PDA

View Full Version : "Good for you. I could never do it"



Michele N
06-23-2013, 10:05 PM
We are just starting to "officially unofficially" homeschool. Will people eventually stop telling me "I could never do that." What the heck does that even mean anyway? Is this something the rest of you are told? Or is it just my friends?

MrsLOLcat
06-23-2013, 10:06 PM
I get it quite a bit, even from long-term friends who have watched my journey the entire time. From what they say, I see it as a term of respect for the hard work I'm putting in and take it at face value. But I tend to think the best of everyone that way.

Accidental Homeschooler
06-23-2013, 10:07 PM
No, it is not just you. I have been told the same thing. I am not sure what it means.

Gummers
06-23-2013, 10:21 PM
I get told that all the time. I want to say "yes you can - you just don't want to". Which is the truth IMO. I dunno, I got that with cloth diapering too. Like they think there is this massively easier way to accomplish the same goals yet I'm not sensible enough to see it. It annoys me.

jess97
06-23-2013, 10:21 PM
I have been getting the same response. Usually, it is followed by, "My child would never listen to me." Or "I don't have the patience for that. " I think it really is meant as a compliment.

farrarwilliams
06-23-2013, 10:31 PM
Yeah, I think this is one of the standards. I agree that it's meant to be a compliment so I never take offense at it. But I also agree that what they really mean (much of the time, anyway) is that they don't want to. Which is fine. I have zero judgement. If you don't want to homeschool your kid and you have a viable educational option, then don't! I guess it's just awkward. Like, if they say, "I wouldn't want to," then they feel uncomfortable - maybe they think it implies they're not a dedicated enough parent or something! - or they feel like it's some sort of judgement on you and they want to be polite and say that they respect that you've chosen something else. So I guess I take it as some sort of weird shortcut for that whole loaded exchange.

Oceana
06-23-2013, 10:36 PM
What it means is that they personally have not been backed into a corner when it concerns their own kids and discovered that they can do absolutely without a doubt do anything to protect, serve, love, and educate these amazing people they have been given to guide through childhood.

melissa
06-23-2013, 10:41 PM
Get it all the time. Seriously, ALL the time. I don't think it's meant in a mean way, more just from cluelessness.

trulycrabby
06-23-2013, 10:48 PM
Actually, I've said that to a homeschooling parent when DS9 was still in PS.. :o Yup, I'm embarrased, but meant it as a compliment, and later on I did start thinking, "...hmm, maybe it's possible..." So, seeds of change can exist even in the most mundane conversations.

I also think phrases like these can be conversation "filler" when the person doesn't really know what to say about homeschooling and hasn't put much thought into the matter, such as: "homeschoolers are missing out on the social experience of school," "parents aren't qualified to teach their kids," etc...

Stella M
06-23-2013, 10:51 PM
I hear it a lot.

Idk. I think it is actually true that a lot of people couldn't do it. It isn't the easiest choice in the world.

RachelC
06-23-2013, 11:21 PM
Yup, what Stella said. Usually I think it is intended as a compliment, as mentioned above. Sometimes it is more of a put down, like, I would miss working and using my brain, or something. But I got it a lot when I stayed home with my kids instead of putting them in daycare so I could work, so I guess I am used to it.

Stella M
06-23-2013, 11:24 PM
OP, maybe you should just reply "I know, I'm special."

:)

dbmamaz
06-24-2013, 12:27 AM
i used to always say that I'd thought about homeschooling but just didnt think I was cut out for it. I also had husbands (at different times, i wasnt married to two at once) vetoing the idea firmly. and when dh finally said he wouldnt veto, he insisted i follow public schools scope and sequence because he was sure i'd have a nervous breakdown and have to send them back to school mid-year.

it just means they think its a good thing and they dont think they'd be good at it, at least thats how i take it. but i always just say its not as hard as you think, and smile

farrarwilliams
06-24-2013, 12:37 AM
You know, I think most people could homeschool if they wanted to. Not everyone, but a lot of people. However, if you don't want to, that would make it harder. Meaning that maybe they couldn't, if that makes any sense.

Stella M
06-24-2013, 12:42 AM
Most people could theoretically. It isn't rocket science ( unless it is ).

It's more that most people don't want to go against the norms. And until you are prepared to go somewhat against the norms, well, you can't home school.

farrarwilliams
06-24-2013, 12:45 AM
But it's the effort too, right? I mean, it takes time with your kids. Some people don't want that. And I really do mean that in a totally non-judgmental way. More time does not equal better parenting or more love, that's for sure.

outskirtsofbs
06-24-2013, 01:34 AM
What it means is that they personally have not been backed into a corner when it concerns their own kids and discovered that they can do absolutely without a doubt do anything to protect, serve, love, and educate these amazing people they have been given to guide through childhood.OMG, you read my mind.

murphs_mom
06-24-2013, 01:36 AM
SIL told us, "I tried to HS once, but after a week of being home all the time w/B____, I couldn't take it anymore. I love my children, but I can't stand being cooped up with them. That's why they have teachers & schools. You'll see what I mean..."

She expected us to cave within a few months of starting to HS. We're going on our 5th year; 3 are 'official'. Granted, she's got four and I've only got one. To be fair, one is pretty easy. To be honest, though, I wouldn't want to be cooped up with her children either. :rolleyes: Just sayin'.

Leanne71
06-24-2013, 05:55 AM
I get it a lot as well. I just sigh and let person know that after so many years it is just how we roll, each child born after the 3rd one has been brought home to homeschooling and that is all they know. It is our life not an add-on. Which I think is what the general population don't understand, it is a lifestyle choice as well as an educational one. If you don't want to change your lifestyle you probably wouldn't feel like you could homeschool.
Dunno, just wish I hadn't subjected the oldest 3 to school at all.

hockeymom
06-24-2013, 07:22 AM
It is our life not an add-on. Which I think is what the general population don't understand, it is a lifestyle choice as well as an educational one.

Yes, this.

I typically mumble something about it not being as mysterious as it sounds and try to leave it at that. I do think it's funny when someone spends a week home with their sick kid, or on an extended vacation, long enough to have to do homework with them and they think that's like homeschooling. Um, okay! :)

quabbin
06-24-2013, 10:01 AM
I think that's said about a lot of choices (homeschooling, being a schoolteacher, having several kids, cloth diapering, living in a tiny house, going vegan) and even about non-choices (caring for a child who is severely disabled). It just conveys an inability to see oneself living that life.

I have started trying not to say anything like that to moms of large families, because I don't want them to think I think it's not cool with me that they're doing it--it really is just that I'm the oldest of five kids and have one high-maintenance kid, and it's a non-reversible choice I wouldn't have the confidence to try. With hsing, on the other hand, I've pointed out more than once that if it's going badly, you can drive over to the public school any weekday morning and ask for an enrollment form.

Sweden
06-24-2013, 11:01 AM
I hear it. I probably also said it. If I never said it out loud to my friends years ago, I certainly thought it. It could mean they think you're crazy or that they really are in awe and full of respect for your undertaking. Early on I really just didn't understand how people could homeschool. It wasn't until I started researching the how that I understood it was possible and then preferable. So, now I just take it for a positive statement, but I'm used to people thinking I'm a bit crazy.

Years ago I reconnected with 2 old friends and learned they had become extremely religious, homeschooling, what-god-will-give-us types with 9 children each. My internal response was HOLY CRAP! It still is, but that is mostly about their religious beliefs. One of them explained how daunting the thought of having to get 7 children ready for school every morning was and I understood how much less hectic letting people sleep in the morning must be. So, I still think they're absolutely crazy, but I love them. And, they love me even though they're sure I'm headed straight to hell.

Leanne71
06-24-2013, 11:18 AM
Having a larger family than most I have heard it all, from " don't you own a t.v " to " are you trying for a girl? " If at the age of 18 someone had said to me I would have seven boys, I would have told them to naff off and have another drink!
I never planned a large family and I am so very lucky not to have problems with the kids that I have seen other courageous women and families deal with. I agree with quabbin you do what you do.

Homeschooling is a conscious choice and one we have embraced and we make it work for us albeit with varying degrees of success and stress!

I just wish some of these people who look at us as homeschoolers keep their opinions to themselves, so they might not be able to do it, but do the other comments have to follow? I have been harassed at shops, called a bad parent and a mungbean, I have even had the police stop me and ask why my kids are not in school and check that I am what I say a registered homeschooler. If they can't imagine homeschooling their children, their choice. I sure don't force my opinion on them about what I think of schools and the children that are coming out of their institutions.

I am what I am as my little brother says!

RTB
06-24-2013, 11:18 AM
It is probably the most frequent thing said to me regarding hs. I just usually say "Me too! . . . . yet here I am" then we laugh. Then I usually tell them that if it is something they are thinking about doing, they can do it!

dbmamaz
06-24-2013, 03:23 PM
ok, what kind of insult is mungbean?

Mum
06-24-2013, 05:43 PM
I hear it a lot and always appreciate it. The tone is always respectful. I'd never correct friends who say this to me. I think a lot of them couldn't do it. They'd be miserable. Hell, sometimes I still don't think I can do it for another day.

Mslksdh
06-24-2013, 05:51 PM
I have heard it a handful of times, yes it was meant as a compliment. lol
Except the one parent who said, "Oh just wait a few more years then you will want them gone all day." she was just a bitch.

kadylaha
06-24-2013, 08:38 PM
I was standing in line outside a thrift store one morning, waiting to take advantage of their huge yearly "all you can carry for a dollar" sale. I had a rolling cart stacked with empty boxes, because the store had loads of books and I wanted lots. I told the woman in front of me that I needed so many books because I homeschooled my son. She said, "Oh, wow. I would love to do that. But I'd have to win the lottery."

I thought about telling her that homeschool isn't that expensive (20 books for a dollar, anyone?), but then I decided not to. It's like the moms who used to tell me "I wish I could breastfeed but I didn't know how." Or that "I wish I could cook all our meals from scratch, but I would burn everything." It's just an excuse. If they cared, if it mattered to them, they would do it.

If it really matters, you don't let anything stop you. You figure out how to homeschool your kid for next to nothing. You get books about breastfeeding. You learn to cook. If it matters, you get it done.

Crabby Lioness
06-24-2013, 08:42 PM
I always remember an early homeschooling survey John Holt ran which noted that the one thing most homeschooling parents had in common was that they genuinely liked their children. Makes you wonder.

Accidental Homeschooler
06-24-2013, 08:48 PM
I was standing in line outside a thrift store one morning, waiting to take advantage of their huge yearly "all you can carry for a dollar" sale. I had a rolling cart stacked with empty boxes, because the store had loads of books and I wanted lots. I told the woman in front of me that I needed so many books because I homeschooled my son. She said, "Oh, wow. I would love to do that. But I'd have to win the lottery."

I thought about telling her that homeschool isn't that expensive (20 books for a dollar, anyone?), but then I decided not to. It's like the moms who used to tell me "I wish I could breastfeed but I didn't know how." Or that "I wish I could cook all our meals from scratch, but I would burn everything." It's just an excuse. If they cared, if it mattered to them, they would do it.

If it really matters, you don't let anything stop you. You figure out how to homeschool your kid for next to nothing. You get books about breastfeeding. You learn to cook. If it matters, you get it done.

Well there goes my cooking excuse. Thanks a bunch lol!

coloradoalice
06-24-2013, 11:22 PM
I get it all the time and it annoys me honestly. I'm no martyr. Every time I hear it I want to say "I could never put my kids in a school" or "I could never work full-time" so that they could feel how I feel that they think they could never live with one of my life choices.

(First post in about a year I believe. Glad to be back!)

RachelC
06-24-2013, 11:54 PM
That is a really good point, Alice. I could never ship them off all day to be with strangers...

dbmamaz
06-25-2013, 12:01 AM
i've worked full time, i've had kids in school while i was a full time working mom, i've had three kids each in a different school (elementary, middle, high), now i homeschool. you can do it if you want or need to. if you dont want to, you wont. really there's nothing else. well, ok, i take that back - some ppl are so uptight that they make their kids and themselves miserable trying to homeschool, and some are so laid back that their kids feel sad about their lack of learning and the parent wont do anything about it. but for the most part, i think if you want to, you can. we do some things more gracefully than we do other things.

Mum
06-25-2013, 10:03 AM
I get it all the time and it annoys me honestly. I'm no martyr. Every time I hear it I want to say "I could never put my kids in a school" or "I could never work full-time" so that they could feel how I feel that they think they could never live with one of my life choices.

(First post in about a year I believe. Glad to be back!)

ALICE! Welcome back!

Accidental Homeschooler
06-25-2013, 10:19 AM
It annoys me too.

Sarmis40
06-25-2013, 10:33 AM
I haven't even started officially homeschooling yet and I already get this from people!

coloradoalice
06-25-2013, 12:52 PM
ALICE! Welcome back!

Thanks! :)

Twinsmomma27
06-25-2013, 05:54 PM
I haven't even started officially homeschooling yet and I already get this from people!

Me too!
The other day at work I was writing on the board and spelled someones name wrong. Someone stopped and pointed out the spelling error to me and stated "Wow, and you are going to homeschool your kids?" I wanted to punch her in the throat...

coloradoalice
06-25-2013, 06:55 PM
Oh holy crap......a throat punch would have been well deserved.

Spookygirl
06-25-2013, 07:53 PM
i haven't read all the responses yet.. but depending on how it's said, and who is saying it, I either take it as a weird compliment, or I come back with a snarky reply such as, yes, you could, you just CHOOSE not to.

melissa
06-25-2013, 08:57 PM
Me too!
The other day at work I was writing on the board and spelled someones name wrong. Someone stopped and pointed out the spelling error to me and stated "Wow, and you are going to homeschool your kids?" I wanted to punch her in the throat...

Hell, I wasn't there and I want to punch that person in the throat!

jennykay
06-25-2013, 10:10 PM
I get the feeling from the moms I've heard it from that it's not really a compliment. It's just the most polite thing they can come up with to say.

Leanne71
06-25-2013, 11:16 PM
Me too!
The other day at work I was writing on the board and spelled someones name wrong. Someone stopped and pointed out the spelling error to me and stated "Wow, and you are going to homeschool your kids?" I wanted to punch her in the throat...

ROFL, I snorted coffee out of my nose when I read the "throat punch" I honestly thought I was the only one who had these thoughts.
I had obviously been on the religious homeschool sites far too long, now it has been confirmed I am normal as far as normal goes with boxes of chocolates and life.

Twinsmomma27
06-25-2013, 11:35 PM
I gave her a nasty look too. Before I could even say anything another women came to my defense and said "Come on, give her a break" She walked away fast.

I am new around here and almost did not type my thoughts because I did not want you all to think I was crazy. So yeah, my brain thinks like that all the time and you all accept me. I think I am in love here! :)

outskirtsofbs
06-26-2013, 12:08 AM
Me too!
The other day at work I was writing on the board and spelled someones name wrong. Someone stopped and pointed out the spelling error to me and stated "Wow, and you are going to homeschool your kids?" I wanted to punch her in the [email protected]%^ing grammar/spelling police. LOL You gotta love it. Not.

Rainefox
06-26-2013, 10:19 AM
Homeschooling does seem pretty complicated and difficult from the outside. I still remember my first encounter with a homeschool mom. I had never even heard of homeschooling before, and it certainly seemed like a lot of work and planning. Being basically lazy and unorganized, I was sure that I could never do something like that! And look where I am now.......:)

It's true that if it's important to you that you will find a way to make it work.

skrink
06-26-2013, 03:04 PM
Used to get this all the time, too, especially from dh's sisters. I finally told them I agreed with them, I was pretty sure they couldn't do it. :) Never heard it again from that corner of the universe!

jenblackwell2
06-26-2013, 11:22 PM
I'm thankful for all of this... I assumed I wasn't the only one, but I have never had a clue how to respond. Usually I just say something like "Yep, it is good for us."

CrazyCatWoman
06-27-2013, 06:26 PM
I could never walk on fire...but I would, if my child on the other side was in danger.

I could never hold a spider, but if it would save my child from some horrible fate, I certainly could.

I guess the thing is, there are lots of things that I probably never thought I "could" do, but would for my children if it was something huge. The needs we have had to homeschool have been huge, so I do what I need to do. I guess the people saying these things just don't have the same needs that we do. I never thought that I would be homeschooling, but never felt that I couldn't do it if needed.

Things that I could NEVER do at this point: Leave my child in a school where they were unhappy, belittled or not having their needs met. Another thing I could never do is to leave my child in such a situation because an "expert" said it was best for my child without them having spent the same amount of time with my child as I do.

RTB
06-27-2013, 07:00 PM
Me too!
The other day at work I was writing on the board and spelled someones name wrong. Someone stopped and pointed out the spelling error to me and stated "Wow, and you are going to homeschool your kids?" I wanted to punch her in the throat...
Grrr, how rude, how ungraceful!!! I hate comments like that - they knock the wind out of you. I'm only able to think of awesome come backs after a glass of wine and a rant session. I would have been heaping voodoo curses despite the bad karma I would get.

leakyowl
06-28-2013, 06:36 PM
I get it all the time and every time I've heard it, it's sounded like a genuine complement. But there's also a fear in their tone, as if they think I'm judging them for NOT making this decision. It's a very personal decision and not one to come to lightly, so I wouldn't look down on them for choosing a different path. The other two I get most often (and my replies): Can you home-school my kids, too? Sure, how much can you pay me in tuition? and Wow, when do you get any sleep? An hour after I take a sleeping pill. The conversation very often goes into how much we all hate public school and I generally get a new education lobbyist out of the talk!

Freedom
07-15-2013, 04:31 PM
I've gotten that from a many non-homeschooling mom, and then one from the head of a homeschool group that went like this, "If God hasn't called you to homeschool then you are doing it for selfish reasons!" Which made me realize what an idiot she was. I do it because it's the best option for Dd otherwise I would still be working in my career field on a daily basis.

dbmamaz
07-15-2013, 04:56 PM
I"If God hasn't called you to homeschool then you are doing it for selfish reasons!"
OMG talk about arrogant! there is no valid reason to homeschool other than MY GOD telling you to

Crabby Lioness
07-15-2013, 05:02 PM
I've gotten that from a many non-homeschooling mom, and then one from the head of a homeschool group that went like this, "If God hasn't called you to homeschool then you are doing it for selfish reasons!" Which made me realize what an idiot she was. I do it because it's the best option for Dd otherwise I would still be working in my career field on a daily basis.

I figured out a long time ago that "selfish" accusation came down to, "Your authentic self is fighting back against my brainwashing program. You must resist!"

Nope. Becoming self-centered was the first step to reclaiming my life and building a life where I felt confident enough (literally "self-assured enough") to become a Mom.

Anonymous Me
07-18-2013, 12:29 AM
It depends on who it's coming from, and how it's said. In our uber-anxiety-ridden 'lil neck of the woods , there's lots of panic about who is doing what, how much things cost, who's kid is smart, struggling, etc. Meh. One of the great things about homeschooling is that we took ourselves outta that rat race to some extent. But for some reason this summer, we are running into everybody at classes, at parks... My doctor prescribed me something for all of the panic it causes me to have my social anxiety revved up when it's something that regards my daughter. Knock on wood....we have only run into the nice families so far...and they say the "I could never do that" which I totally take as a compliment. And also an acknowledgement that our parenting styles differ, and over at our place, "Sky Is Falling Elementary," we might be doing some cool stuff, but the overall set-up is so different in terms of lifestyle that can also be taken "I WOULD never do that." Which is all to the good....There's a song on our Wow Wow Wubbzy CD that we sing at the top of our lungs..."we're all together but we're not the same...what fun would it be if you were like me....there'd be nothing to do if I were like you..." Wubbzy Wisdom :)

Zen & Yang's Mom
07-20-2013, 05:59 PM
I get it all the time. Sometimes it is meant as a compliment, sometimes not. I just say "Thank you! It's not for everyone, but works for us." That puts an end to that topic. Just get used to people saying it and don't worry about it.

OldFarmer
07-22-2013, 10:12 AM
Sort of laughing and scratching my head at the God comment. What?!

But on the original, "I couldn't..." Yeah, guilty. That was me before I had no choice but to pull my kids.

Funny because I have homeschoolers in my circle and in my family, and my mother actually had always told me she assumed I would be the one to teach my own kids (based on my personality and world view, I guess). And by that, she meant she thought I'd be good at it. My response was the "I could never" because I don't really like kids. I mean, I like my own kids, and there are people I like who happen also to be kids, but again, the school way of doing things--trap 25-30 of them all within a year or so of age into a room, etc.--had me thinking I would have to be nuts to want to spend entire days doing that.

So now I teach my own, and even while we do online school, it is nothing like a classroom. There are no antics, there is no struggle to get everyone doing the same thing--because we're not even trying to do the same thing--no staying on schedule, no forced sitting/standing in lines/etc.

And it is not so bad. Some days I do want to walk away, and the thing is, sometimes I can. I can give up on things, throw my hands in the air, tell them it's their problem. Or we can circle around and come back another time or day. Or we can skip school and go to the beach because the day is perfect for it. So, it's nothing at all like what I was imagining when I said I could never do it.

Now, I still don't like kids generally. Park days or field trips can sometimes be pretty stressful for me, or other occasions when the homeschoolers get together in large groups. And if I had to spend every day in groups like that, then no, I could not do it. Thankfully, that is not the case.

So, when I said it (like an idiot), I did mean it in a sort of awe-inspired way. Not like, "I don't think it can be done and I think you're making a mistake." Uninformed but no malice intended.