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View Full Version : Outraged and aggravated!!



Staysee34
08-17-2011, 08:45 AM
Until yesterday I had yet to meet any opposition to my decision to homeschool. Then, we went to Julia's 6 month evaluation. The evaluation is used to make sure she is receiving the therapies that actually benefit her and is usually a check point for me as I really have to think about the progress we've made. The therapies she's receiving at this time are in fact proving to be positive and we are seeing progress. My outrage and aggravation stems from the evaluator. WHAT A JERK!!

I calmly dealt with his condescending attitude until he hit upon my homeschool decision and brought up the socialization issue. I tried. I really did try to stay calm as my children were present. But, I was never one to hold my tongue very well. He wanted to know why I thought Julia would learn better at home and I answered nicely. He wanted to know how I intend to do what public school wasn't able to do and I answered nicely. He said socialization is very important for any child and wanted to know how I intend to reproduce peer group socialization for Julia to match what she was getting in PS. My answer was not so nice! His eyes got as big as quarters and IT WAS ON! My turn to ask questions! I asked if he had children of his own to which he answered no. I asked him to imagine having a child like Julia who called from school almost everyday in tears because someone called her stupid, fat, ugly, told her to shut her freaking mouth, among other things. I asked him to imagine having a child who came home with a bruise on her neck because someone's darling little angel took her into the bathroom and punched her in the throat. I asked him to imagine sitting at the table struggling for hours every night with homework that wasn't understood and hadn't been explained well. Then I asked if that's the type of education he would want his child to have. His answer was NO...but. I told him that I understand his ignorance and I'm sorry he's not more aware. The therapies my daughter is currently receiving are terrific and I would like them to continue. I gathered my girls and left.

In addition to all this nonsense, he also wanted to know what causes Julia's anxiety(pretty much everything), what specific learning disability she has(no clue because the PS never said although I suspect dyslexia), and a definition of ASD(really??). Needless to say, I will request a different evaluator for the next round. Hopefully, I'll luck out and get someone who's slightly more aware.

bcnlvr
08-17-2011, 09:33 AM
Yeah, cuz peer-attached kids are so much better socialized. YIKES!

Good for you. I may have chewed my tongue off (I have been known to be quite venomous) to avoid eating the evaluator for lunch. :)

bcn

Shoe
08-17-2011, 09:52 AM
Good for you. I hope things go better next time-it's always so frustrating to have to fight about things that seem so obvious, and that should be the parent's choice and responsibility.

jessica14
08-17-2011, 10:28 AM
You were AWESOME!! I have a friend who recently was told by the head of Special Ed in her district that she shouldn't be homeschooling (he's 6 and very bright) and that he should be classified as Other Health Impaired because there is no such thing as Asberger! So, there is ignorance with these so called experts everywhere! Oh, and for the record, the school I taught in for years would not recognize dyslexia as a learning disability, so it may have been your school's issue as well.

Even though I did not have such issues with my kids in ps, I absolutely understand why you would remove your daughter. I actually feel like one of the reasons I decided to hs is because I felt up the line,this kind of thing would happen to my son. Again, good for you!

Accidental Homeschooler
08-17-2011, 10:32 AM
GOOD FOR YOU!!! I am jealous as I am never able to come up with a response until days later, when it is too late. Your story also makes me appreciate the psychologists who did our evaluation and the therapist we worked with, all of whom were very supportive.

Dutchbabiesx2
08-17-2011, 10:43 AM
yeah you! I'm not one to put up with BS, but I can't say that I really want when it counts- yeah you!!! you are a mamma Bear!!! Maybe having a calm conversation with him in the future (without kids around) to educate him would do you both some good. I know as a mom of a kiddo who struggled in PS you want to get on the loud speak and say, "WTF? is up with you all??" but you can't with police reports and CPS coming by ;)

I write a website for kids with Sensory issues and since taking my child out of PS it is interesting to see nearly all of is issues/symptom disappear! poof . .gone. We have had an EEG and we do know some more clinical evidence about him and that will not change, but I stand high on my soap box that school creates anxiety and stress and kids just don't need, and when they are already struggling with developmental issues, their symptoms will be exacerbated PLUS these children will exhibit behaviors that are brought on by stress, not acting out or manipulating .. . .I could go on .. .but I am on my site. I'm working on another article about fear and anxiety in kids with special needs. PS can be such a bad place, the expectations are high, the peer relationships can cause damage both mentally and physically, the teachers are not prepared (they typically have one human development class early in their school career and never again) The administrators place too much emphasis on control and punishment . . .

I'm so glad you lost your clam . . . I know I have way too many times, but it sounds like you said the right things!

gidamom
08-17-2011, 10:53 AM
UGH!I am so sorry you had to go through that...I can onnly imagine how upset you must have been. I am glad you stood your ground and were able to make a point!

Brittaya
08-17-2011, 11:51 AM
Good for you, I'm glad you stood up for yourself. I hate those people! Especially when they aren't even parents, how could they possibly know what it's like?

LovingMyChildren
08-17-2011, 12:10 PM
Fabulous. Sometimes being calm is good, but sometimes being calm doesn't send the same message as getting a little hot under the collar! And, I wouldn't necessarily worry about getting loud in front of the children. I'll share a story about my young adulthood. I was typically a very "compliant" and "rule-bound", and thought the world should be as well. I was initially mortified when my father got in the face of the owner of a restaurant where we were having my graduation dinner. He was loud, very loud, and was telling the man how horrible the service was, how offended he was by being run out of our chairs as soon as possible in order to get the next group of people seated. The next group of people could clearly hear him, I was just standing there horrified. But my father kept going - telling him how special this day was for his daughter (me) and our family, and how proud he was, and how slow the waitstaff had been to keep us waiting at the table for more than 30 minutes before bringing menus, then another 30 before taking the order, etc that it was horrible that they didn't offer desserts, and then when we demanded the dessert menu were nearly thrown out before we'd had two bites. I then realized that my father was standing up for something - for what was right for me and what should have occurred. It helped that I overheard the father of the "next group" tell my dad on the way out that, "good job. I'm glad you didn't let them push you around." So, moral of the story, your kids probably realize that you were standing up for their rights and what was best for them. It's good for children to see that remaining calm is not the only way to be - and that it usually means the person getting loud really cares - REALLY CARES - enough to break the rules and get LOUD!

HWALTERS
08-17-2011, 12:55 PM
Because total immersion in a 100% same age peer group is such a normal thing in the rest of life?

OMG what an idiot! Good for you!

MarkInMD
08-17-2011, 02:44 PM
I'm giving a fist pump for you right now. Oh yeah!

coloradoalice
08-17-2011, 03:45 PM
Good for you and for sticking up for yourself in front of your girls. An example of empowerment right there!!

And it goes without saying, that guy was an idiot.

JEJordan9
08-17-2011, 05:33 PM
Go mama! I am proud of you for sticking up for your child!!

Staysee34
08-17-2011, 07:02 PM
GOOD FOR YOU!!! I am jealous as I am never able to come up with a response until days later, when it is too late. Your story also makes me appreciate the psychologists who did our evaluation and the therapist we worked with, all of whom were very supportive.

Every evaluator prior to this one has always been supportive and surprised at how well I know what's going on inside my girl's head (years of practice lol). Her therapists have been completely supportive of my decision to homeschool and have offered many suggestions. They have asked for a heads up when we are covering a unit related to her therapies so they can "bring it home" for me which is great. I probably wouldn't have gotten nearly as upset as I did but I could see that he was upsetting my girls and I wasn't having it.

farrarwilliams
08-17-2011, 07:15 PM
He asked you for a definition of ASD? Good grief. So basically, he didn't have practical OR academic knowledge. Gah. Good for you for not getting overwhelmed and telling him off!

Staysee34
08-17-2011, 08:44 PM
I'm giving a fist pump for you right now. Oh yeah!


I gave myself a little fist pump when we got in the car. Julia said "WOW Mom! Way to handle that guy! That was refreshing." Refreshing is her new word. She used it on her own the other day and I told her it was an awesome word choice and now...well, everything is refreshing. Go figure.

DragonFaerie
08-17-2011, 09:11 PM
Nicely done! I, too, am jealous. I can never think of what to say in the moment but I come up with some real kickers for days afterward. So glad you got to say your peace. That guy is better for having heard it.

hippiewitch
08-18-2011, 01:17 AM
I have to add to the "go mama" choir! I had similar experiences in school as your daughter. I only wish my mother had been informed that homeschooling was an option!

Staysee34
08-18-2011, 07:43 AM
Hippiewitch I had those same experiences. The only thing that saved me was being part of the school choir. I started singing in 4th grade and continued through graduation. I firmly believe had I not found that outlet I would have never found the voice I have today. Instead, I would be a hermit afraid to speak for fear of retaliation.

Staysee34
08-18-2011, 07:56 AM
He asked you for a definition of ASD? Good grief. So basically, he didn't have practical OR academic knowledge. Gah. Good for you for not getting overwhelmed and telling him off!

Yes he did. He specifically asked if I knew what Asperger's was. It's been a possible diagnosis for Julia since she was 5 because she has extreme social awkwardness and is very literal in a conversation. Example: She was having a problem with her foot and I scheduled an appointment with a podiatrist. My boyfriend unknowingly and jokingly made a comment about them cutting off her toe. She believed it. Even when I explained it was a joke, he didn't mean it and they were only going to look at her foot, she refused to go. I had to cancel the appointment. Luckily, the problem resolved on it's own. She also has some sensory issues and fine motor delays.

Aside from this he also asked about my youngest daughter who has a blood disorder (ITP). He wanted to know if my decision to move to Erie was based on Sarah's diagnosis. I can't understand why that's his business. But rather than fight with him, I said it was part of the reason and left it at that. He also wanted to know why I was homeschooling Sarah as well. I told him it was her choice to return to PS or be homeschooled. She chose to be homeschooled and I didn't argue. It makes me feel better knowing she'll be where I can watch her considering her medical condition.

mommykicksbutt
08-18-2011, 11:15 AM
Props to ya Staysee!!!!

Evaluators taste better with hot sauce. Just in case you feel inclined to eat the next evaluator for lunch.

Hampchick
08-18-2011, 11:23 AM
Good for you! What a maddening experience that I hope you never have to go through again (but suspect you will because people suck).

Greenmother
08-18-2011, 11:25 AM
What HWalters said! A kid with anxiety issues and he wants to turn her loose in the Lord of the Flies atmosphere of PS? Yea, that will end well.

Stick to your guns Woman! You did great!

Pefa
08-27-2011, 04:50 PM
WTG staysee! I'd also call whoever is supposed to be supervising the evaluators and let them know what a crappy job this guy did. Totally unprofessional on his part.

Lara Falcone
08-28-2011, 11:25 AM
Sorry you had to go through that, sounds like you did great. I can only imagine! I've been asked about socialization a few times and have pointed out that one does not get well socialized surrounded only by their peers! It's not even logical. To be honest I don't think that people "think" before asking some of these questions, they're usually just repeating concerns that they have heard from others!

anywaybecause
08-29-2011, 04:39 PM
Good for you, StaySee!

lakshmi
08-29-2011, 11:43 PM
Yeah, cuz peer-attached kids are so much better socialized.bcn

Sorry OP, OT... have you read a book about peer-attached vs parent attached? I have wanted to read, but can't rembmer the name.

Okay, Way to go Staycee

Way to go

bcnlvr
08-30-2011, 07:56 AM
Sorry OP, OT... have you read a book about peer-attached vs parent attached? I have wanted to read, but can't rembmer the name.

"Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers" by Gordon Neufield and Gabor Mate.

bcn

lakshmi
09-01-2011, 01:27 AM
yes, thank you. writing it down on the back of an envelope now!!