06-11-2016, 12:54 PM #1
I cant believe I said it aloud....
At the park this morning, my boys were playing by themselves.... and eventually a pair of boys DS10s size came by.
My boy in his friendly way said hi to them... and they looked at him, at each other, and snubbed him.
"Dont mind them, Alex." I said, loud enough that they would hear. "They are probably public school kids who havent been properly socialized on how to be polite to new people they meet."
Oh, the look the kids gave me. I think they were embarrassed. And they did eventually interact in a normal way with my boy.
But so many times Ive seen his feelings be puzzled and hurt when other kids snub him. Its small comfort to be told afterwards thst theyre the strange ones.
So this time I said it loudly, right when it happened.
Maybe I should stop going to parks.
Did I do the right thing in *protecting* my kids at the expense of hurting some strangers kids feelings?
What do other people do?Homeschooling DS10, DS4.
06-11-2016, 01:13 PM #2
AM, I find it gets worse around 12-13, so be prepared. I think it's a boy thing. Trying to be cool and tough. And in a lot of places, you better be cool and tough, rather than polite and kind, in PS or you'll be getting your ass kicked, or at the very least relentlessly bullied. Our homeschool group was at a park this week and an 8 year old PS kid started in by teasing the girls (ages 10-13!) calling them weirdos, hippies, and freaks. Then 2 of the boys (12 and 13) joined the girls and the kid started making fun of the boys for being thin and tall, having nerdy hair, etc. They told him to knock it off and he proceeded on this rampage of how "tough" he is - how many kids he beat up at school and so on. The homeschool kids were just like "You are proud of being violent? Have fun in jail when you grow up!" and walked away. An 8 year old approaching teens to bully! I know he was 8 because the kids asked him and they told him they were teenagers and it didn't phase him. Never did see a parent with the kid. ???
Even some kids DS knew in the neighborhood and was friends with since little on up, when they hit 10 -13 they felt a need, when their PS friends were around, to seek out DS and bully him in front of them to prove something. The PS kids DS knows who are 15 and up through sports and other activities seem to be over that nonsense.
I say, good for you. Maybe those kids learned something. I doubt it but it ended well, so there's that at least.
((((Hugs))))homeschooling one DS, age 13.
06-11-2016, 02:19 PM #3
It's not better with girls, believe me, and middle school age... There's less physical dominance nonsense (though by no means none - there was a group of fine young ladies at one of our local parks a few years ago that got into fistfights on a regular basis) but lots of ignoring, whispering, teasing, and mean girl behavior. Parks and playgrounds for open play have been off the menu here for a long time. It's looking like the public pool may join that list soon.Skrink - mama to my 14 yo wild woman
06-11-2016, 03:59 PM #4
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Not to mention all of the pornographic graffiti...
Yeah what's the deal with this?
Don't feel bad, AM. They should be embarrassed of their behavior.
06-11-2016, 04:15 PM #5
I hate it when other parents say judgemental things directly to my kids or say it loud enough for my kids to hear. And I do not think that everybody should be expected to play with everybody, not all kids are wired that way.
We go to playgrounds fairly often. DD8 is SN, she knows that her speech is slurred and she is used to not being understood by others, so she prefers to be by herself, or just play with her sisters, or kids she knows well. DD6 is an introvert, she prefers to be by herself, or with her sisters, or with the kids she knows. She likes to take her time to get to know kids before she opens up to them - a perfectly normal thing for an introvert.
So many times my girls were being followed, annoyed, harassed by other kids who simply would not take no for an answer, "why don't you want to play with me? why are you not talking? what is wrong with you?"
The line between being friendly and being rude and annoying is quite thin for many kids to navigate. Many parents would stop their kid, apologize, and redirect, but many would not...or would even say out loud for my kids to hear, "she is shy/ she does not like people/she wasn't taught by her mother to be with people." Really? Is this a mature grown-up way to handle it? Why is it OK to hurt a child's feelings for just wanting be by herself or only with kids she knows? Why is it expected that every kid should be dying to play with another kid and if she does not, she has to be labeled as shy or abnormal?mom to 3 girls: DD9, DD7, DD5
06-11-2016, 04:16 PM #6
Oh, we dont have pornographic graffiti. Maybe the park is designed for younger kids. It was a *playground*.
Ugg, I dont want to think about it getting worse. The kids at DS school are all so nice to each other, and more forgiving than I would be, about some things. Of course there are just a dozen of them, and most have been together since kindergarten.
One of the pair was embarrassed, I could tell. Its what made me feel bad about indirectly chastising someone else's kid. That I had overstepped where I could socially go.Homeschooling DS10, DS4.
06-11-2016, 04:27 PM #7
@Oksana - I would have corrected my son if he was being overbearing and trying to intrude on the other kids privacy and playing. This was simply saying hi to the other kids as they came into the same space he was in. Like the hi you casually say to a stranger if you take a seat next to them on a plane or bus, or in a doctor's office.
Why is that level of social skills missing from kids we see at parks and playgrounds?Homeschooling DS10, DS4.
06-11-2016, 04:33 PM #8
Your boy wasn't following and harassing, he said "hi" and was ignored. It's a simple thing to say "hi" back, or wave, or whatever, and keep on going if you're not interested. Returning a greeting isn't obligating anyone to anything. It's basic manners, which are sorely lacking pretty much everywhere. I don't know that I'd have said anything, but I don't think it was outrageous that you did. Embarrassment isn't life threatening. I'm sure he'll recover.Skrink - mama to my 14 yo wild woman
06-11-2016, 05:45 PM #9
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Most likely their parents are the same way. So many times I've gone to a playground and smiled or casually greeted another parent only to be completely ignored. Let alone taking DS to preschool last year (and same one next year with dd) smiling or greeting parents from the same class in the hallway and I get nothing but RBF in return.
I don't have a problem with another parent saying something to my kid if he's being rude. I will also be the loud teacher voice telling everyone to calm down and stop screaming indoors.
06-11-2016, 06:12 PM #10
Sometimes we've just had it with kids who have no one to correct their behavior! Hugs.
Sometimes I think as a HS mom, I'm not socialized to kids acting like complete punks. I often find it shocking. In my experience, HS moms hold their kids accountable for behavior that is generally not accepted in society (exceptions here and there of course).
As far as pornography at the park - IMO, no one really talks to those kids about sex. It is taboo, a joke - they have to process it somehow but without guidance. . . .
Last edited by RTB; 06-11-2016 at 08:18 PM.Rebecca
DS 11, DD 9