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bovinesituation
02-11-2011, 03:01 PM
My oldest is 3.5 and we intend to homeschool. We've been thinking about it for almost a year but tried a mother's morning out preschool from December until this month (he hasn't been this month at all, but he's technically enrolled since I had already paid for the month). After this experience I am more certain of our decision to homeschool.

I haven't mentioned that DS is no longer in preschool. He hated it and there's no way he's bringing it up either. I dread once my ILs figure it out what they are going to have to say about it.

I guess I'm already on the defensive because when I told the preschool what we were doing, they were surprised because the school closest to us is supposedly a good school. And I got a chilly reception at a playgroup when they asked us about preschool. :(

higgledypiggledy
02-11-2011, 03:18 PM
Privately, I'm sure my in-laws think we are nuts. Publically, they always repectfully ask us what our kids are doing for school in the same way they talk to the cousins about school. My parents understand completely, in fact they are some of our strongest supporters, and my mother has several advanced degrees in the education and curriculum development fieds. She believes public schooling as it exists now is necessary because not all families have the emotional and financial freedom to persue other alternatives BUT what we are doing is best for our kids and for many other children/families as well. I do have an intellectual elitist and teacher BIL who never asks about our children's interests anymore. Probably because he's afraid of what they will challenge his notions about the validity of what we do adn what he does. Don't worry about defending yourself, you aren't obligated to validate your parenting choices to anyone but yourself/spouse and kids. I tend to think people will either get it, or determine not to take the blinders off.

hockeymom
02-11-2011, 03:18 PM
Our families were really supportive. They knew that DS had been bored at school and had been well ahead since before preschool. I'm sure it took them all by surprise when we pulled him out mid-year of grade 1, but so far all we've heard are positive things. I don't expect them to fully understand all the reasons this works best for us, but they are always interested in what he's learning and what we do. I think we are very lucky.

BrendaE
02-11-2011, 03:24 PM
I dont have any family but my DD's father and his family are whole heartedly supportive. They are however fundamentalist christians. They have NO idea that we are atheists though LOL. My DD relays a recent conversation from her last visit when her father asked her how school was going and she was learning about evolution and she really thinks its so fascinating. She said she was telling him how cool it was that whales moved back into the sea and still had legs on their vertebrae. She said he went a little silent and then said well some people like himself believe in creation and not evolution. The idea of that kind of floored her somehow... she still talks about it and has this "how can that be" expression on her face over his ideas. She is thankfully old enough to know we keep it quiet from them and just hushed so as not to start friction. I think they are starting to be clued in though. There have been more questions about what she will be studying lately.

I tell you this to explain that even if they end up agreeing with the home school process, they may not agree with the things YOU choose to teach them and when. So in the end, as hockeymom said, the only thing you should worry about is you, your spouse, and your children.

Hampchick
02-11-2011, 03:55 PM
My family was generally supportive. I have one sister who considered homeschooling so I confided to her the most. My other sister is polite but hasn't said much so who knows what she thinks. My mom seems to see it as us being dedicated to the kids and I don't think my dad or MIL thinks much about it one way or another. All fine with me, the last thing I want to deal with is feeling like I have to defend our choices to our families.

The reaction you are getting doesn't surprise me much. Most people don't 'get' homeschooling (and I'll admit to being one of them at one time) and their opinion is based on stereotypes and non-truths. They may never come around to support you, but OTOH, now that they know a homeschooler they just might begin to see it differently. I think you just have to be confident that you are making the best choices for your family and not think too much about what others say.

bovinesituation
02-11-2011, 05:26 PM
Yeah, it was odd and we've never been invited back to that playgroup. I can't think of any other reason because my kids were tame and I kept my opinions to myself ;)

lynne
02-11-2011, 05:33 PM
They were supportive, at least the ones who we've told. I think it's getting very popular these days because more and more people are figuring out how bad the schools are. You can't argue with that anymore. Of course, everyone brings up the "what about socialization" thing, which gets annoying.

bovinesituation
02-11-2011, 05:37 PM
It would be easier if our "home" school were crap, but I think it is actually decent though the morning bell rings at 7:15 or something (and they get out after 3). The system as a whole is in deep trouble though.

What about socialization... When, exactly, do they have time to socialize in school? During their 20 minute lunch when they need to be inhaling their food? It's certainly not after school because everyone I talk to is always complaining about the hours of homework once their kids get home.

Pilgrim
02-11-2011, 05:38 PM
We floated the idea to some close friends and they are very supportive. As I mentioned, the PS is defensive. I think our inlaws will be supportive. My family, though, probably won't be, especially my mom who worries about everything. I don't think it will shock anyone considering I've already left my career to stay home. HS just seems like a natural extension of that.

bovinesituation
02-11-2011, 05:39 PM
We floated the idea to some close friends and they are very supportive. As I mentioned, the PS is defensive. I think our inlays will be supportive. My family, though, probably won't be, especially my mom who worries about everything.

My family has only met DS once and only found out through the grapevine about DD shortly after she was born ;)

dbmamaz
02-11-2011, 05:49 PM
I have had no problems with family. My family and the ex's family understood how hard life was for Orion and were really supportive of me trying to do better by him. Dh's mom was a teacher and i think she has her doubts, but she doesnt interfere (dh doesnt really talk to her much anyways) and I think it impressed her that i read through an entire chemistry curriculum while I was at her house this summer. But she barely speaks and english and I really dont speak french, so its hard for me to know what she thinks. Honestly, dh would be unlikely to tell me if she had said something negative about it.

Stella M
02-11-2011, 05:52 PM
Friends and my sister thought it was a great idea! My parents were cautious but supportive. My in-laws think we are insane and keep suggesting we move to their state 'where the schools are much better' One aunty and uncle think we are the bees knees for homeschooling. One cousin and family kind of disowned us. My daughter's kindy teacher, when told we were taking her out to homeschool, obviously thought we were going to destroy her life. She begged Em 'to never stop reading, if you keep reading you will be OK.' Ironic, considering she lives in a family of compulsive readers and her Dad is a novelist!

So I guess you could say mixed. Interestingly, no-one has changed their attitude over time.

Shoe
02-11-2011, 05:55 PM
I thought my parents were okay with it. They seemed to be fine with the idea last year, but this Imy father is continually suggesting that I should put the kids back in either a public or private school for high school. While I understand his reasoning, I have to disagree with him (which is a big deal, considering how much I love and respect him and his opinions). I have to believe that I am doing a better job than the public schools of educating my kids, and that I will continue to do so.

Batgirl
02-11-2011, 06:47 PM
Both sides of the family are fine with it as far as I know. It helped that I talked about Batman's problems in school for a long time before we made the decision. And it helped that I have an SIL who was already doing it, tho she is conservative Baptist and has a few screws loose so we don't talk much. Thinking on it, we are very lucky, no one has ever made a negative remark about it. Of course, I am quick to trot out the "our son has special needs and the school couldn't meet them" line. Telling them he goes to school part time also helps, I'm sure. Because, you know, 30 minutes of music once a week in a group of 30 kids makes all the difference to socialization! :)

fbfamily111
02-11-2011, 07:27 PM
My sisters and I were HS'd for religious reasons(my Dad was the driving force, Mom not religious). Since then both my parents (now divorced) have lightened up significantly. So when I told my Mom, her only real comment was that she hoped I would have an easier time finding curriculum. As for my IL's, they're non-existant in our lives so no worries there. A year after we started HS'ing, my sister pulled her DS out of PS and has been HS'ing ever since. Her husband's family is not very supportive, so she literally tells them to mind their own business. Which is what I would do if anyone ever gave me flack.
As for the "socialization" issue... I distinctly remember being told daily (for the few years I attended PS) "you are not here to socialize", hmmm .... can we say oxyMORON.

CathleenB
02-11-2011, 07:42 PM
I hope this doesn't come off too strongly, but I don't give a rat's patootie what anyone thinks. With that said, my dad is very supportive because he knows what kind of struggles we have had up till this point with my DS. My in laws don't know yet but I'm sure they will have some kind of strong opinion about how someone else in the family failed and I will too (HA!). The only way to fail is to quit-is that naive? I hope not. I just told my good friend that we were thinking of putting the other two younger kids into homeschool next year and she asked me "do they need it? Are they behind in school?" So I had to explain all the wonderful benefits to homeschooling that we have learned in the last TWO WEEKS. Yes, I'm new, and I am LOVING IT. :-)

Riceball_Mommy
02-11-2011, 08:04 PM
Both my in-laws and my family seem to have mixed feelings. Except for my husbands one cousin and his parents, he dated a homeschooler who was well adjusted and successful so they think it's rather positive. My cousin also is very positive about it and has asked me a good bit of questions. He just started a job as a teacher and is curious about what decision he'll make when he has children. My grandparents and his parents though seem to have accepted that we homeschool even though they aren't very happy. My grandfather has asked before about how school is going, and my grandmother will give us rides to our homeschool group activities and sometimes even come along (we even spend two days a week at their house during the day). I will admit though sometimes my grandmother just doesn't seem to be listening when I talk about things I'm actually teaching. My in-laws have made some off hand comments to express disapproval, and my mother-in-law has even suggested that my daughter is a bit behind based on where her aunts were (or so she remembers). I have found that for Pre-K they seemed to write it off as "she doesn't legally have to attend school, she'll go next year." When Kindergarten was due to start I heard a good bit of comments about how she'd like school, or my favorite, that she needed to go to school to have a backpack and lunch box. I'm kind of suspicious that I'm going to get some comments this year before school starts up again, about the wonders of public school.

Oh and she has a backpack and matching lunch box now. :)

farrarwilliams
02-11-2011, 08:07 PM
Both sides of my family (my parents are divorced and remarried so it's like two families...) as well as my il's have a similar attitude toward our parenting, which is that it's up to us and that they love and support whatever we do. If they disagree, they keep it to themselves, and if they agree, they give us lots of praise. So, since I feel like they mostly say nice supportive things, we're good. I would totally hs anyway, but I'm glad I don't have to deal with family members picking on us. That would just suck.

Wilma
02-11-2011, 08:16 PM
MY family was fine with it. In fact, more than fine. DH's family, well, as my dh said, they don't really understand it. It is not normal. They are all about normal. But for very intelligent people, they are clueless and just don't step out of their comfort zone. My MIL redid her kitchen, or started to, and was upset she couldn't find the same wallpaper and flooring she got over 30 years ago. Anything out of the ordinary upsets the universe for them. Of course, it doesn't help that their best friend are teachers and one was my dh's middle school principal. They think homeschoolers miss, guess what, socializing. DH assures them the girls socialize. We let the girls out of their closets once a week for fresh air.

StartingOver
02-11-2011, 08:25 PM
My mother was unsupportive, and always brought up the socialization thing. LOL I just didn't mention it much. My dad actually cried, he was so happy. He is still my biggest supporter.

dbmamaz
02-11-2011, 08:35 PM
I just told my good friend that we were thinking of putting the other two younger kids into homeschool next year and she asked me "do they need it? Are they behind in school?"

I've had a lot of that about my younger - oh, he doenst NEED it. if you are stressed out, you could put Raven back in school. Oh, I think he'd be FINE. Yeah . . . this is the one who cried every morning, even weekends, starting around november of kindergarten, saying he didnt want to go back to school. His teacher wasnt sure if he was just immature, or there was something else going on, and offerred to start the pre-iep process. He is starting to be able to behave well enough in the 1-hour martail arts class that he's only spoken to once per class, and only some days . . . of course, they dont mind at ALL that he's rolling around on the floor while waiting his turn. The schools around here would NOT put up with that.

And when I mentioned once last year that if he wouldnt do his work in homeschool he'd have to go back to school, he just burst in to tears - this kid is not a crier. He doesnt need it? whatever.


My MIL redid her kitchen, or started to, and was upset she couldn't find the same wallpaper and flooring she got over 30 years ago. Anything out of the ordinary upsets the universe for them.
LOLOLOL ;)

Wilma
02-11-2011, 08:42 PM
My parents are all about self initiative. In their minds, if something isn't working, don't wait for someone else to fix it, do it yourself. After my dad retired, he volunteered in the public schools. They saw the problems. Besides, they believe in living life to the fullest. Homeschooling is just another way to explore the wonders of the world.

Pilgrim
02-11-2011, 08:45 PM
When I mentioned it to a SIL, she admitted she's seriously considering it too. Plus my buddy is leaning heavily toward HS. Do you think younger folks tend to be more open-minded about it in general? As PS's reputations worsen and technology increases our ability to connect with a world of ideas from our own home, it seems more and more people will become aware of (and understanding of) HS.

rumbledolly
02-11-2011, 08:53 PM
My IL's were very happy as they had been hearing about the struggles of PS for the last few years. We used to live next door to them and they wished I had done it earlier so they could teach too (I should mention my MiL is a religious fanatic and we but heads on evolution quite a bit). Both my parents have passed away though I know my dad would have been extremely supportive, my mom I have no clue - she passed away when I was young. My sister wishes I had home schooled her when she was young and my brother looked confused but said "well you've always been kind of odd anyway" but he meant it in a positive way as he added he hoped DD would be happier and more relaxed, then he wanted me to teach his kids too so they'd actually learn something in school (frustrating teenagers). My family on my dad's side have been very positive about it because they think I'm creative and able to think outside the box and have all offered their talents from woodworking to gardening should I want to take them up on the offer.

Friends have been fairly supportive. Almost all my friends are school teachers. Two of my closest friends were very positive and offered any support I needed. One close friend seemed unsure because she see's us the most at our best and worst, but she has said as a friend she supports what I think is right. She also often tells me what her son, same age as my DD, is doing in school, not as a "see you should be doing this too" but more as a guideline or suggestion and I do appreciate it. The rest of my friends have been very encouraging and like some of my family have offered to involve us in things they do as hobbies or work from the opthomologist who offered up pictures of her eyeball, to the ER nurse who offered a tour of the ER and beyond, right over to my DD 2nd grade teacher who asked if DD would like to volunteer in her classroom.

As for strangers and the general public - they can take a number and wait for the complaint department to open! I want to raise a child, not sheep.

Sam
02-11-2011, 11:23 PM
Haven't read all the responses yet....

My mom is super supportive. My grandparents are surprisingly supportive. Several of my relative thinks I'm nuts lol DD's father is totally supportive, his parents just don't care. DH is supportive in the sense that he feels schooling stuff is up to me, he just goes yay for good marks, boo for bad marks lol My ILs I don't think even know. They like to pretend DD doesn't exist since she's not DH's. DH's extended family are just kind of amazed that his wife actually has a brain enough to do it (unlike his ex wife who doesn't have a brain at all let alone to school a child).

So all in all, my various families are generally supportive. I did get a lot of questions on testing (which I tell them the school board allows me to test her with the school, I just don't tell them I have no intention of doing so), and whether I had fallen off the rocker thinking I could deal with DD being home all day. Otherwise, thankfully, my families seem to know that I love kids and teaching, and even most schoolwork. I can see in the summer getting questions of if I'm sending her back to PS, but I don't think anyone will care that I'm not going to.

Teri
02-12-2011, 09:55 AM
Our families have not said anything negative, so I guess they are ok with it. I haven't really asked them. :p

I don't even think it is something I would bring up yet with a preschooler. Pulling a child out of preschool is not always the same thing as admitting that you are going to homeschool in elementary. I don't consider preschoolers who are at home as being part of the homeschool community. There are lot of preschoolers who will go to PS eventually that are home in their early years. All of mine are homeschooled and every one of them had a wonderful preschool experience.

So, if you expect a battle, save it for when it is a real battle. Just say he wasn't ready for preschool and you took him out.

MarkInMD
02-12-2011, 10:27 AM
When I mentioned it to a SIL, she admitted she's seriously considering it too. Plus my buddy is leaning heavily toward HS. Do you think younger folks tend to be more open-minded about it in general? As PS's reputations worsen and technology increases our ability to connect with a world of ideas from our own home, it seems more and more people will become aware of (and understanding of) HS.

In general? Yes, probably. Although I think what's really happening in some cases is that younger people who may disagree or have reservations just will be more polite and not challenge a peer, whereas those of our parents' generation or at least older who have already sent kids through the PS system who turned out "fine" will be more inclined to voice their skepticisms because of their perceived experience. Never mind that their family's reality was totally different from yours.

As for how people around us reacted, our immediate family never had any problem with it, at least that they've told us. My parents were both elementary school teachers, but that actually wound up working in our favor, because by the time they retired, they were completely fed up with the bureaucracy and testing that had become the norm and were completely supportive of us attempting to provide for our kids an environment that was more like what it was when they began teaching decades ago. I think if there's any skepticism from family, it would be from DW's oldest brother and his family (who ironically are the biggest church people among us), although nothing overt. For sure the most resistance has come from those we don't know as well, either from our kids' former PS or whom we meet out and about.

alexdk
02-12-2011, 01:29 PM
What about socialization... When, exactly, do they have time to socialize in school? During their 20 minute lunch when they need to be inhaling their food? It's certainly not after school because everyone I talk to is always complaining about the hours of homework once their kids get home.

I have that same opinion about socializing in school. Yes, they are in the same place at the same time, but that doesn't mean they are "socializing"! My kids went to public school enough that I know they don't have time or the set up to really connect with other kids there. You are also correct about after school, there isn't time, between homework and the long list of after-school activities that many kids are enrolled in. Homeschool kids, in my opinion, have more opportunities to "socialize" than the public school ones.

To answer your question, my inlaws have been supportive from day 1. My mil is my biggest fan, she brags about me all the time! My husband's grandmother was the one that had nasty comments for me, but she was older and not very open to different ideas. To give a quick example, when she found out that I was pregnant with our 3rd, she said in a rude tone "why did you do that for? you already had 1 boy and 1 girl, what do you need 1 more child for?" She is gone now and we all miss her, but yes she was rude!

My mother lives in France and has a hard time with homeschooling, she just doesn't understand it, but doesn't mention it in her letters.

Most of my relatives (aunts, uncles, cousins) are positive about it and always have lots of questions for me when I see them.

When I hear of moms that have negative feedback from family or friends, I tell them to remember that they are doing what they believe is the best for their own family. Ultimately, it doesn't matter what others think. I also tell them that hopefully with time, their opinions will change and they will become supportive.

MarkInMD
02-12-2011, 03:09 PM
Here's another way to look at it: With governments being their intrusive selves, if homeschooling could be proven to have such negative effects on the community through "unsocialized" children growing into some sort of defective adults, it would either be outlawed or subject to such rigorous requirements that only the total die-hards would do it. Since it's not against the law, one can conclude that it has merit in the eyes of the courts and legislators.

Miguels mommy
02-12-2011, 03:11 PM
Both our families were completely unsupported at first. Last year my dad told me "kids like DS really don't belong trying to conform to school." He meant boys in general and as a supportive thing but also says things like "He needs OT before it really becomes a problem" to whatever he gets annoyed about. My mom's NOT happy still about it but generally we just ignore the subject and she makes comments like "You haven't taught him about football?", "What grade level is THAT, see it's to hard for him he's only 8." When trying to get him to start his work, so of course there's no point of trying there after he hears that. DH's family is very supportive after he was aloud to visit them w/ school work in the middle of the year.

Lperky
02-12-2011, 10:29 PM
We talked and researched for over a year before making the decision. My mom gave me grief about not putting my oldest in preschool when she was four, but I didn't tell her we weren't going to be sending her to school at all! A few months before her fifth birthday (in the summer), my mom said something to my daughter about going to Kindergarten. My daughter replied, "Mom's going to teach me at home." There I was, thinking I had time to plan on the best way to break the news, and I was outed by my own child :) Thank goodness my husband was there to back me up. My mom was floundering, trying to find reasons this was a huge mistake. She actually asked me if I thought I could handle it because my son was two. Before my kids were born, I was a teacher. I pointed out to my mother that I was paid to teach thirty kids and managed that just fine. I was sure I could handle my own daughter and a toddler.

It took years for her to stop bringing things up. I don't think she's thrilled with the idea (dd is in fifth grade now), but she's given up on arguing. Good thing, since we have no plans to send any of the three to a traditional school any time soon!

Jennjogood
02-14-2011, 10:59 PM
Our parents haven't really said too much that was negative, at least not to my face. I simply wanted better for my son, who's public school experience started out ok but by 4th grade, left a lot to be desired. Many in the family knew of this and they thought I probably could do a better job. Then I decided to also home school my daughter, who is basically a gifted, creative, intrinsically motivated student who flourished in public school. No one said much to me, but I worry constantly that I have not done her any favors. I can't tell you enough how happy I was that my sons standardized scores improved after our first year of home schooling...and apparently my MIL was worried, because my SIL told me to be sure and share the test score news with her! Ha! I am my own worst critic...so no one else bothers I think. Lol. Interestingly enough I am good friends with two school teachers and another SIL will soon become one. I get the most pointed questions from them.

kewb22
02-15-2011, 07:46 AM
My mother, who was 100% not supportive when I told her it was something I was thinking about, is my number one supporter. She was so not supportive of the idea that I was actually homeschooling for a few weeks before I told her that we were doing it. She immediately jumped on board and tells everyone how fab I am and the cool stuff my kids get to do.

My in-laws, othoh, are so not on board with our decision. By the end of the first year they all learned it was not a topic that was open to discussion. I became master of "Umhmmm. Please pass the bean dip". I am sure they still make comments to my dh but he is wise enough not to share them with me.

The bottom line with me is that I appreciate the fact that they have concerns for their grandchildren but it is not their decision and when I want their opinion I will ask for it. 3 years later, seeing what great kids I have it still floors me how unsupportive they are about it. Their problem with our decision is not my problem.

JEJordan9
02-15-2011, 08:02 AM
My parents were both teachers (my mom still is, she retires this year) First, I loaned my dad my book, "The Call to Brilliance" he loved it. Then we started talking about the issues schools have. Slowly, I let him know we probably were going to homeschool. To my surprise, he was excited because he wants to help HS the girls. My mother, on the other hand, it took her longer to accept the fact that we were going to homeschool. I think my dad talked to her to ease her fears. Also, she saw that I had done my homework and really knew what I was getting into, she was ok with it. Now, she loves all of the websites and resources I find for our HS and she steals them for her own classroom. I wish she'd just retire NOW so she'd give me all the stuff that she bought for her classroom--its gonna be like Christmas!!!
I am not sure how my MIL really felt about us HS because she lives in another state. However, she came with us to our HS coop yesterday and saw some of our materials here at home--I think she realizes HS isn't like she thought it would be.

warramra
02-15-2011, 09:15 AM
I have to say we have been really lucky to have a lot of supportive people around us in regards to homeschooling. My mother, a 30+ year public school teacher/librarian, has been most supportive since the words first left my mouth 7 years ago. She gives us a lot of materials and ideas and is my curriculum consultant. My in-laws were concerned initially, but are not the type to interfere in how we raise the children. As the years have gone by they have become more involved in our homeschooling life and are great with taking a child or two to do something with. As far as my dad it just isn't something he thinks about...his grandchildren are fine and that is what is important.

In this area homeschooling is almost mainstream, so we don't get any negative feedback about homeschooling. It is just one of the choices we have in education.

Like I said I feel very lucky.

schwartzkari
02-15-2011, 09:16 AM
My parents have been big supporters. We started homeschooling 3 years ago and they have gone out of their way to help us buy supplies and curriculum. Alot of my family lives in Michigan and they don't usually ask about our homeschool. My grandmother however, can't seem to remember that we are homeschooling and is always asking my daughter how she likes going to school and if she likes her teacher, LOL.
My inlaws did give me a very hard time at first. Thankfully, my husband is my number 1 supporter. My fatherinlaw kept asking about standardized testing and how would I know if the kids were learning and wasn't it lazy to NOT test the kids. My motherinlaw asked about socialization and extra curriculars like band or sports. My daughter has been dancing for 3 years so far and has made many friends. My motherinlaw actually apologized last year, telling me she overreacted. My fatherinlaw now buys books and supplies for my daughter.

In all honesty, the only people who don't seem to "support" us are grocery store cashiers or complete strangers we make small talk with...and I don't really care what they think anyway, LOL, because their opinions are usually based on myths.

:)

MrsLOLcat
02-15-2011, 02:01 PM
My mother has been okay with it, and my dad must be okay with it, since he's never said otherwise (he is completely incapable of keeping opinions to himself). My MIL is the big naysayer, and she's very passive-aggressive about it. She loves to bring up the socialization "issue," too. I ignore her and keep doing it. I'm sure if my Master Plan works and I bring DD home next year, she'll have a cow. It'll be funny :D

bovinesituation
02-15-2011, 03:08 PM
Our families have not said anything negative, so I guess they are ok with it. I haven't really asked them. :p

I don't even think it is something I would bring up yet with a preschooler. Pulling a child out of preschool is not always the same thing as admitting that you are going to homeschool in elementary. I don't consider preschoolers who are at home as being part of the homeschool community. There are lot of preschoolers who will go to PS eventually that are home in their early years. All of mine are homeschooled and every one of them had a wonderful preschool experience.

So, if you expect a battle, save it for when it is a real battle. Just say he wasn't ready for preschool and you took him out.

Oh. Should I not be here?

dbmamaz
02-15-2011, 07:52 PM
Oh. Should I not be here?
If you are here to learn more about homeschooling, thats fine. Many if not most people do not consider someone to be 'homeschooling' until the child is legally required to be in school. You should not take that personally. Likewise, if other people giving you the cold shoulder because you arent signing your kid up for preschool, and that is really hard on you, you might need to grow a tougher skin - many people CONSTANTLY have store clerks say, in an unpleasant tone, TO their kids, "Shouldnt you be in school?" and then go on to say what a bad idea homeschooling is. You will find PLENTY of people telling you that what you are doing is wrong. You just have to know that its not wrong, and learn to not take it personally.

bovinesituation
03-02-2011, 02:18 PM
If you are here to learn more about homeschooling, thats fine. Many if not most people do not consider someone to be 'homeschooling' until the child is legally required to be in school. You should not take that personally. Likewise, if other people giving you the cold shoulder because you arent signing your kid up for preschool, and that is really hard on you, you might need to grow a tougher skin - many people CONSTANTLY have store clerks say, in an unpleasant tone, TO their kids, "Shouldnt you be in school?" and then go on to say what a bad idea homeschooling is. You will find PLENTY of people telling you that what you are doing is wrong. You just have to know that its not wrong, and learn to not take it personally.

Or, people could just not be rude in the first place...

ESNQueen
03-02-2011, 02:53 PM
Both sides of our family probably think we're nuts but my MIL is remarkably un-stereotypical for a MIL and respects our decisions. My dad doesn't have an opinion about much of anything, and my mom... well, I don't know what she really thinks because I tune her out. :)

h5rus
03-02-2011, 05:52 PM
While we were pregnant with our first, I was very interested in homeschooling from the get-go, however DH wanted our kids to go to PS. When our first was born, it somehow switched! I realized how incredibly scared I was to actually take on homeschooling but I had the full support of my husband AND full support of both sets of parents. So we've been really really lucky for having the support here. I just had to get over my fears and believe in myself that I could do it!

amym
03-03-2011, 10:02 AM
Although our families are supportive, personally I wouldn't give a rat's patootie if they weren't. We don't make decisions for our family based on what others think and if they don't agree that is their choice. I have in the past had to (on other topics) firmly but nicely tell family members I will no longer discuss an issue with them and if they want to continue to argue the point do it with some one else. As far as friends, yep, I have some that think hs'ing is nuts but once we discuss it we simply agree to disagree and that is the end of it. Even if they aren't supportive of hs'ing they are supportive of me-- and my kids and I are still welcome in their lives and if we weren't I would have to think we weren't very good friends to begin with.

Heather Harris
03-12-2011, 07:36 PM
My inlaws are VERY supportive of the fact that we're going to HS, but they've recently had to deal with raising their teenaged grandson through public high school.

My parents are pretty supportive. Every once in a while, my mom will voice her reservations about me be able to school three children while still working (and believe me, sometimes I have those same reservations), but I just reassure her that, yes, we can make it work!

Teri
03-12-2011, 08:03 PM
Or, people could just not be rude in the first place...


I didn't mean it to be rude. To me, it is like joining the elementary school PTA when you have a toddler. Not against the rules, just not done or necessary.
I simply meant that if she expected a battle, why bring it up before it is really an issue? My sister's kids never went to preschool and no one assumed that she was going to homeschool because of it (she didn't). All three of mine went to preschool and are homeschooled.

Kalani
03-19-2011, 05:42 PM
My mom's first reaction was "You're not organized enough" and my Dad's first reaction was: "Why don't you just send them to Catholic school?" (yeah seriously...with what money!? My kids have not had "God" explained to them....I do not want someone else to educate them on that. ) She did also say "Well you can do what you want, you're the parent"
However she's calmed down a bit from that when I explained some of the circumstances and when I said that we were thinking of Disney in two years (we were talking about travel) she excitedly said "oh you can take them when school's in session!" I'm hoping that means they will accept it completely eventually. We haven't said anything to my In laws yet.

wife&mommy
03-19-2011, 08:17 PM
Our families were not crazy about it but they know that what they think or do isn't going to influence my (our) decision so they just deal with it. I think my mom at least is coming around. Not sure about everyone else, haven't really thought about it in a while.

Accidental Homeschooler
05-29-2011, 08:43 PM
I searched back to find this thread because my in-laws are driving me CRAZY! They were OK when we pulled our 5yo out of ps in Jan because we really did not have any choice. We just went through the mandatory socialization conversations and then were fine. When we pulled our 13yo out in March they lost it. They actually called my mother and yelled at her for declining to intervene. The problem is that my older dd was doing well in school. She was getting A's and a music award and it did not matter that she was bored academically and anxious (very, very) in every other way and was just not ready for JH. She was performing well and that is all they care about. They also like her a lot better than our younger dd and so who cares if we ruin the 5yo, she's nuts anyway. The day after my older daughter's first birthday, my MIL started pushing to get her weaned. Nobody they know nurses three years so it must be bad. Anything unconventional is bad. They were "alarmed" about hsing according to my MIL but when we tried to give them information about it (research articles about how hsers do...), she was "too upset to read it". She calls her son, my dh, and scolds him like he is twelve or something. He quit answering the phone and it is just sad. He is such a great husband and father (and son!) and they can't have any faith in him at all to make good decisions for his own kids. My parents believe in minding their own business unless asked and then they happily give their opinions and do it as diplomatically as they can. They at least trust us to figure out how to raise our children and do a good job even if we make choices they wouldn't or even if they think we are making a mistake (all parents make mistakes, learn and go on, not a huge deal). My husband loves his family and would be devastated by a permanent breach (he avoids until things cool down) and my daughters love them. But I want nothing to do with them anymore. I am stuck. A divorce is the only way I will be free of the in-laws and I am obviously not going to do that. I don't even know why I care so much. They are 1000 miles away and we can keep screening the calls. I should never have picked it up this afternoon. I don't want to dump on dh as he has enough to deal with. So OK thanks and sorry for the crazy post, I am starting to feel better now. I think I will go call my mom and thank her.

Stella M
05-29-2011, 09:25 PM
Hugs to you. Crazy in-laws are the pits! The only way I have found it gets better is to have no expectations that they will ever 'get it', leave it up to dh to explain and deal with his own parents - and, not to sound heartless, but it's his job to deal with his own boundaries around that - and be very firm about what I will and won't discuss with them. Not easy though - and the preference for one child thing is really upsetting. Do you have to see them often ?

I hope your eldest's anxiety improves out of school - we deal with anxiety issues in our home and it's hard :( I'm glad for you that you have sane parents at least!

Ariadne
05-29-2011, 09:38 PM
My mother is supportive.

My in-laws think we're nuts but at least they keep their mouths shut now.

My husband has never been really into it...until very recently. I haven't quite figured out what has changed other than he is seeing results over time.

Accidental Homeschooler
05-30-2011, 09:27 AM
Thanks Melissa, hugs help. And you are right, I need to leave it to dh. He takes a "manage them" approach and if he is good with that I am not interested in making him do something else. He has know them his entire life and is used to them after all. Part of my melt down yesterday is that they are planning to squeeze in an extra visit this summer, probably to monitor the damage we are doing. We usually see them three of four times a year and it is easier when they come here, my turf vs MIL's turf. And they are never going to understand so I will not be wasting time and emotion trying to explain anymore. I think they need to believe we are incompetent and need their "help."

As far as my older daughter and her anxiety, hsing has made such a huge difference. Both my kids deal with anxiety and hs is so much better for them. We also have a great therapist to go to for help. So I just need to divorce the in-laws in my head and enjoy having happy daughters.

Greenmother
05-30-2011, 10:28 AM
Aftering using midiwives exclusively to give birth in the absence of a doctor--anything I did after that was small potatoes. I got the usual junk about socialization. My reply is, "so my kids won't be conditioned to seek all their wisdom from their peer-herd--there's a concept. Because the first place I want my children getting advice on sex, drugs, or what have you, is from someone who has had zero life experiences, has no concept of jail or what pregnancy means and who is still convinced they are invincible, while living with parents who conveniently miss the fact that *they are hooked on drugs and pass partners around in the janitor's locker." [note sarcasm].

When someone brings up the socialization issue, I know they really don't have anything, and they just throw that out there because, when you get down to it, they just don't like the idea, but haven't really given homeschooling any kind of serious thought.

Because those same people will turn around not five minutes later and complain about, "What are kids learning in school these days?" and call them punks and blame teachers and especially parents for all the social ills that minors help contribute to.

I did have some older NeoConservative relatives who thought it was very cool that I was homeschooling. My grandparents generation, basically. Normally we don't agree on much, so this was a pleasant surprise.

Random encounters with people who find out that we are homeschooling usually assume that we are religious homeschoolers. However, in Oklahoma there are no laws governing homeschooling, so it's a very homeschool friendly state. They even put in the Oklahoma Virtual Academy for parents who want the same structure and content as public school, but who want or need to keep their kids at home for whatever reason.

Teri Eddy
05-30-2011, 11:43 AM
My family, meaning my parents on both sides, is quite supportive, luckily. there were questions initially about tests and how I intend to be sure they are learning, but they weren't mean-spirited, just genuine curiosity. And luckily one parent had some personal experience with homeschooling via a close family friend and was gung ho for the idea and always helps in anyway possible. But really, both sets of parents are very supportive. Some of the aunts and uncles and cousins I can't be sure about, but it's not a hot topic at family dinners so I wouldn't really know what they truly thought unless I asked... and I haven't. It could be a lot worse so I'm grateful. I think that we are far enough into it now, and they've seen we haven't ruined the kids, that it's not an issue.

dottieanna29
05-30-2011, 01:07 PM
Our families were lukewarm at best. MIL is worried about socialization and my mother is worried about them learning to take direction from other people and how to function in groups.

Neither set of parents expresses any concern about me being able to teach him and both see and acknowledge how well he is doing. There concerns are purely peripheral things and are sort of taken care of when we enroll in sports, clubs, etc.

JenniferJ
06-04-2011, 10:24 AM
My parents don't say a lot about the issue. I think my dad is cool with the idea, especially when my kids sit down with him and read him a book. (my brother's kids (same age) can't do this and they go to PS!) At the end of PS years, my mom will say something like "are you going to test them this year?" My MIL just did a research paper on HS and how a lot of the colleges are now searching for HS students. I knew she was doing a paper, but had no idea this was her topic. I was pleased to hear what she learned when she was through with it. She is VERY supportive of us and everything we do. Not the typical MIL, I know, but I am SO lucky to have her.

Eileen
06-04-2011, 12:53 PM
AH, that all really sucks. I also nursed my kids for a long time, and my MIL was definitely weirded out by it. :P She asked all the time how long I planned to do it, and my older daughter nursed until she was almost 5. The funny thing is, she was much more relaxed about it with my younger daughter, and she weaned herself before she was three. My mom thought it was great, and she is also 100% behind the homeschooling (even though she herself is a public school teacher), and I'm dreading having the conversation with MIL.

JinxieFox
06-04-2011, 02:44 PM
My own very cool family was completely "you're an adult, you do what's best for you" about me breastfeeding, co-sleeping, and homeschooling. My ex-husband's family were the ones who were all, "He's never going to want to stop breastfeeding, never going to stop sleeping in your bed... and what's wrong with public school?"

But I don't have to deal with them any more, and my new in-laws are very supportive of whatever I choose with their step-grandson. :3

Accidental Homeschooler
06-04-2011, 10:39 PM
Good luck with the in-laws Eileen. I hope it goes better with yours. Mine have started calling during the day now since we quit answering during the evening. My MIL is all upset now that we are hsing year round even though we take short vacations/holidays and only do four days a week (and we are done by noon). She thinks its mean or something and then she was worried that it might mean my older dd would get ahead of her ps peers (?!). They are just very narrow in the way they look at the world. Step outside that narrow vision of what is acceptable and they lose it. Anything that isn't upper-middle or upper class conventional they can't deal with. I am trying to control my temper so as not to make it harder for DH. My midwestern nice is taking a severe beating though.

Pilgrim
06-05-2011, 02:41 PM
A relative, on hearing we'll be HSing, said yesterday that all the bullying and teasing and peer pressure that falls under the guise of "socialization" in PS is good, because it makes a kid stronger. If you shelter your child, he said, they won't have to deal with difficult situations in life.

I was thrown off-guard, so didn't say much.

Of course, now I wish I'd found my tongue to say "it's a school, not a boot camp."

JinxieFox
06-05-2011, 05:50 PM
A relative, on hearing we'll be HSing, said yesterday that all the bullying and teasing and peer pressure that falls under the guise of "socialization" in PS is good, because it makes a kid stronger. If you shelter your child, he said, they won't have to deal with difficult situations in life.

I was thrown off-guard, so didn't say much.

Of course, now I wish I'd found my tongue to say "it's a school, not a boot camp."

BWAH?!?! Oh yes, all of the bullying I endured in 4th and 5th grade, being tormented about not having a mom, was absolutely character building. Yup. Uh-huh. Didn't cause me to intentionally fake illness to skip out of school, or be dragged to a counselor on a weekly basis. Nothing like that.

Oy vey!

I like your "It's a school, not boot camp response". Too bad you didn't use it at the time, but keep it in your pocket for later. ;)

lilypoo
06-05-2011, 06:04 PM
My mother was very unsupportive (to the point that we didn't speak off and on for weeks several times) but years into it she finally came around mostly (once she started subbing in public school classrooms!). My dad and my ILs have mostly been supportive. My ILs make it clear at times that they worry about what the kids are learning, moreso earlier on in our journey, but they seem to trust us to do right by our kids. My sisters? I'm not sure but they have commented that my kids are great, so they must agree we're doing something right.

lilypoo
06-05-2011, 06:05 PM
A relative, on hearing we'll be HSing, said yesterday that all the bullying and teasing and peer pressure that falls under the guise of "socialization" in PS is good, because it makes a kid stronger. If you shelter your child, he said, they won't have to deal with difficult situations in life.



Ugh, I've encountered that thinking and believe it's nonsense. Non of the stuff I endured in school made me stronger. It messed me up big time and I'm still trying to resolve some of it!

squiremouse
06-06-2011, 02:35 AM
My family was ok with it in the beginning (DS went to Pre-school) becuase I think they thought I was only going to Homeschool K and then send them. Both my kids miss the cut off date. But now 5 years later my mom is very supportive and my dad is concerned as the kids get older.

I have no idea what my ILs think. They thought I was crunchy granola because I breast fed and don't smoke like a stove pipe.

Funny thing- my daughter (7) decided she wanted to go to public school so since we had already finished for the year, I let her try it. When I told my dad, I could hear the joy in his voice as he tried to be supportive of my feelings of loss. My mom thought I was nuts to let a 7 year old have a say in her own education.

mia

Theresa Holland Ryder
06-14-2011, 07:00 PM
We've been homeschooling for 11 years now. My in-laws called me to wish me happy birthday the other day, and to ask when I was going to send my son to "real" high school. I told them that he is in "real" high school; he's just finishing up his sophomore year online. They're probably never going to give up. My kids could get Ph.Ds in Aerospace Engineering and the ILs will be saying, "But just think what they could have done if only they had gone to Real School!" I just LOL these days over it. ;)

MarkInMD
06-15-2011, 12:19 AM
A relative, on hearing we'll be HSing, said yesterday that all the bullying and teasing and peer pressure that falls under the guise of "socialization" in PS is good, because it makes a kid stronger. If you shelter your child, he said, they won't have to deal with difficult situations in life.

I was thrown off-guard, so didn't say much.

Of course, now I wish I'd found my tongue to say "it's a school, not a boot camp."

I know others already addressed this, and eloquently, so I'll just go to the gutter and call this the biggest b---s--- argument I've ever heard someone make regarding why a kid should be in PS. I was fortunate in that I wasn't bullied much, but my older brother didn't have the same luck. He's still struggling to assert himself in everyday life. Yep, really made him stronger all right. Once my wife and I decided to homeschool, my mother said to us that looking back on it, she should have homeschooled him (if not me) for that very reason. Plus he had two teachers who were absolute monsters to him in elementary school. He's a great guy, but I don't think public school did him any favors.

Eileen
06-15-2011, 08:23 AM
I'm another one still dealing with the aftermath of being bullied. I had great self-esteem as a kid, but was just a little bit shy and awkward. Years of bullying really crushed a lot of the confidence I'd had before, and it really did a number on me. And I also had some awful, hurtful teachers as well.

bovinesituation
06-15-2011, 02:47 PM
Hey, just popping back in and checking in on this thread. I'm glad so many of you have gotten positive reactions from your families - that gives me hope! :)

Kell
06-15-2011, 05:09 PM
We've been homeschooling for 11 years now. My in-laws called me to wish me happy birthday the other day, and to ask when I was going to send my son to "real" high school. I told them that he is in "real" high school; he's just finishing up his sophomore year online. They're probably never going to give up. My kids could get Ph.Ds in Aerospace Engineering and the ILs will be saying, "But just think what they could have done if only they had gone to Real School!" I just LOL these days over it. ;)

I get that sense often from family. Mostly my in-laws (but they don't think we do anything right). It seems they are under the impression that the boys will go to PS "someday." Secretly, I will enjoy discussing all the new materials we have sitting here for next year while they fight the urge to tell me I'm ruining their grandchildren.

Pilgrim
06-15-2011, 09:05 PM
I'm another one still dealing with the aftermath of being bullied. I had great self-esteem as a kid, but was just a little bit shy and awkward. Years of bullying really crushed a lot of the confidence I'd had before, and it really did a number on me. And I also had some awful, hurtful teachers as well.

Good points, everyone. I was bullied as well, and also deal with it to this day. I can still hear the negative voices in my head, questioning the validity of my accomplishments and completely drowning out the positive recognition of others.

eilla05
06-23-2011, 12:38 PM
I honestly don't give a rats booty (insert not nice word here) what anyone thinks about my choices concerning my child except my husband and he is on board. I have read through this thread and I think it is great that many of you have a support system ! My parents are both deceased and hubs parents keep most of their opinions to themselves. Pretty sure my mother in law will be very supportive and we have tossed around the idea for a long time now, but given hubs job I don't think anyone would be surprised!

Theresa Holland Ryder
06-23-2011, 08:05 PM
Hey, just popping back in and checking in on this thread. I'm glad so many of you have gotten positive reactions from your families - that gives me hope! :)

Although my inlaws are not supportive, I've been lucky to have a bunch of supportive friends. I've even had friends who started off totally anti-homeschool admit that my kids are turning out okay, so overall I'd say my experience is more positive than negative. Although I did have the "but what about socialization?" conversation with my daughter's new friend's mom. I was a bit taken aback, as both girls were at the time standing in the middle of a clump of giggling, socializing kids. :)