View Full Version : How do you know?

07-31-2013, 08:10 PM
Just wondering how do you know when enough is enough?
We do joeys/cubs/scouts/venturers of which I am a leader for two sections, I am trying to get out of the scouts as it takes at least 2 plus hours for planning alone, let alone running the program, as well as camps, outings and fundraising for each section.
We do theatre one day a week, which takes 2 hours of prep not to mention the actual program which runs for nearly two hours.
Then the volunteering ambulance which is on call of two days a week plus one weekend a month plus 2 hours of training twice a month.
I feel guilty about the house, the boys and the schooly stuff.
Just wanting to know when is enough enough? How do others juggle their lives.......allll of it?
Funny enough I just recently posted about having the ability to just say no!

07-31-2013, 08:50 PM
When I feel overwhelmed, it's too much. I have to be able to function, too, and I don't have 7 kids! I never had ANY activities outside school until I was old enough to pay for and drive to them myself, and I turned out okay, so sometimes I remind myself of that...

07-31-2013, 08:56 PM
there is no right or wrong answer. you have to find the balance that feeds and nurtures you without burning you out

07-31-2013, 10:12 PM
The fact that you're questioning it may be one sign. :)

I just had a friend leave here after dropping off her computer for DH to fix. She came by at dinner time, no warning, and so I fed her. And I apologized for my cluttered digs. She assured me that there was no reason to apologize for the stuff laying around, but I still felt a little sad that my digs weren't in perfect shape.

I can have a perfect house, a perfect child, a perfect yard, a perfect garden, the perfect HS plans, OR the perfect me...I can't have it all. I just can't. If I tried, I'd go insane (more than I already am). Therefore, my housework is the first thing that takes a backseat. I hit the major stuff daily, but the finer items (dusting baseboards, cleaning under the fridge, scrubbing that spot behind the toilet, etc.) get pushed off to once a month or so. This time of year (because of outdoor work), it may be 3mo before I get to do heavy-duty cleaning. It will have to do. After DD was hatched, I put spending time w/her near the very top of the list; time w/DH and solo time are also in the top 3. Everything else gets dealt with in order of importance. What is important to me is going to be very different for what's important to other folks.

I try to ditch anything on my list that hasn't been dealt with by the end of the week. If it's really that important, it rolls over to week two, but it moves to the upper part of the list. If I still haven't finished it at the end of the second week, I skip it...it's removed from the list completely. It keeps me from getting to that feeling of being overwhelmed. My therapist taught me that trick 17yr ago and it works. :p

07-31-2013, 10:42 PM
It has varied for us depending on the age of the kids. And I think it probably varies for individuals a lot. The thing that always sounds really hard to me is when a child needs a lot of outside activities to stay happy but the parent is a serious introvert and can't take it.

08-01-2013, 07:56 AM
I'm with Carolyn - if you're asking, you're probably already there.

The further along in life I get, the more I realize that 'balance' is a tricky thing. I'm not sure it exists. Something's always going to get more attention than something else: sometimes your kid(s) need(s) you more than your spouse, sometimes that's reversed, sometimes you have a personal crisis, sometimes you want/need to stick your head in a book for a few days, et cetera.

What I always have to remember is that I really am doing the best I can, and there's no reason to feel guilty that the windows are smudged or the lawn needs attention. My family is happy, and we're doing well, and the rest can wait.

One last thought: since some of your kids are older, couldn't they help with some of the outside activities? Like driving the younger kids or teaching them how to handle a weekly chore list to help around the house? I found out last week that my son thinks dusting is the coolest thing he's ever seen and have been using that (and him!) accordingly :)

08-01-2013, 08:46 AM
I'm a big "less is more" gal. I refuse to plan more than one outing in a day and if more than three outings were on our calendar in the same week, I wouldn't plan a fourth. But my middle kid and I are both easily overwhelmed by too much activity.

For me, I know it's too much if my kid is stressed.