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View Full Version : Why must they ARGUE???



melhoen
02-15-2011, 12:28 PM
Is it just me? Am I in the complete minority or do all of you have these battles? She has a problem (ADHD, looking into Bi-Polar where she's clearly on the downside right now) I understand that but holy crap. Do other kids get so frustrated at what they're doing that they sit there and stew and roll their eyes and grind their teeth and cry? Do they say, "I know how to do this, can we skip down to number 10? I just did a whole page of this." When it is very clear they don't get it AT ALL? Some days are way better than others. Some days we breeze right through everything in two hours happy as can be. Others we have to take a break after two or three subjects so she can gather herself back together and the rest of the day just really isn't the same. Did I do the right thing pulling her out? She was sooo far behind at PS. I thought this would give her the chance to regroup without feeling so lost and behind her friends. But boy does she like to fight if it isn't the subject she wants to be doing. Grrrr... Please tell me it's not just me.

kcanders
02-15-2011, 12:47 PM
It's not just you. Is it worse for some subjects than others? My son gets defiant and argumentative if he feels threatened or overwhelmed. So there is more likely to be a problem if we are working on writing, a large page of math problems, or anything that is timed. I have tried to slow down with these subjects. Maybe just do a few of the math problems each day and take 2-3 days to do the page. It is easier on me if I try to remember why he is acting like he is. That doesn't mean I don't get frustrated and want to pull out my hair and scream :) I am trying to develop more patience. I'm not sure what advice I can give you, we are still struggling with this as well. Sorry :(

MrsLOLcat
02-15-2011, 02:04 PM
SO not just you. M1 will fight me till Kingdom Come on some topics, just on principle. Usually those are writing/spelling and math. M2 will randomly fight me on things, too, and she's not even at home for school yet. We visited some friends over the weekend and went to church with them (the dad is an Anglican priest, so there's really no escaping church when you visit lol), and M2 lost her mind in the middle of service. I know that if she comes home, there will be days (many of them, no doubt) that she will Just Say No to school. FWIW, she also likely has a mood disorder and has those days where the ODD symptoms rule all.

QueenBee
02-15-2011, 03:16 PM
Not just you! My oldest DD was trying to tell me she already understood her math - she got a 40%.
I have no advice - just sympathy and empathy!!

Stella M
02-15-2011, 03:25 PM
Not just you. My dd would argue if I told her the sky was blue. She likes to contradict...I can't really blame her for it because she got that irritating little habit from me! Seriously, it's temperament.

fbfamily111
02-15-2011, 04:59 PM
Both of my DC argue with me constantly. I'm just getting my own back, neither one of them are as bad as I was as a child. I have apologized profusly to my mother.

Pilgrim
02-15-2011, 08:19 PM
Not just you. DD has similar meltdowns with school work. This week, she's good. But when she's cranky...look out.

DS is pleasant but is obsessed with moving to the next step. Though he certainly hasn't mastered a lesson, he only wants to move on, whether it's piano or phonics. That said, he's excited about learning, asks questions, and bugs me about 'doing school'. So I've just decided to let it go. I'll slow him down one way or the other.

MarkInMD
02-16-2011, 01:03 PM
I knew what you were going to say just from the subject, so that should tell you that you're not alone, as everyone else here also demonstrates. In our case, Hurricane (older son) is high-functioning Asperger's, so when he feels like he can't be perfect the first time, he shuts down. What I do in these situations -- and maybe it'll work for you, too -- is to just gently steer the conversation toward something else not even connected to the subject. Like, "Hey, do you remember that funny thing the guy on TV said last night?" Just something that will lighten the mood but that's not a complete non-sequitur. Then when the darker mood has hopefully passed, you can again gently steer the conversation back and say, "I realize this is hard, but I'm on the same team as you. If I promise to try my hardest to help you get through this, can you promise you'll work with me?" Maybe you already do something like this, but if not, I find this usually works pretty well.

Hoping for the best for you both.

hockeymom
02-16-2011, 01:18 PM
DS is pleasant but is obsessed with moving to the next step.

We have that issue too; it can be hard to get him to slow down but it is getting better.


...when he feels like he can't be perfect the first time, he shuts down.

Mark, do you actually read my mind? Or live in our house?
I like your strategies, and use them too. Distraction is key around here.

Teri
02-16-2011, 01:51 PM
I have this with the middle child (who is the dyslexic one). I was about an inch away from putting her in school for the first time about a month ago.
I made some changes that have helped her immensely though and we are off that ledge for now.
1. I bumped her back two levels in our curriculum. She was working ahead of where she should have been anyway (at her request to be with her brother and sister) and she appeared to be doing fine. Apparently, it was too stressful though.
2. I make her a list daily on what her assignments are. This was huge to her. I have never done that for the other two because I want the option of removing something or adding in something without it looking obvious that I am making changes. Libby really needs to be able to check off what she has done and see exactly what she has left.

hockeymom
02-16-2011, 04:03 PM
Ooh Teri I'm envious that you can do the list thing with your daughter. I would love to write up an official daily schedule, but it would only give DS the opportunity to come up with reasons why we *might* not get to this or that, or what *might* happen instead, and it would go on and on and on. It would, in short, turn what we already do into a big messy "what if" party, during which I would of course be defeated. Every little thing must be presented to DS in *just* the right manner, so I keep my plans hidden away so I can spring them into action at (hopefully) just the right time. Ack.

dbmamaz
02-16-2011, 04:49 PM
Oh, my kids cant STAND suprises. We definitely need up-front warnings about everything that will happen. Last year when I was slightly less structured and my then-6 yo was fighting me, i made a checklist and put 7 things on it and told him to do any 4 things, and he was happy as a clam. Orion needs every minute of the day scheduled for him.

hockeymom
02-16-2011, 05:06 PM
Oh yes, DS must be scheduled too, he just can't know it! :)