred to my procedure as an abortion. He was shot a look by a nurse and told it was not that. When men get a uterus, menstruation, pregnant, and menopause, then they can have a say.

I haven't mentioned any of this to my kids but they do know about conception and my daughter does know how to prevent it.

Ayem
02-20-2012, 09:06 AM
A little off topic, sorry, but a very funny commentary on sex-ed "teachable moments".
Apologies if you've seen it.

http://minnesota.publicradio.org/display/web/2010/04/06/wits-sweeney/

dbmamaz
02-20-2012, 10:00 AM
havent seen it but couldnt get it to load so i gave up . . .

Crabby Lioness
02-20-2012, 12:16 PM
I'm actually trying not to listen because it will make my head explode. About 18 months ago, I had a D and C to "resolve" a miscarriage (about 7 weeks). Soon after, I heard that there was some legislator in the South that wanted to make such a thing a criminal offense because it was equal to an abortion. That made my blood boil for obvious reasons. I didn't know that something that had not ever developed normally was in fact a person equal to my living children. On an opposite note, one of the interns (male BTW) referred to my procedure as an abortion. He was shot a look by a nurse and told it was not that. When men get a uterus, menstruation, pregnant, and menopause, then they can have a say.

I haven't mentioned any of this to my kids but they do know about conception and my daughter does know how to prevent it.

Jessica, what an awful experience! I'm sorry you had to go through that.

Little Brownelf
02-21-2012, 04:44 AM
We're going with, "Responsible parents use birth control to space their children so their children don't grow up in poverty. They marry and work hard to save money so they can afford their first one, then the space out the rest so Mommy and Daddy can give each one the attention they deserve."

:wait::_no:

Crabby Lioness
02-21-2012, 01:33 PM
:wait::_no:

:confused:

mom4peace
02-23-2012, 01:51 PM
My boys, 14 and 10, are well-informed on the sex ed end, but this was the first time my younger son had heard of contraception. We discussed it on the healthcare end and on the religious freedom end. I like to think we made some ground and that the conversation made a difference.

The rape issues are harder to discuss. My older son had comprehensive sex ed through our UU church (OWL -- five months of 2 hours a week on everything from anatomy and physiology to LGBT issues to rape/abortion/adoption/pedophilia. I can't say enough good about that program),and the violent issues are very upsetting to him. I try to touch those lightly when he overhears something on NPR, but I've yet to initiate a spontaneous conversation about that.

(Yeah, I wrote about that, too: Blurring Boundaries:Contraception and Religious Freedom (http://wp.me/pOokK-ja). If I write about it, I often talk about it. Without another adult in the house, the boys tend to get an earful sometimes.)

Jeninok
03-14-2012, 09:05 PM
I am dredging this post back up because for the 3rd time this week my son has been within ear shot of my ranting and stomping about the stone ages and women's rights and ultra conservative far patriarchal politics, and some choice words about being barefoot and pregnant and the Duggars, and submissive my arse :p ...........Dh just smiles and nods and gives me hugs and grunts at the appropriate times. But DS started asking questions which are quite frankly hard to answer to a somewhat naive 10 year old boy.

How do you all approach this with your sons?

He is being raised in a family full of strong opinionated women, which I am sure will help. I just really want to foster a healthy respect for all women and their rights as equal human beings. I try very hard not to man bash, but I also want to make it clear that frankly until men menstruate, give birth, and are primarily responsible for the care of newborns and often all older children as well they really should stop trying to legislate our health care, family, and personal decisions.

dbmamaz
03-14-2012, 09:09 PM
Honestly, i get the feeling that, being raised as they are, my boys know better than to treat a woman as anything other than a respected equal. Maybe its wishful thinking, idk, but my older boy is a real sweeet-heart anyways. and they kids seem to be absorbing my very liberal life leanings without me meaning to. I mean, my daughter disagrees with me on some stuff - she said she cant talk to my mom about politics because my mom expects her to vote for obama and she wont - but she's not conservative on social issues.

opheliag
03-14-2012, 09:29 PM
Just today, this issue came back up in my house because of our wonderful AZ House of Representatives passing a bill basically stating that employers can deny to cover birth control for religious reasons except when medically necessary for other than preventing pregnancy. It was a woman who sponsored this crap. I have been irate all day. My children have seen me call my representative's office and complain loudly. They also saw me email my state senator asking her to please vote "no" on this one.

My 11yo son kind of gets it. We talked about it once before when it came up on a federal level. He also got to see how we as the people can respond to things that we don't like on a local level. It's led to some interesting conversations about the democratic process and the differences between representatives on a state and federal level. My younger two don't really understand what's going on, but they do get see mom worked up and taking some sort of action. We've also talked a lot about the separation of church and state.

Jeninok
03-14-2012, 09:37 PM
It was that bill that had me all worked up tonight. My favorite was her quote about this not being the soviet union :_no:
Last week it was living in a state that voted for Rick Santorum that set me off, and rush limbaugh. That rant might have included some sweating and something about our great grandmothers not marching and braving bodily harm, social outcasting, and going on hunger strikes for this to be happening. :o

He was very mad at me when I made it clear that I was pro choice. I tried my best to explain that while I personally would not choose that, it is not the role of the government to say if I can or can't. And that the opinion of a few based on religion do not get to dictate what the rest of the country must do.

I think tomorrow we will talk about the constitution, and separation of church and state.

dbmamaz
03-14-2012, 10:40 PM
i havent been talking about it much but my teen is just a very tender-hearted person who supports whatever i say . . . kinda unrelated, but we were listening to the radio (classic rock) and Raven asked why he kept talking about a red light . . . sigh . . .

Crabby Lioness
03-14-2012, 11:29 PM
We went on a mini-vacation (science museum, zoo, arboretum) this week and got to watch MSNBC in the hotel room. Dh paid it his highest compliment -- "It's better than cartoons!" (A side trip to Cartoon Network only confirmed that unfortunately. Don't watch CN late on a Monday night.) The 12yo found it utterly fascinating and would have stayed up watching it all night. The 10yo just wanted to sleep.

Tonight we looked at this week's Doonesbury (the Texas abortion story). It's provided fertile ground for discussions of women's rights and government intervention. The 10yo is especially interested now that it's no longer interfering with her vacation.

I thought about taking them by Planned Parenthood (there isn't one near us) while we were vacationing but it didn't seem to fit with this trip. Maybe next time.

Crabby Lioness
03-20-2012, 09:56 AM
There is a bright side to all this madness, as I blog about here (http://lionesshomeschool.blogspot.com/2012/03/bright-spot-amidst-all-madness.html). The backlash against this nonsense could be so fierce, it sweeps enough feminist politicians into office that we can pass and ratify a new ERA.

opheliag
03-21-2012, 01:51 PM
There is a bright side to all this madness, as I blog about here (http://lionesshomeschool.blogspot.com/2012/03/bright-spot-amidst-all-madness.html). The backlash against this nonsense could be so fierce, it sweeps enough feminist politicians into office that we can pass and ratify a new ERA.

That would be amazing. I am hoping a new ERA gets passed and ratified sometime in my life. That's what I am working for anyway!

Crabby Lioness
03-24-2012, 11:30 AM
That would be amazing. I am hoping a new ERA gets passed and ratified sometime in my life. That's what I am working for anyway!

Apparently Republicans now have a 20-point deficit gap with women voters (http://www.alternet.org/newsandviews/article/867045/republicans_face_massive_gender_deficit/#paragraph5), and it's widening....

That ain't the way folks normally win elections, y'all.

dbmamaz
03-24-2012, 09:15 PM
Its funny, i've seen ppl talk about sex strikes over these laws, but I couldnt figure out why - i mean, hopefully our men are supportive of us? but i guess maybe not. My husband cant vote and wont talk about US politics at all, so i guess I dont know who he'd vote for - if he'd vote. he says its all a game anyways.

Crabby Lioness
03-25-2012, 10:24 PM
Its funny, i've seen ppl talk about sex strikes over these laws, but I couldnt figure out why - i mean, hopefully our men are supportive of us? but i guess maybe not. My husband cant vote and wont talk about US politics at all, so i guess I dont know who he'd vote for - if he'd vote. he says its all a game anyways.

Women with Conservative husbands? But....

It actually happened to the guy who introduced the transvaginal bill in Va, and he had the nerve to complain about it on the floor of the state legislature. I'll see if I can find the video.

ETA: Here we go. The guy's got no brains and no class.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RRyRSlammXI

dbmamaz
03-26-2012, 07:55 PM
Yeah, I know, i live in VA and I saw that . . . a day or two after I protested the uselessness of a sex strike. Still . . . idk, i saw a shirt in a catalog a long time ago that said "Dont have sex with pro-life men" . . . i always thought that was a no-brainer, but i'm pretty radical.

Becca
03-27-2012, 04:36 AM
We used to live in a small town who all had the same ideas as those [insert something nasty]
Women had no rights, no birthcontrol, and if a man hit his wife she deserved it (I'm so happy my DH never hurt me or the children)
The older children have seen how men use religion to suppress and abuse women, we moved away about two years ago and live a completely different life now, my girls have a possitive future, they can go to college, have a carreer or be a stay at home mom if that's what they want, but most important it will be THEIR choice, and not some no-brainer ape (hello!? could somebody introduce them to a little evolution?)

My eldest son Gideon (almost 16) gets really angry when he reads about restricting the freedom for women contraceptive or like that Don Pridemore and his 'deal with it' suggestion for women who are beated by their husbands.
'It's like we never left our old town' he said (in a real angry voice)

Jemma (14) is using contraceptive, not as 'birth-control' (yet) but because she had problems with her periods, she's feeling a lot better now! She got really angry when she read about men wanting to tell her what she can and can't do with her own body!
She had a real good conversation about this with our OB/GYN (who shared our vision) Our OB/GYN was the one that suggested Jemma she could start take birth control because of her long and heavy periods and asked her to discuss it first with us (I was sitting next to her and said that both my husband and I have no problem with birth control)
In fact (since we where there anyway) I was having a little trouble with my own birth control, and wanted to know if it was still working (it wasn't :o )
So Jemma had a second lesson: "Birth Control is a great way to prevent pregnancy but not (always) 100% effective"

speech mom
03-27-2012, 09:53 AM
My kids are also exposed to some swearing when these issues hit the news or computer.
The big one around here is the anti-contraceptive push. My kids have watched me for years struggle with ovarian cysts. The 9 year old actually asked how the hell an old white man can say that mom should suffer because the pill also prevents pregnancy. The 13 year old's dermatologist asked her about using birth control for acne. Which led to the discussion of how if the medicine has multiple uses, how can they pass laws allowing employers to deny coverage based on their beliefs about birth control.
So we are talking about it here, but the girls are in disbelief about the whole thing.

Crabby Lioness
03-27-2012, 01:01 PM
Yeah, I know, i live in VA and I saw that . . . a day or two after I protested the uselessness of a sex strike. Still . . . idk, i saw a shirt in a catalog a long time ago that said "Dont have sex with pro-life men" . . . i always thought that was a no-brainer, but i'm pretty radical.

DH is an alpha male. Anytime a beta male tries to trash talk distant females around him (because they don't have what it takes to repress them at close range unless the beta male pack is present) he has to suppress the urge to bash the guy's head in.