PDA

View Full Version : One of my brothers died unexpectedly last week



Pefa
09-13-2011, 06:14 AM
which is its own heartbreak and sadness for my kids and myself. This post is a little less about handling that and more about a logistics. We're having a memorial service on Sunday on a mountain he used to hike all the time with his kids. Saturday we will be interring his ashes in a memorial garden at my mother's church. No formal service on Saturday. Even as I type this I realize I'm just going to have to give the boys their choice: leaving a birthday party a bit early to go to the church or not. They will most definitely be part of Sunday's service, but Saturday's will be 30 minutes max.

hockeymom
09-13-2011, 06:57 AM
Oh Pefa, I'm so sorry.

((hugs)) to you and your family.

Shoe
09-13-2011, 07:05 AM
My deepest condolences to you and yours.

ksb427
09-13-2011, 07:21 AM
which is its own heartbreak and sadness for my kids and myself. This post is a little less about handling that and more about a logistics. We're having a memorial service on Sunday on a mountain he used to hike all the time with his kids. Saturday we will be interring his ashes in a memorial garden at my mother's church. No formal service on Saturday. Even as I type this I realize I'm just going to have to give the boys their choice: leaving a birthday party a bit early to go to the church or not. They will most definitely be part of Sunday's service, but Saturday's will be 30 minutes max.

I am so sorry. It sounds like Sunday's service on the mountain will certainly be more meaningful for the boys... probably for everyone involved. Really sorry for your loss...

Greenmother
09-13-2011, 07:22 AM
Oh Pefa, I am so sorry for your loss.

TamaraNC
09-13-2011, 07:58 AM
I'm so sorry, Pefa. The mountain ceremony sounds beautiful. I'd leave it up to the boys as to the other. It could be more painful for them to not only lose an uncle, but also miss out on an event they were looking forward to. Not that adults would consider the two things comparable, but kids can be funny that way.

AddlepatedMonkeyMama
09-13-2011, 08:17 AM
Condolences, Pefa.

outskirtsofbs
09-13-2011, 08:17 AM
Sincerest condolences to you and your family.

dottieanna29
09-13-2011, 08:18 AM
I'm so sorry for your loss.

dbmamaz
09-13-2011, 08:32 AM
My grandmother died when I was in middle school, and my parents assumed my sister and I would want to stay home, but I really wanted to go to the funeral (which was in a different town, tho, airplane ticket). Anyways, your kids will probably understand that their freinds have birthdays every year but they only have one chance to be a part of the ceremony to say goodby to their uncle. Definitely be open with them . . . You never know.

So sorry for your loss

mommykicksbutt
09-13-2011, 08:40 AM
My deepest sympathy for your loss.

JinxieFox
09-13-2011, 08:45 AM
Pefa, I am very sorry for your loss.

WindSong
09-13-2011, 09:21 AM
I'm so sorry for your loss, Pefa. Sending virtual hugs your way...

Accidental Homeschooler
09-13-2011, 09:51 AM
I am so sorry for the loss of your brother.

Pefa
09-13-2011, 10:30 AM
Thank you everybody. The boys (and my big kids) have a role in Sunday's ceremony - everything from carrying their cousins up the mountain, to playing music, and making origami sculptures out of messages people write my brother. Right now we'll play Saturday by ear. It may be important enough to my mother (as hard as it is for me and my siblings I can't imagine how much harder for my mother and father) that I pick them up early from the party.

pnctink
09-13-2011, 10:39 AM
I am so sorry for your loss, Pefa.

MarkInMD
09-13-2011, 11:42 AM
Very sorry to hear. Sending healing thoughts to all.

ginnyjf
09-13-2011, 12:08 PM
So very sorry, Pefa. The planned ceremony sounds beautiful and very meaningful for the family.

farrarwilliams
09-13-2011, 12:18 PM
I'm sorry, Pefa.

I actually would probably let them be as involved as possible and take them on Saturday - there's only one chance to do this, you know? Though I suppose it depends. My boys scattered their grandfather's ashes at the church in the ashes garden and it made a meaningful connection for them with a place they can visit to feel a connection with him. But some ceremonies would invite less of a connection.

sdvance
09-13-2011, 12:53 PM
Pefa, I am so sorry. The ceremony Sunday sounds like such a beautiful way to remember your brother.

Hampchick
09-13-2011, 12:59 PM
I'm really sorry for your loss Pefa.

anywaybecause
09-13-2011, 04:11 PM
I'm very sorry for your loss. {{hug}}

Stella M
09-13-2011, 06:20 PM
Oh Pefa. Hugs to you and yours. Take care.

coloradoalice
09-13-2011, 06:27 PM
So sorry for your loss Pefa.

DragonFaerie
09-13-2011, 06:30 PM
Incredibly sorry for your loss.

5amigos
09-13-2011, 06:36 PM
I am so sorry for your loss, Pefa. I lost my brother in January and it has been an incredibly rough year for our whole family. Just sending you hugs and sympathy during this time--

Theresa Holland Ryder
09-13-2011, 07:17 PM
It may be important enough to my mother (as hard as it is for me and my siblings I can't imagine how much harder for my mother and father) that I pick them up early from the party.

I think this is an important thing to remember about memorial services. Sometimes we're not there for ourselves or even our loved one that passed on, but for the support of other people who will be there and need us.

Deepest condolences for your whole family in this difficult time.

Lak001
09-13-2011, 07:26 PM
Sincere condolences for you and your family.

laundrycrisis
09-13-2011, 08:29 PM
I am very sorry for your loss.

KristinK
09-13-2011, 08:38 PM
oh Pefa I'm so sorry for your loss :(

StartingOver
09-13-2011, 08:38 PM
HUGS ! I am sorry for your loss.

Batgirl
09-13-2011, 09:30 PM
I'm am so sorry to hear it. ((Hugs)).

lakshmi
09-14-2011, 01:17 AM
Sorry for your loss, I can't imagine losing a sibling.

But I would make no assumptions on anyone's part. Your parents, as heartbroken as they may feel would want them at the party and the kids might not want to go to party at all. Best in these situations to check with all involved. Sometimes they surprise you.