Page 1 of 2 1 2 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 11

Thread: Bored Teen

  1. #1
    Senior Member Evolved Deli76's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Location
    TX
    Posts
    947
    Blog Entries
    2

    Default Bored Teen

    Dd is now 14. She will be 15 in February. She is bored. One of her bf's since she was 8 moved to California a couple of weeks ago. She is in ps, but this depressed her. That's a long time to be friends. She is the youngest of my 2 kids. And the only one at home. Her other bf is hs'ed, but lives on the other side of town. We meet half way so the girls can hang out. She does know other kids. But she refuses to ask if they would like to hang out. They ask her, she turns them down. Sometimes we do actually have plans. This upsets me that she complains about being bored, and only chooses to hang out with these 2 girls. They are great girls. Dont get me wrong. They have known each other for quite sometime. But I feel she needs to expand her world a bit more. She does CAP, Girl Scouts, math and cooking at the co-op, student council at the co-op. She is pretty busy. She is fine as long as she is around her friends, but once she is home or her friends arent around, she mopes. Drives me insane. I know shes the only child at home. She has people she talks to on the phone, but wont hang out with anyone other than the 2 girls. She says no, they dont have the same sense of humor. I have seriously thought about putting her back in school because of this. But that's a serious no go. She also has the option of going to work with me. We have looked at companies that supposedly hire 14 yr olds, but when we inquire, nope. I dont know what to do. I am beginning to become concerned.
    Bobo 13 yrs old - marches to the beat of her own drum, driven, out going and loud, yet she loves nature
    Booger Boy 21 yrs old - quiet, self assured, confident and laying his own path

    umbers cucumbers!!!!

  2. Thank You Leaderboard
  3. #2
    Senior Member Arrived RTB's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    NM
    Posts
    1,205

    Default

    Hugs. I'm sorry, I don't have any advice. But, for what it is worth, I have homeschooling friends with teen daughters with the exact same problem. So maybe it is common? My dd was just crying over friend stuff two days ago *sigh*, the relationship stuff is a bit more complicated with her than my son.
    Rebecca
    DS 13, DD 11
    Year 7

  4. #3

    Default

    I don't even think that's a homeschool thing because she sounds like she's out of the house with other kids enough. It sounds like she's just a normal 15 yo girl. Being weird about social stuff - as in, both wanting plans and not wanting them, being unsure of yourself with friends, being moany about it... seems pretty run of the mill.

    (written as I await hearing about the on again, off again, on again, off again, would you just make up your mind! lunch plans of my 14 yo and his friends today)
    Want to read about my homeschool?
    http://farrarwilliams.wordpress.com
    Children's Books, Homeschooling and Random Musings...

    Want help homeschooling or sending kids to college?
    http://simplify4you.com/

  5. #4

    Default

    I would make sure that "I'm bored" isn't her new secret code word for "I'm sad and I want to talk to someone". Is it possible that she doesn't want you to solve her boredom but rather just wants a sympathetic ear to listen while she airs out her teenage emotions? If you are sure she's not just asking for some attention in light of recent events, I would make her boredom her problem and let her solve it.

    If she has had enough time to process her friend moving (and this varies from kid to kid) I would probably go to my go-to "I'm bored" cure. I just tell my kids in the cheeriest voice I can muster, "Aw man, I bet that stinks being bored. Do you want me to find you something to do?" My teens, having been around me long enough to know better, quickly turn heel and mumble something about "No, I'll find something myself..." When they were younger and more naive however, they would say yes only to be presented with a list of chores like scrubbing the floorboards, weeding in the yard by hand, cleaning out the garage or basement, or some other insanely boring and tedious chore that will more than keep them busy for a while. If they accept the chore, I don't force them to finish it, but I will keep giving them the chore until they remember that they don't want to complain to me that they are bored.

    Now if they come to me asked what there is to do, I answer much differently and will help them brainstorm things they can do but I don't tolerate complaining and have even been known to charge a fee for handling complaints especially about boredom. They have been told since they were little that being bored is their problem, not my problem. I'm not here to entertain them and they are perfectly capable of entertaining themselves.

  6. #5
    Senior Member Evolved Deli76's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Location
    TX
    Posts
    947
    Blog Entries
    2

    Default

    We talked about her friend moving. She had a good cry.She may still need a bit more crying. Her friend will be back for a short time in January to pick the rest of their things up. Shes got my shoulder. They still talk and facetime. When I ask her what she wants to do, she says I wont like it. And shes right. We arent rich and we cant afford shopping at the mall and sephora and ulta for pricey make up. Then she wants to color her hair. Im afraid of her ruining her hair. Ive told her many times I dont know what to do to entertain her. She needs to figure it out on her own because as she stated, we dont have the same interests.
    Bobo 13 yrs old - marches to the beat of her own drum, driven, out going and loud, yet she loves nature
    Booger Boy 21 yrs old - quiet, self assured, confident and laying his own path

    umbers cucumbers!!!!

  7. #6

    Default

    Hmmm, for hair coloring, have you looked at the stuff thats rinse out, or the “hair paint” which is essentially like makeup for hair? To me there is a big difference between a peroxide and stinging treatment and these rinse-out, innocuous dyes. My 6yo goes orange, becoming for a couple months a ginger, and my 12yo tries aquas and blues, but they tend to come out gray. I figure its a good age to let them color their hair. There is a better selection at Sally’s, if you have those, and the prices are as good as Targets, if not better. Even Party City might have the temporary hair colorants in time for halloween. If she has thick, dark hair that wont easily take color, what better time to get that experiment over with, make it a non-issue in the future.
    That wont solve your daughter’s boredom, but it might help her feel better, at least short-term.
    Homeschooling DS13, DS6.

    Atheist.

    My spelling was fine, then my brain left me.

  8. #7

    Default

    I think it sounds quite normal too, but understand it must be frustrating to have to deal with. To me she just sounds like a teenager and introverted. I am introverted. It does not mean I am quiet or shy or don't talk/chat a lot in social situations or don't like socializing, it means that I prefer my social time to be in small groups or one on one and with people that I know well and get along with. I don't want to hang out with anyone just for the sake of hanging out, I want to spend time with my specific few friends that I have spent a lot of time cultivating friendships with. And yes, in between having time in our schedules to meet up with those friends, I feel lonely even if I am busy with a lot of other things and chat to other people regularly. But that does not mean my feeling lonely is somehow not valid. So I totally get the only wanting to hang out with those 2 girls, the not wanting to accept other people's invitations, and the feeling lonely even if she has a lot of activities going on. If it was me, and I was venting about being lonely, it would just be that. Venting, letting off my frustration. Not that I wanted someone to solve my problem or come up with a solution or advise on how I could find other friends/accept other peoples invitations. So maybe just keep up the friendly listening and understanding but don't try solve it.

    As for if she wants to spend money on makeup etc., if it was my daughter, I would just tell her she had to earn that money herself. And if she did, she could spend it on anything she liked. Get her to read about different hair coloring chemicals so she can make some informed choices. There are hair dyes out there that have less irritating chemicals in them (often advertised as "natural", but as a chemist, I loathe that word when it comes to chemicals as they are still chemicals whether they be synthetic or biosynthetic). But I do understand your worries as regular hair dyes can be hair damaged but also allergens. My mum developed a severe allergic reaction to hair dyes after using them for many years. She had a systemic (full body) reaction with swelling all over her face, hands, feet, and liquid seeping out of her scalp. Before this she had a couple of occasions where she was a bit itchy just on her scalp. Then it got worse over time.
    Last edited by NZ_Mama; 10-26-2018 at 08:16 PM.
    New Zealand-based. DD 10 (year 5 [NZ system]) homeschooled, and DD 5 (year 0 [NZ system]) who is currently trying out public school.

    Freelance copyeditor, specializing in scientific text, who will make mistakes in my posts (I don't self-edit).

  9. #8
    Senior Member Evolved Deli76's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Location
    TX
    Posts
    947
    Blog Entries
    2

    Default

    Thank You all. Im feeling a bit better about it all now. Im a worry wart. Im a bit of a loner, I should understand a bit more. I also need to remember what its like to be a teen. The whole bored but doesnt do anything about it confuses me, but Ill roll with it and let her figure it out. Sometimes I feel like I am doing something wrong. I just need to take a step back. Whew! Being a parent is hard!
    Bobo 13 yrs old - marches to the beat of her own drum, driven, out going and loud, yet she loves nature
    Booger Boy 21 yrs old - quiet, self assured, confident and laying his own path

    umbers cucumbers!!!!

  10. #9

    Default

    There are TONS of things about how to do makeup/fashion/hair on the cheap out there. Going to Ulta or Sephora with friends and drooling over the options, even if she can't buy it, won't kill her and will probably be fun from her perspective. As for ruining her hair... it's her hair. Like, it's hers, not yours. She's a teenager. A dye kit is not that expensive.

    Basically, I wouldn't discourage any of that. I'm not exactly super girly in that particular way and all the men in my house have more makeup than me (because they're all on stage a lot) so I would also honestly sort of go eek to a daughter who was into that stuff... but you have to let her be herself.
    Want to read about my homeschool?
    http://farrarwilliams.wordpress.com
    Children's Books, Homeschooling and Random Musings...

    Want help homeschooling or sending kids to college?
    http://simplify4you.com/

  11. #10
    Senior Member Evolved Deli76's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Location
    TX
    Posts
    947
    Blog Entries
    2

    Default

    I let her dye her hair. She added some red to it. Looks really nice. My dad owned a salon and would experiment in my hair lmao!!! He turned it green a couple times! Seriously!!! LOL!!! Thats where my fear comes from. I think I have a pic of it too! omg I gotta look that one up now. Im just a worry wart. I also see the ups and downs of hormones with her as well. Poor girl!
    Bobo 13 yrs old - marches to the beat of her own drum, driven, out going and loud, yet she loves nature
    Booger Boy 21 yrs old - quiet, self assured, confident and laying his own path

    umbers cucumbers!!!!

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
About us

SecularHomeschool.com was created to provide information, resources, and a place to share and connect with secular homeschoolers across the world. Secularhomeschool.com aims to be your one-stop shop for all things homeschool! We will be highlighting information about wonderful secular homeschool resources, and keeping you up to date with what is going on in the world of secular homeschooling. But that is only the beginning. SHS is your playground. A place to share the things that are important to you. A place to create and join groups that share your interests. A place to give and get advice. There are no limits to what you can do at Secular Homeschool, so join today and help build the community you have always wanted.

SecularHomeschool.com is a community and information source where secular homeschoolers ARE the majority. It is the home for non-religious homeschoolers, eclectic homeschoolers, freethinking homeschoolers AND anyone interested in homeschooling irrespective of religion. This site is an INCLUSIVE community that recognizes that homeschoolers choose secular homeschool materials and resources for a variety of reasons and to accomplish a variety of personal and educational goals. Although SecularHomeschool.com, and its members, have worked hard to compile a comprehensive directory of secular curricula, it does not attest that all materials advertised on our site, in our newsletters, or on our social media profiles are 100% secular. Rather, SecularHomeschool.com respects the aptitude of each individual homeschool parent to fully research any curriculum before acquiring it, to ensure that it holistically meets the educational, personal, and philosophical goals of each homeschooler.

Join us
Bored Teen