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Cheryl
03-27-2011, 08:16 AM
we haved toyed with the idea for years and for the first time in 10, I am not pregnant with my own. (I think the old grey mare just ain't what she used to be)

so has anyone adopted a child or two (siblings) and was it an issue that you were homeschooling? We would like older children already school age, maybe siblings. International adoption would be great. Haiti or Africa is what we were thinking.

I know this isn't really the right place for this, I should be posting on an adoption site(going there next) but I thought y'all would know too. can't hurt to ask, right?

dbmamaz
03-27-2011, 11:29 AM
I do have a blog to recommend - she adopted kids from Haiti after already having (i think 2) kids, and homeschools. Her kids from Haiti were VERY traumatized and coping with that seems to have become a major focus of her life.

http://www.welcometomybrain.net/

Cheryl
03-27-2011, 01:24 PM
oh thank you so much. just beginning the journey. I'm sure she will have a wealth of adivce for me!

jeliau
03-31-2011, 09:07 PM
We adopted our son in Georgia and were foster parents before that. Homeschooling is not an issue against you as perspective adoptive parents. However, if you do go through the state system, they will most likely have you keep the child in PS until adoption is final. Not always though, our social worker actually said she preferred homeschooling families for some children that did better out of PS. But, as long as the child is still a ward of the state you have to work with the social worker/judge and of course their opinions vary, as do anyone's.

Our adoption was informally open but legally closed. (We know the mother, have contact with her, but are not required to by law.) While we were foster parents, my dh's boss asked if we were wanting to adopt and then introduced us to our son's mother/grandmother. We went to prenatal visits and brought him home from the hospital at four-days-old. Since not through the state, we paid the legal fees upfront and got grants from state and military that covered all our expenses.

I always advocate adopting here at home. There are SO many children here in our own country that need homes and so many people that walk right by them to spend outrageous amounts to adopt in other countries, or spend $10k to adopt an infant when a one- or two-year-old is available through the state. Adoption is nearly free when you go through your state. Many states have cash grants, many employers have cash grants (military in 2001 for ours was $2000), plus there is a tax deduction for adoption for the year the adoption finalizes. Sibling groups are even easier to adopt because the states have a hard time finding families willing to take them together.

*Please, before anyone gets upset, I love the fact that people adopt, PERIOD. I'm not trying or meaning to attack anyone.* However, we send so much money overseas when we have so much poverty here in our own country, not to mention thousands of homeless, adoptable children. It just breaks my heart when I go through the adoption books. I wish I could take care of them all. I do plan to adopt again, but want to take in teens that have been lost in the system and need a family to help them bridge to adulthood.

Jeliau

dbmamaz
03-31-2011, 10:40 PM
I knew a woman who had been part of a mixed couple when they chose to adopt. She said they wanted a mixed race boy around age 2, and she was horrified at the CATALOG of children available. The ex and I considered fostering, but i know now i'm not up for it. and dh wouldnt be interested or supportive.

Dutchbabiesx2
04-01-2011, 05:12 PM
I do plan to adopt again, but want to take in teens that have been lost in the system and need a family to help them bridge to adulthood.

Jeliau

we have a very good organization in our town that does just that! The Matthews House. (http://www.thematthewshouse.org/) I Hope most communities have this as well!

amygrimis
04-03-2011, 06:47 PM
I have a friend (we have adopted kids the same age/same country) who adopted her ... fifth, I want to say, from Haiti and he was five, I believe. She homeschools him and a couple of her older kids. If I remember right, she was hs'ing all of her school-aged kids when she adopted him and had no problems with that at all. I would think that would be a pretty basic question you could ask a social worker before even hiring them.

Corrigan, we had the same experience when we searched our state's waiting children list. We discharged in December and being military we didn't feel we were a good match for a special needs child either. Still don't ... would I dig up that strength if we adopted and later found special needs in him, of course, but we didn't feel that it would be right for us to pursue a child we weren't sure how to care for (I mean, deployments added to the uncertainty of location is rough!).

Jeliau, we wrestled with what you've said when we started to adopt. We actually went through 2 failed domestic adoptions, both with birthmom's who drank and one who used drugs early on. Both failed and after years and years of infertility (and also based on my comments above), we decided that international was the right match for us. I do see and agree in some ways with your points, but people choose domestic or international adoption for a myriad of reasons. I honestly can't imagine that this child wasn't meant to be in our family and we wouldn't know him if we'd kept pursuing domestic matches. There are sometimes a lot of difficulties adopting here. A friend of mine just had an adoption fail the day after she and her husband took custody because the birthfather happened to show up a few days before and the bmom thought she could get him back having his son there. Anyway, my point is that yes there is a lot of need here, but there are so many more factors that go into being a parent :)

my3monkeys
04-05-2011, 10:50 PM
We have three children, all of whom were adopted internationally. I would be happy to chat with you.

http://becomingsix.blogspot.com/

dandylion
04-15-2011, 10:15 PM
Do you have to actually go through the whole official process of hooking up with the state or an agency to see the children that are available? Because I looked online a few years ago for healthy children, not sibling pairs or groups, of any race, either sex up to age 3 and there were NONE on the state's website (at least I thought that's what it was). They all had extreme emotional disturbances or physical disabilities, and (I know I'm going to sound like a jerk here) we just aren't ready for that. Not with being military and moving every 2 or 3 years and having no support system.

I was told that the children (in our area) that are put on the websites, are the children they have a hard time getting adopted because of mental/emotional/physical problems. There are lots of "healthy" children available, they just have no problem placing them; therefore, no need to take the time to put them on websites.
Definitely speak with a case worker about this. You may get the same response :)




I always advocate adopting here at home. There are SO many children here in our own country that need homes and so many people that walk right by them to spend outrageous amounts to adopt in other countries, or spend $10k to adopt an infant when a one- or two-year-old is available through the state. Adoption is nearly free when you go through your state. Many states have cash grants, many employers have cash grants (military in 2001 for ours was $2000), plus there is a tax deduction for adoption for the year the adoption finalizes. Sibling groups are even easier to adopt because the states have a hard time finding families willing to take them together.

*Please, before anyone gets upset, I love the fact that people adopt, PERIOD. I'm not trying or meaning to attack anyone.* However, we send so much money overseas when we have so much poverty here in our own country, not to mention thousands of homeless, adoptable children. It just breaks my heart when I go through the adoption books. I wish I could take care of them all. I do plan to adopt again, but want to take in teens that have been lost in the system and need a family to help them bridge to adulthood.

Jeliau

I do agree. I know of people who have adopted internationally, (and do not judge that decision at all!!!) but some people honestly don't know about adopting through the state as an option. I am one who never thought of adoption as an option because we can't afford $10,000++. I found out recently that the state takes care of most, if not all, of the costs.

We have not adopted yet, but hope to in the future :)

Ilysse
04-26-2011, 11:41 AM
We adopted 2 girls (sisters) in the state of Georgia. They came to us at 8 and 5 years of age as foster children. If you are going to adopt older children in the US you'll have to foster to adopt in most states. We didn't start out homeschooling. We sent them to public school while they were still in foster care with us. We only started homeschooling because the schools were THAT BAD. We had wonderful case workers and an assigned family therapist who were all very supportive of our homeschooling and even encouraged it. They know how the schools are and also, by that time, knew my husband and I would give the kids a better education than the schools could. By the time we adopted the girls, the case worker was comfortable enough with us that she didn’t even bother coming to the house anymore (to be fair, we still had the therapist come once a week so if there were issues she would have reported it). The adoption was pretty fast; we got the girls in Jan 2007 and adopted in March 2008. That next school year we started homeschooling. This is just the way it worked out.

I think you should contact your local DHR or Child and Family Services office and ask questions. I would assume you'd have to turn in lesson plans or curriculum, etc. We have been talking about adopting again as well so we'll be asking the same questions in a few months. I would think, if the schools in your area are no good, either because they aren't safe (a middle school girl got raped in the middle of the afternoon in a classroom last week at the public school by us) or academically, I can't see how they could say no. You may just have to accept a little extra intrusion from the social workers.

I’d also like to encourage you to take the domestic route. There are so many American children without homes and you aren’t going to get anything better in another country (not that international children are not worth adopting, just, a child is a child and you have risk in both cases). Also, domestic adoptions, through the foster care system, are free of charge. You’ll have to take a class (in most states) but it was kind of fun and educational. By the end of the class you’ll know the case workers and have an actual friendship going (if you choose to make it that way) and since you want to adopt an older child you shouldn’t have to wait too long. There are so many older children in foster care. If you adopt a child 8 years of age or older they will come with a monthly stipend (in the state of GA) because they are considered ‘special needs’ because of their age; simply because older children aren’t as desirable. We get money for both girls each month simply because one was 8 years old. We choose to put it in an account for them (although we’ve had to use it once or twice) for when they are older but it is intended for help raising your family.

Anyway, if you’d like to talk you may email me at [email protected] Adoption has been the greatest pleasure in our lives from the day I was born and handed to my (adoptive) mother through the adoption of my own children. My husband was also adopted at the age of 3 and we both think it's a beautiful way to grow a family. We’ve always said we can’t have a biological child, it would feel out of place in a family of adoptees…can you see the fights? Rather than “you were adopted” it would be “you weren’t even adopted.” LOL

Sorry I talk too much :)

Ilysse