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  1. #11

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    Oh yes, school dances! One of my boys did feel he was missing out on those. I tried to assure him that he wasn't missing out on middle school dances, he was being SPARED from them. Luckily he got invited to a very swanky Bat Mitzvah this year. Even better. Whew.
    Disclaimer: Everything I'm saying is just my own opinion, based on my own experiences teaching and with my own kids and my own life. You should just ignore me if I'm annoying you. I don't mind.

    But if I don't annoy you, feel free to visit my blog:
    http://farrarwilliams.wordpress.com
    Children's Books, Homeschooling and Random Musings...

  2. Global Village Forum Post - Jul
  3. #12

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    "I can't choose if my kids will end up in therapy or if my kids end up screwed up - I can only choose what they end up in therapy for"... can I have that on a t-shirt... or stitch it on a pillow.

    A lot of my kids' friends have ended up in public school, some because of their choice and they truly don't understand it. Why give up your entire day of freedom for 'sports', (or whatever the kid's reason is). My oldest has seen a few schools because of SAT tests and he was shocked by their appearance - run down, dirty, etc. He was also kind of shocked by the list of rules he saw in some classrooms. Which now that I think about it maybe why he was so surprised by the first college we toured - it was beautiful, maybe he thought it was going to be more of the same.

    We have a large homeschool group in our area and though we don't participate in much any more they do have park days, dances, fieldtrips, classes and even a graduation ceremony if you want to participate. So no, I don't think my kids are missing out and neither do they.


    Stay at home physicist - Mom to C (17) and J (14)
    https://homeschoolsciencegeek.wordpress.com

  4. #13

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    hahaha, yes! My boys always look at me like I'm crazy when I ask if they want to go to the homeschool dance. They're 17 and 14 so I figure they might change their mind, but so far no takers.

    Quote Originally Posted by farrarwilliams View Post
    Oh yes, school dances! One of my boys did feel he was missing out on those. I tried to assure him that he wasn't missing out on middle school dances, he was being SPARED from them. Luckily he got invited to a very swanky Bat Mitzvah this year. Even better. Whew.
    Stay at home physicist - Mom to C (17) and J (14)
    https://homeschoolsciencegeek.wordpress.com

  5. #14

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    Quote Originally Posted by ScienceGeek View Post
    hahaha, yes! My boys always look at me like I'm crazy when I ask if they want to go to the homeschool dance. They're 17 and 14 so I figure they might change their mind, but so far no takers.
    Yeah, neither of mine wanted to attend the homeschool prom(s) that were available within driving distance. Part of it was they simply didn't want to dance. The other reason was that they were put on by the Christian groups.

    My dd went to a college dance, but she went dressed as a female version of Captain America. Lots more fun with a really cute dress!!
    Carol

    Homeschooled two kids for 11 years

    Daughter (20), a University of Iowa junior triple majoring in English with Creative Writing, Journalism, and Gender, Women's & Sexuality Studies

    Son (19), a Purdue University sophomore majoring in Computer Science, minoring in math, geology, and history

  6. #15

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    Going to public school doesn't mean that you go to prom anyway, I didn't. So we all miss out on things in life regardless. I think it comes back to what works for each child and family.
    Beth
    DS14 with ASD, DD11 and DS8

  7. #16

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    You guys (actually, I'm living in Georgia now, so I guess I should say "y'all" ) are amazing!

    My first thought was prom, but then thinking more about it, sure I went to my prom. But it wasn't some life-changing experience. Actually it sucked. I was always pretty shy, didn't talk to (or know how to talk to) girls, so trying to find a date was terrifying. I have a vague recollection of what the room looked like at my prom, but don't really remember if I danced much, really nothing memorable about the night as a whole.

    I guess my main concern is about them feeling "weird" because they don't really know about the things that the "normal" kids do. Having a locker and talking in the halls, waiting for the bell to ring, clubs/sports/dances, etc.

    Of course those of us who went to PS know that it sounds a lot better than it actually is. And also notice that none of the things I mention have anything to do about actual education haha.

    Anyways, I have a long time before I need to worry about DS(0.25), just thinking ahead and curious. Sounds like I don't really have anything to worry about, though!

    Also good to hear that there are such great communities and activities for homeschoolers.

  8. #17

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    y'all is singular, all y'all is plural. Just so ya know.

    A couple of things.

    1. yeah. you got time. A lot of this stuff will sort itself out long before you get there.

    2. The kids don't know what they are missing. They have never been to school, so they have no concept of waiting in line (the school way, not the real world way), responding to bells, they don't know what lockers are or why they would use them. If they have been to school (life doesn't always follow our plans), then they know these are not amazingly cool experiences. They are no more exciting than using the checkout lane at the grocery store. when my oldest asked what prom is and I told him, he thought it was stupid. His dad and I didn't go (we hadn't met yet, but neither of us went to our own prom, so I couldn't disagree.

    3. all kids go through moments when they say they want school. especially around kindergarten. suddenly their entire friend group is gone, doing this new thing that they are not a part of. It hurts the most if they are part of a really solid preschool class or playgroup where they spend lots of time together, and then one day-poof- no more. on top of this every single adult they come in contact with will try to hype them up about finally going to school. they have no idea what that means, but it must be a big deal because it literally the only thing anyone ever wants to talk to them about.
    there are of course ways to cushion the blow, and ways to give them what they are missing without committing to full time school. especially now, compared to when my first went through this in 2006. there are lots of part time classes for kids of all ages, social activities both for homeschoolers and in the general public, city busses for kids who want to "ride the bus". My kids were under the impression that the majority of the school was spent on the playground, because was the only part they could see. They didn't know that the kids spent the vast majority of their time sitting at a desk. I scheduled more playground time and pointed out all the times when the playgrounds-both at schools and not-were empty because the other kids were all in school.
    when your child inevitably says they want to go to school, investigate a little further, and find out what exactly they feel is missing. brainstorm ways to provide that.
    Strawberry
    homeschooling 4 boys and baby girl for 10 years

  9. #18

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    My kid is missing out on being teased about his hair (he likes to wear it long) and being forced to use software that he knows is ethically wrong and I know collects personal data to be sold for advertising purposes. If schools are just as nice places as they were when I was a kid, I'm probably depriving him of all the fun of having a bunch of kids come up to him at recess all friendly and the fun of going with them when they ask him if he wants to play somewhere the aides can't see and then ask him if he is really a vegetarian and why he isn't allowed to eat meat.

    He will never know the joy of being punched, kicked, pushed to the ground, mocked, having his clothes torn, disgusting things rammed down his throat.

    He will never, ever enjoy the fun of finding the playground monitor to tell her only to have her not even look at him as she brushes him away like a pesky fly with the single word ejaculation, "EEEEEEEEEEEEEnorem!!" (adutese translation: "Just ignore them", aka, if you don't like being a bullied child then why don't you just stop being a bullied child and stop bothering us?)

    I'm so mean I'm even depriving him of all the fun he would have carrying a note home from school so he can proudly show me that the principal is giving him a week's worth of detention for telling the other children outrageous lies, like claiming to be a veterinarian, and then disrupting recess by complaining when they laugh at him.

    But I'm just a bad parent that way so I show no remorse at all.
    Sent from my librebooted X60 using Trisquel Abrowser


    homeschooling ds9
    homeschooled dd28 (Grad student, UC Berkeley, Philosophy) and ds25 (Spc. in US Army, deployed, Operation Spartan Shield)

  10. #19
    Senior Member Enlightened
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    Apr 2015
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    If kids ever watch TV, they will understand the cultural references to school bells, lockers, and dances. After all, isn't school on TV mostly chatting by a locker and going to a dance?

    We have several groups in our area that do homeschool dances and graduation. So, if my kids want, they can get that experience. There are rec sports if they want to be on a team.

    DS did feel like he was missing something occasionally when we first started homeschooling in 5th grade. He knew what all of his friends would be doing during the day. But once they moved on to middle school, he lost that frame of reference. Then, he started seeing the videos one of his former classmates posted online of lunch time at the school and he was horrified. Utter chaos, a teacher screaming through a bull horn, food flying through the air, loudly shaming kids who didn't want their face in the video and then secretly filming them anyway and giving their full name and school. That wasn't just one day, there was a whole series!

    Now that he has experience both school and homeschool, he wouldn't want to go back to school. He much prefers to be able to eat lunch when he gets hungry in relative quiet at home most days or with nice friends while we are at co-op. He appreciates being able to go to the bathroom in private without having to ask permission and without being harassed while he is in the bathroom.

  11. #20

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    On a more humorous note, here is one thing dd missed out on. When she attended a Dunes day camp, around age 9 or so, they were served lunch. The poor girl absolutely did not know how to open the single serve milk cartons......

    She's 20 now. She has since figured it out.
    Carol

    Homeschooled two kids for 11 years

    Daughter (20), a University of Iowa junior triple majoring in English with Creative Writing, Journalism, and Gender, Women's & Sexuality Studies

    Son (19), a Purdue University sophomore majoring in Computer Science, minoring in math, geology, and history

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Do HS kids feel like they're missing out?