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Topsy
03-25-2010, 06:45 PM
This article in Psychology Today (http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/love-in-time-homeschooling/201003/bullying-reason-homeschool) intrigued me so much that I had to add another poll for this week! I have a friend who pulled her daughters out of school solely because they were being bullied so fiercely. How about you? Has bullying played any part in your decision to homeschool?

ginnyjf
03-25-2010, 08:16 PM
That was a very thought-provoking article indeed. We've never had any problem with bullying. The only thing complicating our decision to home school is how well Zack gets along with his peers. However, I think we're trying to head off any potential bullying mainly because Zack is lagging behind other boys his age in motor abilities. It's not a problem now, but I could foresee becoming a larger problem over the years.

paojava
03-25-2010, 08:39 PM
Let me answer this with a caveat: my son is 7 and is 4'6", and 100 lbs. He is NOT a bully, across the board everyone said this--but he is quite a bit taller than kids his age, and several were "afraid" of him because of his size. So...along with a LOT of other reasons, we homeschool.

Now, he is very social and has several friends--none of which thinks he is a bully.

camaro
03-25-2010, 08:48 PM
Bullying didn't play a part in our decision but it could have. Mitchell and a friend of his were bullied by a classmate in Kindergarten and the first half of Grade 1. Despite complaints to the teacher nothing was done about it. For a while almost every day he would come home from school complaining about being knocked down or something. Fortunately the child moved away during the Christmas break of his Gr. 1 year. We pulled Mitchell at the end of that school year for other reasons. I think we did talk about the bullying as something that could have influenced us if it had continued.

Snoopy
03-25-2010, 10:31 PM
Well shoot, I posted a long reply and then I figured I'd try the spell check option and it wanted me to download a program so I did and when I OK'd it to run the Control X something rather it reloaded this page and made me lose my comment! So don't do that.

You get my short answer: Noah's always been homeschooled but my other 5 kids/stepkids have always been to p.s. (apart from 1 year when I homeschooled one of my middle sons) and none of them have ever complained of being bullied. I have a red head, a couple of kids who have to wear glasses to read, a couple of them who had to wear braces and a couple of them whose mom is Hispanic. Not one complaint of bullying and none of them would want to be homeschooled. I think the bullying issue is the hot topic issue of the day in p.s. and I think that it's probably overstated to some extent, although it's probably more prevalent in larger schools and in areas where the students experience lots of stress (social economically or otherwise). In the last couple of years we (students and parents) have been asked to agree to standards of conduct that specifically address bullying, and the kids have had to sit through "no bullying" seminars at school. I think that if you teach your child to be assertive, a lot of the bullying situations will remain minor because most bullies don't recidive if you stand up to them. It's when you retreat that you get them excited and it gets worse from there. The problem with that is that school personnel doesn't discriminate when it comes time to punishing people in a bullying situation: oftentimes the victim gets just as much punishment as the perpetrator.

I did meet another secular homeschooler just last week who told me she had just pulled her 11 year-old daughter from school because the bullying was so bad. Although the school is the highest rated in her town, and her daughter NEVER had a grade lower than an "A" in her school career, she was being picked on by teachers and students alike because she loves to read and doesn't wish to join in activities with other kids. It ended up turning into bullying when she was called "a dirty cracker" and worse by African American kids at her school, and when the mom went to complain, she was told by the school's administrative staff (her words, not mine) that "it wasn't possible because black people aren't racist." So seeing that her daughter would not be protected by the administration, she pulled her out of school, is homeschooling her while working from home, and apparently it's going very well.

(that spell check finally works and I like it although it wants me to say "home school" instead of homeschool. Get with the times, people, there are millions of us "homeschoolers". It's a legitimate compound word by now!)

dbmamaz
03-25-2010, 11:11 PM
I have certainly heard of people who home school primarily due to bullying and children who are terrified to return to school. Hey, remember that autistic 1st grader who was 'voted off the island' by his classmates - at the insistance of the teacher? I believe they said he was being home schooled after that, didnt they?

crstarlette
03-25-2010, 11:22 PM
We have always homeschooled, so no, bullying didn't play into our decision to homeschool unless you count the government as a bully. That was a good article, maybe the most entertaining one I've read in a month or two. Thanks!

frgsonmysox
03-27-2010, 07:34 PM
This is part of the reason we are pulling Anthony out. Not the main reason by far, but it did play into our decision. Anthony is exceptionally bright for his age, and it makes it very difficult for him to get along with his peers. He tells us constantly that the other kids are mean to him. In Kindergarten it breaks my heart that he is already dealing with this.

Jamisina
03-29-2010, 03:18 PM
When I homeschooled originally, there were no issues with bullying. I'm going back to homeschooling in the fall, but it has more to do with the quality of education my kids aren't receiving, than with bullying! That being said, I'm very fearful of my kids going back to public school when we return to the US. Here on base there is some sort of control, but out there, I just don't see it!

Bullies have always been around, but it seems that the ante has been upped considerably since I was a girl in school. If I do continue to homeschool when we return, the main reason will be that I don't want my kids to be thrown into that pit!!!

hjdong
03-29-2010, 10:50 PM
I've always homeschooled, but I would say that bullying is not just a ps issue. While we haven't come into contact contact with any kids I would go as far as to call bullies (brats perhaps :-) ), one of the local co-ops had to close temporarily after having a student (middle school, of course, why is always the middle school? - I used to teach middle school) phone in a bomb threat over a girlfriend.

Edited to add: The nice part about hsing is that you have the choice of who your kid hangs out with.

Riceball_Mommy
03-30-2010, 10:40 AM
We just started homeschooling this year with Pre-K so my daughter hasn't had to deal with bullies. We've dealt with some not so nice kids though, especially at the train tables in the bookstore. Though at least with those situations if the kids are being too mean we can always walk away, look at other things and come back when their gone.
I was picked on in school, and I never had the luxury of walking away, or changing activities to avoid it (unlike now that I'm older). I'm happy that at least right now my daughter has the same options to remove herself from the situation if she chooses to.

Firefly_Mom
03-30-2010, 03:08 PM
We pulled our son out after kindergaten, not because he was being bullied, but because WE were! Yes, as in we-the-parents. I won't go into the gory details, but I will state that we were even getting harrasing phone calls from the principal at least 3x a week. The state education agency informed me that what the school was doing was a fairly common practice, and we could either: get an attorney and hope for the best, buckle under the pressure, or leave the state. We chose to leave. The upside of it was that the experience is what led (drove?) us to homeschooling, and I'm not sure we would have considered it otherwise. So for that I am grateful, because it has truly been the best thing that's ever happened to our family!

reversemigration
04-02-2010, 10:02 AM
Bullying was a significant factor in our decision to homeschool. Our son is both physically and verbally bullied at school and the response of the administration in the school has been both inappropriate and ineffectual. Without getting into details, it has both saddened and surprised me to see adults bumble this so badly, either because they're unable to be confrontational when necessary or because they're using theories of bullying which are simply false.

What's disappointing is to hear people think that pulling him out of this school after the administration and teachers have failed to protect him is somehow modeling bad behavior for him, that he "needs to stand up for himself" or "he can't run away from his problems." This is almost funny, given that he put up with this for about six months without telling anyone anything because he wanted to try to deal with it himself. As for those comments about standing up for himself: A) He's 9. His ability to do that when surrounded by peers who are taunting him is pretty darn limited. B) It's called blaming the victim. There have to be consequences for the bullies' behavior. C) Sticking in a bad situation after you've exhausted the alternatives isn't modeling good behavior for life.

It's a frustrating situation to deal with. After the various coping strategies we've worked on, the meetings with the administration, and so forth, I've told him that if it weren't for the fact that it'd be unethical and wouldn't resolve the situation I'd advise him to pop the ringleader once in the nose. So instead we're trying to make it through these last couple of months without too many tears.

Shoe
04-02-2010, 11:56 AM
Bullying did not play any role in our decision to home school our son-there were plenty of other reasons that it seemed best to pull him out of the public school system in 7th grade, but bullying fortunately was not one of them.

However, our daughter is still in the public system this year (5th grade) and has been to see the school nurse and guidance counselor almost on a daily basis because of stomach aches and headaches (no medical cause found by our doctor) and she never wants to go school because there are two specific children who have been bullying her for a long time. Attempts to deal with this through the school have been unsuccessful. While I have been encouraging her to be home educated next year (and actually this year as well), I have left the decision to her. Finally, she has decided she's had enough of the bullying and wants to stay home next year. So bullying has been a major deciding factor-though again, not the only one-in homeschooling her for next year.

Topsy
04-07-2010, 12:22 PM
The nice part about hsing is that you have the choice of who your kid hangs out with.


((smiles condescendingly))....spoken like a true mama of a boy under 10, Holly....

JUST YOU WAIT!!! :p

Melyssa
04-12-2010, 05:04 AM
My daughter was bullied a little in preschool which only sealed the decision I'd already made to homeschool starting with Kindergarten. However I have found homeschooling is not bully proof. She's had two occasions where she's been bullied horribly by other homeschooled kids, both in classes she was enrolled in. It happens everywhere. Sigh.

AlishaYouch
04-12-2010, 09:24 AM
Our son has been bullied both physically and emotionally. There was a physical bullying issue with a child in our neighborhood that required police involvement. That child, fortunately, has moved away, allowing my child to resume riding the bus and getting off the bus at our regular bus stop. Additionally, our son is extremely bright, verbal, opinionated and small for his age. He has been the target of teasing, mocking and generalized meanness since he started school here in GA last year. (He did not face this degree of "different-ness" in our hometown in New Hampshire, and I can spout off a handful of reasons for the difference.) If we can generalize bullying to include negative socialization, then I would say it played a significant part in our decision to CyberSchool Daniel.

JinxieFox
04-12-2010, 08:59 PM
One of the homeschooled children here (who is moving this month, yay!) is not a bully, per se. But he's a real little jerk. His mother said it is simply because he is too much of a "follower" when it comes to the public school children. However, I feel that if she was honestly that concerned about his behavior, or the children with whom he chose to associate, she would actually deal with this instead of just allowing him to continue to behave like a brat (he likes to jump on the only empty swing if he sees somebody else approaching it, he's rude in general, etc.). Plus, this mom shouldn't just throw it out there that public school children are to blame for her son's behavior... I know plenty of PS children far nicer than this boy.

You're right, Melyssa - there are bullies everywhere, including within the homeschool community.

hjdong
04-12-2010, 09:05 PM
((smiles condescendingly))....spoken like a true mama of a boy under 10, Holly....

JUST YOU WAIT!!! :p

Great, more to turn my hair grey!

hjdong
04-12-2010, 09:07 PM
You're right, Melyssa - there are bullies everywhere, including within the homeschool community.

I completely agree with you both.

reversemigration
04-13-2010, 09:04 AM
My daughter was bullied a little in preschool which only sealed the decision I'd already made to homeschool starting with Kindergarten. However I have found homeschooling is not bully proof. She's had two occasions where she's been bullied horribly by other homeschooled kids, both in classes she was enrolled in. It happens everywhere. Sigh.

Sadly, I'm sure this is true. I hope that you were able to resolve it to your daughter's advantage - it's so difficult getting the parents of bullies to realize that their delightful, charming children :rolleyes: are capable of being nasty and brutish. At the very least, you just want your children safe and protected.

I suppose one advantage of homeschooling is that they're not having to spend the entire day with the bully while the issue is being addressed?

Topsy
04-14-2010, 07:29 AM
One of my fave blogers, author of On Bradstreet, has her own take on the reasons behind bullying...thought I would share:

Control Where They Can Find It (http://onbradstreet.blogspot.com/2010/04/control-where-they-can-find-it.html)

LJean
04-15-2010, 09:04 AM
Bullying, while it isn't bad yet, is one of the main reasons for my wanting to homeschool next year. The other is that I don't feel my child has progressed as she should/could in the academics.

My daughter has been called enthusiastic and creative by her teachers. (her doctor calls it ADHD) ;) While the teachers enjoy having her in their classroom, the other kids have a different opinion. She is picked on on a daily basis. While I have been trying to help her through this, she just isn't tough enough not to take everything to heart. I have had a few teachers (who are moms), and counselors tell me my daughter will be eaten alive in the middle school here. Her friends, and my friends children tell my daughter she will most likely be beat up daily there. So needless to say, neither of us are fond of her going.

Some family and friends tell me I can't protect her forever, I am doing her a disservice by not letting her deal with being bullied, etc. It's a frustrating situation. At least I will have a few more years to help her learn to deal with it.

On a side note, I didn't realize putting my daughter on meds will stop the bullying. (sigh)... I guess that is another topic all together.

Museling
04-15-2010, 10:25 AM
Some family and friends tell me I can't protect her forever, I am doing her a disservice by not letting her deal with being bullied, etc. It's a frustrating situation. At least I will have a few more years to help her learn to deal with it.

I think this line of argument, is one of the most frustrating, that somehow, by keeping your child out of a situation that could harm them, is being over-protective. The argument makes as much sense to me as someone saying a baby should be allowed to play in a pool alone. That the ideology behind it is that even though they are not equipped with the mental capability to learn how to swim, that by complete immersion, they will swim. You are leaving your child in a room of random children with a guardian who is not familiar with any one of them for 30-40 hours a week and by some form of school magic, they will learn how to deal with one of the hardest and most complex social aspects of their lives -that there are bad people out there who will do them harm if the opportunity presents itself. <insert cockeyed dumb look here> Especially in this day and age where children as young as those in 4th grade are experimenting with drugs, bringing weapons to school and sexual activity. Letting it into older ages as well, do you let your very adorable 14 year old daughter hang out with her boyfriend, who's got what you expect to be tracks up his arms, till all hours of the night? This line of thinking, this character bulding misnomer, by exposing her to the situation she will automatically make the right choice because unfiltered exposure is the only way a minor can learn to handle some of life's hardest situations. Well, in the now famous words of Topsy, butter my butt and call me a biscuit! I didn't realize it was that easy!

So, I say to say to those friends and family, "You're right, I can't protect her forever, but who do I entrust to teach her to protect her self?"


now off to do some stew cleaning...grr Denise angry! Denise smash!! :mad:

ETA: I put in that situation with the 14 year old because that was me 16 years ago. Thankfully my mom put a halt to that very quickly or who knows where I would be.

Snoopy
04-15-2010, 10:39 AM
Well, I think that there is a distinction to be made between letting a child deal with and learn to resolve conflict situations and willfully letting a child be at risk of physical or mental abuse by real bullies. I do think that there is a tendency nowadays, for many parents, to swoop in and intervene without giving the child a chance to "deal" with the situation and learn from it. I see that on the playground all the time, parents following their kids step-by-step and interfering in their gameplay every 5 seconds. It drives me nuts. Just because a child has an argument with another child doesn't mean this is a bullying situation!

But if your kid is coming home crying or worse because of an abusive situation, then you do need to deal with it and if it means pulling them out of school (or of the homeschool group, as someone noted before bullies are not restricted to p.s.), then so be it. Your child's long-term well-being is at stake.

Museling
04-15-2010, 11:13 AM
I see that on the playground all the time, parents following their kids step-by-step and interfering in their gameplay every 5 seconds. It drives me nuts. Just because a child has an argument with another child doesn't mean this is a bullying situation!

That's true, parents need to learn how to deal with it along with their children, but I think that sort of thing is healthy to a degree. If it's a new park, or you haven't been there a lot, you're going to be on a higher alert -especially if you're in the, "I remember what I use to do at parks" camp.

And your right there is a difference between arguments and bullying. But I'm becoming more and more galvanized because I don't think schools are doing a good job of seeing the difference between the two. Arguments seem to be treated as bullying and true bullying gets treated like arguments since bullying reflects badly on the school. Like a particular bad spat where a kid gets away with calling someone a name and not being told to apologize. It empowers bully actions and empowers low self esteem because they got away with it.

It reminds me of the time I got 'jumped' in 7th grade. A girl was looking for a fight so she could get off-campus suspension and was a known bully. She had attempted to fight with two other girls besides me. Finally at our 'recess' she got her crowd to surround me and pummelled me until I started to fight back. The teachers, somehow, didn't see the huge wall encircling us until it was too late and long story short, I lost first chair in band, spent 5 days in on campus suspension and I came out of that experience with the thought that you have to lay there and take it or you get in trouble too. Not exactly the best lesson to teach a 12 year old girl.


ETA: maybe a better way of saying "not being told to apologize" is not being taught to apologize. Too many things get put under the 'tattle tale' umbrella

LJean
04-15-2010, 01:31 PM
We've been doing some role-playing activities of situations she might or has encountered. Problem with that is she says it isn't always easy to "ignore the teasing" or "(situation)" while it is going on. I just hope the more we role-play the more natural it will come to her. Anyone have other suggestions on things we can use to help her? We also now have her dealing with boys making comments about the breasts she is growing. ugh!



Well, I think that there is a distinction to be made between letting a child deal with and learn to resolve conflict situations and willfully letting a child be at risk of physical or mental abuse by real bullies.

wuffers
05-20-2010, 08:40 AM
Bullying has played a role in my decision to homeschool. My 9yo son has been the recipient of bullying on more than one occassion. He's a good kid, sharp as a tack, gets along well with others, but he skipped a grade and I'm wondering if being a year younger and not all that assertive is why he has been the target. Last school year it was a kid that continually harassed him. I think it started as a joking around, then it got agressive. I dealt with the teacher, she had a consult with the parents and it was dealt with and nipped in the bud. My son now plays with him (and honestly, he's a good kid). Then this year another kid decided to torment my son- dirty looks, refusing to sit next to him, taking his snack, taunting him that he's a girl, etc. The thing is, my son is just naturally not very assertive, so it is very hard for him to deal with these things on his own even though he tries. I spoke with the teacher and it was also dealt with.

I'm very glad these situations were resolved and my son got through them with a positive ending. I do think the sooner you realize that not everyone is nice, not eveyrone is going to like you, the better. The thing I don't like though is the overall message that my son is taking home- that something is wrong with him. So overall, I don't think this stuff is unavoidable- this is how people are. At the same time, to be surrounded by a peer group all day long where you don't feel valued isn't exactly a healthy position to be in. My son is so eager to learn and the whole kid culture is crushing that.

schwartzkari
05-20-2010, 12:45 PM
Bullying has not played a part in our choice to homeschool because my daughter has never attended public school (and neither will my son.) For us, the quality of the schools is the issue. Without going on a tangent here (lol) let me just say that I feel the schools in our area are NOT up to par. On any given day, I can turn on the news and hear about how a middle school teacher was molesting his students or how the TAKS test results of a school district were skewed and now all the children must retake the entire mandated test. Most recently, a little boy hung himself in a school bathroom because why? He was bullied. That is so depressing to me. I was never the subject of bullying while in school myself. I had a group of good friends. Don’t get me wrong, there were jerks in my school but none that bullied me. For me, the drama, the politics and the inner-workings of the public school system are why I homeschool my kids.

Busygoddess
05-20-2010, 04:47 PM
Bullying did play a role in us pulling Dea out of PS, kind of. She attended exactly 1 year of ps. She went into Kindergrten ready for 1st grade (at least). The teacher raved about how smart she was, told us Dea was the smartest kid in class, showed us the assessment result that proved Dea was the smartest, told Dea she was the smartest kid in class, asked Dea to tutor her classmates (to give her something to do, since she was so bored). Dea was never rude or elitist about her intelligence. She simply sees it as part of who she is, understands that not everyone is the same, and has never cared if her friends were of similar intelligence. So, I know that she didn't bring this on herself. The other kids apparently had issues with the fact the Dea was the only one who ever knew the answers, was reading while the rest learned letter sounds, was asked to tutor them, etc. It started with calling her names & refusing to play with her. By mid-year, she came home at least once a week telling us about someone hitting her, biting, slapping her, kicking her, etc. Each time, I called the school. Each time, I got the same answer - "We'll look into that, and IF it happened, we'll take care of it." Nothing was ever done about it.
My husband wasn't sure about hsing. He thought it would be too much stress for me, since I would also be taking care of Jay, who was a preemie & needed a lot of extra attention (he was born at 27/28 weeks & was still in the hospital while we were discussing hsing Dea). When Dea told us about the boy in class putting her in a choke hold, he finally realized we couldn't leave her there. In Feb, the school tested for the Gifted Program. We decided to wait for the results before making a final decision. The problem was, since she was bullied for being smart, she refused to admit her intelligence. Every time you asked her something, the answer was either "I don't know" or "I forget." She had been reading before the year started. By the end of the year, she refused to pick up a book. She threw the test.
So, it was more the effect of the bullying - the fact that it taught her that being smart was a bad thing & had her hiding her intelligence - than the fact that she was being bullied. Our main reason for homeschooling, though, is that I know that I can provide a better education than the local schools (even the Gifted Program), in an environment that's more conducive to learning, while meeting all their needs (which the school can't do) & nurturing their natural desire to learn powered by intrinsic motivation (instead of the extrnal motivations used in ps, that actually diminish intrinsic motivations).

firefly
05-21-2010, 08:34 PM
I would love to do a ducumentary on bullying in the public schools! I think it boils down to a fundamental problem with the student to teacher ratio. Teachers simply do not have the time to deal with these complex social issues on a daily basis. Kids who hit go to the office. Kids who threaten & intimidate are told to "stop" if they get caught.

The thing is, kids really need to be taught how to behave with each other. This is done in early grades - but even then it is done with groups that are too large for real learning and change to take place. One on one is best - but how great would it be if schools had a 8-1 student to teacher ratio? ...But then alot of us might not be here!

pandahoneybee
05-25-2010, 09:52 AM
Ok it wasn't the only reason but it was part of the reason we pulled the boys out of public school.
A little back ground (for anyone who wants to know;) We moved 3 times since Alex started school, and he has always been a little behind everyone else, in terms of emotionally and academically Thats why I have always volunteered in his class , even with Anthony strapped to my back! He always had problems finding friends who were actually friends Many years ago I was giving him a bath and he had bruises all over his back I asked him where did he get those. His reply was my friend and I were playing a game, next of course I was at the school the next morning PI**ED! And they response was he didn't tell us anything so we can't do anythingl So I volunteered more, it stopped than. But here in NC in 5th grade he was the new kid again, and behind again! He was picked on and had rocks thrown at him all year and I fought with the school over and over. I wish I had just pulled him out then but being from a family that never even thought about homeschooling it was foreign to me. Until the last day when this rude kid made fun of Alex in front of me after i had just given the class a end of the year party! I almost smacked that kid and his mother standing right in back of him. That was it for me and my boys in the public school system!

Sorry to rant, now going to hug the boys!

Snoopy
05-25-2010, 12:15 PM
He was picked on and had rocks thrown at him all year and I fought with the school over and over. I wish I had just pulled him out then but being from a family that never even thought about homeschooling it was foreign to me. Until the last day when this rude kid made fun of Alex in front of me after i had just given the class a end of the year party! I almost smacked that kid and his mother standing right in back of him. That was it for me and my boys in the public school system!
Oh Michelle, my hear breaks for him! What a horrible experience to have gone through! Give him a hug from me too. Aren't you glad you don't have to worry about this so much anymore? Although....

Noah won't say anything either when someone bugs him. Last week at the playground there were a couple of busloads of public school kids and at some point Noah's friends came to tell me that a kid had lunged at Noah and clawed his back. They were all freaked out about it so I went looking for Noah who was still playing with other friends. When I asked him if everything was alright, he said "yes" but his friends started telling me about how this other kid had attacked Noah. So I checked his back (there were no marks) and asked who the kid was. I was looking at the p.s. kids (they all had red shirts on) but they pointed at this 4th or 5th grade-age kid who was leaving his with teen brother... so he must have been a homeschooler too! Anyway, since they were leaving, I didn't go after the kid but they were well aware that I was glaring at them (I think that's why they left). But Noah wouldn't have mentioned anything, probably. He hates fighting so he walks away from bullies usually, while his dad and I are the ones telling him to kick the other kid in the nuts or something. lol. It was nice to see his friends so protective of him, though :)

pandahoneybee
05-25-2010, 12:35 PM
Thanks Nathalie! Sorry for that, it has been over 3 years and I still get upset when I think about it! I know that feeling of wanting to kick some butts! Bad thing for Alex is now he can get really in someone's face when they start anything with him or his brother. So we are working on trying to reverse some of the bad experiences/behavior that he learned long ago. We still have issues with other kids but the best thing is being able to go up to the parent or school leader say something and be able to remove my boys from that situation. I have definitely learned from my mistakes, my husband sometimes gets on me for interfering or watching over them too much, which I understand, Alex is almost 14 but he is still my baby!
WATCH OUT THIS MAMA HAS CLAWS:)

CharNC
05-25-2010, 02:32 PM
Bullying was not a factor in our decision to homeschool but my son has only been in public school for 2 years, Pre-k and K. We are fortunate enough to not have to deal with that. ;)

firefly
05-25-2010, 07:46 PM
It's so sad to hear your stories - especially when your kids don't stand up for themselves - or worse - don't tell you! It's so hard to teach kids what to do b/c often it's so unexpected. When my oldest was hit by a "friend" (below) she completely shut down & told no one at first. The hitter had a horribly sad background (teacher's kid) and nothing was done - like in all the cases below. I'm now sure that schools will do anything not to have these incidents on their permanent record.
Every year in p/s each kid has had at least two major incidents. Let’s see:
* Both kids had to crouch / crawl under bus seats b/c older kid raised book bag over head & hit them repeatedly. (No more bus)
* Big kid on swing "aimed" and dive-bombed one breaking new glasses, had to come home w/ ice for 24 hrs.
* (Now former) "Friend" slapped other kid permanently bending brand new $379 glasses, leaving red mark for 48 hrs.
* Pack of boys relentlessly chased / hounded one kid to sobbing tears - teacher screamed at them & all were reprimanded.
* Inappropriate touching... don't even get me started...
* One got slung around & pounded into pavement.
* Finally one got hit & hit back!

What infuriates me is when people claim kids need these experiences. Seriously? Wait a minute, let me grab your hand, swing you around, and “country slam you to the ground!” (as oldest dd says). And here, let me readjust your glasses for you…

Snoopy
05-25-2010, 08:17 PM
It's so sad to hear your stories - especially when your kids don't stand up for themselves - or worse - don't tell you! It's so hard to teach kids what to do b/c often it's so unexpected. When my oldest was hit by a "friend" (below) she completely shut down & told no one at first. The hitter had a horribly sad background (teacher's kid) and nothing was done - like in all the cases below. I'm now sure that schools will do anything not to have these incidents on their permanent record.
Every year in p/s each kid has had at least two major incidents. Let’s see:
* Both kids had to crouch / crawl under bus seats b/c older kid raised book bag over head & hit them repeatedly. (No more bus)
* Big kid on swing "aimed" and dive-bombed one breaking new glasses, had to come home w/ ice for 24 hrs.
* (Now former) "Friend" slapped other kid permanently bending brand new $379 glasses, leaving red mark for 48 hrs.
* Pack of boys relentlessly chased / hounded one kid to sobbing tears - teacher screamed at them & all were reprimanded.
* Inappropriate touching... don't even get me started...
* One got slung around & pounded into pavement.
* Finally one got hit & hit back!

What infuriates me is when people claim kids need these experiences. Seriously? Wait a minute, let me grab your hand, swing you around, and “country slam you to the ground!” (as oldest dd says). And here, let me readjust your glasses for you…

All I can say is "Good Grief!!!!" Incredible. ** shakes her head**

reversemigration
05-26-2010, 12:36 AM
What infuriates me is when people claim kids need these experiences. Seriously? Wait a minute, let me grab your hand, swing you around, and “country slam you to the ground!” (as oldest dd says). And here, let me readjust your glasses for you…

Yeah, I've enjoyed hearing that, too. Or that they need to learn how to deal with these situations themselves. While that's true with everyday, run-of-the-mill situations, with the serious stuff it's akin to saying, "You don't need the police to help you when someone is robbing you. You need to learn how to stand up for yourself." It's always felt to me like a way for someone to wash their hands of a situation because it's *gasp* hard to deal with.

firefly
05-27-2010, 11:39 AM
The sad thing is that the examples below of what my kids went through are "normal" - according to other parents I spoke with. There seems to be alot of apathy or denial that any of it is a big deal. Yet as an adult, if I were to put my hand on someone's shoulder while we were having even a mild disagreement, I could be charged with assault!

On a wider level, when nothing is done to protect today's victims - we are unwittingly grooming tomorrow's abusers...

ssanh
05-29-2010, 08:15 PM
Bullying was a factor for choosing to homeschool. My son was bullied in preschool. YES, PRESCHOOL. One morning my son asked me if a particular kid was going to be at school that day. I said, "probably." I didn't think anything of it. I thought he was asking because he wanted to see him. Just the opposite. Next week he asks again. This time I asked more questions. He was having "bad dreams" about the kid. I asked the teacher to keep an eye out. She didn't notice anything to be alarmed about. She told me that my son and this kid both have leadership qualities and so they tend to disagree a lot... I had noticed my child's self esteem lessening. But he still wanted to go to school, so I took him. Then about 3 weeks after that, he tells me that a different kid told him he "talks funny." (My son doesn't have any speech impediments. He is a 4 year old who speaks like an adult.) And he asked me if that was "teasing." So I again went to the teacher. Low and behold, this is another kid with a "strong personality" and my son is "just very sensitive." Essentially making it my son's fault. I let that one go. A couple weeks go by. My son is hit in school and prepares to strike back. He gets reprimanded-- because he is teaching that child to hit???? I again talked to the teacher. I told her that my son has my permission to defend himself. He is not teaching the other kid to hit. He is teaching the other kid not to hit him! This kid kept on pushing and hitting my son at school. The teacher told me that they were working hard to help the bully understand his body because he has "sensory perception issues." She did admit to not addressing my son's needs and that they have to focus so much energy on those with behavior problems that the others tend to get left behind. I corrected her and called it "neglected." That was his last day. And so there is my rant--
Bullying wasn't the only reason we chose to homeschool, but it helped us decide.
If your kids are noticeably different in any way, they will more than likely be bullied. Plain and simple. Even in preschool.
My youngest kids will never set foot in public schools and they will be black belts in Kung Fu.

Shoe
05-29-2010, 08:22 PM
Bullying wasn't the only reason we chose to homeschool, but it helped us decide.
If your kids are noticeably different in any way, they will more than likely be bullied. Plain and simple. Even in preschool.
My youngest kids will never set foot in public schools and they will be black belts in Kung Fu.ssanh, so sorry to hear about your experiences even with preschool. I haven't had much luck with public school when it comes to bullying. In first or second grade, my son was pushed down the stairs but because of his judo training, went into a forward roll and didn't get seriously injured. My daughter has had constant bullying issues-she's very sociable and loud and stands out in a crowd, so is an easy target-and that is a big part of our reason to homeschool her.

Our kids started judo when they were young but switched to Tae Kwon Do a few years ago. I've told them that they can't quit until they have a black belt or they're 18, whichever comes first!

mommykicksbutt
06-05-2010, 05:54 PM
Bullying is only part of the reason we homeschool. A quality education that will keep sonny challenged is the main reason.

After 3 years of homeschooling we put him in public school for the 6th grade, he took the school's test for the gate program and literally aced it. The school district has not only the gate program which is for the top 1% of the student population but also the seminar program which is for the top 1% of the gate kids, this is the program my son qualified for (it was at this point that we looked into Mensa, son is now a member). Hubby was all for putting him in public school for the seminar program, I was against it. Hubby said that sonny needs brick and mortar school to compare homeschool with so he knows how much better homeschooling is. I was not for this experiment but hubby won and sonny went to public school for the year.

The seminar program was at a brand new middle school for regular kids, kids with learning disabilities (also had their program there), gate kids, and the seminar kids (only 3 schools in the whole city had seminar programs). Right from day one the non-seminar kids were picking on the seminar kids, name calling (semaNERDs), intentional bumping when passed between classes (knocking them down on several occasions), holding the bathroom doors closed on them so they couldn't get out, flushing his gym uniform in a soiled toilet, getting beaned in the back of the head with a full and opened milk carton at lunch time (more than just a couple of times), to literal fist fights (sonny is a black belt in martial arts - surprised these bullies!). Yeah, bullying is a problem and was part of the reason we homeschool also part of the reason he doesn't have much to do with some of the neighborhood hoodlums as well.

Undesired social drama is also something we will be avoiding during the high school years as well by homeschooling, brick and mortar schools can keep that!

paganmomblog
06-05-2010, 09:06 PM
.

Undesired social drama is also something we will be avoiding during the high school years as well by homeschooling, brick and mortar schools can keep that!

But what about the socialization???? Just Kidding!

With all the crap that bullies do, it's a wonder tragedies like Columbine haven't been happening more often.

StartingOver
06-05-2010, 09:36 PM
But what about the socialization???? Just Kidding!

With all the crap that bullies do, it's a wonder tragedies like Columbine haven't been happening more often.

Tragedies like that are happening way to much. I was shocked when the school shooting in tiny little Bethel Alaska happened. That was more than I ever needed to know.

paganmomblog
06-06-2010, 09:09 AM
Tragedies like that are happening way to much. I was shocked when the school shooting in tiny little Bethel Alaska happened. That was more than I ever needed to know.

I agree that they are happening too much, but considering the number of ps and kids in ps it's a wonder it's not happening more often. Assuming that is the media is interested in reporting it anymore.

Riceball_Mommy
06-06-2010, 10:26 AM
One of my sisters in law (both twins are in first grade but different classes), came over and said that a boy in her class punched her in the face. She's not allowed to hit back and telling on him would be "tattling" so she really couldn't do anything but take it. Such a great life lesson.

paganmomblog
06-06-2010, 11:20 AM
Whoa! She really should go straight to administration about that one, reporting physical harm is never tattling. And the teacher should be ripped a new one for telling any kid that reporting abuse is.

hockeymom
06-06-2010, 12:29 PM
I honestly had no idea that bullying is such a big problem, but apparently I'm just naive. I'm totally shocked by some of your stories, but thinking back to when I worked in a kindergarten class last year, I guess I should be able to see what happens in later grades. Even in K we had bullying issues, only they were never called that and they were always chalked up to the kids' families (as in "Well, I taught X's brother a few years ago and he was bad, so X will be bad also. There is nothing we can do."). Such is small town thinking I guess.

Of course we can't protect our children from all things bad, but to let them loose in such an uncaring/unwilling environment doesn't make sense to me. I am so thankful to have my little guy at home.

paganmomblog
06-06-2010, 02:49 PM
Sometimes you don't see it coming. The girls' messing with my daughter this year were her friends last year and it has taken everyone by surprise. Back when I started Jr. High is really when I noticed the change in my peers, one year we are all cool and just kids and then we start Jr. High and there are cliques and levels of "coolness". Now it happens in the 4th grade. And it also depends on the sex and the children themselves. Alot of bullies are coming out of homes where there is some sort of abuse and girls' are much worse than boys. I have seen the cattiness in girls just in pre-k and some even start cliques then. Makes you wonder if it's genetics or something taught by the parents.

mommykicksbutt
06-17-2010, 04:08 PM
I saw the cliques in my son's kindergarten class, there was one girl at the root of it too, "I'll only be your friend if you don't be friends with So-n-so." She would make something up and then tattle to the teacher that "I saw So-n-so do (insert bad deed here)." Mean while as we moms waited for school to get out, this girl's 4 y.o. brother thought it was just fine to drop drou and take a dump on the sidewalk. Their mother didn't even flinch. Oh, did I mention that the mom and dad are both psychologists? Go figure that family.