The Bombeck/Stooges Chore System

With all the recent talk of housekeeping and chore systems, I thought I would take a moment to share the system that my family uses. It is a one of a kind system (although I suspect a few of you use it too), based loosely on the principles and wisdom of Erma Bombeck and The Three Stooges. So, of course, you know it is not only funny, but effective.

Anyway, here it is. (The secret is out of the bag now!)

We have a multi-person approach to chores at our house, with specific days and times for the completion of those chores. M-W-F, the daily work is done by Me. On Tuesday and Thursday, the work is not done by Everybody But Me. ( I have to confess, Everybody But Me is quite the un-helper.) On weekends, I replaces Me and does the general cleaning.

Generally, I and Me follow a strict cleaning schedule, which is aptly called The When I Feel Like It system. (It is not yet in stores. Sorry.) This system is primarily used for the daily messes--dishes, laundry, vacuuming, and so forth. It comes with a secondary cleaning system for deeper cleaning. This secondary system is The Mood Has Struck system. (Oops, no. Not THAT mood. This system is referring to the cleaning like a tornado mood.) One of the quirks of this system is that it does not have any set time frame for arriving and departing--at least not that I can find. (I think I lost the owner's manual--maybe the explanations are in there.) Anyway, The Mood Has Struck system arrives seemingly at whimsy with no warning and gives rise to the immediate imperative to rearrange furniture, clean out cabinets, organize bookshelves, and so on. This system requires a lot of energy and time, so it is probably good that it does not come around too often. (You want to have time and energy left for those other moods. Yeah, those. )

If it sounds like I do all the work, let me set the record straight. There are many Others who assist me on a daily basis at their scheduled times. Everyday, promptly when At No Time arrives, I get plenty of help from Everyone. Everyone is a terrific helper At No Time. His best friends, Somebody Else, and Not Me, are also frequent helpers at our house. For instance, I will ask enticingly (and not too brag, but also with a fair amount of charm), "Who would like to take out the trash?" And, always, Not Me pitches right in and does nothing. Not Me, sitting next to him, returns my grin with one of his own that is even more charming. But, I barely have time to appreciate it, as I am too busy lugging out that darned trash.

But it's all good. My son wanted to know if he was going to start getting an allowance. "Yes!!" I yelled in feverish excitement. "You are!" "Great!" he shouted back with unbridled enthusiasm. "When does it start?"
"Oh," I replied. "Why it starts precisely At No Time--so don't be late! Of course, I won't be the one handing it out, you'll have to hunt down Not Me and get it from him!"
And that is our system!