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Stella M
06-10-2013, 06:29 PM
Two of the teen boys we are closest to are currently in hospital, both struggling with depression. I tutor another teen boy who is struggling mightily.

It's starting to make me scared for my boy.

Please share with me the positive stories about the teen boys in your lives. I need to have those stories in my head :(

Pefa
06-10-2013, 06:43 PM
I'm so sorry Stella, that is scary and hard. But there is also hope. I have 3 wonderful boys/young men - 22, 14 and 12 (ok so BOO isn't technically a teen yet but he almost). They are all very different, yet strong and confident enough in their own strengths not to worry about cultural definitions of masculinity. I've bragged enough about them here that I won't bore you by repeating them. ES paid his way through college and now through graduate school (with a bit of a gift from his paternal grandfather). He knows he's lucky so for graduation he asked us to donate to the college's scholarship fund so other kids can have the same opportunity he did. He's a knitter, a baker and a hardcore video gamer who likes beer and bourbon root beer floats. He's kind and thoughtful. B1 has come into his own this year - he also spends way too much time playing video games, but he also thoughtfully moderates a forum for a lesser game, reads current politics and is looking for volunteer opportunities. And my baby is just sweet as pie. He actually made his teacher tear up by the end of year speech he made praising his teacher's sensitivity and enthusiasm.

There is always hope. Now we have to go to the academic awards ceremony for B1

farrarwilliams
06-10-2013, 06:44 PM
Well, not my kids, obviously, but there are several teen (or, young adult now!) boys that I used to teach that I hear from via FB or occasionally running into. Some of them are kids who, as middle schoolers, were honestly a mess. And now they're successful young people - in college, with girlfriends (!), friends, support systems, etc. Whose parents post cute supportive things on their FB pictures sometimes. There's one kid I'm thinking of who was such an awkward, lost middle schooler, with really poor academic skills, who is now in college and has clearly grown into himself a little bit. And another who was really depressed and on serious medication who seems to be doing really well in college now. So... happy stories. :)

Stella M
06-10-2013, 07:17 PM
Hey Pefa, can my girls marry your eldest boys ??!! :) Or maybe the youngest two...mine are only 15 and 14 I guess...

Yeah, I know. Most of us struggle through adolescence and come out fine the other side. It's just so scary knowing that a few of us don't.

OK. Baking, knitting gamers. Boys with a social conscience. Sweet boys. Friends, college, significant others...definitely a better mental picture...

Mum
06-10-2013, 07:26 PM
Our oldest was in a very bad place a few years ago. I won't go into details here but it required some intense therapy for a while.

Now he's 15, playing in a band, loving and kind to his brothers, actually LIKES hanging out with the family for games, etc and is super confident at his public high school.

Therapy works. Sometimes it takes a while. But there are beautiful success stories. I wouldn't have expected this outcome a few years ago.

Stella M
06-10-2013, 07:34 PM
Um, I need another daughter, lol. He sounds eligible also.

Pefa
06-10-2013, 09:42 PM
Stella, I would love it if our families joined forces. You and my eldest could exchange recipes because he is a really really good baker (strawberry shortcake with just enough rosemary in the biscuits to make the strawberries pop, he'll play with a recipe for weeks to get it just right. I don't know where he got the patience.)

Then there's my 17yo nephew, all 6'3" of him, playing the flute so well it can make me cry, excelling academically, sweet sweet kid, talks to his parents, ignores his 15yo sister (except he really does love her). He's a wonderful young man.

Stella M
06-10-2013, 09:47 PM
I suppose what's bothering me re my boy is that these two boys have been his role models since he was tiny. They are his heroes...

He doesn't have details of what's going on with them (the girls do). But they are suddenly absent. Idk.

I'll let the girls know what we've arranged, lol. I would love a son-in-law who baked. And knitted.

Pefa
06-10-2013, 09:54 PM
And he's a mechanical engineer going for an advanced degree. (Do I sound like a matchmaker here?)

He's knitting shawls right now, not that he needs shawls (as he says the only thing he needs less than a shawl is a bra, but the lacy stitch patterns appeal to him) so you and your girls will have splendid things to wear. (He refuses to knit with polyester, wool/silk blends are his current favorite....)

Pefa
06-10-2013, 09:55 PM
Stella, I am sorry. It's got to be so hard for you and your family as well as confusing for your son.

valerieanne
06-10-2013, 10:37 PM
We lost my husband's brother to depression six months ago. He was 20 years old and suffering in Total. Silence. He didn't reach out to family, friends, advisors, no one. One day he was a seemingly happy college student, with a girlfriend, fun job... and the next he was gone. Only his journals told us the truth. Not a happy story, but don't tune me out yet.

The upside for the boys you love is that they are in hospital. They are talking about their depression, and seeking help. It is scary, yes, but it fills me with hope. What bravery it takes to admit you are struggling, and seek help. Even the act of just accepting help is courageous. Give them your love and support. They are the same boys, and depression doesn't change who they are or what they are capable of. They are not lesser role models than they were before. They have my admiration. For what it's worth, dd is eight and handled it better than most of us adults. Your son will amaze you with his capacity to manage the truth. Every time. Secrets can be much scarier, you know?

Stella M
06-10-2013, 10:49 PM
I'm so sorry for your loss valerieanne. 20 is so young :(

Yes, I agree the boys are brave. Neither of them want me to give many details to ds though, which is tricky.

Thanks for the reminder that the young people getting treatment are already doing better than they could be...

valerieanne
06-10-2013, 11:43 PM
I'm so sorry for your loss valerieanne. 20 is so young :(

Yes, I agree the boys are brave. Neither of them want me to give many details to ds though, which is tricky.

Thanks for the reminder that the young people getting treatment are already doing better than they could be...

Thanks, Stella :) That is tricky.

Just saw your comment on the Hater Thread. Six weeks isn't very long!!! Don't feel discouraged. My other BIL struggled with serious depression in his early adulthood too. It took about a year to get him regulated, and he has been well managed for over 15 years. Happy life, beautiful wife, all the good stuff.