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  1. #1
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    Default Being introverted and homeschooling

    I'd love to hear from any of you who either are:
    • introverted yourselves
    • have one or more introverted kiddos you are homeschooling

    If you are introverted yourself, is homeschooling in any way a "balm" for your tendencies to want to hide out? Also, if you are introverted and have extroverted kid(s), is that more difficult?

    On the other hand, if you are extroverted, does homeschooling "tie you down" at all? And if you are extroverted and have introverted kids, is that one of the reasons you are homeschooling? Because they are the ones who need the social downtime?

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  3. #2


    I'm an outgoing introvert, and my more introverted kid is as well, so many of the issues that seem to plague introverted homeschoolers don't really bother us often. So getting the will to put ourselves out there, find friends, interact regularly, put in the time socializing so that we can have an actual community of friendships around us... none of those things were big problems.

    I do think one of the hurdles of homeschooling is that you have to either resign yourself to no social life for you and your kid, or have a social life that already exists (like a church or tight knit neighborhood), or you have to put yourself out there and spend at least a year or two showing up to things, or planning things, or just being friendly with the parents in order to establish those ties. I don't always love that work either, but I can do it when I have to. I find that some introverts really can't. And that's tough. When you send your kid to school, you have that community built in - no extra work needed. But not when you homeschool.

    I think homeschooling works well for ds's introversion, just because we can make a schedule that makes sense for him. I genuinely don't know how kids do it with the barrage of stuff all day for school kids. They're so busy. And it's so overwhelming. When my more extroverted kid has a day camp or Nutcracker all day or something, even he is beyond exhausted and wants to curl up alone. I suppose the schoolkids just get used to it... But I don't totally know how.
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  4. #3


    I'm an introvert. So is DH. So is Tech, to an extent. EVERY time I have to do the get-togethers with other mom's, or groups, I cringe. I just remind myself that it is for Tech, keep it short (1.5 hours is usually his limit) and just have to decompress when we get home. It SUCKS. But pre-k was worse! I had to deal with those parents every day for a few minutes. And I had to deal with his teacher, and the other kids! and then he went to birthday parties, and there was the constant worry that kids wouldn't show up for anything he planned (and they didn't, so that sucked.)

    I find homeschooling as an introvert easier. At least then I only have to deal with it sometimes.

  5. #4


    Im an introvert, hubbys and introvert, and DS is a social butterfly. At least we have the charter, where he goes 2x a week and has been with the sane group of friends since K.
    I found that independently, to get playdates for the littles, you really have to make friends with the parents. Ive had a difficult time with that, not because Im an introvert, but because I dont have much in common with them.

    This week, we had a writing workshop for homeschool parents at the charter, and there were maybe 8-10 of us there. The discussion part was great. The moms there are all nice.... and Ive known them for some 6 years now, but theyre not really *like* me either. (They are really nice, and make awesome co-op style classes for the kids, and have only ever been nice to me, and none are overtly religious.)
    Later that day I told my mother in law about how I feel a bit like an outsider with them, and she surprised me by saying she always felt like an outsider when she was in parent groups. And she's bubbly, cheerful, friendly, outgoing, and energetic. So maybe its not an introversion thing, so much as just finding a group that we have our place in?

    This forum gives a lot of attention to introverts, or maybe this sort of format is condusive to our social style?
    Homeschooling DS11, DS5.


    My spelling and typing are fine, its my keyboard that doesnt cooperate.

  6. #5


    I'm an introvert and DD13 is too. My husband is outgoing! The only child of ours who homeschools is DD13. I work part time at my son's school 3 days a week. On the other four days, I feel like I've 'socialized' so much with the parents, teachers, and children that I need to regroup and be at home in the woods again. I really should get my daughter in more activities. That's on my to do list.
    Mom to 3, only homeschooling DD13.

    "The best teachers are those who show you where to look, but don't tell you what to see." Alexandra K. Trenfor

  7. #6


    Dh is an extrovert, while dd and ds are introverts. I have to say I'm a borderline introvert? I used to be much more so than now. Maybe with age I've learned to socialize better? Who knows.

    To answer your question, Topsy, I think homeschooling helped my kids. I think sometimes public schools force kids into situations, social and otherwise, that they may not be ready for.

    Homeschooled two kids for 11 years, now trying to pay it forward

    Daughter (21), a University of Iowa senior triple majoring in English with Creative Writing, Journalism, and Gender, Women's & Sexuality Studies

    Son (20), a Purdue University junior majoring in Computer Science, minoring in math, geology, and history

  8. #7


    AM, "not fitting in" is soooooooo common for DH and I. We are pro-gun-control, pro-choice, atheist, liberal geeks in the Bible belt where the common topics of conversation are hunting, church, and sports. The football team of the city we live in just went to the Super Bowl (and apparently did horrible) and DH and I were like "ohhh the stores will be EMPTY about 6pm! but omg the traffic will be horrible after the game is over as everyone will be trashed!" The game? I had to look up to even find out when the Superbowl starts, and we only know what weekend it is because DH worked pizza delivery for 4 years and that day was always crazy busy. Maybe next time I go to Dragoncon I'll ask ppl if they homeschool. :-)

  9. #8


    Quote Originally Posted by alexsmom View Post
    Later that day I told my mother in law about how I feel a bit like an outsider with them, and she surprised me by saying she always felt like an outsider when she was in parent groups. And she's bubbly, cheerful, friendly, outgoing, and energetic. So maybe its not an introversion thing, so much as just finding a group that we have our place in?
    I always feel like an outsider in groups, everywhere, no matter how much the group might seem 'like me'. I have been reading the book Your Rainforest Mind recently by Paula Prober and it had a section on this in it that was relatively comforting. I honestly can't really recall what it said, which is terrible because I only read it recently but you know, prioritizing brain space for other things, but my overall take from it was that its ok to feel like I never fit in, that is just how I am, so I don't worry about it so much now. I do worry about it for my daughter, because she is very much the same as me, and I don't want her to suffer years of gnawing loneliness at not really connecting in groups and not feeling like you have a place anywhere. On the outside people think I am extroverted, I am one of those outgoing introverted types and will throw myself into things and say yes to organizing all sorts of things, and I am really chatty and friendly in groups. It just totally drains me and I need lengthy quiet time afterwards. I do overcompensate sometimes and over do the social small talk but I don't think anyone notices this apart from people who know me well. I do connect well with others one on one.

  10. #9


    Homeschooling is much better for my introverted daughter than public school. That length of time in a group used to completely drain her and she would come home and unleash all her frustration because she was so exhausted by it. She is happy with being at home the majority of the day with just me, and having short times for social interaction at after school activities and playdates on the weekend. She had other issues with public school as well, but that being an introvert in that environment was a big contributor too. I only really realized this when she went to a day horse riding camp for three days recently, and each day when she came home, she behaved the same as after school, even though it was an activity she loved that she was going to.

  11. #10


    To extend more on the comfort I found in reading about not fitting in The Rainforest Mind book, I now look at it like the function of attending group things is not for me to find a connection with others (because the way I am, I never will in that type of situation). So when I look at a group event I think about the other things it is providing me with, rather than that, then I am not so concerned about 'fitting in' and I can find my fitting in/connection in one on one situations. I truly don't know if you went and read it, that is what it says, or that is what you would get out of it, but for anyone who finds they feel they are different to others and don't fit in, Paula's words are great.

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Being introverted and homeschooling