View Full Version : Help!!

02-16-2011, 08:44 PM
I just started HSing DD ( 8 ) She was in the middle of 3rd grade. I don't know how to keep this short! Everyone is against me. I am a single mom, her dad comes over to do work with her and she pretty much does not do much and he freaks out, etc. It is looking like I need, I mean have to quit my home daycare job and move and now everyone thinks " oh now you have to put her back in school and get to work" Yes, I may have to work, I would still want to find a way to HS her. She hates school. She gets test anxiety so badly, she has accidents at school, a couple of bullies and I just took her out, I had never even considered HSing before. I have no idea what I am doing. I know she loves to read, write and draw, we do that a lot, she loves to play by herself with all her dolls and makes furniture and clothes, she is extremley creative. She hates math and so do I. She did terrible in Math today for her dad so now he thinks it is because she has been home. I had her doing 2nd grade math just for a review, of course she forgot most of the facts as we are now into multiplication. Okay, whats my question. I just wish everyone had done all the research I have done on HS, I have engrossed myself in every book on the subject and read almost every website. I know what I am doing is right. I just don't know how to make her do her work without a battle, I am not a scholar and some say " has no business teaching" I will be learning right along with her that is for sure. I just wish there was one website or a few passages from people in my similiar or have been at one point in this situation and people in my life could really see why this is so important. I guess I just needed to vent. I recently learned on Unschooling, so that is what I tell people I am doing, more like being lazy and not wanting to fight with my DD all day long. She has many friends, plays softball, is a Brownie..I don't why that would matter, just thought I would mention it... Sorry for the rantathon! We are moving out because my now ex boyfriend did not like the HSing I was doing and thought we we should not be in our pajamas and she should be schooling 5 hours a day. That was the straw in our relationship! Thanks, I will take anything you got!!

02-16-2011, 08:50 PM
Stop and breathe for a moment. This too shall pass. There are a lot of creative ways to work from home whilst HSing too. First things first though, you wont be able think, plan, or act until you get to a calm place. Are you moving to your mothers? get that done then. If her father is cauing problems, you dont have to ask him to join in. Is he your babysitter or something?? HSing ONE child can take as little as 3 hours a day and those can be scattered. My only advice here is really this i think... Stop worrying about what other people think. If they are causing you stress, limit as MUCH as you can the face time with them and ALL other time with them (ex. email, phone etc). Then when youre calm ..start your battle plan. It can be done. When i first started.. i was active duty in the AF AND a single mom. It CAN be done.

02-16-2011, 09:04 PM
BrendaE... Thank you!! I have that disease, caring about what people are thinking, I hate it!! Her dad is not my babysitter, I just asked him to be a part of this and since he is way better at Math and Art, I have him work with her in those areas. This of course only works when xbf is on the road. I do need to get moving. I just look at all this crap we accumulated in this ridiculous house! I can't seem to start packing and I dread moving in to my mothers. I just need people like you to tell me what's up!! I need a good kick!!

02-16-2011, 09:30 PM
First things first, work out the living arrangements, get your dd settled in the new house situation, and THEN tackle HSing. Sounds like you have alot of things up in the air, and that's not helping. You CAN do this, you just have to start...and first thing first is the home environment. And if her dad is willing to help, that's great...but make sure he's open minded to the time it takes to work out new roles, etc. And to expect her to move at HER pace, not his.

good luck :)

02-16-2011, 10:16 PM
Thanks Kristin! I feel better all ready. Just venting and getting your responses was helpful.
Her pace is a snails pace, but I am used to that..
Thanks again, guys!

02-16-2011, 10:21 PM
I don't have much to add. I agree with what the others said. I just want you to know that you have my/our support. One day at a time. Keep doing the next right thing. Breathe. :)

02-16-2011, 11:07 PM
Hi, Melaknee. I'll echo what the others have said: get your living situation settled, and do not open the door for others to criticize your decision. Don't ask them what they think and don't talk about it. Be firm. You're the mom.

You don't have to be a teacher to homeschool. I was a teacher and I think it is a liability. I was trained to teach 30+ kids at the same time in an education factory, and use the term education loosely. I was more of a glorified babysitter because they didn't actually want me to teach. I got in trouble for doing that. I'm not kidding. That's why I'm homeschooling. SO, no teacher certification or training needed. The only qualifications IMHO are 1) you love your child 2)you are willing to make the sacrifices homeschooling requires-for some of us that was quitting our jobs, for others it's juggling a job and homeschooling, etc... 3) you value learning. That's it.

Sometimes kids who've been in ps needs some time to adjust to homeschooling. PS pretty much sucks the love of learning out of kids and they have to find that natural love again. It's okay to take some time to relax and figure this thing out. In the meantime do what you're doing: follow your child's interests. Read aloud to her. Get some really good, interesting books she may not have heard before. You know: Charlotte's Web, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Percy Jackson, Little House on the Prairie, Paddington, Matilda, whatever might interest her. Fix the two of you some hot chocolate and snuggle on the couch and read. After you finish a chapter ask her a couple of questions if you like. If that would ruin her enjoyment of the story don't bother with that yet. If you happen to notice a really descriptive line, something that jumps out at you, mention it to her and go on. Let her read to you if she wants. Encourage her to write her own story if that's her thing. Get in the kitchen and do some kitchen chemistry. Let her help you bake and talk about fractions and measurements while you do it. Have fun. Go outside for walks. Notice the birds. Take some pictures and see if the two of you can identify the birds in your area. Keep a nature journal of cool stuff like that. If she likes to draw take her to a nice park and let her draw there. Take a picnic lunch. Make an afternoon of it. Get the picture? Just because it's not in a workbook doesn't mean she's not learning something valuable. As for math, just keep plugging away. My dd hates math, too. Next year we're going to try Teaching Textbooks. It starts with 3rd grade and it teaches math to your child. You don't have to know what you're doing, which is why I'm going to try it next year. We use Time4Learning, too. If she enjoys being on the computer that may really help you out.

Bottom line is don't stress yourself out. School in third grade should only take a few hours. My 8 year old is done by lunchtime and has the rest of the day to play or follow her own interests. Take a deep breath and smile. YOU CAN DO THIS!

02-16-2011, 11:12 PM
I'm going to jump on the bandwagon, here & remind you to just take a step back when you feel yourself getting overwhelmed. Take that one step back and ask, "What _one thing_ do I need to do first?" Then take a deep breath and do that _one thing._ One thing at a time, & you'll make progress.

Next, regarding the hsing -- since you just recently pulled your dd out, she will need some time to decompress and "deschool" -- get rid of all her negative associations with learning. Share some of your research with dd's dad. You don't need to commit to any specific style of homeschooling -- unschooling or Waldorf or Charlotte Mason or otherwise -- now, or ever. So for now, just take hsing one day at a time, too. Explore the things dd likes most. Let her read, write, and draw! Math can be explored on-the-fly at the grocery store, calculating how many 14-oz cans of diced tomatoes you need to buy in order to have 96 ounces for the sauce recipe. Make a pizza & use it to study fractions.

But above all, take a deep breath. You've got my support, too.

02-16-2011, 11:57 PM
You guys are awesome!!!!!!!!!!! Yay! Thank you!
I am taking a deep breathe and big gulp of my wine ; )

02-17-2011, 06:02 AM
I have nothing valuable to add to the great advice you've already received, just support. Follow your heart, mama, and it *will* be okay. :)

02-17-2011, 06:33 AM
Oh gosh I feel your pain from your post. You've gotten some great advice, I hope things settle down for you soon.

Have you been able to send any light reading to those that are opposed? I only mention this as I just read a light hearted easy read today, published in one of our local mags....I've linked to it in my blog (link below) and I am sure there are loads of similar articles out there that you might be able to forward on to concerned relatives.

02-17-2011, 07:19 AM
Everything everyone just said, but one more thing I'd like to suggest. You mention that you "hate math." If I were you, I'd be careful about conveying that feeling to your daughter, because if you hate it and make that plain to her, what's her motivation for even trying to like it? My wife and I have run into a similar problem this year with starting up Spanish with our older son. She has a learning disability that makes it difficult, if not impossible, to grasp a foreign language. It became obvious through our words to him that this is not a subject Mom feels comfortable with. Now, when she tries to help him with a worksheet on the Rosetta Stone program we use, he won't believe that she can help him out and he insists that I do the teaching on it. So even if she does follow what's going on, she's not perceived as the authority, and he therefore tries to control the situation.

So even if it's the worst thing in the world for you to teach math (or whatever), I'd urge you to resist making that known to her. If it comes across as unenjoyable to you, it will definitely be unenjoyable for her, as well.

That being said, you know your child better than anyone else does. Use the cues she's giving you to figure out what will help her learn best, and eventually it will work out. You can do it!