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MrsAngelD
10-21-2010, 11:30 AM
Pardon me while I vent.

My 16yr old son who like every other teenager has a facebook and Myspace page, used some rather inappropriate language in one of his facebook status updates. Prompting my cousins husband to chastise him. The hubby and I tend to not get worked up over curse words and instead take of the approach in teaching that there are times when you don't speak in that manner and that the language you use is a reflection of you.

My son responds to said person with an explanation as to why he feels words are just words and really have no more value in them than what people place on them. For a 16 year old it was a rather eloquent explanation even giving an example of what he meant.

He ended said explanation by saying "Have and nice day and tell the family I say hello"

Apparently this was disrespectful and cause for my cousin to tell him he was rude and rambling on. It was also cause for my mother to tell him he has no respect for adults or himself and that had he been in regular school he would have learned how to respect other people feelings.

It was at this point that I had finally had enough and decided to post a comment, pointing out that apparently they don't know my son very well because he was simply explaining why he felt the way his did and even gave an example. I also asked my mother how it is that school was meant for socializing. I told her that apparently school didn't do a very good job at teaching respect because if it did I never would have fought with her when I was teen and ended up in juvenile for incorrigible charges.

I was then proceeded to be attacked by my cousin in being told that I don't live in reality and apparently the only reason I decided to keep my son home was so he could take care of me (I'm disabled) apparently the fact that I have a husband who takes care of me means nothing. I'm also not qualified to take charge of his education, because I didn't go to collage for child education. (Even though I'm not homeschooling as my son attends online high school).

I just can not for the life of me understand what gives people the right to sit in judgment of me and my family even though they live a few thousand miles away. I'm so frustrated and irritated right now.

archibael
10-21-2010, 12:20 PM
I suspect given the virulence of the response that these feelings of theirs have been festering for quite a lot of time and your family has used this situation as an excuse to jump on you personally by criticizing your son. You have my sympathies. My mother knows when to shut up, even though I can tell she's not onboard with our homeschooling.

MrsAngelD
10-21-2010, 01:26 PM
Your right I did want a bit of feedback. Yes I know not all kids have them, that being said the comment that started this whole fiasco was him Quoting something somebody said about him, in a fight. So it's not like he was outright cussing just to be goofy. Your comments in no way offend me and your right about employers and collages as I have tried very hard to impress that fact upon my son.

MamaB2C
10-21-2010, 05:07 PM
Sounds to me like at least some of your family members disagree with your parenting decisions and/or life choices on a good day, and simply jumped on an opportunity. I know plenty of people like that and am quick to tell them where to stick it, because I just don't have time for that. Life is too short and too full to allow toxic people in, for me.

As for colleges and employers and such, crank the privacy up to 11 on all online social networks, and only friend people you actually know. Non-friends can see only my name and picture if they look me up on Facebook, to determine I am the person they are looking for, and even that ability can be disabled, so a search for your name returns nothing.

I am aware that my hardassness doesn't sit well with everyone.

archibael
10-21-2010, 05:23 PM
I'm with you on that one, Brandi.

wild_destiny
10-21-2010, 05:26 PM
I am so sorry that you are having this trouble, Angel. It surprises me just how many people feel justified at sitting in judgment of others. Your son's comment about how words only have the power that people give to them really surprised me, as that is quite a grown-up way of looking at it. I have known people who refused to cuss at all, believing it was wrong to say certain words, yet those same people could express the most hateful of emotions in other words and never see the disparity. And I have known some genuinely awful people who only spoke in nice tones and always said "please" and "thank you", yet who had no actual niceness or thankfulness in them at all. On the other side, some of the people I have met that were the nicest, most considerate, caring people you could hope to meet, regularly cuss like sailors. Your son sounds like a winner, and the way he handled the problem is admirable. But when you are dealing with people who have sticks shoved far up their butts, it is hard to have reasonable dialogue! :) Best wishes, Angel, for you and your son.

Lolov
10-21-2010, 07:38 PM
Um... contrary to popular belief, colleges and employers (and anyone else) can only see your FB page if you are TOO STUPID TO SET YOUR PRIVACY SETTINGS so only your "friends" have access. Yeah. No one can see my page unless they are my friend. And believe me, if I were going to friend my employer, I'd set up a pseudo page. Duh. LOL. Teens are WAY more savvy than you are giving them credit for. And FB isn't an open page to anyone who wants to see you. Pictures are slightly different as if you are tagged by a third party, it might be possible for someone searching your name to see them, but it's not a definite thing.

Big brother much?

MrsAngelD
10-21-2010, 08:12 PM
You are probably all correct in that these feelings have probably been festering for a while. I've never had the best relationship with my family members, hence my utter contentedness at living so far away from all of them. My mother has been unhappy with my decision not to place my son in a brick and mortar school from the beginning. I really don't get why people think school is meant to be a social experience and your missing something if you don't go there. My son has more than enough friends, and socializes with people all the time.

Either way I would like to thank all of you, it's so nice to have somewhere to turn too when situations such as these arise.

Angel

Topsy
10-21-2010, 08:15 PM
Thanks for the poll input...always looking for ideas! ;) I know that Facebook is social, and that everyone who is a "friend" can see your wall posts (unless you hide them from them), but I've still never understood the need to pass judgment on other people's updates. If that were the case, I would spend half my day responding to friends who post completely opposing political views from myself. LOL If someone updates their status, it is THEIR status. If you saw it and disapproved, then ignore it. Or maybe hide the person's updates...but don't attack the update. That's just immature, in my opinion.

Sorry you and your son had to deal with this...wish our family members weren't always the quickest ones to judge us!!

wild_destiny
10-21-2010, 08:25 PM
P.S. Topsy--here is a poll idea: How do you think Topsy picks poll ideas? A. She asks random strangers. B. She selects options, places them in a circle, and spins a bottle to pick one. C. Aliens send them to her via her computer. And so on. :) (Not trying to hi-jack your thread, Angel. My heart still goes out to you!)

sis92y
10-21-2010, 09:26 PM
Personally I do not have, and will highly discourage my kids from getting, a Facebook account or anything like it. IMHO, if you are putting something out there for others to read then you must expect for your statements to be judged. This is simply the way humans react to things they disagree with. Some people are able to keep their judgements silent. Others, like your family members, don't seem to have that ability. Now granted it sounds like your family needs to be sat down and introduced to a large helping of respect and humility, but your son asked for judgement when he posted whatever he posted on a public forum. I'm trying not to pass judgement here, but I fail to see the point in using forums such as FB if feedback, in one form or another, is not wanted.

That said, if I were you and your son I'd block them from updates of any kind, close the door to their egos and judgmental ways, and continue doing what I knew was best for my child. If HSing is working for him then why stop because someone else has a different opinion about it? And giving in to their arguments with any sort of response only feeds their need to create and thrive in their own chaotic little world.

I hope I don't come across as being too harsh, but again, its just my opinion.

Riceball_Mommy
10-22-2010, 09:10 AM
I actually like facebook, though I do use really strict privacy settings (I wouldn't be able to pull up the page for someone without logging in), and I'm careful about what I put on there. I don't update it often mostly use it to keep up with friends and family I don't see. I'm also not hesitant to just delete someone from my friend's list that I find offensive, family or not.
Though it might cause even more of a problem, if the family is being publicly judgmental and rude, then maybe you and your son should delete them as friends. I don't see much of a problem with using the language in a quote and then following it up with a mature explanation. If every post isn't filled with foul language and this was a one time thing, then I don't think it's so bad. Besides if that's the biggest mistake he ever makes on the internet I think his job security would be fine.

fbfamily111
10-22-2010, 02:26 PM
Your son sounds more respectful then most public school teens. He also took the time to explain his reasoning. I would have just blocked the guy. Thenexplained that there are a lot of narrow minded busy-bodies in the world, and we happen to be related to a few of them.