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  1. #11

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    I should add... I think that in the younger grades, it's really on the parents to put themselves out there. I have met several people around here who have whined that there were so few friend opportunities and I wanted to slap them silly. No, there aren't. You're just refusing to drive more than ten minutes away or refusing to disrupt your rigid schedule or refusing to be social with the other parents or put yourself out there and invite other people over and organize things or ask to join in. Because there really are so many secular homeschoolers here and so many kids.

    I think part of the challenge as they get older is - as said above - they are less content to be friends with just anyone because they get more specific interests. By age 10-12, kids don't want to play with just anyone - they want kids who can play and talk about things they like or whose personalities are a decent match. They get pickier. But also, parents stop being so involved and the kids have to take over and make the plans, invite the other kids places, put themselves out there. And there's a learning curve.
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  3. #12
    Senior Member Enlightened
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    Since we got into the homeschooling game late (starting in 5th grade), the same-age boys in our homeschool groups were a little cliquish toward DS. He actually had better luck hanging out with the girls. But, we may be making a break-through, as there are a few that want to form a band with DS.
    DS also kind of keeps in touch with a couple of kids from school, in addition to a few friends in the neighborhood. Overall, I'd say his circle of friends is better than mine at that age, and I went to school.

  4. #13

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    Tech is one of those "really selective" kids. He'll play with anyone on the playground, but he doesn't really want to get to know them outside the playground. He doesn't mind having kids over (a concept I violently hate), but he doesn't want them touching his things. He would honestly prefer to go out and play a little while with some random kids at a park, than have the same kids over all the time. That may change as he gets older, but, for now, I think he's still trying to get over being burned in our old neighborhood by the kids there.

  5. #14

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    Quote Originally Posted by aselvarial View Post
    Tech is one of those "really selective" kids. He'll play with anyone on the playground, but he doesn't really want to get to know them outside the playground. He doesn't mind having kids over (a concept I violently hate), but he doesn't want them touching his things.
    That SO describes my son at the same age. He didn't mind play at the park or even going over to someone else's house (that had been cleared by me, of course). But he really hated them in what he considered "his" space. He's still a bit that way at age 19.
    Carol

    Homeschooled two kids for 11 years

    Daughter (20), a University of Iowa junior triple majoring in English with Creative Writing, Journalism, and Gender, Women's & Sexuality Studies

    Son (19), a Purdue University sophomore majoring in Computer Science, minoring in math, geology, and history

  6. #15

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    inmom, even the PETS aren't allowed in Tech's room. The caged mice are ok, but he doesn't let either the dog, or any of our cats in his room, for reasons... I hate having people over because I view the whole HOUSE as "my space" whereas he's ok with ppl being over, as long as they don't touch anything that is his. When he was about 5 or so, 2 of his aunts, and my close friend all got pregnant and he asked about a sibling. We told him he'd have to share his room and his stuff and he abruptly decided he DIDN'T want a sibling after all. He hasn't asked for a sibling again.

  7. #16
    Senior Member Arrived Elly's Avatar
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    We've been facing this because we moved last year. We struggled initially. DS is basically the one who makes friends, and then I arrange things with the other parents. I think most of his new friends are ones he's met somewhere. Luckily, he's confident and outgoing and easily meets people, because I'm a bit shy! We've always had better luck at smaller activities rather than big park dates. He tends to make friends with older kids, and I've noticed what others have said- that parents are starting to focus more on academics and have less time for activities. Also, a couple of his friends have large families with makes getting together a bit harder, especially when the siblings are in PS.

    I was listening to a Homeschool Sisters podcast yesterday and a listener had asked them about making friends. Before we moved, I did make an effort to contact people who moved to our area and help them get to know things. I think it works both ways - people have to make an effort to find people, and sometimes I think existing groups can be more welcoming.

    Elly
    4th year of homeschooling DS, now 9!

  8. #17

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    Our 12.5 yo old moved to this new smallish town and started hsing about 1.5 years ago. He attends a family partnership program and used to do soccer and baseball. We tried the UU church a few times but are not religious. He has joined D&D games a few times, but the group is odd and tiny (and none are his age). The few tween boys who are also from non-secular families and at the partnership program have already bonded and my son doesn't know how to join a clique -- so he just self-isolates around the kids. We rarely see kids playing near our house though supposedly there are several in the neighborhood. He has made absolutely no friends and my heart aches for him. I second guess our decision to hs for the social aspect alone. However, he is an introvert and says he is happy. He loves to spend time with his computer, coding or gaming. Who knows if we will regret this one day, but I hope not. Meanwhile, we continue sleepovers with his Seattle friends every 2-3 months.
    Last edited by Bham Gal; 04-09-2017 at 07:55 PM.

  9. #18
    Site Admin Arrived Topsy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bham Gal View Post
    However, he is an introvert and says he is happy.
    Same exact thing was true of our youngest. He's an extreme introvert, but is also on the autism spectrum, and "making friends" was never his long suit anyway. But he really WAS always happy, friends or no friends. I would encourage safe online communities, too. My son has some long-term buddies that he "met" in his homeschool high school years and they chat often, even years later. I know exactly what you mean about the second guessing, though. I did that forever just because his experience seemed so isolating.


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