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paganmomblog
07-25-2010, 09:17 AM
Well I will anyway, THANK YOU!

My parents and I rarely talk, about 5 times a year when they send stuff to our kids. I call so that the kids can thank them properly for the gifts. Other than that, no contact. So my son turned 5 just over a week ago and they had sent a card with some cash and he was talking to them and it became my turn. We chatted for a bit and our decision to homeschool came up. Fortunately I was able to use every bit of knowledge I have learned from here on them. Everything from the socialization issue to keeping high school transcripts, they couldn't shake me.....and ugh did they try!

One thing that has me so baffled. They saw how I got pushed through high school and graduate when I really shouldn't have. But now public school is the best option for their grandkids. I still don't get it.

StartingOver
07-25-2010, 09:52 AM
Well I will anyway, THANK YOU!

My parents and I rarely talk, about 5 times a year when they send stuff to our kids. I call so that the kids can thank them properly for the gifts. Other than that, no contact. So my son turned 5 just over a week ago and they had sent a card with some cash and he was talking to them and it became my turn. We chatted for a bit and our decision to homeschool came up. Fortunately I was able to use every bit of knowledge I have learned from here on them. Everything from the socialization issue to keeping high school transcripts, they couldn't shake me.....and ugh did they try!

One thing that has me so baffled. They saw how I got pushed through high school and graduate when I really shouldn't have. But now public school is the best option for their grandkids. I still don't get it.

My mother never got it either, and it was a thorn between us. All I could say to her after a while, is that they are my children and it is my choice. It was a big elephant in the room for years.

A couple of years before she passed, she wanted me to homeschool my niece that she was raising. I said no, and she went on to tell me that my children had turned out so well. They were respectful, and honest, and open, and interacted well with each other, younger children, & their elders. That she wished she had followed my lead and homeschooled my niece.

It was helpful to know that she didn't think I screwed them up totally. But after years of hearing how must I was going to damage my children, it was a little late. Luckily my father was alway for homeschooling, but he is in Alaska so there was no local supprot.

I hear you, loud and clear !! hugs.

ercswf
07-25-2010, 11:46 AM
I'm sorry you have to deal with that. So far I only have one person in my whole family against homeschooling. Other then that I have not only my parents but hubbies parents and all of our grandparents support. (and when it comes to socialization I have a neighbor that asked if they have ever tried to get out of our driveways because kids are in a swarm around our house most)

I'm sure that over time she will get used to the idea, and if not it's not like you have to spend that much time with them. (my mother lives next door to me so it would be really bad if she objected)

MamaB2C
07-26-2010, 08:42 AM
Is homeschooling just one of many issues or THE issue that keeps you out of contact with your folks?

paganmomblog
07-26-2010, 12:21 PM
Thanks! Someday I am just going to learn not to bother telling them anything about our lives.


Is homeschooling just one of many issues or THE issue that keeps you out of contact with your folks?

No, they just found out about homeschooling. They never call me and I only call when the kids get stuff for their birthdays. The issues are basically this, my mother hates me. She has told me since I can remember that she wishes she had an abortion. She has always told me it's my fault she is a failure. And her favorite thing to tell me is that I have s__t for brains. My father, whom I love dearly, is a moron for staying with her because she is a horrible woman to him. Last time my kids even saw them she spent all of her time screaming at him that he was a f_____g moron. Once my eldest, at the age of 4, asked me why Grandma was so mean. Hence why there is very little contact.

MamaB2C
07-26-2010, 12:37 PM
Oh man! You are stronger (and way nicer) than I am, girl, for even accepting gifts or making the thank you calls. I would have personectomied her from my life completely.

I wouldn't even bother trying to tell her anything of importance from now on, unless you want the practice of defending your choices (which is a valid reason to start arguments in my opinion). Thank you for the gifts, we're doing great, buh bye now!

paganmomblog
07-26-2010, 04:12 PM
Oh man! You are stronger (and way nicer) than I am, girl, for even accepting gifts or making the thank you calls. I would have personectomied her from my life completely.

I wouldn't even bother trying to tell her anything of importance from now on, unless you want the practice of defending your choices (which is a valid reason to start arguments in my opinion). Thank you for the gifts, we're doing great, buh bye now!

Yea, I admit I am a pretty big idiot when it comes to my parents. Keep hoping one day that she might love me. There is nothing in the world worse than knowing your mother doesn't love you. For now I do not close the communication because one of her many faults was jealousy. She hated my close relationship with her mother and did whatever she could to destroy it (and failed). So I don't do that. My kids don't know the dirty secrets of our past. They just know we don't get along but they are welcome to talk to her anytime they want. I refuse to be accused of keeping them from her. As of now they don't have any real interest and I am not ashamed to say I feel relieved by that.

schwartzkari
07-26-2010, 04:36 PM
Good for you for standing up for yourself and your children! I have a good relationship with my own mother but I can definitely relate to you when it comes to my relationship with my grandmother (mom's mom.) She's been negative towards me since the day I was born. I moved here to Texas 10 years ago with my family and barely talked to my grandmother. She moved here last year and now lives only 15 minutes away from my apartment. I still don't talk to her. She is emotionally abusive and completely stuck in the past. I don't blame you one bit for not communicating with your mother. I only talk to my grandmother when she sends birthday money for my kids OR we have a family get together (which is rare.).

paganmomblog
07-27-2010, 09:53 AM
Good for you for standing up for yourself and your children! I have a good relationship with my own mother but I can definitely relate to you when it comes to my relationship with my grandmother (mom's mom.) She's been negative towards me since the day I was born. I moved here to Texas 10 years ago with my family and barely talked to my grandmother. She moved here last year and now lives only 15 minutes away from my apartment. I still don't talk to her. She is emotionally abusive and completely stuck in the past. I don't blame you one bit for not communicating with your mother. I only talk to my grandmother when she sends birthday money for my kids OR we have a family get together (which is rare.).


Big hugs for you! And shame on your grandmother.

MamaB2C
07-27-2010, 10:22 AM
Yea, I admit I am a pretty big idiot when it comes to my parents. Keep hoping one day that she might love me.

You're not an idiot, you are a person who wants to be loved and accepted. That makes you human! And, I've read your blog. You are a person I find easy to respect :)

I dunno if it's any consolidation, but your description of your mother's abuse (constant jealousy and belittling) sounds like she has a personality disorder. Have you looked into them at all?

paganmomblog
07-28-2010, 08:09 AM
You're not an idiot, you are a person who wants to be loved and accepted. That makes you human! And, I've read your blog. You are a person I find easy to respect :)

I dunno if it's any consolidation, but your description of your mother's abuse (constant jealousy and belittling) sounds like she has a personality disorder. Have you looked into them at all?

Well thank you!

I have often said to various other family members that she needs to be seen by a doctor. My grandmother had a depressive disorder and I am bipolar. Even when I was hospitalized for my own issues, I told people that she needed to be seen. So far she hasn't. She claims she is fine but if you watch her you can see it. I would not be the least bit surprised to find out she is bipolar. Having a discussion with her means having 15 different conversations in the span of 5 minutes, she is constantly switching up. One of our biggest blow outs involved me telling her that she had mental issues and needed to be seen. She took massive insult to that. Which means she really doesn't see what she does or she knows she has a problem and doesn't want to deal with it.