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View Full Version : Do your kids like being homeschooled?



Laina
02-23-2011, 09:56 PM
Here is a question for you--are your children glad they are homeschooled? Do they ever say they want to go to a typical school? And if they did, at what age would you let them make this decision?

StartingOver
02-23-2011, 10:55 PM
I give my children the choice at highschool. Of my three older children, one chose to experience his Senior year at PS. He had already finished all of my requirements for him. He said it was the most boring year of his life. Filling in tiny bubbles, and reading portions of dry texts. But he did love football ! ;-)

PaganHSMama
02-23-2011, 11:11 PM
My daughter is only 6 but says she does like homeschooling. My son began homeschooling right after he graduated 8th grade and says he wishes I had homeschooled him sooner. I agree with Jana; I would wait until my daughter was high school age to let her make that decision.

dbmamaz
02-23-2011, 11:12 PM
I started homeschooling because my kids hated school to the point that my older was calling home at least 1-2 times each week, crying for me to come get him, and the younger was crying every morning that he didnt want to go back (to kindergarten). Both are willing to do almost anything (not that i ask much) to not have to go back. I do hope the younger one goes to high school (dh is hoping he goes to jr high, too, but i think its a bad idea) . .. cuz we really need me to get back to work to save some money for retirement!!! I really cant imagine either one asking (and in VA, you cant drop in to high school, you pretty much have to start over at 9th grade), but if they did, i'd be all for it. Of course, we do live in a very good district.

Batgirl
02-23-2011, 11:42 PM
My oldest son missed going to school for the first few months, while we were fighting over curriculum, then begged to go back to school over Christmas break. I almost let him because nothing I'd tried was working out. Then I tried T4L and he loved it. After that, he said he wanted to stay home. My younger son would like to go to preschool, and I'm willing to let him, but he still has very little interest in potty training and most preschools require it for their prek kids. If he trains in time for prek, I'll let him try it. With my older, I don't know when I might let him go back. High school, I'm thinking.

MarkInMD
02-23-2011, 11:44 PM
Hurricane (our older son) went to public school through the first quarter of 2nd grade (he's in 3rd now). While he did like public school for the most part, by that point, his quirkiness was starting to cause some alienation from his friends, to the point where he said his least favorite parts of the day were lunch and recess. (What kind of kid says that?) That's when we figured it was time to seriously broach the subject of homeschooling with him (it had come up the year before but was rejected by him), and he thought it was a great idea. None of us have ever looked back. He's much happier at home.

Tornado (our younger) is still in a PS Headstart and pre-K program at the same school Hurricane was in. Starting next school year, we plan to have him at home, as well, and he's looking forward to it, although I do have my doubts, as he's more of a kid who craves a group to interact with, even though he's more of a follower than a leader. We'll see how it goes with him.

Stella M
02-24-2011, 12:37 AM
My eldest daughter (13) loves being homeschooled and always has. She can delve into Latin and history and books and art to her heart's desire, and she can have the alone time that a creative introvert needs. She loves learning about how to run a home as well, and she loves her quiet neighbourhood.

My ds (7) loves homeschooling because "Mummy is the best teacher!" And because he gets lots of Lego time, which is his main priority :)

DD ( 11 ) likes aspects of homeschooling but it really doesn't meet her needs as well as it does the other two. Sociable, group-learning, externally motivated, performance focused - she is finding homeschooling frustrating.

I would let a child have a greater say in their education the older they got. The oldest two can pretty much choose. Ds - I'd strongly encourage him to continue homeschooling for some time yet. I don't see any signs of him wanting to go, he's got it too good at home!

hockeymom
02-24-2011, 05:36 AM
My son has mentioned several times this year (our first) how much he likes homeschooling because he gets to "learn more" and "work at his own pace" and because it's "way more fun!". He did admit that he misses his friends, but also said it's actually no big deal because he didn't get to play with them very much anyway during school. I KNOW he'd like more social time and more time out of the house and that's been hard on both of us. But he also knows that as soon as we move (please this year, please this year) he will have tons more opportunities so he's being patient. We involve him in everything available to us, but there just isn't much. He was recently able to take a fun weekly math workshop at our local private school and he loved that; we're hoping there will be another one this spring. I was a bit afraid it would make him miss school, but it didn't. I think as he gets older--and definitely when we move--homeschooling will just become more and more fun; I don't foresee him wanting to go back to ps any time soon (although I do worry about it).

farrarwilliams
02-24-2011, 06:36 AM
I don't think my kids can conceive of anything else, honestly. I don't think they know what "real school" is even like. But they're happy with things as they are. If, when they get older, they ask to go to school, I would consider trying to make it happen. The thing is, we don't have the money for private school and if they went to their "assigned school" they would be the only kids who didn't qualify for free lunch and weren't way below the poverty line, not to mention they'd be the only white kids there - I just wouldn't be comfortable with that. So they would have to go into the lottery for a charter and there's only two more windows of opportunity there and the next one isn't until they're in 5th grade - that's a staggeringly long way away for two first graders.

inmom
02-24-2011, 06:47 AM
My daughter (14) loves to be homeschooled and would not ever want to return to ps (went through 2nd grade, and also has several friends in ps, so she hears all their stories).

I can't say that my son (13) "loves" to be homeschooled but probably believes it's the lesser of two evils. He's just at a stage right now where he's a bit stubborn on ANYTHING we ask him to do. But that's an entirely different post.....

AddlepatedMonkeyMama
02-24-2011, 08:00 AM
My son tells me he likes homeschooling because he has more time to play and doesn't get sent to the principal's office (and he only went to p.s. kindergarten, so that says a LOT about his experience at school!).

My girl has never gone to any kind of school, so she doesn't know what she's missing. While her brother was going, she was looking forward to doing things like picking out a backpack and riding a bus for field trips, but she's forgotten about those things now. Homeschooling is her normal.

They both seem quite happy. They get to play with each other and listen to stories most of the day, which are their favorite things to do.

Pefa
02-24-2011, 08:08 AM
When asked, BOO admits he doesn't have anything to compare it to so how would he know? FD and ES liked it at certain times and didn't at others, both agreed that hs was a waste of time academically but they were only there for the socialization which was why they went in the first place and very positive for both of them.

B1 just stares at anybody who asks the question.

ercswf
02-24-2011, 08:17 AM
My kids like to be homeschooled and don't understand why public schools exist. Both of them went to Public School for different periods of time. It was my older sons idea to do homeschooling. I was on board right away. My husband was the one that was still on the fence even after we brought them home. Though now he has seen the light and does not wish to put them back in public schools.

bcnlvr
02-24-2011, 08:34 AM
They LOVE it.

lynne
02-24-2011, 09:50 AM
My 9 year old loves it. My 6 year old is still in K and says he wants to continue going to school so I think he may miss some aspects of it when I keep him home for 1st grade. We're going to take one year at a time for now.

Aandwsmom
02-24-2011, 11:02 AM
I ask my kids this question at the end of every school year and so far, they WANT to be homeschooled.
We are accidental homeschoolers and started Oct 2008. This is tech. our 3rd school year homeschooling and they do not want to go back to public school.
We will see what the end of this year brings, but so far.... they still want to be homeschooled.

belacqua
02-24-2011, 07:39 PM
Mine has never been to school, and he frequently reminds me that he loves being homeschooled. Our local schools and teachers are just dandy, and if homeschooling weren't working for us I'd be pretty comfortable sending the kid to school, but he's made it plain he has no interest.

I've always planned to homeschool through high school, and the kid is on board with that. I'll admit my head was turned by the marketing materials we've gotten from some of the New England prep schools (and then I saw the tuition and realized just how Andover and Exeter can afford such fancy brochures...yikes!), but the boy didn't even glance at them.

dbmamaz
02-24-2011, 08:26 PM
LOL my mom really wanted me to do a summer program at exeter for some reason. I think I pretended to be deaf. She was always mad that she couldnt go to Harvard I think? or maybe it was Yale? because the school didnt accept women at the time, and of course she was sure I would live out her unrealized dreams ...

Bellanina
02-24-2011, 08:42 PM
My oldest attended public school for K and 1. We pulled him to homeschool starting grade 2 and he's now in 3 (with a bit of 2 and 4 mixed in where needed). The twins attended one year of preschool, about age 3-4. Then we pulled them as well. Our local public school was threatened to be closed, and the bus rides would have been 40-60 minutes ONE way....so there was no way my kids were going to experience that.

They still whine about ps occasionally, but I think it's mainly recess with friends they miss. And to be honest, all of Mitchell's closest grade-level friends have moved away :( so he wouldn't have anyone else in his grade level if he did attend ps.

I have to make a point of getting them out to see what few friends remain in the area. There aren't any close HS families, but we do attend swimming lessons each spring & fall with our closest HS association, an hour's drive away.

We manage, but I can see how easy it would be to HS in a big city, as compared to small rural towns.

StartingOver
02-24-2011, 09:28 PM
My oldest attended public school for K and 1. We pulled him to homeschool starting grade 2 and he's now in 3 (with a bit of 2 and 4 mixed in where needed). The twins attended one year of preschool, about age 3-4. Then we pulled them as well. Our local public school was threatened to be closed, and the bus rides would have been 40-60 minutes ONE way....so there was no way my kids were going to experience that.

They still whine about ps occasionally, but I think it's mainly recess with friends they miss. And to be honest, all of Mitchell's closest grade-level friends have moved away :( so he wouldn't have anyone else in his grade level if he did attend ps.

I have to make a point of getting them out to see what few friends remain in the area. There aren't any close HS families, but we do attend swimming lessons each spring & fall with our closest HS association, an hour's drive away.

We manage, but I can see how easy it would be to HS in a big city, as compared to small rural towns.

HUGS ! I spent a good amount of homeschooling in Kenai, Alaska. There just isn't much there, and farther to Anchorage that would be worth it for a day trip. We also homeschooled in Swan Lake, Montana. Living in the middle of the Rocky Mountains gave them tons to do, and me gray hairs worrying about the kids riding bears or something. So I understand that rural homeschooling. It isn't much easier in my biggish town now, as there aren't many secular homeschoolers. The ones that are here are spread out a good bit.

KristinK
02-24-2011, 10:03 PM
my eldest keeps asking me why she's "not allowed" to go to school, and whining that she'd have more friends there, etc. But she quiets down as soon as I remind her that she'd be in school all.day.long ;) still though, she is incredibly social and it's hard to keep her happy sometimes.

schwartzkari
02-24-2011, 11:28 PM
My daughter is 6. I did ask her before she started 1st grade if she would like to go to public school. She said no, that she wanted me to be her teacher. The only thing she has said is that she's "sad" she won't ride a big yellow school bus. Otherwise, she loves the freedom we have homeschooling. My son is only 2 so he has no idea what homeschooling is, lol.

If my children ever wanted to attend public school, I would sign them up. The neighborhood we moved to has excellent schools. However, I happen to think my homeschool is outstanding and I'm willing to bet my children would come running back ;)

alexdk
02-25-2011, 08:01 AM
My kids love being homeschooled! They have done both and hope to never have to go back to public school.

kewb22
02-25-2011, 08:09 AM
My kids love being homeschooled. Ds was in ps through 4th grade and dd through 2nd. Now that ds is in 7th grade the "do or don't high school" question is out there. I am now doing my due diligence. Researching options, finding out if he can swim on the high school team without being a student at the high school (which seems plausible since our town mayor's daughter swims on it while attending private school), and ds figuring out what he wants. We struggle with this decision because academically we know that homeschool will be superior. The issue is the social component. Dh waxes on about his great times socially in hs. Some days I feel like my head will explode. Oh, went a little off topic there. My kids love being homeschooled because they can work at their own pace, set their hours, and are free to be who they are.

alexdk
02-25-2011, 08:21 AM
My kids love being homeschooled. Ds was in ps through 4th grade and dd through 2nd. Now that ds is in 7th grade the "do or don't high school" question is out there. I am now doing my due diligence. Researching options, finding out if he can swim on the high school team without being a student at the high school (which seems plausible since our town mayor's daughter swims on it while attending private school), and ds figuring out what he wants. We struggle with this decision because academically we know that homeschool will be superior. The issue is the social component. Dh waxes on about his great times socially in hs. Some days I feel like my head will explode. Oh, went a little off topic there. My kids love being homeschooled because they can work at their own pace, set their hours, and are free to be who they are.

We went throught that same situation around Christmas time, trying to decide about high school. My oldest is grade 8. We all decided against, but there were times when we thought that maybe it would be better. It didn't last long though! And I am fortunate that my husband feels the same as I do, he would prefer that we continue homeschooling. Good luck to you.

WindSong
02-25-2011, 01:47 PM
So far, (this is our first year homeschooling), both of my kids like being homeschooled. We are taking it one year at a time for now. At the end of the year I want their feedback about our year together and whether or not they want to continue school at home. I won't leave the decision up to them until they get older, but I want their input. The biggest challenge I have with dd is making sure she sees her friends regularly. She is very social and craves social interaction. Ds, on the other hand, can occupy himself for hours with Legos or a good book and be happy as a clam. I'm pretty sure we will continue our homeschool adventure well into the future. :)

MrsLOLcat
02-25-2011, 02:50 PM
I ask my son each year what he wants to do for the next year. When I asked him a month or so ago, he said he wanted to go back to private school. I asked why. Turns out he is missing seeing people on a regular basis. I told him I'd sign him up for a homeschool gym class, and that was enough to make him happy. Other than that, he loves being home. He hated school, and it was hard on all of us for him to be there.

Jeni
02-25-2011, 03:07 PM
From my dd: "Say yes, my child likes to homeschool!" She also said: "Tell them your daughter LOVES her K12! I love science and math and my mommy too!" Awww, how cute!

Laina
02-25-2011, 05:28 PM
From my dd: "Say yes, my child likes to homeschool!" She also said: "Tell them your daughter LOVES her K12! I love science and math and my mommy too!" Awww, how cute!

Cute :)

I think (hope) my dd will really like it too.

Fiddler
02-25-2011, 07:27 PM
I can't say that my son (13) "loves" to be homeschooled but probably believes it's the lesser of two evils. He's just at a stage right now where he's a bit stubborn on ANYTHING we ask him to do. But that's an entirely different post.....

Carol, we are in the same boat. My younger two have NO desire to go to school, ever. Of course, they plan to live with DH and me forever, too. But my 13-year-old DS? He knows he has it good as far as the amount of time he spends doing work for homeschooling vs. how long kids are in school/doing homework, but he still longs to spread his wings (and get away from his younger sibs) a bit more. While we're waiting for him to get into a charter school around here (it looks likely for 9th grade, 2012-2013), I'm looking for options for him to keep homeschooling and still get "out there."

Kylie
02-26-2011, 05:55 PM
I haven't read all of the responses but my kids don't ever want to go to school!!

outskirtsofbs
02-26-2011, 07:41 PM
Yes, DD says she likes being homeschooled and doesn't have to see the bullies anymore. That being said, she also acknowledges that she doesn't like not having any friends. As of right now, she says she doesn't want to go back to PS.....but if she ever changes her mind then she can go back whenever she wants. Due to major problems at the middle school, I'd be happy if she went back for high school, but if she doesn't, whatever, it will all work out.

Sam
02-28-2011, 10:59 PM
DD and I are in that rough starting out period. She's very much a follower and bends to peer pressure a lot (one of the reasons we pulled her). So we have days where "homeschool is the best!" and other days where she longs for PS. Right now she's in a mindset that if she acts out enough I'll send her back to school. Not happening.

DD2 will be HSed from the start so she won't know any different.

To the kids who wish for school buses: DD1 did too (we walked). We lived too close to the school (but at the furthest point of the walkers zone) for her to be bused. So even though she went to PS for just over 4 years, she never took the school bus to school.

BrendaE
02-28-2011, 11:31 PM
DSS went from hs to PS..and then he wasnt doing well and is very happy to be back home again. DD had a year of ps while in Sweden. She did enjoy it but one of her favorite things about moving back to the USA was that she got to do hs again. Her peers activelyt encourage her to "join them" haha but she flat out just tells them no freaking way. I take that as she still likes hs. She has even asked me if, when she does eventually have kids, if I would help her hs them too.

Batgirl
03-01-2011, 12:03 AM
To the kids who wish for school buses: DD1 did too (we walked). We lived too close to the school (but at the furthest point of the walkers zone) for her to be bused. So even though she went to PS for just over 4 years, she never took the school bus to school.

I can also state from first hand experience that the thrill of the bus wears off after a year or two....

Inari
03-01-2011, 03:45 AM
.................................................

BrendaE
03-01-2011, 04:20 AM
Inari..

I think what she means is that her kids would experience the same thing your kids did. Some schools have a nice mix but children in groups can often be cruel. The white kids no doubt made your children feel horrible. Its not right, it shouldnt happen, I hate it just as much...but first and foremost I want to protect my child right? There is a similar situation here in Hawaii even. Some schools (not all just depends where you live), are entirely asian. Doesnt matter what kind of mix or whatever, they have kill whitey days, the white students that go there get beat up spit on and its real serious stuff once you get to high school. My daughter is mixed. She has beautiful light caramel skin and just for the simple fact that she has "ha'ole" (white person) coloured eyes, she would be treated mercilessly in some of the high schools here. Luckily we live in an area that has a really great mix and these problems are not so prevalent, anyway.. I am rambling. I dont think she meant it to be racist in the way you took it is all. One of the great things about teaching our children at home is that they never learn to implement racist behaviour (so long as the parent of course teaches against it). They are civilized not socialized etc..

Inari
03-01-2011, 05:11 AM
Whilst i completely understand what you are saying, Brenda, and I have no idea about the situation in schools in Hawaii, I cannot see it in the same way you do.

If others here do not see that comment in the same way I do, then this is really not the place for me.

Sam
03-01-2011, 08:22 PM
I have to say the racism from white children my two faced when they were in a western country was quite devestating to our whole family. My two polite, well behaved, high achieving non white children.

I think this is what Brenda was talking about. You children faced racism by being non-white in a mostly white area. I think Farrar was expressing that her children would face the same type of racism by being white in a mostly non-white area.

Inari
03-01-2011, 08:40 PM
..........................................

Inari
03-01-2011, 08:44 PM
I am absolutely disgusted at this attitude.

I am not going to be drawn into this discussion anymore.

farrarwilliams
03-01-2011, 09:12 PM
Inari, I'm really sorry my comment offended you.

I wouldn't be happy for my kids to go to any school at all, honestly, so the question is very academic in many ways to me. But, we chose our neighborhood because we like that it's extremely diverse - our ward of the city is the only one without an ethnic/racial majority (There are 8 wards in DC, 6 are majority black, 1 is majority white and 1 has no majority). We purposefully attend a multi-ethnic church in our neighborhood because we like the diversity of the community there. If my kids were to go to school (which, again, is hard for me to fathom), then I would have zero problem with them attending a school that was majority black or majority Latino. In fact, if I were to send them to a school, I probably would have entered the lottery for a particular charter school in our neighborhood that is very diverse - they purposefully accept a student body that reflects the racial makeup of the neighborhood, meaning that white students are probably about 20% of the school. No problem. Even if they were 5% of the school, hey, I have no problem with that. I attended a middle school that was majority black as well as briefly attending a historically black college and both are experiences I'm glad I had in my life - they were enriching experiences for me. But my understanding of the racial makeup of our locally assigned public school is that there are absolutely no non-Latino white students there. Zero. For my kids to go to a school where they would have to be the only kids of their particular culture in a school of hundreds... yeah, that makes me uncomfortable. Especially when very young kids from that school have called my kids homophobic and racist slurs. I think a lot of parents of other cultures and races would say something similar if the situation were reversed. I don't know if that's a defensible position. If everyone wants to call me a racist for it, then I'll accept that because it's not a positive thing when anyone opts out for reasons of race (though, honestly, we would homeschool if we lived anywhere, so this is really NOT the reason - I think I mentioned it in my post because it is a contributing reason that it would make it very difficult to just start school if the kids decided they wanted to - we don't have the money for private school and they can't enter another lottery until middle school, 5 whole years from now). And I know that sometimes situations are such that one has to send their child into a situation like that - a situation where they're the only black, or Asian or white or mixed race student at a school of all kids of another ethnicity or race. But when I think of my kids as individuals, I don't feel like that would be good for their overall well-being - at least, not at this particular school - it wouldn't be the sort of enriching experiences that I mentioned having had myself being one of only a few whites in a school - I just think it would be different and potentially negative for them, even if it would enrich the school as a whole. And I guess I'm just glad that, like I'm glad that we are able to homeschool, that I have the option to not put my kids in that situation.

Of course, then this hits upon the fact that by not being in school, we lose a diversity of community that I wish we had more of in our lives. But the diversity of the homeschool community is perhaps another issue altogether...

Anyway, I hope that's coherent.

dbmamaz
03-01-2011, 09:17 PM
Its a shame that she had to leave that way, but it didnt sound like she was very open to calmly stated differring opinions. Of course, i'm white, but while I could see her feeling uncomfortable with the comment taken out of context, her unwillingness to be open to discussion, and her quick decision to write us off as unwelcoming seems to be an insurmountable barrier to getting past that.

farrarwilliams
03-01-2011, 09:24 PM
Eek. And in the time that I wrote my response, Inari apparently left the group???

Okay, I feel really bad.

Brenda, what you were saying is so it about the hostility toward a racial group and how it's hard to send one's kids into that. Clearly, to overcome racial issues and create real diversity, then people have to help create diverse schools (and other institutions)... but when a parent thinks of their individual kids and sending them to a school where there's hostility toward them based on their skin color, cultural background, class level, etc. - then it's heartbreaking to have to do that. It's so much like the reasons that many families homeschool. They look at their local schools and are disgusted by the issues they see there academically, socially, etc. To get better schools, dedicated caring people have to send their kids there and get involved. But for so many of us, I think we look at our kids and think, why should my kid suffer so that we can try to make things better down the line? It doesn't seem right.

Stella M
03-01-2011, 09:28 PM
That's a shame. I've re-read this thread and it comes across clearly to me. I would also have problems with sending my kids to a school where they were an extreme minority. In fact, we chose not to move to a particular city because it was so white and my kids would have been one of the few 'mixed' kids.

I'm sure over time that this does contribute to a lack of diversity problem. That's a tough issue. Our children are more than agents of social change however; they are individuals first and foremost and their individual needs come first.

Inari, if you are still reading, I hope you know there are many of us here with non-white or mixed race kids. I personally have never felt there was even the slightest issue with that here. And I agree with Brenda and Sam that the issue Farrar raised, whilst having implications for diversity in the 'system' was not remotely racist.

Stella M
03-01-2011, 09:32 PM
No, it isn't right to use kids in that way.

Personally, I think it would be right to have that issue out there so when the kids were older they could make an informed choice. That's as far as your responsibility to the system extends.

farrarwilliams
03-01-2011, 09:41 PM
Someone in my writing group is working on a novel that deals with the integration in Little Rock and we were all discussing it at our last meeting. I am just constantly awed by the courage and risk that African-American families took in sending their kids to white schools just to be in the vanguard. My understanding is that the students didn't necessarily get a better education (better resources, maybe) and they risked their own lives and the lives of their children to do it. And thank goodness they did for all of us.

So I guess sometimes kids are the agents of social change. But maybe it makes a difference that the kids were in high school and therefore older, like you said, Melissa.

ETA: Not that this is analogous AT ALL to if I sent my kids to the local, cruddy public school where they would be the only white kids. Just thinking about bigger issues...

lynne
03-01-2011, 09:52 PM
Showing my support too. I don't think there was anything remotely racist discussed in this thread. I'm sorry she made *you* feel bad for doing nothing wrong.

BrendaE
03-01-2011, 09:54 PM
I can understand how hurt and angry Inari probably is just reading these posts.. Though taken out of context.. Its obvious she WAS in that situation, and the harm and hurt it caused her babies and her family can cut so deeply into ones emotions about it all anyway.. i just understand. I hope that if youre still reading Inari that you dont walk away from a great bunch of people. What happened to your babies and youre family is deeply well... evil. I feel like I want to shake some children around here who are blatant racists... but I cant. I will get arrested. A lot..... Ultimately it isnt the childrens faults though. It is their parents who either say nothing OR encourage racism. Both of those things in a school full of children of only one race will cause those children to lean to a mob mentality and outcast anyone different from them.

I hope , if you ARE reading this, that when youre not so upset that you take it for what it was. She just wouldnt want what happened to you and yours, to happen to her. Thats all it was.

Stella M
03-01-2011, 09:56 PM
Yes, it would take a lot of courage.

Imo, our moral responsibility extends to providing information to our children and supporting the choices they make based on that info. And obviously, it's a spectrum - the amount of choice a 7yr old has is not going to equate to that of a 15yr old.

Stella M
03-01-2011, 10:15 PM
This is interesting as well in terms of on-line communication. Presumably, this issue could have been clarified/cleared up more easily in a face-to-face encounter.

I know I spend more time here than I probably should. But spending time here really helps me work out who all the other people are. Over time, you get used to particular tones - this person is always empathetic, that person can be blunt, this other will always make a joke - and it helps you 'read' communication with them. So if something doesn't come across right, you have something to draw on to read the comment as it was intended.

Without that - no tone, no facial expression - it's easy to misinterpret online conversation.

I know some people don't want community. They need a one-stop shop for curriculum questions etc. I like that SHS can function in that way too. But I also like that people are here enough to help make on-line communication easier.

I really hope Inari comes back to finish off the conversation. I agree with Cara she wasn't open to that but I guess that's a sign of how close and hurtful the topic is to her.

Inari
03-02-2011, 04:22 AM
First off. I did not run away from a reasoned debate. I found myself surrounded by people expressing views highly offensive to me,and realised it was not beneficial to me to stay.

Secondly, I find the level of unawareness of the racism being expressed here, to be astounding.
I can absolutely accept that to not want to send a child to a school with poor results is absolutely understandable. This was not what was said. It was that there was a perceived level of threat to the safety of a white child in a mostly non white environment. Also that it was seen as undesirable for a white child to surrounded by children from other races from a social point of view.

The self congratulatory way in which you all ran to defend this view, which to me is inherently racist, made me want to leave this group as soon as possible, which I am certainly going to do.

It is one thing to have the privileges of a white person, and try to check oneself for racism and race fear, it is another to embrace that fear and give in to it, to support it and perpetuate it.

Now I will go , and let you call carry on congratulating each other on protecting your children from people they do not need protecting from - other Americans who happen to be people of colour. Americans who happen to be my family by marriage and whom I love very much indeed, and one of whom fought for his country.

Are you all seriously telling me that a child who was white or part white, would be in danger in a school which was mostly black, because of their race? I want to know, because I have never heard of such a thing, or attacks like these happening.

I homeschool because I would rather teach my children myself, civilise them, not socialise them, because the academic standards in schools are appalling.

My daughter would be the only mixed race child in the class, if she went to the local school here. That fact did not contribute to my decision to homeschool her.

My children are a mix of Japanese, white and one other race (which if I mention will identify me, and I would rather remain anonymous). How about the child who told my daughter that her mother should not let her go under a tanning bed and get so dark. Or the one who called her Chink? How about child who teased her for having `slitty` eyes? How about the work I had to do to persuade her that her lovely catty eyes were beautiful? How about sitting there in tears because a group of white girls would not let her play with them, because she was not white? Or not being invited to ONE birthday party from this group of girls? She did make friends, but was ghettoised with the other children from non white families. She was segregated because even within that school, the mothers of the white children did not let their children mix with non white kids. It was hurtful to her, and to me.

Now we are here in Japan, of course she is not part of the Japanese majority either, she is still mixed race and not quite accepted. Still, she does not come in for the sheer level of racism she did before.

I really do not want to spend any more time here, because it is upsetting to me that my husband was right, that America is a very segregated country and not somewhere where my children in the future could go to university and not be the victims of racism, segregation, and prejudice. It seems like my daughter would face even greater obstacles in America, which is such a shame. I had my heart set on sending her to family in the States for her college years. I thought that perhaps more than any other country in the world, children and young people were judged on their talent, their manners, their skills, not the colour of their skin.

What a shame I was wrong.

Now, if you don't mind, Ild rather be somewhere else more friendly, and less hurtful than here.

BrendaE
03-02-2011, 09:35 AM
Are you all seriously telling me that a child who was white or part white, would be in danger in a school which was mostly black, because of their race? I want to know, because I have never heard of such a thing, or attacks like these happening.


Yes that is what I am saying. Last month in a high school on the North Shore here, the only white student in the school was thrown down the steps and beaten on " Kill Whitey Day" No one told on any one and they all got away with it as well. Its not ONLY a white child in a school that is not diverse and only one race. Its ANY child that is different from the others. That is true in any country to go to Every one has been quite clear about that dynamic. These women were just describing what YOU went through and that they dont want THEIR children to go through it. For you to say they are racists for that in turn would make you a racist. Unless of course you WANTED your babies to go through that. I doubt that very very much. Neither you nor they are racists. Period. If this message isnt coming across clearly then I do not know what else to tell you and I am sorry youre in so much pain from your experience to see it. No one has been mean to you here. University is an entirely different place where adults are more likely to behave in a civilized manner.

I am rather upset now so I am going to leave off this topic. The rest of you ladies didnt say anything at all wrong. You have nothing to apologize for. So just dont. I havent known you long but its obvious your a bunch of kind caring men and women who put a lot of thought and love into their families. Youre not rascists, nor are you bigots or elitists and I know the majority of you read and re read these posts to try and see how that could possibly look like the case. The fact is it doesnt.

farrarwilliams
03-02-2011, 10:43 AM
Inari, I have no clue if you're reading, but I think your husband is sadly right. Many parts of the US are very segregated and many racial issues exist. Obviously, it's terrible that you experienced that first hand. I would never allow my kids to say hurtful things like those that were said to your kids. I often think of parenting as negotiables and non-negotiables and racist or bullying remarks fall solidly in the non-negotiable category for our household. I can see how you feel that I'm perpetuating those issues by feeling that this particular school would be bad for my kids. But I don't know how to else to respond except how I already have. If my kids were to go to school, I would want for them to have a school with real diversity, I just don't think that's this school.

There absolutely is anti-white racism in inner city public schools and communities in this country. It's not the same as the racism against blacks or other groups by whites because there's not a power structure that supports it in a larger sense. I recognize that myself and my kids are absolutely the beneficiaries of white privilege. However, in this particular school, it's likely that they would be called "cracker" and other hurtful terms. Could it stop them from getting a job or a house or hurt them in other systematic ways as whites still to this day often exert their power in our larger society? No. But could it hurt their sense of self worth? I think so. They already have been called racist slurs (and homophobic ones, since one of my sons has long hair and wears "girl" colors) by some of the kids from that school and thankfully they don't know that that is a judgment of their selves based solely on their skin color. But if they attended that school, I'm sure they would find out. Forgive me if I want to spare them that. Just as you, Inari, would almost certainly have wanted to spare your kids the name calling they experienced.

I don't know how else to engage this. And it does feel to me that by announcing you were leaving unless people agreed with you, Inari, that you weren't interested in having a real discussion about these issues.

Race is genuinely one of the issues that concerns me the most about homeschooling - in part because, just like in our wider society, there are no simple solutions to fix it. There are a growing number of African American homeschoolers in our city, but they are overwhelmingly conservative Christians and not interested in joining diverse groups besides. Our larger homeschooling community has a number of families of color, but it's not reflective of our neighborhood or city by any means and that worries me. I worry about the message that sends my kids. However, I believe that homeschooling is the right choice for us for so many reasons, so I try to do what I can to introduce cultural and racial diversity to our lives in other ways. I don't know that I'm always successful, so Inari's comments hit me in a place that really hurts, because it is something I worry about - ensuring that my kids don't grow up with racist attitudes.

ESNQueen
03-02-2011, 02:50 PM
My DD absolutely hates it and we fight over it constantly. She's almost 8. She went to K and 1st at public school, though we did homeschool part of first before enrolling her. We're looking into Catholic school next year but if we don't find a way to pay for that, she'll be home again and she'll just have to learn to live with it.

I'm not sounding very cheerful, am I? I'm just answering the original question and ignoring what went on with the rest of the thread. :)

lynne
03-02-2011, 03:07 PM
Brandi - I'm having a similar thing with my 6 year old. He's in a private K now and loves school. He comes home singing the songs, rhyming words, excited about what they're doing there and he cries when I tell him I'm planning to homeschool him for 1st grade. I just can't seem to find a school that's acceptable though. Public school is out since my older son did not do well there and we are not impressed with the school or the staff. I really don't want him to learn Spanish but all of the private schools teach it and, I don't mind a religious school but then we're dealing with uniforms and I just don't see him wanting to be dragged out of bed every morning and putting on a uniform. I did find one small secular school that was nice in a lot of ways, but it's very, very small, no playground and felt a little too daycare-ish to us. I guess I'm feeling some guilt about him missing out on school when he loves it so much. My fear too is that he will not want to do any school work for me. He is at a good place academically already, but I don't want him playing on the computer all day, which is his favorite thing to do. So I'm feeling pretty conflicted about what to do. Plus I had a conference with his K teacher a couple weeks ago and she felt he would do fine homeschooling but she feels he would really benefit from continuing school. I don't know.

Stella M
03-02-2011, 04:23 PM
Wow. No-one was congratulating themselves on protecting their children from people of colour. That's a big call. Personally, I was talking about protecting my daughters from being swamped by blonde, blue-eyed Anglos! Discrimination at the individual level, as opposed to the systemic, can take place no matter what kind of minority you are.

Now, as to whether we, as homeschoolers, have a responsibility to provide value to an educational system - well, that's a whole other conversation. One that would be interesting to have on another thread...

outskirtsofbs
03-02-2011, 04:38 PM
I think (definitely) that I missed something.

Kylie
03-02-2011, 05:17 PM
Oh dear I haven't been keeping track of this thread and thought I'd jump on just now, with a few posts removed it is difficult to gauge exactly what dialogue took place and I probably should just keep my mouth shut but.....

Inari is obviously so deeply wounded by what happened to her children that it is now affecting other outlets for her....I am assuming this because it happened to me (and I say this with a kind heart, not in judgement in any way).

Up until about 6 months I was he'll bent on creating a secular only social circle for myself and my children. I was so deeply wounded by an event that took place with some one, that although was deeply religious I thought to be my friend, about 2.5 years ago.

This family now will not enter local groups and only allow their children to socialize with a selected few families because they don't want their children being 'harmed' by our heathen kiddies!!!

It has taken a lot of soul searching for me to get through that awful experience, and to realize that not all xtians are like that....xtian doesn't always mean 'good person' like they want to believe.

So in saying that I can see how Inari is instantly defensive when the topic arises....how to help I don't know..I am simply seeing an awful situation that is very sad.

I also dot feel that anything that has been said was wrong but I can see how it can be taken that way....the one downside to online communication and the one big reason that members of forums really need to be more lenient of each other because it so easy to take things out of context....and by frequenting your forum of choice more often, as Melissa pointed outit can help a little, but not always.

Inari take some time to regroup, but this forum has given me sooooo much, it is a valuable place with a bunch of kind, caring, knowledgeable people that are simply trying to do the best for their children, as you are too. I am sorry your family has been so deeply hurt in the past and I hope you can all move forward.

MarkInMD
03-02-2011, 08:06 PM
All I have to say is:

Extreme defensiveness never contributes to solving any problems or coming to any understanding. Pointing fingers of accusation and then using those same fingers to plug your ears when an explanation is forthcoming is exactly why this country has so many of the problems that Inari talks about. None of us are blameless. It is Inari's responsibility to listen if she wants to hear truth and come closer to an understanding of why things are as they really are, not as she wants them to be or thinks they should be.

I'm not in the greatest of moods today because of a collision of many circumstances, but I'll say it. Inari, if you're still reading, perhaps before pointing the finger of blame at others, listen to your own words and think about how you may be contributing to the problem rather than the solution. It takes two to have a dialogue. Do you think that yelling, in real life or virtually (online), makes people feel like they can talk openly? I'm impressed with the tact that was shown here.

I'm sorry that your past wounded you so badly that you can't even seem to have a rational discussion about it. But if you really and truly want to fix things, rather than just cry "Racist!" without knowing all the facts or even trying to hear beyond your own filter, then you'll be calmer next time you run into this issue in your life. Then maybe you'll realize there are truths other than your own.

My mother was a teenager during the civil rights struggles of the early 60s. Her best friend was African-American. They couldn't sit next to each other at the movies. They were lucky we didn't live in the deep South or else they wouldn't even have been permitted to be friends. She went against a lot of social pressure to be a friend to someone of a different background. And she and my father raised both their sons to embrace diversity as much as they had. But even though society is much more open to diversity now, it doesn't mean that if there is an imbalance, it must be in favor of whites. In many urban settings, it's just the opposite. And unfortunately, the things Brenda talks about still do happen, just like racist whites still exist in my rural area who fly Confederate flags at their high schools just to taunt the black kids. All of those people are the problem. I suggest we deal with what's real, so that we can get at the real problems and not wring our hands over wishes and dreams.

Best wishes. /rant

Kylie
03-02-2011, 08:15 PM
Well said Mark and whilst agree, she may not be in the 'space' to approach this rationally just yet, so for all involved it may be best if she left it alone (just talking from my experiences) but then I'm not even in the best head space today so it is quite possible that I am just rambling utter C**P today and if that is the case, just disregard me altogether ROFL!!


All I have to say is:

Extreme defensiveness never contributes to solving any problems or coming to any understanding. Pointing fingers of accusation and then using those same fingers to plug your ears when an explanation is forthcoming is exactly why this country has so many of the problems that Inari talks about. None of us are blameless. It is Inari's responsibility to listen if she wants to hear truth and come closer to an understanding of why things are as they really are, not as she wants them to be or thinks they should be.

I'm not in the greatest of moods today because of a collision of many circumstances, but I'll say it. Inari, if you're still reading, perhaps before pointing the finger of blame at others, listen to your own words and think about how you may be contributing to the problem rather than the solution. It takes two to have a dialogue. Do you think that yelling, in real life or virtually (online), makes people feel like they can talk openly? I'm impressed with the tact that was shown here.

I'm sorry that your past wounded you so badly that you can't even seem to have a rational discussion about it. But if you really and truly want to fix things, rather than just cry "Racist!" without knowing all the facts or even trying to hear beyond your own filter, then you'll be calmer next time you run into this issue in your life. Then maybe you'll realize there are truths other than your own.

Best wishes. /rant

MarkInMD
03-02-2011, 08:27 PM
I'll probably regret at least some of that post tomorrow. I'm not usually that crabby. :)

farrarwilliams
03-02-2011, 09:06 PM
I didn't find that crabby, Mark. I thought it was well-said. :)

MarkInMD
03-03-2011, 12:23 AM
Well, I felt crabby when I wrote it. A little better now. I just get bothered by attitudes not based in reality.

ollie
08-22-2011, 10:25 AM
Hi,
I'm new to this site & I'm from Florida. I have a 9 year old son & I'm homeshooling him this year. He went to a public school for kindergarten & 1st grade. But going to his 2nd grade, my son cried on his first day & was not happy at all. He did not want to go back. Thank God my husband & I found an awesome private christian school that our son went for 2nd & 3rd grade. We love that school but unfortunately could no longer afford tuition this year. We are still, however, following the curriculums. I think I'm more sad than my son is lol. He told me last night that he's okay & happy to be homeshooled this year so that makes me feel better. I think I'm just gonna miss the other moms there and the school activities specially the holiday programs. But the most important is our son. So long as he's happy then we're happy! :)

Mikey
03-05-2012, 10:07 AM
My son dislikes the times of homeschooling . He says "Its nt much of a difference, id rather go to regular school interacting with people for 8 hrs then sit in front of a computer screen for 4" He remains in homeschooling because he works at a faster pace then others and he hates having to wait for his other classmates to catch up with him.

Mikey
03-05-2012, 10:10 AM
My son dislikes the times of homeschooling . He says "Its nt much of a difference, id rather go to regular school interacting with people for 8 hrs then sit in front of a computer screen for 4" He remains in homeschooling because he works at a faster pace then others and he hates having to wait for his other classmates to catch up with him. He attends ECOT at the moment.

dottieanna29
03-05-2012, 12:32 PM
Wow, I'm glad I didn't answer after only reading the first page since the conversation certainly took some interesting turns. As far as the racist accusations - I don't think acknowledging that race/appearance based bullying takes place and wanting to protect your kids from it is racist. Unfortunately in a lot of places it's reality.

Mark - you were definitely more blunt and to the point that I'm used to you being since I think of you as more light-hearted and joking, but I don't think you were crabby or out-of-line in any way.

Now for the original question. My son only went to school for a year of Early Intervention. He liked it but he never expressed a desire to go back. The subject of public school only comes up when he complains about doing school and I tell him his only other option is to go out to school and I point out that he would not be able to play on computer or Wii for the entire school day.

My youngest has never gone to school of any kind and has never expressed any interest in doing so.

We will probably give the kids the option of going to high school since we live in a district with a very strong academic school where they would be able to test into classes at whatever level they needed to work in.

Woogie
03-05-2012, 12:40 PM
Here is a question for you--are your children glad they are homeschooled? Do they ever say they want to go to a typical school? And if they did, at what age would you let them make this decision?

Such a tough question for me right now! We were hs from birth, then my kids wanted to try ps. So we did. They've been in and out of school a few times over the last 2 years. Everyday for the last 2 months they have been begging to come home again. My 7 year old daughter spent an hour last night convincing her Dad that she needed to do more hiking and field exploration for her animal studies. So, they Love homeschooling, and are tired of ps and how much time it takes...they are sick of the schedule, and the repetitiveness
, and the fact that they are not learning anything. We're considering withdrawing them asap...again.

theWeedyRoad
03-05-2012, 12:46 PM
Wow, I'm glad I didn't answer after only reading the first page since the conversation certainly took some interesting turns.

I almost responded, but this thread is really old ;)

Both of my kids have gone to ps. Ds doesn't like the.. isolation he feels from homeschooling (we just spent all weekend babysitting my neice and nephew, and today he's grateful for some peace and quiet LOL, so not so much today), but neither child wants to go back. The question comes up from time to time for ds, but he's adament this is where he wants to be, regardless of the drawbacks.

I'm always willing to consider what they want. It's really their educations at stake, and their needs at risk. I think I feel (and I know others don't feel this way, so this isn't a judgement on anyone at all) that I can't really get them 100% on board with what I'm teaching if they feel forced to do it.

dottieanna29
03-05-2012, 12:55 PM
I almost responded, but this thread is really old ;)



Wow, it certainly is. I'm surprised I didn't catch that but it's probably because I evidently didn't answer the first time it came around. I'm not used to really old threads getting renewed around here.

Airen
03-05-2012, 01:15 PM
LOL... I almost responded this morning, too! Then I saw how many posts there were, and assumed I missed something...

But since it has been revived... I think DS would be begging me to go to ps if he knew it was an option. I don't know for sure, but I think he thinks we homeschool because town is so far away. LOL I'm not in a position to let him choose right now. Maybe in a couple years, but there are so many things I love that I'm not willing to give up. ANd at 7, he doesn't get a final say on something this big...

Shaunam
03-05-2012, 04:06 PM
DS says he never ever wants to go to school, but quite honestly, I think that's because I told him at school he has to sit at a desk and do work for double the time he has to spend on it at home. LOL I just get tired of him complaining about ALL the work he has to do (which isn't that much)! I'm not sure how long we'll be homeschooling anyway, but if he suddenly decided he wanted to go to school, I'd entertain that idea no matter his age. We'd discuss options, tour the local schools, discuss how long of a "go" he'd have to give it (I wouldn't let him back out after only two weeks because of one bad day ya know?).

crkirby
03-05-2012, 07:50 PM
My 8yo, was in ps last year, for K & 1st grade....so when we started homeschooling this year, there was a period of time when she was always asking why and that she missed "her school". Now, however, she loves it, and is constantly telling her friends how awesome homeschooling is and "your mom should homeschool you too!"
My 5yo doesn't know anything else, so at this point I don't think she minds :)

ESNQueen
03-05-2012, 09:16 PM
My daughter (almost 9) likes that she doesn't have to get up at 7 in the morning. She doesn't like that she has very few friends (like... 1). BUT, she didn't have any friends in public school, either. My son doesn't know any difference (he's 5 and only doing pre-K work).

Alaskamom
03-06-2012, 12:57 AM
My kids know no different. I have 4 kids, currently HS the two oldest. We are finishing up 2nd and K. My daughter (K) loves being at home and would probably HATE public school. At the beginning of the year she would have to have me in eyesight at all time during her homeschool P.E. at the local gym. She's come a long way since then and while I can see her doing well in a typical school setting, she's happy at home. My older boy (going into 3rd) is a social butterfly and talks about it sometimes. I've told him time and time again that sitting in a classroom for 6 or 7 hours with minimal breaks would kill him. He argued with me....so I structured one day around what a typical public school day was and he's never mentioned it again. LOL I think he gets how good he's got it at home!