View Full Version : You have got to be kidding!

12-21-2011, 02:49 PM
OK - So, DS is now homeschooling - we have been at it since April when I pulled him from school. All meltdowns have ended, family harmony has returned and both DS and I are off medications. When he was in school, he was medicated, violent and in danger. He would run from school into traffic, broke windows and was frequently restrained. We had no luck finding thr right type of school for him, and things just got worse and worse until he was breaking down so badly he was hallucinating.

I brought him home and its all better. All of it. Gone. Meds gone. Meltdowns gone. Hallucinations gone.

Now he wants to go back to school.

I have such PTSD that I tremble at the idea. I feel for him though. He's lonely. At school there are other kids whether they like it or not. He's stuck at home. There are no friends to play with (he was such a mess, no one who lives by us will even talk to him.)

We don't live in an area where there is much offered to do for fun. He hates sports and is overweight and uncoordinated, so it's unlikely that joining a sport would be helpful to his fragile self esteem. He is not interested in boy scouts, and the HS groups here are mostly park days for little kids - religious too.

I'm thinking that I can say he needs to get up every morning on a schedule and do schoolwork on schedule and maybe take a class out in the world. Once he can do those things, I'll consider it.

Am I crazy, should I just let him go, or should we focus on fixing the lonliness? And really, if he wants to go back to school, he's gonna have to learn how to get up in the morning again.

Truth is - I don't wanna consider it since I think he completely shut down and stopped learning in the 3rd grade and only now, am I seeing a tiny flicker of his love of learning.

I work full time and have hired someone to work with him while I'm out of the house. that person was great but not permanent, so I wasn't really able to set up an out of the house schedule. I am now looking for a permanent option so will have a better chance to get him out more.

UGH - BTW, my working is not optional. DH could be optional but his ability to manage the HSing is not good.

12-21-2011, 02:55 PM
Wow, that's tough.

I would focus on all the good stuff that's happened since you started. Which sounds fantastic.
That seems a lot more important than whether or not he can hang out with friends at school right now.
Especially if it is potentially dangerous for him. I think in a case like this, you just have to put your foot down and decide that hs is better for him, for now.

12-21-2011, 03:09 PM
I've heard of hs parents giving their kids a taste of p.s. by getting them up early, driving to school at the same time as the rest of the kids, and then setting a schedule for the day that mimics the p.s. schedule. Sometimes it helps to remind them what it is/used to be like. Maybe his memory of what it was really like is affected by the fact that he was medicated when he went?

Is there an option in your state to attend p.s. part time? Maybe just for a class or two?

That said, I agree with Gabriela. You might have to make an executive decision that homeschooling is best, and maybe you'll be able to find some other avenue for social activities. At a minimum, perhaps you can agree to continue hs-ing for a set period of time, and then you can try p.s. again, with the caveat that if it doesn't work out, you'll hs again.

12-21-2011, 03:55 PM
HOnestly, I almost always tell parents to trust their kids, that school isnt so bad, etc . . . but not in this case. Have you tried reminding HIM of what used to happen at school, and asking HIM what he misses most about school? I would definitely try to make him see that homeschooling is in his best interest and talk to him about the other opportunities you will try to find. My son, who is clumsy and overweight and hallucinated is STILL on meds, but still CRIES when he remembers what school was like. I cant imagine sending him back . . . and i cant help but think your son is not seeing the big picture. Maybe a kid, a sibling, a tv show recently was singing the praises of school? Maybe there was a gift exchange? This sounds all wrong to me . . . just . . . all wrong . . .

Accidental Homeschooler
12-21-2011, 04:04 PM
He must be really bored and lonely to want to go back to what you describe. I would try to focus on the isolation and finding a solution there. Here kids can be dual enrolled hs and ps. Could you talk to the school about it? Maybe if he could go for his former favorite class and slowly work his way back to full-time. Even if it is not routinely done maybe they would be willing (especially if the alternative is having him back full-time as they probably were not having an easy time with it either). Or, are there any private schools that might have more options as far as doing part-time? Anyway, it sounds really hard and good luck finding a solution.

12-21-2011, 04:10 PM
I actually think the trauma was so huge that he has repressed most of it. I don't think he remembers being held down by three big adults - repeatedly. I literally start feeling anxious just thinking about it.

There is a tiny private school for kids with executive functioning issues, about 40 minutes from here that would probably be great. He wouldn't qualfy in the past because of the uncontrolled meltdowns, but since he's not having them any more - maybe. Did I mention the tuition is 20K? Honestly, because I have to work HS isn't free to me, but back to school and 20K - I think I may vomit.

I really thought that we found it with HSing.

BTW-I will go with my gut and wear the big girl panties in the household. He's not going back anytime too soon, unless it's like a class a day. Just thinking about it and honoring my child is important though. That said, it is still making me ill.

12-21-2011, 07:35 PM
Do you have a rec center or park district that offers things other than sports? Around here the rec center has computer classes and cooking classes and tons of other special interest things. It seems like getting him involved in something like that would be a much better solution. The YMCA usually has those kinds of classes too. That's what I'd look into if I were in your situation.

12-21-2011, 07:42 PM
He says no to all available options. What I think I will do is say that he must pick one and go successfully before I will start researching school. Hopefully, he will get the stimulation he is craving and then decide that he still likes to do his schooling at home. On the other hand, if he really wants to and can pull it off, I want to support him.

I will say that with the last school choice, my gut said no but he said yes. My gut was correct.

12-21-2011, 08:37 PM
Just because he's saying he wants to go back, doesn't necessarily mean he's thought it all through. I would just continue with homeschooling for the rest of the school year and re-evaluate at the end of the year. My kids have zero interest in going to school, but even if they did, I would be careful to point out everything about it long hours, lots of homework, music and art class (my son hated them), etc. Kids can be impulsive and not really think things through and I know you would be really stressed if, after the first week back he said he hated it. Good luck with everything.

12-21-2011, 09:11 PM
I can see him saying he wants to go back, and then gets stressed and won't do work again. If he's not gonna work, he'll not do it at home 8-0

I have had such challenge finding work that he will engage in, there's no way a teacher will be able to take the time to tailor projects just for him. I'm not having him go and be exposed to all of the badness (Im biased) to not learn.

I just need to hit the snooze button on this one!

12-22-2011, 01:19 AM
Yes, hit snooze!