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lakshmi
09-19-2011, 12:04 AM
Over the years, I've made friends at various times. Most of those times involved work or school. But friendships also seemed to be a secondary thing, or so easily encountered that no extra energy was spent to find or keep them. Maybe this says something more about selfishness, lol, that anything else?

But recently I had the pleasure of making a friend, who get this, lives close, homeschools, is pretty much awesome all around. I hadn't even realized that this was something that was missing.

As my children have grown, I've made choices about social outings based on them. How many times have I said, Can the girls come? Oh, sorry i can't make it that late, the girls bedtime is 7:30. Or I can't get a sitter. (Even using this one when the Mandatory Fun Functions didn't sit well with me.) We are even part of a co-op to provide some sort of community for the two special people in my life. I'm learning to keep my mouth shut [hard to believe if you've read any of the other posts here...] when people have different views. Every now and then I'lll let loose something when I feel particularly over-caffienated.

A lot of folks come here to SHS and feel "at home" other people do not, obviously. This is sort of a multi-part question.

1) How do we negate our own needs for relationship, for those of our children/family/spouses.

2) Are online friends actually friends? Does it count that there can be a connection for a thread, or is it simple just a forum. For example, could I say, "my friend..... insert username here...said, " Does your spouse say, "oh did you miss your friends" if s/he sees the GREEN SHS screen?

3) What types of things have you done to "get" your kids friends/experiences? Like if you hated farms or animals and put your kid in 4-h. Or anything that you were opposed to before kids or before homeschooling.

I chose homeschool issues to put this in because one of the major differences of homeschooling, even more than being a SAHM, is the possible lack of making new friendships or trouble keeping the old, for various reasons.

Lak001
09-19-2011, 01:06 AM
Lakshmi, like I've said before, I only make an effort to talk to people in real life for my dd's sake. I am a member of a homeschooling group just for my dd's sake. And I drive 45mins for their activities just so my dd can socialize with other kids. Like I already said, I've never made connections with anyone so far, except for a friend who is also an Indian, and home schools her kids.
I'm happy being a recluse if not for my dd's need to socialize. I'm new to this forum, so I'll give it sometime before I call someone here my best buddy. But I love the camaraderie we all seem to share here. I do want some kind of association with people, at least on the internet if not in real life. I really do like it a lot here.

Stella M
09-19-2011, 02:49 AM
Online is tricky because you can't just go around saying, so, are you my friend ? Sometimes you get burned b/c you think you have a connection with someone but it turns out you don't. Some of us over think these things :) Idk. I spend way too much time here, but as I said to dh recently, "Remember how I used to cry when you got home from work because I was so lonely all week in my conservative Christian h/s cohort ? I don't do that anymore.' And I don't, because this forum meets the need for me to have h/s colleagues who offer good advice, mentoring and humour and the opportunity for me to return that favour sometimes. I guess I wouldn't presume to have an online friendship here unless it spilled out of the forum and into the rest of my life. Otherwise you are trusting someone as a friend who could simply not be there tomorrow if they quit the forum or stopped blogging or whatever, and that would be that. Where I invest, I invest loyally and tenaciously, qualities that don't transfer well to the emphemeral nature of cyberspace. I feel like I am always open to friendships though.

Getting friends...well, for ds, co-op, always saying yes to having another little buddy over, being nice to parents when I'd rather read. Saying yes to stuff I'd rather say no to!

For dd12 - she sorts herself out for friends.

For dd14 - well, I've tried running homeschool groups, classes, activities. Dance. Volunteering. It's hard when you are 14 and in love with crafting and history and every other 14 year old girl is into boys and lip gloss. She's always been the odd one out because she's quiet and quirky in her interests and preoccupations. She is the one I agonise over most. I would do anything to help her have a really good, close friendship.

I see my bf fairly often - she normally comes over once a week or so for morning tea. She is good friends with my kids too. We text a lot as well. We take a break from school to spend time with her. Another friend, who is my dd12's best friend's mother, comes over for the day about once a term, to sew, eat, chat. We take the day off for that too.

Then I spend a fair bit of time with my sister and my Mum. The kids are normally along for the ride too.

I don't do much solo socialising without the kids. I guess that will change as they grow older. Dh and I don't do much socialising sans kids either; babysitters are too $ and I need to 'save' family babysitting for when I have medical appts. We don't do couples socialising either; dh is too anti-social.

It's all kind of working out, except for my eldest. She is lonely and will get even lonelier when her sister goes to school next year :(

eta Hey Lakshmi, that's good news about your new friend :) I am happy for you.

CatInTheSun
09-19-2011, 04:22 AM
I was just reading in Medina's "Brain Rules for Baby" how moms neglect their female relationships at exactly the time they really need them.

DH and I are social introverts and truly best friends, so that meets a lot of my social needs. I think my biggest challenge is that we have had 3 cross-country moves in the last 6 years. It seems to take a year or more to meet ANYONE, and then just when I have a bit of a social life, we move.

For the decade I was in college, it seemed to take at most a couple days to make more new friends than I could handle, even when I went on a 3mo fellowship or attended a conference. But as a married adult with kids and working from home, I have met 2 neighbors with whom I exchange words about once every 2 months in this year since our last move. My friends are the people I still converse with long distance (occasionally and electronically) from those college days.

It's good my kids are content with each other and a martial arts class. I really need to do more to get them connected -- this is the only place we've lived where the neighborhood kids are totally absent. I keep dithering on joining a local hs/AP/or secular group -- I seem to think if I dither long enough I'll divine which is best for us without having to actually put myself out there. Ha!

hreneeh
09-19-2011, 08:12 AM
Boy did this hit home. I have one more issue. I move constantly. We are a military family and in the last 4 years we've moved 3 times. We are set to move again in May just 11 months after we moved here. So yeah making friends is not a high priority for me. I always make sure my son gets out and makes friends and meets people but it just isn't a priority in my life. Sort of a why bother when I'm leaving in 15 months. I have always made superficial friends, the kind that can help out in a jam or you have coffee with but noone I would share my deepest darkest thoughts with. I only have my husband for that. Sometimes that sucks when he IS the deepest darkest secret. Here I've made friends with someone who I can see keeping in contact for a while after we move, but if we don't, oh well, I'll enjoy it while it lasts. I'm in the middle of making a major life change (gastric bypass surgery) and I have made sure to look for support for that both online and IRL. I find that the "real" me is more prevalent online as I don't have to mince words to keep the peace. I can be openly atheist online and not fear retribution for my children or husband's job. It's nice and if I didn't' have the internet I don't know if I could be a military spouse. I'd go nuts. That's a lot of rambling, sorry.

Elphie
09-19-2011, 08:36 AM
I have a few friends that live nearby but they both work outside the home so our schedules differ. We get together for dinner every couple of months. My kids are friends with their kids and we all go camping together once every summer and try to get the families together a couple times a year at our homes. Other than that we keep in touch on Facebook. I'm happy with that. I don't feel like I need a huge group of people to be friends with.

I have one friend that has been my BFF since Kindergarten. We live in different cities and live completely different lives but when we get together it's like we were never apart. I think we are closer than sisters. My actual sister lives across the country and I do wish she was closer.

I like to hang out in online forums because they put me in touch with people who share the same interests as I do. I feel very at home here and I'm very glad to have found a group of people who understand what I am going through as a new homeschooler. I have found that I can learn a lot from online peeps about various things that interest me. I like to see how different people do things different ways and hear about how life is in other parts of the US and other parts of the world. I also like that it allows me some time during the day as a SAHM to connect with other adults.

My kids make their own friends. My DS 13 has a very hard time making good friendships. He mostly hangs out with the neighborhood kids. It seems that they are always over at my house and that is okay with me...it's my way of helping him maintain his friendships. (and I like to know what they are up to). He also hangs out with people online according to his own interests (through various online games). I keep an eye on it but I think it's a fine way for him to connect with other kids who share the same interests that he does (not a lot of kids around here share his interests). We are not part of a co op yet. I don't know if I will find one around here or not. I'm still new at homeschooling so I don't know a lot of people who homeschool in my town...and I have a hard time just showing up to functions and introducing myself. I may get over that with time.

Shoe
09-19-2011, 08:36 AM
1) How do we negate our own needs for relationship, for those of our children/family/spouses.

2) Are online friends actually friends? Does it count that there can be a connection for a thread, or is it simple just a forum. For example, could I say, "my friend..... insert username here...said, " Does your spouse say, "oh did you miss your friends" if s/he sees the GREEN SHS screen?

3) What types of things have you done to "get" your kids friends/experiences? Like if you hated farms or animals and put your kid in 4-h. Or anything that you were opposed to before kids or before homeschooling.
1. I have very few friends in the world of flesh and blood. I have about five close friends from my high school and college years-but I have lost touch with them for about 5 years or more. I'm sure if I meet up with them again, we'd continue where we left off, but family issues get in the way-as in, if I had no family, I'd have more time to see them, but they're all halfway across the country. Locally, I have only a few (maybe 4) people that I know from work who I will see outside of work hours socially, and then, only once or twice a year. I really am quite a recluse, partly because I suffer such awful social anxiety.

2. Are online friends actually friends? I don't know, but it certainly helps me fill my need for social contact, while remaining safely behind the real world/virtual world curtain and allows me to interact with people from the comfort and safety of my own home. In many ways, my online contacts are as close to friendship as I get, though if I am speaking to people in real life about online contacts, I typically refer to them as "people I know on line", or "people from an on line forum I frequent", rather than "friends". I feel closer to a lot of my on line contacts, here and on other forums, than I do to many people I know in real life. I think this is partly due to the ability to search out people with similar interests and viewpoints on line, rather than in a small physical geographic location.

3. I do very little. I leave that to my wife. But my kids already have friends from the time they were in public school, so they keep in touch with them, and my wife has made some friends with their parents, so she and the kids will go visiting at times. I usually stay at home. Often, my wife doesn't even invite me anymore, because I get so grumpy from my anxiety that it just isn't worth it for her. (I probably should do something about that).

Sherry
09-19-2011, 08:42 AM
1) How do we negate our own needs for relationship, for those of our children/family/spouses.

I joined a local hs organization. Thus, once (occasionally twice) a month I get to converse with other women. My relationships with former friends and colleagues fizzled within a few months of moving away.


3) What types of things have you done to "get" your kids friends/experiences? Like if you hated farms or animals and put your kid in 4-h. Or anything that you were opposed to before kids or before homeschooling.

I enroll them in programs at the Y. We go on field trips with a local group and take classes at the zoo and science museum. I take them to a mainstream church and Sunday School. I am considering scouts for next year. My children really would like to have friends. I just don't know how else to help them meet other children. It is sort of ironic that we moved to the suburbs so that the children would have playmates.

I spend more time than I would like in the car. I miss having a relationship with my neighbors. (Our city home was in a neighborhood of front porches that actually were used.) I am an introvert and do not need a lot of face to face interaction with others, but would like to have some where I did not feel as if I had to constantly guard my tongue or worry about reactions to what my children reveal about their studies.

dottieanna29
09-19-2011, 08:45 AM
I've always had a problem with making friends, homeschooling really didn't change that. I always had acquaintances or was part of a group, but I always felt like I was just slightly on the outside and that people weren't really interested in being friends outside of the group. I know that part of that is my own insecurity that is deeply ingrained from traumatic experiences starting in kindergarten and continuing right through college. I don't feel like I make deep connections with people outside of my family. To me, the on-line relationships are perfect. I get to "chat" with people with similar interests, vent about things bothering me, get support on things I'm unsure of and I don't feel the constant judgement I do IRL. I have one really good IRL friend but we almost always do things with our kids are hers are now both in school. Plus, it's always been slightly one-sided in that she doesn't drive so I always go pick her up, my house is too small to hang out here and I'm allergic to all her pets and can't hang out at her house so we usually go out and do things. Since money is very tight for her family, I often end up helping to pay or using memberships we own. With the kids in school all day, our connection is definitely getting lost and turning into just another facebook friend. I feel like my friends here are a step up from the majority of my facebook friends because we have more back-and-forth interaction instead of little snippets. (I will add that my homeschool friends on my private facebook groups are the exception. There are a few there I would consider friends and I hope they feel the same).

As for my kids....they are all extremely social. My oldest I don't need to do anything - public school and 14 years of dancing with the same core group of dancers have taken care of her needs. She invited 125 close friends to her Sweet 16 party last year. My younger guys, I have to work at it more. We do some park days and activities with homeschool groups. There are a few repeats there that I can chit-chat with and could possibly turn into friends if we spent more time together. It's hard because I literally cannot invite people over to my house. I'm also getting ready to sign my kids back up for homeschool gymnastics and I'm looking into martial arts for at least my son. It's definitely easier for me when it's a regularly scheduled weekly thing - especially one we've paid for. Otherwise it's too easy for me to make excuses to not leave the house.

skrink
09-19-2011, 09:17 AM
I don't think I negate my own needs. Sometimes I have difficulty deciding what my needs are, actually. I do think they have changed over time, and honestly, I believe I lack the ability to easily connect. We did a decent amount of moving over the early years of our marriage. I take a long, long time to feel at ease and to warm up to folks (and them to me, apparently), and we tended to leave just as I was getting comfortable. My work friends dropped away soon after I left those jobs, and with our last move here we left behind a network of people in our neighborhood whom I really loved. Sadly, those relationships have faded, too. We're far enough away (8 hours) that it makes it hard to get back often. My dd doesn't do well with lots of changes in routine so we don't travel often. And, we've only had visitors twice since we've been here. So. I have my dh - we're best buds - and I have one friend from college who lives out of state. I have/had a good friend locally, but we've had some weirdness in our friendship which I've posted about before. That's it. Sometimes it feels like enough. Sometimes it doesn't.

I do tons for my daughter that I would never do otherwise. We have multiple, 100-mile round trip excursions each week to take part in an inclusive hs group. This means hours of small talk (painful!) with other moms. I sit in on classes she takes to make sure that they can cope if she tantrums. We do things, like scouting, that I have some fundamental problems with because it's an opportunity for her to spend time with girls her age. I join local groups and listen to the young earth creationist nonsense, biting my tongue and I'm sure developing a facial tic, just so she can see that there are actually homeschoolers in our neighborhood other than her. I throw birthday parties. ;)

I've changed a lot since I've become a parent. Some for the better, some not. Hopefully more for the better. I get lonely, but I've had that problem since I was a kid. The online community is something that I am just now starting to explore more fully. I don't know that I'd call anyone a friend yet, but folks have been welcoming and kind. Right now that's golden. I am finding I'm spending way, way too much time online lately!

LovingMyChildren
09-19-2011, 11:02 AM
Having just stopped working full time a couple of months ago, I'm not quite yet feeling a lack of human connections in the real world. My work friends were just that though - at work - and I'd come home and have my home friends who are mostly neighbors. When I first stopped working, the daily interaction and adult content from work was missed a lot but with time, I don't feel the need. I liked the daily affirmations I got from doing darn good job at my work - my kids don't tend to thank me for being a great mom you know ;). But, I'm glad I have the neighborhood friends some with kids some not. I consider folks on here my hs buddies who get it. But not friends as I can't rely on this group for other non hs things (except an occasional rip roaring laugh!).

I do a lot for the girls I wouldn't otherwise do - xrivinjg around a lot for activities that I would have limited more if she were in school. And, girl scouts. Ugh. But, they are still young and still have both neighborhood friends and still friends from preschool. I hope these won't be too limiting over time if they don't continue to grow together. It will be header to develop friends without the school to introduce and provide some common ground. Perhaps other groups will do tht though.

I don't tend to focus too much on me right now. With three kids under 6, taking care of me means getting enough sleep and occasionally swimming in the pool without them. I wish I could still carve out the time for yoga though. I really miss that. My husband And I enjoy our couples friends and have been selective for those only that we truly get along with and with whom our kids get along. I would be a bigger list if we dnegated one side or the other (e.g. Kids got along and parents not so much in common, or vice versa of parents liking each other and kids not so much). So far, we'ver lucky that we have what we need socially. I could imagine h acing a different life socially that is a bit more rich but i'm not complaining!

Cafdog
09-19-2011, 02:14 PM
2) Are online friends actually friends? Does it count that there can be a connection for a thread, or is it simple just a forum. For example, could I say, "my friend..... insert username here...said, " Does your spouse say, "oh did you miss your friends" if s/he sees the GREEN SHS screen?


Ooh. This is a good question. One that I had to take some time to answer thoughtfully.

I am a super-social gal, and need lots of people in my life, every day. However, I also am comfortable with the idea of "situational friends". That is, friends that I have for discrete and specific purposes. I have friends that I work out with that I do not share a glass of wine and gossip with. I have friends in my book club that are thoughtful, intelligent readers - but are super-religious, and I can't swear or discuss any topic beyond books with them. Etc, etc, etc.

I consider the contributors on this forum as equally valuable and rewarding contacts. Here, I can discuss all of those laughs/problems/questions about HS that bore the pants off of my friends, family, and spouse. I consider these virtual interactions as important to my daily social health as the time I spend at the gym with some friends, drinking wine with some friends, and so on.

So I consider my fellow forum participants as my homeschool "friends". Hope that is not too presumptuous. Or creepy. LOL

lakshmi
09-19-2011, 04:01 PM
@ Cafdag yeah, exactly, I see that my homeschool friends, my christian seriously christian friends, and the drinking friends, and the this friend or that friend. A lot of different groups, a lot of different friends.

Amanadoo
09-19-2011, 04:16 PM
We're military too and have the temporary friend issue as well. We have moved every 9-10 months for the last four fracking years. DH has the instant community on the boat (whether he likes it or not), but spouses are left to the ravenous, gossipy wolves intent on sizing you up in the first three minutes of knowing you.

I could do without that, to say the least.

Plus, he's got HOBBIES. You know what my hobby is? Reading, alone. With either a cup of hot tea or a glass of wine in my hand. Not exactly conducive to building friendships from the ground-up.

I absolutely rely on the internet just to feel like someone is listening to me every once in a while. The exchange of ideas is just vital. It doesn't hold a candle to a real heart to heart, or laughing to inside jokes or lending a helping hand right when it is needed most....but it preserves sanity. It blows because I have *extremely* low social needs. So when they are not met, I feel like a real jerkoff.

As far as the kids, hey are still so young. Every person they come in contact with, at the playground or whatever, is a "friend" to them. So I don't sweat it just yet.

hreneeh
09-19-2011, 04:31 PM
@amanadoo - well if you're in the DC area before May of next year let me know. I had someone, who was a conservative xtian, tell me that I was being overly sensitive when I said I didn't feel comfortable in many of the groups because I'm a liberal and an atheist. Of COURSE she doesn't feel uncomfortable, she fits the group. I don't! Luckily my husband is JAG and really we don't associate with anyone outside of the JAG offices and they tend to me very insular and not gossipy at all. But it's not like any of us are friends, heck I couldn't even tell you any of their names. Just cuz our husbands have the same job doesn't mean we have anything in common.

Cafdog
09-19-2011, 05:03 PM
Just cuz our husbands have the same job doesn't mean we have anything in common.

Golly - what an eye-opener for we civilian types! LOL

My DH has been at the same job for 9 years - and I wouldn't know 99.9% of his colleagues if I passed them on the street, let alone recognize their spouses. I can't imagine the pressure of being expected to make nicey-nice with people just because your respective partners do the same job for a living. Yikes!

Amanadoo
09-19-2011, 05:58 PM
@amanadoo - well if you're in the DC area before May of next year let me know.

Yes ma'am I will; that would be fantastic! We might actually be DC-bound because DH is on track to be accepted into the "Command Aide" program (he is in Food Service), so he may well end up cooking in the white house or being a butler for one of those hot-shots out that way sometime soon! I feel you about not fitting in. We are Coast Guard and so end up on Navy Bases a lot. They've got their on thing going on most of the time, and indeed go to the same churches. We are moving into housing from being on the economy here, so I am anxious to have my past experiences proven wrong. Fingers crossed! And CG wives are, as a group, similar to what you describe, not unfriendly but not necessarily having anything in common either.

Accidental Homeschooler
09-19-2011, 07:52 PM
What I think I find here is camaraderie and of course a lot of help. We just had a party yesterday with a lot of our friends and neighbors and it was fun. But I can't talk to them about hsing for the most part. I met some wives of men my husband works with and the first thing they asked is where my dds go to school. Then I realized everyone asks that here. Then I say we hs and there is a huge uncomfortable silence. One woman was clearly disapproving but did not want to say that so she kind of blurted out, "What about extracurriculars?" I told her hs kids can do extracurriculars if they want to and we moved on to other topics but it was weird. Most of my friends ask how the teaching or hsing is goind and I say it is going great (cause it is!) and that is it. I ask how school is going for their kids as it has just started and all and they say great and we find other things to talk about. But before I was hsing we talked about school, the school district, the board.... a lot. I guess I did not realize how much we talked about it until I wasn't part of ps anymore. Hsing, especially for me right now, is pretty consuming and it is nice to have a place to talk about it.

hreneeh
09-19-2011, 09:09 PM
@amanadoo. Well we have 2 neighbors who a CG they live right behind us. We live on Andrews. It's kind of a nice place to live because our street has everyone from Air Force to Navy, to CG to Army to Marines. If you are stationed anywhere in DC you can live at any post. Andrews had the most officers housing available so that's where we landed but I think Belvoir is nicer. The waiting list is REALLY long though. Let me know if you end up here. I can tell you where to stay away from and some great places to visit.

ginnyjf
09-19-2011, 09:26 PM
1) How do we negate our own needs for relationship, for those of our children/family/spouses.

2) Are online friends actually friends? Does it count that there can be a connection for a thread, or is it simple just a forum. For example, could I say, "my friend..... insert username here...said, " Does your spouse say, "oh did you miss your friends" if s/he sees the GREEN SHS screen?

3) What types of things have you done to "get" your kids friends/experiences? Like if you hated farms or animals and put your kid in 4-h. Or anything that you were opposed to before kids or before homeschooling.



1. I'm as introverted as they come, so I have little need for "real-life" friends. I have one BFF whom I've known since the age of 12. We were in each other's weddings, she was the second person to hold Zack after he was born and we talk maybe once every two months but when we do it's effortless and wonderful and she will be my friend forever. I hope we share a nursing home one day. Russ and I were friends for years before we decided "Hey, let's try marriage," and we've been a solid couple for 22 years now. And as syrupy as it sounds, I genuinely like Zack. He's my kid, but he's very similar to Russ, we share interests and he's fun to talk to. I've seen some "friendships" and the drama and backbiting and one-sidedness and I say no thank you.

2. Online friends are my real friends without a doubt. I've been more honest and upfront with online friends than I've ever been with people I meet face to face. I've had a Live Journal account for five years and my little group there is comprised of the most beautiful people I know, scattered around the globe. I once had an online friend drive 90 miles to help me with Zack's birthday party, so of course I consider online friends my real friends. On a forum like this, it takes a little longer, but yes, I'm one of those loonies who will say "Well, my friend Melissa said XYZ and my friend Lakshmi said ZYX."

3. I have other children over to our house all the time. I bake pizzas, cupcakes and put up with rampaging hordes of boys when to be perfectly honest, I don't really like children all that well. I love Zack, but I don't like kids in general. Isn't that shitty of me? :)

lakshmi
09-19-2011, 09:28 PM
Yes, I often speak in letters, as for your not like kids,well.... cul8r. ; )

ginnyjf
09-19-2011, 09:30 PM
Oh yeah, I'll never forget the time you said "QRST" and I was all "No way, HIJK." And you said "MNOP!" Good times, good times. Just really solidified our relationship of, oh, about a week.

ginnyjf
09-19-2011, 09:33 PM
And I'm GREAT with kids. When they're around me they have no way of telling that I can't stand any of 'em.

pnctink
09-19-2011, 09:36 PM
1) How do we negate our own needs for relationship, for those of our children/family/spouses.
My DH is my best friend and we've always done everything together. We're homebodies, and our children are that way right now too. If we go out for a few hours 2-3 times a week they will ask if we can go home and stay there for a while. I'm sure that will change. I have recently tried to get involved with the local hs group, and if the kids want to continue than the will. If it's not mentioned then we probably won't go back.


2) Are online friends actually friends? Does it count that there can be a connection for a thread, or is it simple just a forum. For example, could I say, "my friend..... insert username here...said, " Does your spouse say, "oh did you miss your friends" if s/he sees the GREEN SHS screen? I think that if one frequents a forum often enough for a length of time, it's possible to make friends. I have another forum I've been on for 5 years and I talk to some of those people off-forum as well and I consider them friends. I'm pretty new here, so I don't "know" everyone yet, but I'm comfortable here. I can see myself joining in here just as much as my other beloved forum. Some I join and visit once or twice a year. The internet does help me connect with others that share the same interests, or are on a simliar lifepath as I am.


3) What types of things have you done to "get" your kids friends/experiences? Like if you hated farms or animals and put your kid in 4-h. Or anything that you were opposed to before kids or before homeschooling.
I enrolled DD in dance class last year, but she lost some of her confidence. At 3, that was something I didn't want to happen, so we're skipping this year, and will enroll her again next year if she asks. We also go to story hour, and I'm thinking DD will probably join a drama club at some point since she loves to put on a show. I've always been more of the athletic type.

I have small periods of time that I feel lonely here, but wish I had my family around. Specifically my mother. I'm lucky enough to be able to talk to her on the phone at least 3 hours, over the course of a day. I also talk to my grandmother, and my best friend of 13 years, once a week. We skype with DH's family a few times a week too.

Amanadoo
09-19-2011, 09:49 PM
And I'm GREAT with kids. When they're around me they have no way of telling that I can't stand any of 'em.

Haaaaaaaaaaahahahahahaha

lakshmi
09-19-2011, 10:15 PM
well, ginny, you know what I have to say to that...okokokok...ggiimm... klrp.

I know you find it hard to believe that I just said, klrp, but I did.

Lou
09-19-2011, 11:49 PM
1) How do we negate our own needs for relationship, for those of our children/family/spouses. Have no clue. I was the one that had TONS of friends all over the place and could make a life long new friend in a heart beat, then came children and all that changed. I became CLUELESS on how to make or keep a friend.

2) Are online friends actually friends? Not according to my hubby and a few articles I've read. HOWEVER, I joined a first born in such and such month group when I was preggo with my first and that group whittled down to a handfull of us...several of us have met, a few have stayed at my house during summer holidays, the kids have all played and we are a tight online group. So THOSE online friends my hubby validates because he has met a few of them and they have stuck around for 7 years now. I refer to them as friends. Does it count that there can be a connection for a thread, or is it simple just a forum. For example, could I say, "my friend..... insert username here...said, " Does your spouse say, "oh did you miss your friends" if s/he sees the GREEN SHS screen?

3) What types of things have you done to "get" your kids friends/experiences? Like if you hated farms or animals and put your kid in 4-h. Or anything that you were opposed to before kids or before homeschooling. Can't really think of anything I hate, but I know I've done a lot that I otherwise wouldn't have because of my children. I think one hard thing to do is socialize with parents that you wouldn't otherwise hang with, but your kids are good friends.

I chose homeschool issues to put this in because one of the major differences of homeschooling, even more than being a SAHM, is the possible lack of making new friendships or trouble keeping the old, for various reasons. I have found schedules altered friendships frequently...we started preschool before others, so we were out of the loop, then when my son's friends started preschool, we had different days so we never saw each other and now that we are homeschooling all the friends are in school, we have pretty much lost everyone and are needing to start all over. We have one close homeschooling friend, but not a whole lot out there for us yet...we will be meeting some new homeschooling friends tomorrow at the park and my son already said he didn't want to go, so I haven't brought it up...I'm going to take him to the park and just let him "meet" other kids that happen to be there, which is different then meeting up with strangers and being forced to play with new kids. I just made friends on facebook with their mother and every status post is a quote from the bible. I already have a very faithful homeschool friend...and to be honest I'm not sure how many I want. I sure would like to find a secular homeschooling friend that is just an average run of the mill kind of mom...trying to find a friend who you like, the kids like her kids and your hubby likes her hubby is pretty close to impossible, but I still have hope somewhere out there is my soul friend. :)