PDA

View Full Version : Your greatest fears when you started HSing



LovingMyChildren
07-05-2011, 11:58 AM
Hi All,
I'm curious about others' fears when they started homeschooling! I'm sure my fears are common but it'd be nice to know that others have had some of the same fears.

So, if you're willing - please share your greatest fear(s) about HSing when you were just starting. And, if that fear was realized or vanished into thin air!

My greatest fear is that I won't be able to keep up with my DD5's seemingly insatiable desire for more (knowledge/facts, crafts, time with me, etc). She's only 5 but my goodness does she want to learn! I'm just starting out so I'll have to wait a while to give you the update :)

Thanks.

naturegirl7
07-05-2011, 01:38 PM
DS is a sponge and takes a lot of initiative regarding learning. He is barely 6 now, but I seriously worry that I won't be able to keep up or challenge him. Recently he started telling me about wormholes and time travel - I was totally lost. :(
I used to be really smart, but I feel like preggo brain and momma brain haven't left much smarts in there. And to be learning about stuff with him that I didn't encounter until HS or college - it is overwhelming at times. I had no clue who Sargon was! I have no idea how wormholes work! He wants to learn Latin and Chinese and all I can speak is enough Spanish to ask for the bathroom and order off a menu....

My biggest fears were (and still are to a degree) not being able to keep up/challenge him. Not being smart enough. And the dreaded socialization issue - which we solved when we found a FANTASTIC HS group in addition to his extra classes. Some days I worry that our more unschooly approach will affect his ability to "buckle down and get it done" but then I think that he is so focused and driven on his own. I tend to second guess myself - even though I am seeing amazing results....

inmom
07-05-2011, 01:47 PM
Biggest fear when we started (when dd was 8 and ds was 7): How will we homeschool high school? That fear sort of grew the last couple of years, but now that we're there, it seems doable. Having other hsing families who have done so locally to talk to also helps.

dbmamaz
07-05-2011, 02:15 PM
My first fear was can i possibly be organized enough to get it all done. My husbands first fear was that I would have a nervous breakdown from being w the kids all day long.

My even bigger fear was that my twice exceptional child would end up as a failure and I would feel doubly guilty having been both his teacher and his mother . . . i actually started taking him to a therapist for a bit, because I was so nervous about not having the feedback of the 'professionals' in the specail ed program . . . but i have since learned that i am actually pretty good at figuring out what he needs, I think. I have a plan that he seems ok with, and it seems fine.

and while i'm not getting as much done as SOME people are, we are getting things done and i'm keeping to a decent schedule.

Pefa
07-05-2011, 02:46 PM
That my kids would grow up and not have the tools they need to pursue their interests and support themselves (financially, physically and emotionally). With two kiddos out of the nest and doing just fine, some of the stress is gone but I still have this fear for B1. BOO will always land on his feet so all I have to do is enjoy his company.

Marmalade
07-05-2011, 04:05 PM
I guess I just had this general fear of being in over my head. That what I was doing was not-normal and therefore "wrong" and that I should just leave it up to the professionals...

luckily this wasn't and overwhelming fear-but one that just kind of creeped up on me some of the time.

Accidental Homeschooler
07-05-2011, 04:10 PM
My first fear was can i possibly be organized enough to get it all done. My husbands first fear was that I would have a nervous breakdown from being w the kids all day long.

This pretty much sums it up for me.

Theresa Holland Ryder
07-05-2011, 05:07 PM
I used to worry that no matter how much we worked, my kids would never be "up to grade level" and then I'd be run over by a train or eaten by a pitbull or something and then my kids would have to go back to public school and they'd have to be in the "Wrong Grade" and it would be all horrific.

My eldest is doing his second year high school online with Keystone and getting good grades, so I guess he's "up to grade level". His sister is much more advanced than he was at her age, so I guess she's probably ok too.

The thing is that I realize in retrospect that all this "up to grade level" stuff are fears that well-meaning, meddlesome friends and family put in my head. We don't have to homeschool to someone else's idea of "up to grade level". It will all be fine. My kids are certainly not behind their peers in any way. They're ahead and happy and it will all work out. It took me several years to get to that comfort zone, though!

AddlepatedMonkeyMama
07-05-2011, 05:19 PM
My even bigger fear was that my twice exceptional child would end up as a failure and I would feel doubly guilty having been both his teacher and his mother . . . i actually started taking him to a therapist for a bit, because I was so nervous about not having the feedback of the 'professionals' in the specail ed program . . . but i have since learned that i am actually pretty good at figuring out what he needs, I think. I have a plan that he seems ok with, and it seems fine.

This is my fear for my son. I have to teach him social skills as well as educate him and some days I worry that I'm not doing enough about the former. Academically he's doing great (though it takes a lot of work on my part to help him focus), so any worries there have been put to rest.

farrarwilliams
07-05-2011, 05:49 PM
The government.

Occasionally I get a bit nervous about homeschooling high school, but not so much. I'm much more scared of someone stopping me from homeschooling than from my screwing it up. I always assume I can't do any worse than the public schools.

Stella M
07-05-2011, 06:07 PM
I don't remember :) Probably I was scared that the kids wouldn't like it and would ask to go back to school. And my fear came true :(

Right now I'm a teeny bit scared of screwing up dd13's pathway to university - there are alternative pathways here but they are not well established and the universities don't routinely deal with homeschoolers.

hockeymom
07-05-2011, 07:41 PM
I have to echo Melissa's fear about my son not liking it and wanting to go back to school. Silly, probably, since he was bored to tears in ps and remembers that full well. But, the last year has been a challenge due to a lack of outside influences and activities which I know was hard on him. Thankfully we're moving to an area with a secular co-op (hooray!) and lots of homeschooling families so I'm less worried for the upcoming years.

Mum
07-05-2011, 07:50 PM
My biggest fear was that my kid wouldn't get to socialize enough. I have to admit, the dead of winter was tough. He has tons of PS friends in the neighborhood but on weekdays when it was freezing and they'd get off the bus close to 4pm and the sun was down by 5 there wasn't a lot of time for them to play. He still preferred this to going back to PS though.

dottieanna29
07-05-2011, 08:07 PM
My biggest fear is getting them enough socializing since I'm an extreme introvert. That and staying organized, being patient and not losing my mind from being around my kids all the time. Thankfully, DH is really good about taking them to visit his parents for the weekend about once a month, leaving me either a kid-free weekend or one with just my oldest. That goes a long way toward maintaining my sanity.

Between my biology degree, elementary education almost degree, DH's chemistry degree and real knack for maths - I have no worries about teaching them anything, not even high school.

Laina
07-05-2011, 08:57 PM
I don't know if this is my greatest fear, but my current fear is that I will never find a homeschool group or even just one family that will be a good community for us. I've been making efforts, but so far I just don't seem to fit in. I've found the christian homeschoolers and the very unschooly types, but I'm not either of those things. Also every group event we've gone to, I'm a little uncomfortable because all the parents seem to know each other and DD is uncomfortable because all the kids seem to know each other. She said she doesn't want to do homeschooler park meet-up days anymore. I guess it's a lot to ask a 6yo to just jump in and make new friends with a random bunch of kids she sees a couple times a month. I worry we'll never get past this awkward stage!

laundrycrisis
07-05-2011, 09:09 PM
I used to worry that no matter how much we worked, my kids would never be "up to grade level" and then I'd be run over by a train or eaten by a pitbull or something and then my kids would have to go back to public school and they'd have to be in the "Wrong Grade" and it would be all horrific.


This has been and still is my greatest fear. I don't think I'm getting over it anytime soon. It does not help that DS1 is somewhat "behind" due to LD issues that I didn't know about when we began homeschooling. I think of how kids like him are handled and treated in many PS situations and feel more than ever that he needs to be at home because of how bad it could be for him. I want to help him all I can so that my academic worries for him are not so great.

MrsLOLcat
07-05-2011, 10:16 PM
My biggest fear was that either A) my son would get behind because I wasn't teaching him enough OR B) I wouldn't be able to keep up with my son because he was learning too quickly. I have since gotten used to his pace, and he's learning plenty. It's been nice to let go of those concerns and just go with the flow :)

farrarwilliams
07-05-2011, 10:40 PM
Actually, forget what I said about the government. The kids making me stop is probably my biggest fear. Ah! No!

Kylie
07-06-2011, 12:27 AM
My biggest fear is having children that can't cope in the world, socially and emotionally....but I think that is probably more of a general parenting fear than anything.

JinxieFox
07-06-2011, 04:33 AM
For me, it was straight-up failure: not being able to teach my son how to read, write, add, etc. However, that fear only emerged when a certain person was present and, fortunately, she will never be in my life again. Now I would say those fears have relaxed into "concerns" about my son progressing and socializing well.

However, when I saw him at his first class here at the Youth Center on base yesterday, I realized that I am doing a good job, and so is he. :)

Jess24
07-06-2011, 10:30 AM
my kids would never be "up to grade level" and then I'd be run over by a train or eaten by a pitbull or something and then my kids would have to go back to public school and they'd have to be in the "Wrong Grade" and it would be all horrific.



I just made a similar comment to DH on Monday. But mine is a fear we don't do enough. Mine are still young enough that I don't push too hard with academics so they may not be able to do all the things kids at their grade level can do. In our homeschool excuse letter, they clearly state that if we choose to put the girls in school, the school has the right to test and put them in the appropriate grade. That give me shivers everytime I read it. Ohio has a lot of bark in their hs laws. Haven't come across any bite yet.

I'm trying to become a more relaxed homeschooler, so now my fear is that they will get to highschool level and not be able to do the work. BUT, they will tell you which pokemon to use in an advanced battle and be xbox and wii experts. So college here we come.

Although, after talking to some of my adult friends about what they remember from school, I could teach almost nothing and my girls wouldn't be all that far behind.

Riceball_Mommy
07-06-2011, 10:36 AM
I was worried about a lot. I was worried my daughter wouldn't learn anything from me, that I'd fail at socialization, that she'd be so behind and then hate me later for it all.

LovingMyChildren
07-07-2011, 02:45 PM
Thanks everyone! My dd is only 5 so I guess I can't really mess up the academics part. It's so nice to see that we are all concerned about basically the same things:
we'll be failures by not being able to keep up with the kids or do a 'good enough' job
and because of that:
our kids wanting to go back to ps and what happens with that potential fiasco
our kids not being successful along the lines of social skills, work ethic, etc

My husband is, as others noted, also worried I'll go batty from being home with them all the time. So. finding the right support is also important to me.

We're learning so much about how to do "this" compared with having had two full-time working parents, full-time preschool with grandma helping out in the evenings until we got home. It's now all about how to be together without the intensity, structure and activities we always had planned for "family time." I've appreciated all the different posts I've read over the past month in so many different threads advocating for how to start out slow, figure it out and be okay with things that don't work, and go with the flow. The fears are still there and make me want to give up before I really start at times.

But, I think on most days I still want to do this. Plus, the more stuff I buy the more I want to keep going. Curriculum and book junkie in the making!! :)

Pilgrim
07-07-2011, 10:08 PM
Socialization...enough of it and good quality.

Organization.

Keeping the kids motivated and interested.

Making sure they progress and learn.

Making sure I have time for myself.


Yeah, that's it. ;)

Accidental Homeschooler
07-07-2011, 11:06 PM
I don't know if this is my greatest fear, but my current fear is that I will never find a homeschool group or even just one family that will be a good community for us. I've been making efforts, but so far I just don't seem to fit in. I've found the christian homeschoolers and the very unschooly types, but I'm not either of those things. Also every group event we've gone to, I'm a little uncomfortable because all the parents seem to know each other and DD is uncomfortable because all the kids seem to know each other. She said she doesn't want to do homeschooler park meet-up days anymore. I guess it's a lot to ask a 6yo to just jump in and make new friends with a random bunch of kids she sees a couple times a month. I worry we'll never get past this awkward stage!

This is us right now and it is really hard. There is a secular group here and we went a few times to play/rec time and my dd did not want to go back. However, that was at an indoor gym in the winter and we have not tried the summer activities. I wasn't really comfortable either, me being an introvert walking into a group where everyone knows eachother (I have empathy for your dd). We also have the homeschool assisstance program through the school district that will start having activities in the Fall. It isn't like we don't have friends and a community here, they just aren't homeschooling and it is feeling a bit lonely.

Pilgrim
07-08-2011, 12:47 PM
This is us right now and it is really hard. There is a secular group here and we went a few times to play/rec time and my dd did not want to go back. However, that was at an indoor gym in the winter and we have not tried the summer activities. I wasn't really comfortable either, me being an introvert walking into a group where everyone knows eachother (I have empathy for your dd). We also have the homeschool assisstance program through the school district that will start having activities in the Fall. It isn't like we don't have friends and a community here, they just aren't homeschooling and it is feeling a bit lonely.

I can sympathize. I hate feeling like an outsider, and my kids are pretty shy, too. But DD is getting better: at the recent HS meeting, she joined right in playing with the other kids across the hall and didn't want to leave. DS, on the other hand, wouldn't leave my side. DD has been showing more interest in 'going out in the world' as of late, which is great to see. She's excited to try a week of summer camp this year, whereas she wanted nothing to do with it in the past. I think with time, they find their way into these groups and friendships, just as we do, even if our paths are different from the 'norm'.

I wonder, now that our decision to HS is official, how our PS acquaintances will react. At the end of this school year, a few classmates of DD started filling her head with, "Oh, you don't want to HS: it'll be so boring at home, and you'll miss all your friends." (This coming from those so-called friends who often manipulate and pressure DD). As for the adults, the reaction so far has been mixed -- a few genuine 'good for you!' comments and a few confused, almost hurt looks. We'll see. I just don't want my own preference for spending a lot of time alone to have a negative effect on the kids.

coloradoalice
07-08-2011, 05:33 PM
My biggest fear is that home schooling will isolate them. One of the reasons I'm home schooling is so my kids can have experiences that PS kids can't have but that requires a lot of get up and go and I fear I fail with that at times. We live rurally so if I don't make sure we are doing stuff it's easy to spend days at a time without ever going out our driveway. I don't want them to someday tell me they think they missed out on a whole bunch of stuff because we stayed home.

bamagurl
07-09-2011, 09:59 AM
I worry that Little Bit will never learn to read, and Big Boy won't progress past having to count up when he does multiplication.
I worry that Big Boy will for sure never make friends now, and that Little Bit will regret leaving ps.
I worry that somehow we will scar them for life and they'll live under a freeway bridge and Little Bit won't even be able to read the graffiti, and none of the other homeless will hang out with them because Big Boy still doesn't know how to make a friend.
I worry that they won't have that connections with others that is pretty important around here (yeah, he's a good guy, I went to school with him)
I worry that I will go completely crazy and run away, never to see them again.
I worry about what the family is going to say, but a plus would be if my mom-in-law got disgusted and refused to never speak to me again (but I would never get that lucky! lol)
There you go, that's what keeps me up at nights!

OrganicFrmGrl
07-09-2011, 12:04 PM
My biggest fear is that I will screw my kid up! Plain and simple. I just keep telling myself that I can't do any worse than the PS and at least I am his mother.

Accidental Homeschooler
07-09-2011, 12:11 PM
I can sympathize. I hate feeling like an outsider, and my kids are pretty shy, too. But DD is getting better: at the recent HS meeting, she joined right in playing with the other kids across the hall and didn't want to leave. DS, on the other hand, wouldn't leave my side. DD has been showing more interest in 'going out in the world' as of late, which is great to see. She's excited to try a week of summer camp this year, whereas she wanted nothing to do with it in the past. I think with time, they find their way into these groups and friendships, just as we do, even if our paths are different from the 'norm'.

I wonder, now that our decision to HS is official, how our PS acquaintances will react. At the end of this school year, a few classmates of DD started filling her head with, "Oh, you don't want to HS: it'll be so boring at home, and you'll miss all your friends." (This coming from those so-called friends who often manipulate and pressure DD). As for the adults, the reaction so far has been mixed -- a few genuine 'good for you!' comments and a few confused, almost hurt looks. We'll see. I just don't want my own preference for spending a lot of time alone to have a negative effect on the kids.

My 13yo dd did not tell her friends until hs was a done deal. She did not want to talk to them about it at all and I thought that was sort of strange at the time. She has a couple good friends who are still friends, but did not want to tell anyone we were thinking about it. Maybe she thought they would try to talk her out of it.

I know that I am quite happy in my own head most of the time and with the friends I have. But for 5yo dd's sake I need to get more social. It was just such a weird vibe when I showed up at the secular hs group. I don't know what I did but when I tried to introduce myself the women were like a short "Hi." and turn around and back to their conversation. I very much felt like I was trying to enter a closed group. There were a couple dads who were friendly and tried to be helpful. So I can be overly sensitive at times, but it was such a strong feeling of not having my presence wanted. And this is a group with a website with activities listed so I don't think they intend to be really closed. I got the impression that most of them have hsed since the beginning and I had put my kids in ps so maybe that was part of it. I don't know. I need to give it another try with the summer activities as the dad I talked to said a lot more people come in the summer.

dbmamaz
07-09-2011, 12:18 PM
The park day here is like that. There is a group if moms who know each other, sit together at the table, bring foot to share w each other, and only talk to each other. It's really hard to break in as a new mom. Plus I wint got when it's over 90 and no one else will go when it's under 60, ankd the regulars won't respond to posts on the board . . . It used to switch to mornings in the summer, but no one will take responsiblity for saying if it's switching or not this year. Im afraid new families are showing up and no one is there. I tried starting a park day once, and everyone said it was much friendlier than the other one, but they still all quit coming eventually. I am really sick of making the effort to leave the house most of the time.

farrarwilliams
07-09-2011, 04:12 PM
That attitude frustrates me. Yet, as someone who knows a lot of local homeschoolers and is often at the center of things, I feel like I've probably done that unintentionally. Really, though, I didn't mean to. I promise.:excited:

Kylie
07-09-2011, 06:11 PM
That attitude frustrates me. Yet, as someone who knows a lot of local homeschoolers and is often at the center of things, I feel like I've probably done that unintentionally. Really, though, I didn't mean to. I promise.:excited:
I know the feeling Farrar, whilst we areva very large, open group, there is core of us of about 6-10 families that are quite close and I know we sometimes get very engrossed in conversation.

I understand you were the new kid on the block and you were nervous and it's not easy going up to a group that clearly know each other very well, but don't base that first encounter on what the future may bring, you may just be cutting off your nose to spite your face.

We have a new family that joined us earlier this year, yes in the beginning she sat off to the edge of the group and rarely spoke, but you can't possibly spend a few hours at the park or whatever and not speak to people. You know if both of us had to get up to the kids then we chatted, slowly getting to know each other over brief encounters like those.

She also attended everything we arranged, so within a very few short weeks we had common ground, when we chatted about the excursion we went on the week prior she was able to fully engage in the conversation because she experienced it with us. Now, when I say there's a core group of about 10 of us I am including her and she continually tells us that we have saved her life in regards to homeschooling....but that's all because SHE made the effort!

I think that so many people expect to go to one event or park day and make friends, it doesn't work that way. I had to push myself and get out of my comfort zone a lot to make friends and I'm sorry but I'm now not going to spend all my time holding the hands of others.

Anyway I'm just trying to say to please try again. I know I've met some lovely people in my time that have now gone elsewhere simply because they didn't connect on their first day with the group and got in a tiff over it saying how unfriendly the group was, when in reality most people are pretty friendly even if you may need to get to know them better realizing that.

Stella M
07-09-2011, 07:32 PM
It's something though that you have to be careful of when in a group - not to spend the whole time meeting your own needs for connection with your own friends, and to spend some off that time putting effort into the people you don't know well. It's really easy to be comfortable within what looks to outsiders to be a 'clique' and just feels like a comfortable group of friends to the insiders.

Not everyone has the temperament to keep trying to break in, though I really liked the way Kylie explained how it can happen naturally, with a dose of patience and persistence and letting time create the common ground.

I got trained to do the chatting to newbies thing when I was a breastfeeding counsellor running meetings and I do think it's something you have to train yourself to do. It's natural to huddle; it's a lot of energy to go and include strangers. Sometimes I really have to drag myself to do it...but it's still the right thing to do.

A table of women who don't at least respond to a newbies 'Hi' with an invitation to sit down and a short explanation of what's being talked about are just rude. And if it's too personal to share, the polite thing is to change the subject to something everyone can feel comfortable with. Friends can always talk to each other later, in private. For someone new to the group, this is their one chance in the week to connect with someone, anyone!

Having said that though, you do need to be patient as a newbie anywhere. Some of the relationships you see have been years in the making and until people get a chance to know you, there is going to be a difference between the comfort levels they feel with you as opposed to their friends.

Kylie
07-09-2011, 09:34 PM
Oh for sure Melissa, there is a huge difference in opening the circle, everyone moving their chairs to allow someone to comfortably sit within the group to atleast try and participate in the conversation and simplynsaying Hi,that is not welcoming a newcomer.

I guess for me, I am referring more to people that attend a park day, but choose to sit a good metre or so off from the group. They are still in earshot but can no way participate because they are off to the side and then go off and saynwhat an unfriendly group it was....these things really need to work both ways.

Those in the circle need to continually remind themselves what it was like being the new kid, we've all been there and those on the outside need to push themselves outside of their comfort zone and do whatever it takes to strike up a conversation.

I still say simply by attending as many organized events as possible has got to be the quickest way to make connections, even if the first few are a little tough.

I also think that it comes down to how strong the desire is to make connections and friendships. If it is a priority then you'll make the effort to make it happen.

I sympathise with those that live in areas that have limited organized events, once a month at the park isn't enough to get to know people. You could go to every park meet up for a year and still never really get to know anyone else....that's got to be tough.

As someone that does a lot of 'welcoming the newcomers' I try to fairly quickly find out some basic info, likes, dislikes, kids, any special needs, are they leaning to a particular style for their homeschooling, then I will introduce them to a few people that I think may be suitable to them..... "Hey Mary this Jane, she has a 10 year old son that is smitten with Lego Robotics, just like your Johnny" as an example.....they instantly have something to discuss.

dbmamaz
07-09-2011, 10:15 PM
I think part of the problem w the group at my park day is that there are usually about 6-8 of them, so they perfectly fill a picnic table. They often are helping one of the mom w her craft business by cutting things out together. They also are very very chatty, and it seems like its THEIR big get-together . . .they just talk non-stop, and often VERY loudly. They ignore their kids for the most part. So new parents often are standing around the edge of the playground, watching their kids, while this group is off to the side at a table totally oblivious to everything. They do occasionally make an effort to be freindly . . .but also, they always have food, so if you have food issues . . . well . . .

Richmond is really not the freindliest town.

Kylie
07-09-2011, 11:59 PM
mmmmmm maybe they need to stop advertising that as Homeschool meet up then, because clearly it is just for them.

That's one of my gripes I have at the moment with some of our local groups. They advertise on our national site, but then they are closed private groups (need an invite to join) and some of them are starting to make people sign faith statements. Which if that is what they want to do then fine, but I just don't feel it is right to advertise yourself to potential new homeschoolers.

Accidental Homeschooler
07-11-2011, 03:42 PM
Thanks for the feedback. It did help clarify that experience for me. I was just trying to make the point that it can be challenging to find that hs community when you are new. I actually did go more than that one time. The first time only one other parent showed up and he was very nice (I guess he didn’t have much choice but to talk to me!). My second time two more dads showed up, also very nice and a mom who was just in town visiting and it was nice to talk to her as she had been hsing for quite a while and I was just starting. My dd had fun playing with their kids. It was all good, not awkward or anything. It was when I went again and several moms were there that I had the gate crashing feeling. I would have gone again but for whatever reason dd did not want to go the next time.

I really did not expect everyone to jump for joy at the chance to have me for their new BFF or hold my hand or anything like that. I don’t really think they wanted to make me feel bad or be mean, it just felt weird and uncomfortable. It honestly had not occurred to me that a group that says it intends to welcome new members would find doing so to be work or a big effort. Maybe it is different when a group is just starting. I can see that once you have a group established and meeting the needs of its members, it could be disruptive or difficult to add new people. There is probably some group dynamics theory that describes that better than I can. Or it could have just been an off day. This was also my first experience walking into a group whose purpose is social. Other groups I have been a part of have been organized around a project type goal where it is definitely “the more the merrier.”

I think for us it makes the most sense to use the HS Assistance Program through the school district. They have several activities a month and my dds will have those opportunities to “socialize”, plus dance and swimming. There is no oldie-newbie division and everyone is equally a part of the group (such as it is) as soon as they show up. It is not going be a close community of friends but hopefully over time we can form some friendships that will go outside the HSAP scheduled activities (I wish there were something like this for you dbmamaz). We also have our non-hsing friends, whom I do not want to lose touch with and I would rather focus my efforts there than try to gain acceptance with a whole new group of people (a little too reminiscent of my experience starting at a new school in jr high!). So it is nice to let go of the question of, “Should I go back and try again?” And thanks again for the helpful feedback!

And sorry for going so long and off topic from the op!

Eileen
07-11-2011, 05:51 PM
I am very much an introvert, and the only reason I ever venture out of my (very small) comfort zone is for my kids. I have such a hard time meeting new people, and I get anxious when I have to be in an unknown situation. It is the main reason I've joined a co-op. I don't trust myself to navigate Meetups and park days and such on a regular basis, but if I'm signed up, participating and paying dues (small though they are), I feel more like I belong. I feel "official." LOL, it's so silly, I know. People who are not terribly shy don't understand this at all, it seems like no big deal to them. But what, for them, might be momentary discomfort or slight nervousness is full-blown anxiety for me. The only way I can force myself through it is constantly thinking about the example I'm setting for my kids. I don't want them to end up like me in this way.
'

Kylie
07-11-2011, 07:34 PM
I don't think it is silly at all. I actually think it is a very smart thing to do. Having a reason other than socializing makes it slightly more worthwhile. Plus if the socializing doesn't work out, for whatever reason, then at least you don't feel like you have completely wasted your time.

Accidental Homeschooler
07-11-2011, 08:29 PM
It is the main reason I've joined a co-op. I don't trust myself to navigate Meetups and park days and such on a regular basis, but if I'm signed up, participating and paying dues (small though they are), I feel more like I belong. I feel "official.''

Yes, I think this is the HSAP for me. It is hard to leave that comfort zone for me too. I rely heavily on my extrovert, gregarious dh but with the hsing social stuff I am on my own. It has at least given me renewed appreciation for him and my good judgement in marrying him.

SueEllen Grieves-Curl
07-11-2011, 09:47 PM
my biggest fear was getting into trouble when we had to do our yearly report for the first time. I spent 2 months searching for ways to get it done. It was not worth the fear at all. Getting that done was very easy.

squiremouse
07-15-2011, 01:15 AM
my biggest fear was that the kids would have to go back to school and be bored and stuck in the wrong grade. Then Girlie decided that she wanted to try public school and I let her. Yes, they did put her in the wrong grade. Yes, she would be bored if she hadn't started a month from the end of the year and been enamored with all the kids to be around and movies and games they played. So I survived that fear
My other big fear is that my Boyo wouldn't find a good buddy to bond with. That was taken care of in triplicate when a new family joined co-op with 3 boys right around Boyo's age.
My new fear is puberty but I think that is more of a parenting thing than a homeschool thing. And if Girlie will finally be placed in the right reading and math groups if she continues in public school.

Mia

CathleenB
07-16-2011, 11:35 PM
I guess I just had this general fear of being in over my head. That what I was doing was not-normal and therefore "wrong" and that I should just leave it up to the professionals...

luckily this wasn't and overwhelming fear-but one that just kind of creeped up on me some of the time.

THIS. I have confidence issues. They are called professionals for a reason right? ;-) I am very good at arguing the negative when it's not necessary. The 'what if's' really get to me sometimes!

Susanna
07-19-2011, 01:43 AM
I worried that I couldn't teach some subjects that I personally, suck at (art, music). (Problem solved with good curriculum choices and co-ops with artsier moms. I return the favor by geeking out with science co-ops.)
I was worried that I wouldn't have any friends myself anymore because no one I knew was HS'ing & they all thought I was nuts to do it at all. And all the other HS'ers were religious fanatics, right? lol (Been slowly meeting other like minded HS'ing moms, but it is slow going, esp. here in the South.)
I was worried that I would get no support from friends and family. (Came true, made new friends, smile and nod at family or have calm answers ready. My goal is not to argue/defend myself but to educate/convert them - it's amazing how this perspective shift makes things easier for me to deal with the naysayers.)
I thought that my husband would think I'd lost my mind to even consider this. (He did. That was 2 years ago, now he's our biggest supporter and talks about HS'ing to other families like a zealot! lol)
I thought I would never have "me" time again. (Well, I don't, but that's more due to the arrival of triplets and less to do with homeschooling. My HS'ing co-op has regular mommies night out that someday I will be able to attend. But not anytime soon with twins due in the fall, lol)
I thought we would never leave the house (due to some outdated, ill-informed idea of what HS'ers were *supposed" to do. Don't ask me, it makes no sense to me either anymore! lol). And yes, we do get out of the house, field trips, co-ops, park playdates etc.
I worried that my son wouldn't learn how to make friends. (This one is just laughable as he is an extreme extrovert. With my younger/shyer kids park playdates help, but they are still little - 18 months - so it's not an issue really)
I worried that I wouldn't be able to get my roots colored and I'd look like a hag all the time. (oh, hell no! At 41 I'm already the oldest mommy in every group, I'm NOT going to look like it! DH knows that every 6 weeks it's just going to happen, no way around it. It's non-negotiable.)
I worried that I would give in to my slobby nature. (Yes, it happened. I wear pj's all day some days and go out in my crocs all the time, sometimes even with socks on too. I know, I know, I need "what not to wear" - but there are more important things in my life for me to focus on at the moment. It's just low on my priority list. Someday, when I have more time, maybe nobody in diapers at my house, that may change.)
I worried that some friends, esp. teacher friends, would be offended by my decision. (They were. They either got over it or backed away slowly, fine with me. It still amazes me how many people took MY choices for MY family to be a direct criticism of theirs, simply because our choices were different. Whatever.)
I worried that I would be totally on my own researching curriculum, figuring out what to do, what the options were etc. (Found a ton of great resources from posting here to homeschool reviews website to other websites that compare and contrast specifics of each curriculum choice.) In my local co-op we regularly check out each other's books too.

Ok, so I'm a worrier, lol, but it did all work out. We still have days where I think "what the hell was I thinking?! I have infant triplets too!!" (now toddlers) but those are few and far between. Ask me again when I have 5 in diapers at once though, lol.
Susanna

Staysee34
07-26-2011, 01:56 PM
My biggest fear is that I will fail my children. When my sister was told we were HSing this year, she said, "It's about time. Seems all those years of playing school in the basement are going to come in handy." I expressed my fear of failure to BF one night and his response was that I'll make them too smart. I told him there's no such thing lol. My family has been done their best to alleviate my fear and to some degree they've succeeded. It still looms in the back of my head. I'm sure I'll feel better about it once we actually get started and I realize it's all nonsense. I hope!

PBB
07-26-2011, 02:34 PM
My concern is whether or not I'll be able to handle so much time with my kids. I know that sounds horrible, but I worry I won't have time for ME. It sounds so selfish. My kids seem to love to be with me, so I guess I should stop worrying so much. They are getting more independent, so that helps. They are 6 & almost 8.

KristinK
07-26-2011, 10:01 PM
PBB that doesn't sound horrible at all. it is HARD. doable. incredible. but hard!

bcnlvr
07-26-2011, 11:05 PM
I'm afraid. Period. Of it all. I would rather the kids go to public school, but something in me just CAN'T send them. They are so much happier homeschooling. I can feel it coming...that moment when I just. let. go. and trust in this process. Trust that I am not going to turn out serial killers or illiterate bigots. I was lesson planning today and I wanted to barf. From fear that I am doing it wrong. Geez. Must be honesty hour here or something. :) Ok, feel better now....a little. lol

Bcn

Stella M
07-26-2011, 11:28 PM
Bcnlvr, it will be OK :) It's actually hard to stuff it up. 3 R's, add in some fun stuff, help them chase up their interests - everything else is just detail. Hope your 'moment' comes soon!

Staysee34
07-27-2011, 08:00 PM
My concern is whether or not I'll be able to handle so much time with my kids. I know that sounds horrible, but I worry I won't have time for ME. It sounds so selfish. My kids seem to love to be with me, so I guess I should stop worrying so much. They are getting more independent, so that helps. They are 6 & almost 8.


Me too!! I was watching Susan Wise Bauer YouTube videos one afternoon and saw that she enforces a "naptime" for her children even though they are older. They don't have to go to sleep but they must go in their rooms and keep themselves busy for a said period of time doing whatever activity strikes them. I absolutely love this idea except for when it's nice outside. I don't think children should have to stay in their rooms if the sun is shining or there's a snow covered hill that needs some sled riders. But on a miserable day, when there's snow up to your eyeballs (January around here), or it's pouring down rain, I can see where "naptime" can come in handy and plan to use it. I have to have ME time.

LovingMyChildren
07-28-2011, 11:17 PM
Staysee34, PBB and bcnlvr - you all nailed it for me depending on the moment. In my mind, I feel I can't get this wrong because I feel their fate is in my hands and psing simply isn't good. Then, I start to obsess about curriculum choices (which I'm done with finally) and then lesson planning, and preparing and realize it's midnight and I need sleep. Then, I realize I haven't really begun the homeschool part as she's been mostly doing camps this summer. So, then I reallly reallly worry about how hard this is going to be and how I'm not going to have time for myself to stay sane because I haven't even started and I feel stressed. So, then,I flip and think I should just go the ps route because I want to preserve my sanity and by default, my parenting relationship (which won't be so good if I go insane). Then, I take a deep breath, drink some sangria or eat horribly unhealthy sugery cereal, and remember what I've read here in post after post after post by senior members: It's okay to be good enough and not be perfect. It's okay because homeschooled kids are usually way above ps kids on lots of domains because even if you do not the best possible it's likely better than ps. It's not only okay but necessary to put the relationship ahead of the learning - it's the process of being home with them that matters. That all helps me keep moving forward. I have yet to send my letter of intent in to our county school system - it's that last bit of doubt that's keeping me from committing despite the piles of books and curriculum and rearranged room :) I told myself August 8 would be the day I mail the letter of intent. Only a little more procrastinating allowed.

gidamom
07-29-2011, 10:05 PM
Well, even though I am still in the process of planning how to homeschool this year, so we haven't even started...I am PETRIFIED....in general. :(

My biggest fear by far is the socializing. They are SUPER sociable, have tons of friends, were involved in tons of extracurriculars in school, you name it, thy were in it! I guess my biggest fear is that we are taking away the best thing they had about being in school. I a worried that there is no way on Earth that I can replace or replicate this while hs.

I have never really worried about them learning, but freak out that by homeschooling we are limiting their ability and opportunities to make friends, connections and bonds...this is just a huge fear I have that makes me stay up at night and makes me want to cry....

And NOW I am also worrying about hs them at the grade level they are at. 8th and 5th grade...I just know they are such talented students and capable of so much, that I won't be able to give them enough here at home as opposed to the very rigorous private school they were in...They are both Honor Scoiety/honor Roll students, and I don't want to take that feeling of being great at something from them

JennyD
08-07-2011, 10:59 PM
I have no concerns about academics, but I fret often that I am not giving/won't be able to give them enough social outlets.

octobersky69
08-09-2011, 10:46 AM
First off, This forum helps out a lot when it come to worries or insecurities on any level, because you will always have support from those that are on the same path as you, its great to know I am not alone.
Since I home schooled from the start, I was worried I would not be able to teach my son to read, but with the right curriculum I was soon amazed at how I was worried for no reason. He is now reading at the 6th grade level. (He is in 3rd) I still worry some, about what would happen if the government told me that I couldn't home school, but If that ever happened, I am willing to move wherever I can. I also think about High school and being excepted into college, but from the info I have read, Colleges look for Home schooled kids.

Theresa Holland Ryder
08-09-2011, 12:41 PM
I have no concerns about academics, but I fret often that I am not giving/won't be able to give them enough social outlets.

I just did a whole blog post related to this. It's such a big issue for so many of us, especially if there's no homeschooling group available. No Homeschool Group? No Problem! (http://www.rebelhomeschool.com/2011/08/no-homeschool-support-group-no-problem.html) I think being very involved in community activities and things like Scouting can really help.

JennyD
08-12-2011, 03:30 PM
I just did a whole blog post related to this. It's such a big issue for so many of us, especially if there's no homeschooling group available. No Homeschool Group? No Problem! (http://www.rebelhomeschool.com/2011/08/no-homeschool-support-group-no-problem.html) I think being very involved in community activities and things like Scouting can really help.

Thanks -- nice blog! We just moved to a new area and while I haven't been terribly energetic about looking for other homeschooling friends for us (possibly because the inclusive group meets across town and during my younger two's naptime) I am making a concerted effort to get my oldest (6yo), at least, involved in various local activities. This fall he'll be doing tee-ball and Hebrew School, and I'm trying to get to know our neighbors. One of the big reasons we chose this neighborhood is that there seem to be a lot of kids around. But we'll see how it all goes.

I am very conflicted about Scouts. I really need to explore the alternative options.

WindSong
08-12-2011, 06:24 PM
I am very much an introvert, and the only reason I ever venture out of my (very small) comfort zone is for my kids. I have such a hard time meeting new people, and I get anxious when I have to be in an unknown situation. People who are not terribly shy don't understand this at all, it seems like no big deal to them. But what, for them, might be momentary discomfort or slight nervousness is full-blown anxiety for me. The only way I can force myself through it is constantly thinking about the example I'm setting for my kids. I don't want them to end up like me in this way.
'

Eileen, this is exactly what I go through in new social situations. I dread them. But I do it for my kids, too. My dh is even worse than I am. So it's no surprise that ds is just like us. On the other hand, dd is quite the social butterfly. My fear is that I won't provide enough social connections for each of them. I was so worried about it through last year's long winter, that I talked to dh about moving to a more populated area that surely would provide more opportunities to get out and about than our very small town. For now, we are here and must make it work. This will be one of my greatest challenges.