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View Full Version : Is a moment of smug permitted?



Cafdog
08-21-2011, 01:29 PM
My friends have just completed the first week of PS back-to-school, and are already looking pretty frazzled. I spent all Friday night at a neighborhood block party listening to the other parents complain about nonsensical new school policies, the onslaught and quantities of first-week homework, and mean-girl drama. And I just kept my mouth shut.

We started our daughter on our first ever week of HS back on August 1st, and it has been going very smoothly. I have had nothing but pity from my friends and relatives since we chose to homeschool, but I am (secretly) having a great time! The other parents all commiserated together at the neighborhood event, and then said - "but at least we don't have to homeschool, you poor thing!"

Now, I was the most reluctant of homeschoolers. We chose to homeschool in a moment of desperation (frustration with academics and administration, lack of flexibility for my daughter's extracurricular interests, etc.) I expected this year to be something to "survive", not to enjoy. I am already thrilled with our family's choice - but can't crow about it, or I'll look like a big jerkface! LOL

So I sipped my wine, kept my mouth shut, accepted everyone's pity, and secretly gave my self a mental high-five. I thought my new secular homeschool friends would understand, yes? :o

Batgirl
08-21-2011, 01:35 PM
Oh, yes! Woo hoo! Congratulations on a great start!

Eileen
08-21-2011, 01:40 PM
Awesome! Here's hoping our first year gets off to as great a start as yours. Cheers!

StartingOver
08-21-2011, 02:22 PM
Woooooo Hoooooooo. Yeah it is hard to have it this easy. Not that homeschooling is always easy. But it beats the PS drama / crap every single day !

StartingOver
08-21-2011, 02:38 PM
Woooooo Hoooooooo. Yeah it is hard to have it this easy. Not that homeschooling is always easy. But it beats the PS drama / crap every single day !

JEJordan9
08-21-2011, 02:41 PM
Whoo hoo!!!

inmom
08-21-2011, 03:18 PM
Very, very cool! Thanks for sharing.

Greenmother
08-21-2011, 04:34 PM
Nothing but pity eh?

LOL ;)

Let me know if they pity you enough to get your a day at the spa, cause I want to take lessons from you!

dbmamaz
08-21-2011, 04:43 PM
see, thats why i have no freinds. I would have said, actually, its been going really well!

Cafdog
08-21-2011, 05:57 PM
Ooh - a trip to the spa? I'd better start looking more pathetic! :grin:

Actually, I think I'm afraid to look TOO happy about things. I don't want to spoil what is turning out to be a pretty stress-free existence. Can an atheist believe in karma? LOL

Besides, I have already discovered that other people tend to be awfully defensive about their choices in schooling their children when they have discovered that our family withdrew from the neighborhood school. I was super-diplomatic about it from day one, and have always emphasized that this was the right choice for my child - not necessarily everyone's child. Yet, many people have been surprisingly huffy - "I could NEVER do that because.....(insert reason(s) here).

Strange, eh?

Stella M
08-21-2011, 06:03 PM
That's a lovely bit of smug :)

gidamom
08-21-2011, 06:50 PM
That's sooo cool Cafdog!! I am looking forward to enjoying our first year as much as you are!! Keeping my fingers crossed. Enjoy!!!

coloradoalice
08-21-2011, 07:34 PM
LOL, I love it! The pity thing is too funny. I get that sometimes too, like being with your kids all the time is a horrible punishment I guess. *shrug*

WindSong
08-21-2011, 08:26 PM
I have experienced several situations like yours since we chose to hs last year, where I listened to ps parents complain about homework, teachers, problem kids, etc. I just feel like I can't be too excited and happy about hs'ing around ps parents. If I fully confess how wonderful it is and how much fun we are having, they would keep their distance from me. So yeah, I understand being *secretly* over the moon about it all. :)

bovinesituation
08-21-2011, 08:59 PM
I'm with you... today I went to target and felt smug that I wasn't looking for a certain pencil or folder. On Thursday I'll be smug some more when we're sleeping past 7 am. :)

pnctink
08-21-2011, 09:02 PM
Love it!! :)

lakshmi
08-21-2011, 11:53 PM
lol dbmamaz, me too!!

@Cafdog, not sure how you kept your mouth shut.

mommykicksbutt
08-22-2011, 05:10 AM
I don't know if I could have kept my mouth shut, I would have probably took to opportunity to give a homeschooling sales pitch as an answer to their freshly stated ps school complaints.

I don't understand the pity thing about being with your kid spending time in each other's company. Don't they like their own children? I enjoy my children's company!

On a side note, this happened frequently last year and I suspect it will happen again this year. Most of my son's friends go to the local ps school (actually it is a department of defense school system school), sonny will go to the youth center to "hang" with them for a short while and be there when it opens, which is right when school lets out, and it is right next door to the high school. An hour or so later my son will come home with a very smug look on his face. I once asked him why he frequently sports a smirk when coming back from Jams (the name of the youth center). He just smiled real big and started listing off the tons of homework his friends have and how so-and-so teacher is an ass and so-and-so is a jerk again, and the lunch food is crap, etc. Then he'll state that he's glad he's homeschooled and will give a list of benefits for himself and how he doesn't have to put up with any of that non sense.

AddlepatedMonkeyMama
08-22-2011, 08:07 AM
I wonder how one of those PS parents would feel hanging around a group of homeschooling parents chatting about all the cool things they were doing. She probably wouldn't be pitying them, eh?

LibraRae
08-22-2011, 10:10 AM
I am feeling the same way hearing all the back-to-school drama around the neighborhood and from friends/family by email, IM and on the phone. And then there is the...So what are YOU going to do with J this year? (As in, are you FINALLY going to put her in school or what?) Because, for some reason, my family thinks this is just a temporary thing! I usually do keep my mouth shut, for the most part, other than reminding them that this is NOT temporary. And then I secretly jump for joy as I watch my perfectly happy, relaxed little girl having FUN learning...after sleeping in! :D

Shoe
08-22-2011, 10:38 AM
Now, I was the most reluctant of homeschoolers. We chose to homeschool in a moment of desperation (frustration with academics and administration, lack of flexibility for my daughter's extracurricular interests, etc.) I expected this year to be something to "survive", not to enjoy. I am already thrilled with our family's choice - but can't crow about it, or I'll look like a big jerkface! LOL

So I sipped my wine, kept my mouth shut, accepted everyone's pity, and secretly gave my self a mental high-five. I thought my new secular homeschool friends would understand, yes? :o

I like, I like! I was a reluctant homeschooler too, to start with, but into year three, I'm loving it. I certainly don't miss all the drama and hassles of public school! I'm hoping to have a few sips of wine myself soon-just a bit more planning to get done, then a celebratory glass will go down well.

Cheers.

Shoe
08-22-2011, 11:18 AM
I don't understand the pity thing about being with your kid spending time in each other's company. Don't they like their own children? I enjoy my children's company! I know. One of the biggest benefits of homeschooling for me is being able to spend time with my children. Since I work evenings in the ER, I rarely saw them when they were in public school. I certainly don't see anything about it that is deserving of pity!


On a side note, this happened frequently last year and I suspect it will happen again this year. Most of my son's friends go to the local ps school (actually it is a department of defense school system school), sonny will go to the youth center to "hang" with them for a short while and be there when it opens, which is right when school lets out, and it is right next door to the high school. An hour or so later my son will come home with a very smug look on his face. I once asked him why he frequently sports a smirk when coming back from Jams (the name of the youth center). He just smiled real big and started listing off the tons of homework his friends have and how so-and-so teacher is an ass and so-and-so is a jerk again, and the lunch food is crap, etc. Then he'll state that he's glad he's homeschooled and will give a list of benefits for himself and how he doesn't have to put up with any of that non sense.That's great! My kids often stop by the public school when classes are finished to see their old friends, and are happy they don't have any homework after they're finished homeschooling.

MarkInMD
08-22-2011, 11:43 AM
Yeah, what's with the idea of spending more time with your children being such a bad thing? That just goes to show you the ingrained mindset. Sure, most of us need a break from them from time to time, but isn't it refreshing to actually see your child begin to understand a new concept? Or go on a field trip with them without 20 unruly classmates hanging around and dragging you down?

Be smug.

Hampchick
08-22-2011, 12:26 PM
I can't help but feel a bit smug myself when I hear all the parents talk about how they can't wait for their kids to go back to school. They may secretly think I'm 'crazy' for homeschooling but I can without a doubt say that I don't mind my kids being around me all day.

Greenmother
08-22-2011, 12:39 PM
Ooh - a trip to the spa? I'd better start looking more pathetic! :grin:

Actually, I think I'm afraid to look TOO happy about things. I don't want to spoil what is turning out to be a pretty stress-free existence. Can an atheist believe in karma? LOL

Besides, I have already discovered that other people tend to be awfully defensive about their choices in schooling their children when they have discovered that our family withdrew from the neighborhood school. I was super-diplomatic about it from day one, and have always emphasized that this was the right choice for my child - not necessarily everyone's child. Yet, many people have been surprisingly huffy - "I could NEVER do that because.....(insert reason(s) here).

Strange, eh?

That's not Karma Cafdog, that is the *Imp of the Perverse you are talking about there. Karma is sort of like physics. Every Action creates an equal reaction. So if you do good, good reactions occur--so if something bad comes of this, it's not because of Karma, it would be because of jealousy or pettiness.

Just saying.

Dutchbabiesx2
08-22-2011, 12:42 PM
Besides, I have already discovered that other people tend to be awfully defensive about their choices in schooling their children when they have discovered that our family withdrew from the neighborhood school. I was super-diplomatic about it from day one, and have always emphasized that this was the right choice for my child - not necessarily everyone's child. Yet, many people have been surprisingly huffy - "I could NEVER do that because.....(insert reason(s) here).

Strange, eh?

you are better than I am, I am sooooo about smugness for this. But the people I consider friends all know why and are actually happy for us. When I hear someone express that they feel HS would be soooo much more difficult than PS, I happily and quickly tell them some wonderful things, that all that fighting and stress over getting up and out the door, the homework battles and dinner and bedtime, ON-TIME . . .is it all gone, vanished out the window! and without that, there is little to complain or fight about in out house. I usually get a moment of thought from the other person, then they put it out of their minds. They can't believe you can exist without fighting with your children . .come-on people, what fun would that be?

-I'm a homeschool mom, not only did I get my coffee at 8:30 (when you're kids were getting on the bus), but I'm still enjoying it while my children are playing nicely upstairs with legos!!!!

bovinesituation
08-22-2011, 12:48 PM
Yeah, what's with the idea of spending more time with your children being such a bad thing? That just goes to show you the ingrained mindset. Sure, most of us need a break from them from time to time, but isn't it refreshing to actually see your child begin to understand a new concept? Or go on a field trip with them without 20 unruly classmates hanging around and dragging you down?

Be smug.

I raised this question on fb a few weeks ago - what is it about our society that it's so ingrained that being with your kids is torture? I get the need for a break, but seeing so many parents counting down the days until they can be rid of their children is sort of weird.

Cafdog
08-22-2011, 12:58 PM
Y'all are too funny! There is a real desperation I see in people to get their kids sent off and out of their hands as quickly as possible. Kind of sad, really.

In all fairness, I too, worried about too much togetherness with my DD. (We tend to butt heads frequently.) I'm discovering that we are getting along quite nicely when I have time to really answer her myriad questions without hushing her up to "just get your homework done", or "hurry up and eat your breakfast so we are not late for school".

Just this morning we have already had some wonderful in-depth history discussions, looked up some facts she was curious about, and have had a super morning. I always felt guilty before that there just never seemed to be enough time in the mornings to really chat. Now we have it! Yay!

dbmamaz
08-22-2011, 01:04 PM
Yeah, one of my freinds linked to the staples commercial - there's a dad dancing around a shopping cart while the two kids watch him, looking really bummed and not at all amused, and the song in the background is 'its the most wonderful time of the year'. I did manage to bite my tongue on that one.

bovinesituation
08-22-2011, 01:07 PM
Yeah, one of my freinds linked to the staples commercial - there's a dad dancing around a shopping cart while the two kids watch him, looking really bummed and not at all amused, and the song in the background is 'its the most wonderful time of the year'. I did manage to bite my tongue on that one.

Okay, now this is terrible, but some of their kids behave so terribly that I'd be looking to ship them off too ;) (I know, I know, it's the parents' fault for not raising them better but that's a whole 'nother rant)

Marmalade
08-22-2011, 01:28 PM
I always feel like that lady in the Rice Krispie Treats commercial that whips up the treats real quick and then covers her face in powder before she goes out of the kitchen with them...

I don't want the Other Mothers to know how easy I have it because I'm afraid that they are going to then just assume that I'm doing it wrong somehow...or that their kids are getting the better education because I'm not pulling my hair out with frantic worry....

So when things like this happen I just kind of let them assume that they need to pity me. Is that bad? I don't really care.

kewb22
08-22-2011, 06:21 PM
I often have a great feeling of relief as I listen to my friends prattle on with all the school drama. I just smile and nod. As a pp pointed out people get very defensive about their choices for educating their children.

dbmamaz
08-22-2011, 09:49 PM
Yeah, my neighbor who sends her kids to private school was much more supportive than my neighbor who sent her kid to public school (one year delayed) who was, in turn, much nicer about it than the woman who teaches at an uppity private school (not the same school the other one sends her kids to). But there is also one woman i met who used to and one who does still home school their kids. The first one was really nice, the second one makes me nervous with her buns and jumpers, but suprisingly, her boys have a Wii. Her daughters play the harp, tho . . .

funny, we only have 60 houses in the neighborhood.

Marmalade
08-23-2011, 10:11 AM
There is this one man on our block who gets on my nerves when he asks about us homeschooling, he ALWAYS brings up things like, "What about the FCAT (Florida Standardized test)???" in a not so nice tone. I just know I am probably going to go off at him one of these days he brings up something like that in a nasty tone again. And I hate confrontation. ;)


What about the FCAT????? That's around the top of my "100,000,000 Reasons Why We Homeschool" list!

JEJordan9
08-23-2011, 10:33 AM
LOL! One day I'll tell him that!!! There is way more to life/learning than what is on the FCAT!