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  1. #11

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    Crunchynerd, that remark made me think twice too. He clearly meant the product of his own--not his son's--success. I think he's just confused and doesn't understand how to parent. If his son wants something that his other friends have, he will get it for him. If they saw a movie that his son hasn't seen, they will go watch it, etc.
    Homeschooling an only, DS9

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  3. #12

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    Quote Originally Posted by NZ_Mama View Post

    But I do know those types of people you are talking about. My sister (who also has a gifted child) and I often talk about them and how they probably more have high achievers/bright kids because you would not be all going round full of "my kid is amazing" if you actually had a gifted kid because it is rarely about the achievement and frequently about the less than amazing issues associated with having a brain that functions at high speed.
    Honestly, instead of gifted, I would say she has high anxiety,when that is the thing that is an issue. It doesn't matter to whomever you are speaking that the root of that anxiety is giftedness and you won't have to deal with the eye-rolling and other nonsense.

    My son is 2e/autistic, and in medical situations I always cite the autism b/c that is a thing (medical) people will get. Even if your child is not diagnosed officially with anxiety, you can just say your child has it, and they should understand that. It may sound better and more accurate to cite the giftedness, but most people just view it as a superpower and in practice it works against you b/c the expectations increase b/c "She is so smart!"

  4. #13

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    Quote Originally Posted by HobbitinaHobbitHole View Post
    Honestly, instead of gifted, I would say she has high anxiety,when that is the thing that is an issue. It doesn't matter to whomever you are speaking that the root of that anxiety is giftedness and you won't have to deal with the eye-rolling and other nonsense.

    My son is 2e/autistic, and in medical situations I always cite the autism b/c that is a thing (medical) people will get. Even if your child is not diagnosed officially with anxiety, you can just say your child has it, and they should understand that. It may sound better and more accurate to cite the giftedness, but most people just view it as a superpower and in practice it works against you b/c the expectations increase b/c "She is so smart!"
    Thanks. I do always start out with that and try every other thing first. For example, with the anaesthetist, this was a >30 min conversation, and I did not even mention it once to him. I did all the skirting around the edges, oh she has diagonosed anxiety etc. etc. not mentioning my (and my own but undiagnosed) daughter's socially unacceptable/misunderstood label. I only mentioned it to the nurse in the aftermath of the panic attack after the anaesthetist had thrown her out of theatre with a sneering "oh I don't know what your problem is, you seemed as cool as a cucumber yesterday (to us)....just get her out and give her a sedative (to the medical staff)". And it was only after she was half sedated and crying sitting on my lap and a nurse actually asked if she was ok, the first time that anyone asked, that I explained why she got anxious.

    Its not like I blurt out "but she's gifted" at the start. First, I go through the whole she has had testing and she has "issues" that make her have anxiety. Again, no mention of giftedness. Again, no help. Would love to have an vaguely understood label or socially acceptable label to then state. But when you go through all that and they are like, so what, if you don't have something that is on my list of "official things that make kids have behaviour that I would have to think twice about" then I don't care a shred and will give you no help or understanding. We got the same response all through school from teachers, from other parents. As someone who has only come to understand I am gifted, I can say it is a pretty crappy way to live life when you spend all that time thinking there is something wrong with you. That you have issues. You're too anxious, you're too perfectionist, you're too whatever. I personally do not want that to be the way my daughter grows up. Hearing herself getting only explained as having "anxiety" as having an "issue". She needs to know where that comes from and why, and that the source of it can be a positive thing. For her own mental health. To avoid the many troubles with things like self harm and suicide that can come with being gifted and not understanding it and feeling there is something wrong with you.

    And the bit that "but most people just view it as a superpower and in practice it works against you b/c the expectations increase b/c "She is so smart!" is exactly what I mean about how I wish people did not brag up their smart kids as "gifted" and make the world a much harder place for actually gifted people because then everyone has that thought. It is not the label we chose, it was the label we are given, and if no one understands it or accepts it, its a lonely and isolating place to be in.
    Last edited by NZ_Mama; 09-05-2018 at 02:47 PM.
    New Zealand-based homeschooler of DD 10 (year 5 [NZ system]) who is gifted with processing speed issues, and trialing it with DD 5 (year 0 [NZ system]) who is a whirlwind of energy.

    Freelance copyeditor, specializing in scientific text, who will make mistakes in my posts (I don't self-edit).

  5. #14

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    My goodness, this guy sounds so competitive and pushy. "Thanks" to people like him we have modern school that takes all the joy out of learning (and learning is inherently fun!) Grades, marks, progress, measure, competition, don't fall behind, hurry up! The rat race since preschool. So sad.

  6. #15

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    I know you're only venting, but I figured you could use the cheering up. I'm 22 and at age 11, my mother was still reading to me. I remember once an employee who saw us reading a lot after hearing my CAT or RAT scores where I tested at college reading level, when I hadn't even entered high schooll; "He can read!?"

    Now I consider myself a writer and believe(perhaps arrogantly) that I'm better at reading for my characters, so frequently read to my mother. Roles can reverse. And that Dad you talked about... He's a child who feels incapable of actually giving his son the attention needed to teach him himself, while he's trying to live his own unreachable dreams through his son. When these types get on my nerves I tell myself I should pity them, instead of getting annoyed. I'll let you know the first time I succeed in doing that.

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