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Dutchbabiesx2
01-04-2011, 03:02 PM
So, most of my adult friends where the moms of my kid's friends while they were in public school. I might have be disowned since I ranted a bit much about how my son was mentally abused in PS.
So, I do miss their company and I they were good friends for the past few years, but now I need to either find new friends or re-define my old friendships.
while homeschooling is great, I still feel I have lost these friendships.

i did send out an e-mail to these friends and let them know that I was still needing those connections and I hoped to see them and find common interests and get our kids together on occasion.

Mrs. Weasley's Wand
01-04-2011, 05:19 PM
It sounds like telling your old friends you still valued them is a positive step in the right direction :) My first instinct was to suggest you also follow up by picking one person to specifically invite to do something. I run into a lot of people who say "Oh, we should get together sometime," but concrete plans never get made. I personally have stopped putting much value in those conversations as a result. The folks that whip out their calendars are the ones I know truly want a little of my time and that gesture is pretty meaningful to me. Perhaps an attempt to make a concrete plan with one person will help you reinsert yourself into the larger group? Particularly if you make an effort to find out to ask after everyone? I'm not sure my suggestion fits your particular group dynamic, but maybe something along that line will help.

I hope someone bites and is receptive to reconnecting :) Good luck!

MarkInMD
01-04-2011, 10:22 PM
Do you have any outside interests/hobbies you can indulge every once in a while? In my case, I got involved in community theater back in '08 after not having done it since college, and out of that have come some wonderful relationships, great fun in productions, and even a sketch comedy group. If you have the time to seek out a group that participates in a hobby you enjoy, you may find some great new contacts who have a built-in shared interest. Worked great for me. The trick may be finding the time!

Dutchbabiesx2
01-04-2011, 11:19 PM
thanks for those suggestions, I actually got a phone call and 2 replies from my e-mail. Guess it was a way to say, who wants me in their busy lives. i will have to understand those who put my friendship lower on the priority list, and move forward.
Mark, my hobbies right now are travel . . .to odd places on the map and taking my kids with me. So mostly my group of friends take cruises and enjoy sipping drinks on a beach, so that I have a hard time finding in common with many people. I write a for a website, still not much in common with others.
but I am also reaching out to the other parents in my local HS community, already trying to set up a coffee date.
any more suggestions? Who else has been down this road?

hockeymom
01-05-2011, 06:13 AM
I left my social network behind when we moved 2 1/2 years ago, and it's been really challenging. My best friends happen to be the parents of my son's best friends so it was a double whammy for both of us when we left. We live now in a community that is openly hostile to outsiders (and you are considered "from away" if your family hasn't been here for generations) so finding new social contacts has been near impossible. I am on friendly terms with my sons 2 friends that he's made here (both from ps) but they have less in common now that he's being homeschooled. Still, I make it a priority to get him together with his friends as often as possible, although the parents don't get together socially. My hobbies aren't social hobbies either; I have little interest in getting together with other ladies to knit, for example. That's my private downtime and not one I'd like to share or talk about. And as far as having in things in common, well, so far I just haven't found anyone here that I share an even general world view with yet, so if I do manage to make contact with anyone it is on a very superficial level.

I wish I had advice for you, but at this point in my life I've given up on making new contacts for myself. We aren't living here permanently so it's not all bad, but I do vow to make more efforts when we relocate someday. Having a deep sense of community is vitally important to me but something that has to be put on hold temporarily. I think you did a great thing by reaching out to old friends. I find that so many people have a hard time making that sort of gesture, yet it's meaningful for anyone, and I sincerely hope it pays off for you. Glad to hear you have a homeschool group in your area as well; hopefully it can be a source of connection.

ercswf
01-05-2011, 09:20 AM
I wish I had some advice. But I too have given up on connecting with people outside my house. Quite honestly i'm sick of people only taking my number, Acting like they want to hang out with me but then it's all followed up by "Can you watch our kids while we all go (insert activity)" I used to say sure but honestly not anymore, i'm doing being the sitter for everybody while they go off and have fun. So as of this year I give up on the one thing that has been a struggle my whole life. I have hobbies to occupy my time that I have free that I can't spend with others because they are non existent in my life. (I should add that I did have friends at one point in my life. However when you have your first child at 17 you tend to lose all your friends when you become a SAHM. and refuse to let your house be the party house)

MarkInMD
01-05-2011, 11:48 AM
We should all move to the same commune in a remote area of any state we can agree on and have our own little non-religious homeschooling cult that will get on the news. ("Secular homeschoolers -- Are they coming for YOUR child? Details at 11.") At least we'd have other like-minded people to talk to and do stuff with. :)

hockeymom
01-05-2011, 01:04 PM
I'm in, Mark! :)

wild_destiny
01-05-2011, 02:18 PM
Me, too! That sounds fun! I can only imagine the news stories that would generate! ;)

AddlepatedMonkeyMama
01-05-2011, 02:18 PM
Mark, if we get enough homeschoolers together we could probably build the place out of our combined supplies of legos!

dbmamaz
01-05-2011, 02:27 PM
When I first started homeschooling, i'd been working, so my main freinds were childless and younger and only liked to go out and talk about sex. Hmm. I have been slowly making more contants among home schoolers, tho - i really like a lot of the ppl at this martail arts class, even tho at least half of them are severly xtian.

I've lived on a commune and i dont think you could make me do it agian. But i do like the legos idea.

wild_destiny
01-05-2011, 02:42 PM
A lego commune?! Now I KNOW I've heard everything! LOL :)

Dutchbabiesx2
01-05-2011, 03:37 PM
Jame May built a house out of Legos, so multiply that by 1,000 and we'd surely have some cute huts. Lets start with a 'convention' and see if we all like each other!

MarkInMD
01-05-2011, 03:48 PM
You know, this would be perfect material for that sketch comedy group I'm in. I may just have to get writing later today...

Yes, we can contribute some Legos, too.

StartingOver
01-05-2011, 04:10 PM
We should all move to the same commune in a remote area of any state we can agree on and have our own little non-religious homeschooling cult that will get on the news. ("Secular homeschoolers -- Are they coming for YOUR child? Details at 11.") At least we'd have other like-minded people to talk to and do stuff with. :)

I'm in too !!

AddlepatedMonkeyMama
01-05-2011, 04:32 PM
A lego commune?! Now I KNOW I've heard everything! LOL :)

...and roads paved with math manipulatives...

belacqua
01-05-2011, 06:00 PM
Can we power our commune with Snap Circuits?

MarkInMD
01-05-2011, 07:54 PM
Okay, this is definitely my next sketch idea. I envision it like an NPR feature where they try to make everything sound really creepy even though it's not. I've even got several kids of various ages I could enlist besides my own (one of my fellow troupe members has an 11 and a 5 year old). I love getting inspired. Thank you.

Although this kind of made the thread spin off in an entirely different direction, for which I apologize.

outskirtsofbs
01-05-2011, 07:57 PM
Mark, I'm having the best laugh that I've had ALL day!! Thank-you.

ercswf--I can totally relate to your post. I have also given up on connecting with anyone here outside the house--Pretty sad. Friendships are nonexistent in my life also. I fear not being a good role model for DD who tells me every day how lonely and sad she feels. I've often heard to have friends, you must be a friend......I'd like to do just that. But it doesn't affect me like DD. Everything for tween girls revolves around friends, BFF, girlfriends,etc. Its maddening. The only friend that DD has is a girl that is still in PS, her mother has told me herself that her daughter has no friends, and is picked on, called names down at the school. But yet she leaves her there(her business, of course). We both graduated in the early 80's within a year of each other and she acts like she's inconvenienced when the girls get together for a two hour playdate. But she's also told me that she wouldn't want to HS because she wouldn't have her "free time". And she would only speak to me after I pulled DD out of PS and then her child was upset (she said) that mine was no longer there. Yeah, I only make attempts for my child anymore.

Dutchbabiesx2
01-05-2011, 10:06 PM
So a HS parent and a PS parent walk into a commune. The PS parent says to the HS parent_______________________

wild_destiny
01-05-2011, 10:38 PM
So a HS parent and a PS parent walk into a commune. The PS parent says to the HS parent_______________________

He says, "Wow! Look at all these huts made of Legos!" :) (I also love the math manipulatives for the roadways!)

MarkInMD
01-05-2011, 11:06 PM
"Oh, my goodness. Look at all this conformity! I would never subject my children to that! Excuse me, we have to go study for state testing at school this week."

dbmamaz
01-05-2011, 11:56 PM
"You cant isolate them from the world"

Seriously . . . the commune i was on was in MO - in the foothills of the ozarks in the middle of nowhere. They kept trying to have montessori teachers make a school for the kids there - we had a trailer w a ton of cool materials. But when that failed, we read some Holt "learning all the time" and we sort of 'home schooled' the preschoolers for a while. Most of the grade school and older kids were sent to the local public school, but the results were usually pretty bad. We were in a very, very rural area and the kids just didnt fit in at all. Some of the older kids were being unschooled, with occasional attempts by various adults to 'teach' them something.

Our sister community, here in VA (which is actually why I landed here) had a lot more options. At times, people were driving their kids to private schools 45 minutes away (Charlottesville i think).

But . . I did have conversations with members and ex-members of Twin Oaks here in VA. Some said that they wanted a more wholistic education, or a better education, or one that fit their values better, or a school where their kids fit in better - because the local public school was still fairly rural. But others insisted that you cant isolate your kids from the world . . which was just SO funny coming from people who were, you know, living on a commune.

rumbledolly
01-09-2011, 10:29 AM
OMG Mark you made me cry & LOL! My dilemma not yet reached as we're just starting out is all my friends are PS teachers! Every darn one of them!!!! I may be exiled to crazy island! God I hope they have cell phones & computers there!

wild_destiny
01-09-2011, 11:15 AM
Okay, this is definitely my next sketch idea. I envision it like an NPR feature where they try to make everything sound really creepy even though it's not. I've even got several kids of various ages I could enlist besides my own (one of my fellow troupe members has an 11 and a 5 year old). I love getting inspired. Thank you.

Although this kind of made the thread spin off in an entirely different direction, for which I apologize.

If you ever get this sketch done, Mark, would you please post it here for us to read/view? That would be awesome! :)

MarkInMD
01-09-2011, 11:20 AM
Will do. I think it'll probably be audio and a bit improvised, just because doing video to it might be a bit beyond my means. Audio, though? I'm an expert.