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skrink
01-19-2012, 10:34 AM
I am normally fairly laid back with our hs'ing. Dd has some special needs that have always been front and center, so dealing with those has been a huge part of our daily lives. The academics are there, in the background sometimes, but she's smart and curious about the world and I truly haven't been concerned (much) that she was lacking in that area. Well, enter meds and therapy, and life has done a 180. It's not that everything is suddenly rosy, but it's so much better. The difficult behaviors are more background noise these days. We still struggle with attention issues and staying on task but overall the stress level in our home has dropped tremendously. Am I grateful? Yeah, but... Now I'm waking up in the middle of the night, wrestling with the idea that we've missed big, important things, that I've spent too much time working on building up her weak areas and I haven't played to her strengths nearly enough. I haven't pushed hard enough - for fear of the inevitable meltdowns - and now she's learned that she can coast. Aack!! I'm freaking myself out. How do I stop????

Accidental Homeschooler
01-19-2012, 10:58 AM
Maybe just tell yourself that now that the behavior challenges are so much less here is your chance to cover things you might have missed. It is an opportunity to make some academic progress that you had to put aside when she wasn't able to handle the stress/expectations.

Gabriela
01-19-2012, 10:59 AM
Hugs.
Take a deep breath. Things are getting better.
It sounds to me like, now that some issues are improving, you're having time to think about other stuff that, maybe, you didn't have time to think about before.
You've moved one thing out of the way, and now you're being bombarded by new things. It's normal.
You only have one brain, two hands and 24 hours in a day.
Try to focus on how wonderful it is that now you CAN start dedicating time to developing her strengths.
What's that saying?...
got it
You can't wring your hands and roll up your sleeves at the same time

dbmamaz
01-19-2012, 02:29 PM
I kind of feel that way all the time w my bipolar kid. Half the time he seems to be done his work too soon, so I think I'm not giving him enough . . Later he has a screaming melt down. Yes, a 15 yo boy. This kid panics us in a regular basis. And he's already on three meds which cause him to carry huge amounts of extra weight. Just last month I realized he didn't know he was ever skinny . . . He used to wear slim size pants before he got on meds at age 9, and now he's just crossed the line in to obese

I guess I don't have any advice, but certainly sympathy. You can only do your best, in each moment.

baker
01-19-2012, 03:36 PM
My kids are "normal" ( no behavior or learning issues) and I still feel this way! I worry I am too easy on them and not structured enough. You know your child best -do what appears to be working.

skrink
01-19-2012, 05:02 PM
I don't trust myself to make good decisions at the moment. When I react out of fear I don't tend to get the best results. I need to give myself permission to let it go for now until I figure out how to calm the #[email protected]! down. I don't seem to be able to cut myself much slack, and I'm rethinking every single choice I've made so far. :( Time to get back to basics, maybe, and start adding on from there.

Batgirl
01-19-2012, 07:56 PM
Hee, hee. Have a big glass of wine, girl, and enjoy how much easier your life is right now! I know you said you were grateful, but really!!! (Btw, does your daughter enjoy it, too? Batman is much happier now that he can pay better attention.)

My suggestion about how to stop worrying (aside from the wine) is this: Is there anything really fun or cool that you and your daughter couldn't do, before therapy & meds? Go do that, or try it, and have fun. Savor the contrast between past and present. Remind yourself that before meds & therapy you had to spend that time shoring up weaknesses. Now you don't have to anymore! Fabulous!

I find that I swing like a pendulum between focusing on shoring up weaknesses and developing strengths with my older son. I find that since he's been on meds I can push harder in both areas. Now that things are going more smoothly, it will be much easier and more natural for her to accomplish more just in the course of things. And it's okay, you can coast a little too, and enjoy your less-stressful life for a bit before leaping back in the saddle.

skrink
01-20-2012, 08:09 AM
Well, I did have that glass of wine. ;) And I sat down to think about all of the things we're doing now that we could never have considered before - there are lots. She's been participating in 4 or 5 outside activities, sometimes without my being there. Unheard of! And yes, she's very happy with the change. She says, "I don't know why I had trouble before. It's easy!" Um, OK.

Thanks for the reality check and the kind words, everyone. And Gabriela, I like the quotation. Action trumps fence sitting, every time.