T4W November
Page 3 of 4 FirstFirst 1 2 3 4 LastLast
Results 21 to 30 of 34
  1. #21
    Senior Member Arrived TFZ's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2015
    Posts
    1,567
    Blog Entries
    2

    Default

    I'm big on the, "Does your mother know you talk/do that?" The answer is ALWAYS no. Lol. The last time I whipped it out a neighborhood kid had swung a fishing pole at my car while I slowly drove by. I rolled down my window and gave him the old, "Does your mother know you're doing that with a fishing pole?" "No." "I bet if she did you wouldn't be walking around with it." I probably gave him a heart attack.

    Kids think all parents know eachother and it's hilarious.
    [SIZE=3][FONT=Palatino Linotype]I'm a homeschooling enthusiast excited to start an epic 1st grade-ish year with DD4 and DD2 tagging along. My homeschool superpower is ferreting out secular science resources.

    My site is somerandomlady.com and these are my 100 favorite books of all time.

  2. Ratings Request Leaderboard
  3. #22
    Senior Member Arrived ejsmom's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    PA
    Posts
    1,460

    Default

    I'm with you, AnonyMs. I try so hard. And I'm big on manners. Please and thank you go such a long way, and are not difficult. I try be considerate of others, approach things with basic kindness, and general civility. But sometimes I find myself in a situation where one bad apple is ruining things for everyone, and the not-as-polite types just sit there and give each other looks, but no one has the balls to SAY anything. I don't know what happens, but that gets me fired up and then I end up saying something which never turns out well.
    homeschooling one DS, age 13.

  4. #23

    Default

    oh, so glad you posted this! It seems to vary with area, but in our town, the public school culture is particularly crass, and the little girls who played with DD at 4, learned by Kindergarten that whoever asks to play, is The Weakest Link, and that popularity hinges on who snubs whom.
    My son also found this unwritten public school code amongst boys, that if you are just open and friendly, they think you are weak or desperate, so the only way to get other boys to think you're cool, is to appear aloof, while demonstrating some awesome ability or athleticism, ostensibly for your own pleasure. Then other boys come up and sort of do their own thing alongside, and eventually they all play together, so long as no one calls it play, or actually solicits togetherness.

    It's so messed up!

    My theory on this, is that kids in public school quickly get the message that being a kid is a state of misery and powerlessness, and therefore the only desired goal is to get older, to be bigger, to get power that way (because in public school, those who are bigger have more power, and power is the only way to protect yourself against misery).

    So that breeds a contempt for being a child, and a contempt for all things childlike, particularly play. The kids still want to play, but want to be last to admit it. They are all in a hurry to stop being kids, or at least to stop seeming like kids, because being a kid sucks, in that environment.

    My kids actually feel the unspoken peer pressure of the playground, when it's full of school kids, and actually change the way they interact with each other. When they play on the playground alone (just with each other) the difference is amazing! DS8 is suddenly willing (and eager!) to play nice, imaginative, cooperative games with his little brother and older sister. In an empty playground, they have a blast, making up games where they are chipmunks getting ready for winter...and DD11 and DS8 wouldn't be caught dead, doing that when there are any other kids their ages, present.

    It's really too bad. I had no idea DS8 was even capable of such imaginative, cooperative play, til we went a few times during school hours, to an empty playground, and saw for myself that actually, he DID like playing such imagination games that had nothing to do with dominance and conquest. It just had to be when there weren't any other kids around to cast judgement!

    And yes, I think you did an excellent thing, calling it out, without being mean.
    I have done similar things, myself, when another child was shockingly rude or mean to one of my kids, particularly if my kid was 3 or 4 or 5, and deeply hurt by the behavior. I didn't say "You little @#$%!" to the ill-raised youngster, but I did say something along the lines of "don't worry, honey...s/he probably doesn't know any better"
    and if they were kids who were darned well old enough to know better, I ratcheted it up a notch.

    But going to parks with friends, or with siblings, when school kids aren't going to be there, is great!
    Sometimes going when school kids are there, is great, also.
    It depends.

    But we've noticed that my kids meet the most nice, well-raised public school kids, when we go at times when we are more likely to meet either private schooled kids, or else kids from surrounding communities. When it's full of the locals, it tends to be a nasty lot. And that is probably a function of the general culture of the majority who send their kids to public schools in our town, because those who have the means, either homeschool, or else use the private schools, or were wise enough not to buy a house here, but instead, bought one just over the bridge in a "better" community with much nicer schools and neighbors.

    I'm probably getting bad karma by being so elitist-sounding. But yeah, the public school sector of our town is pretty rough. We have only one school district, and people who have a choice, don't use it, and people who have no choice, or else just don't think anything of it, do. It shows.
    40-something mom of 4 kids who haven't been to school, taking it one year and one day at a time.

  5. #24

    Default

    For us it hasn't been playgrounds, but Girl Scouts. I just finished my third year as a leader (and my last....I stepped down, it was too much). I had a zero tolerance policy for rude, mean behavior. Those girls quickly grew to know that I absolutely would call them out if they were acting up. So they rarely did.

    Alexsmom, I think I would have done the same in your situation. Civility seems to be a dying thing in our society, and it seems like we have no choice but to try to maintain it in whatever way we can.

    Anonyms, I am the same way. In public, I've been known to shoot a look at a misbehaving kid. The kid will either stop what he/she is doing, or just sort of slink away. I consider it a super power of mine, and I try to use it for good, and not evil.
    Working mom homeschooling DD (9) who is working on a 4th-6th grade level and keeps me hopping!

  6. #25
    Senior Member Enlightened Lianne13's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    TX
    Posts
    127

    Default

    Hell yeah, I'd have said the same thing in a heartbeat and referred to them as ignorant shits nice and loud. Our two girls have been attending the youth center here on base for 3 weeks now trying to make some new friends and said not one person has yet to talk to them. If they ask another kid something they usually get a short one word answer and then silence. It right pisses me off.
    Last edited by Lianne13; 06-14-2016 at 10:14 AM.
    Two daughters, military brats to active duty Air Force, ages 13 and 14.
    Part-time homeschooler since 2007 turned full-time in Feb 2013.

    We belong to the Farm School Satellite Campus Umbrella Program

    Main curriculum: Teaching Textbooks and Shmoop University

  7. #26

    Default

    I have called kids out and I have called out the parents too. Normally it is along the lines of which one is your mom or dad that you are here with? The look of dread that hits their face normally is all it takes for them to realize that they have done something inappropriate. Then proceed to tell the parents what was being said/done, I normally follow it up with if it was MY child I would like to know. I would say that 99% of the time it has gone well, sometimes there is one parent that thinks their child hung the moon and would never do anything like that.
    The part that has always been hard for me is when my child still wants to play with that person, I tell him/her that, when that child has more manners and can act right you can play with them.

    Now if the child's parent isn't there, I tell the kid we don't act like that in society. I am sorry but if you need to be mad or rude that is fine but not to me or my children.
    I get more ticked off at adults who don't know how to act themselves or trying to step in when I am parenting my own child.
    Starting 1 year hs...confidently a nervous wreck!
    DD7-My sweet, girly tomboy, can ride a 4-wheeler without taking off her princess dress.
    DS3- My Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde, or a cat. Loving when he wants and a monster when he chooses!

  8. #27

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Starkspack View Post
    For us it hasn't been playgrounds, but Girl Scouts. I just finished my third year as a leader (and my last....I stepped down, it was too much). I had a zero tolerance policy for rude, mean behavior. Those girls quickly grew to know that I absolutely would call them out if they were acting up. So they rarely did.

    Alexsmom, I think I would have done the same in your situation. Civility seems to be a dying thing in our society, and it seems like we have no choice but to try to maintain it in whatever way we can.

    Anonyms, I am the same way. In public, I've been known to shoot a look at a misbehaving kid. The kid will either stop what he/she is doing, or just sort of slink away. I consider it a super power of mine, and I try to use it for good, and not evil.
    Oh, Girlscouts! Glad you mentioned it! Some say they have been leaders of great troops, and to those I say, wish you were here. But my experience in them in another time zone and generation, was exactly like some friends reported in recent years, of their girls' experiences: the bottom denominator, dominates: mean, catty girls, with mean, catty moms, who have no interest whatsoever in getting dirty in firsthand actual experience with nature, but think having nail-painting parties is empowerment, and are perfectly happy to have GS be a big gossip-bag gabfest... I heard enough from my friends to realize I wasn't missing a thing, and not only had nothing changed, it had only gotten worse.

    So we never went. The friends who did, gave up after a few years of hoping that if they stuck it out, the leadership opportunities would emerge.

    I still loathe girlscouts, and think the org basically parasitizes well-meaning moms and aspiring girls, for the most part, pimping them out for cookie sales. Apologies to the women who are out there trying to make it what it ought to be. They are heroes in my mind, just like those teachers out there doing the job for love and honor, going down like Rowdy Roddy Piper in "They Live", with one finger in the air, overcome but never defeated.

    But I am so glad we took our friends' experiences as words to the wise, and didn't invest in it. It helped that I knew from the inside, that it was a sham org, when I was a kid, and genuinely expected campfires and camaraderie, and instead encountered troop leaders on the phone the whole time while we colored in their living rooms, nasty girls making the most of the opportunity to bully and dominate, and business as usual in the Kiddie Kennel of bureaucratic institutional care, instead.
    40-something mom of 4 kids who haven't been to school, taking it one year and one day at a time.

  9. #28

    Default

    When I was in college, I worked at a large preschool/afterschool care center. At one point we had two 2nd grade girls that were just acting mean. Snotty tone of voice, things like "we don't play with people who..." and other stuff like that. I stood behind them and used a tape recorder to record them. When I played it back to them, they were sure that I had taped someone else, because "We don't sound mean like that!" But...they did know it was their voices, and this pointing out of how mean they were did more to change their behavior than any amount of teacher correction.

    Sometimes kids need to hear their own words, and sometimes they need to hear from people who are not known to them.

  10. #29

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by CrazyGooseLady View Post
    When I was in college, I worked at a large preschool/afterschool care center. At one point we had two 2nd grade girls that were just acting mean. Snotty tone of voice, things like "we don't play with people who..." and other stuff like that. I stood behind them and used a tape recorder to record them. When I played it back to them, they were sure that I had taped someone else, because "We don't sound mean like that!" But...they did know it was their voices, and this pointing out of how mean they were did more to change their behavior than any amount of teacher correction.

    Sometimes kids need to hear their own words, and sometimes they need to hear from people who are not known to them.

    I love this! I need to start doing this to my OWN children, maybe especially my step-daughter! She is a teen and has always had a hard time understanding that what you said didn't get you in trouble but HOW you said it.
    Starting 1 year hs...confidently a nervous wreck!
    DD7-My sweet, girly tomboy, can ride a 4-wheeler without taking off her princess dress.
    DS3- My Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde, or a cat. Loving when he wants and a monster when he chooses!

  11. #30

    Default

    To OP -- I think snubbing the kids in return was absolutely the wrong thing to do. If they had been bullying your kid verbally or physically, obviously you need to step in. My son has a lot of anxiety and a difficult time saying hello to others -- you have no idea whether these kids have their own issues. Instead of reprimanding other people's children, it makes more sense to just focus on your own kid's behavior and teach him ways to maturely and compassionately process perceived rudeness. My 2 cents.
    Last edited by Bham Gal; 12-24-2016 at 03:06 AM.

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
Infographics
About us

SecularHomeschool.com was created to provide information, resources, and a place to share and connect with secular homeschoolers across the world. Secularhomeschool.com aims to be your one-stop shop for all things homeschool! We will be highlighting information about wonderful secular homeschool resources, and keeping you up to date with what is going on in the world of secular homeschooling. But that is only the beginning. SHS is your playground. A place to share the things that are important to you. A place to create and join groups that share your interests. A place to give and get advice. There are no limits to what you can do at Secular Homeschool, so join today and help build the community you have always wanted.

Join us
I cant believe I said it aloud....