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View Full Version : Weekly Poll: How many friends do your kids have - lots, just a couple?



pandahoneybee
10-19-2011, 03:04 PM
It seems to be something that is different for each family and even different for each child, right? For us one has a lot of friends and the other would like to have a couple more!
So are your kiddos happy with the friends we have now or would they more?

Ayem
10-19-2011, 06:29 PM
My guys have more than a couple, but not a great many. I'm a great believer in quality rather than quantity. They seem to be the same. None of us are big on crowds.

farrarwilliams
10-19-2011, 06:34 PM
Perhaps not quite as many as ps kids going from class to class all the time, but they have a goodly number. And about a dozen kids they're pretty close with.

OrganicFrmGrl
10-19-2011, 07:14 PM
DS has about 4-5 who he has met through sports and who have come up and spent the night a time or two. I am so thankful because not only is he homeschooled, we have only live here a year and a half.

beachmama
10-19-2011, 08:23 PM
our kids have A LOT of friends, but that is because all of our friends have kids so they've all grown up together. We're pretty lucky, but my husband and I are very social people to begin with.

pnctink
10-19-2011, 09:05 PM
Thet just have a couple of friends right now, but we're also of the quality or quantity mind-set so I don't know how much that number will grow.

Amanadoo
10-19-2011, 09:27 PM
One, and we feel lucky for it! We were here ten months before either the kids or I had any real buddies.

MrsLOLcat
10-19-2011, 09:36 PM
DS just has a few and is quite happy that way. Though he's not averse to making new friends, he doesn't seem to be on the hunt. This is in contrast to DD who is a social butterfly. She has a whole bunch of friends and is always on the lookout for more.

I think the corresponding question would be: Do you and your significant other/spouse (if you have one) have a bunch of friends or not? Are you happy that way? And do you think your own social acuity affects your children's? In my house, it's a perfect correspondence. DH has no friends outside of work; I have a huge circle of casual friends, half a dozen friends I call fairly regularly, and two or three REALLY good friends... I'd call them my BFFs, but that sounds so cliched.

farrarwilliams
10-19-2011, 10:03 PM
our kids have A LOT of friends, but that is because all of our friends have kids so they've all grown up together. We're pretty lucky, but my husband and I are very social people to begin with.

Hey! Someone else whose kids have a lot of friends. With lack of friends being such a common complaint, I was thinking I might be the only one! And dh and I aren't even that social - we've just lucked into a good group of friends.

Shoe
10-19-2011, 10:15 PM
My kids both have a few friends from when they were in public school with whom they still keep in touch.


I think the corresponding question would be: Do you and your significant other/spouse (if you have one) have a bunch of friends or not? Are you happy that way? And do you think your own social acuity affects your children's? In my house, it's a perfect correspondence. DH has no friends outside of work; I have a huge circle of casual friends, half a dozen friends I call fairly regularly, and two or three REALLY good friends... I'd call them my BFFs, but that sounds so cliched.

My wife has quite a few friends with kids, so my kids also sometimes do things with them. I'm pretty much a recluse when I'm not at work, so my kids don't get to know anyone through me. I have only one or two friends (who I know from work), and only see them outside of work about once a year at the most. I don't know if I'm happy that way, but I have such social anxiety that it is easier this way.

Stacey B
10-19-2011, 10:46 PM
There is about a dozen or so homeschool kids who hang out a lot, probably a core group of seven or so who we hang out with at least once a week. Plus DS has a few PS friends he sees separately. I feel really lucky to have found such a great group of friends. The funny part is we aren't even a homeschooling group just a bunch of mom's from the local AP online board.

Of course this isn't even including his grownup friends who he has a lot of, most of my friends "from before" don't have kids so he gets adopted for lots of kid activities.

LovingMyChildren
10-19-2011, 10:50 PM
We just started hsing this year so DD6 still has all of her close school friends, and loves them. Plus, as pretty social adults we chose a neighborhood 6 years ago with a good strong sense of community. Thus, we know a good number of people whom we like in the neighborhood and who have children. DD6 just had a birthday party. Kids her age from school = 8, Their siblings whom we also love = 4, neighborhood friends her age = 4, their siblings whom we also love = 3, kids who were relatives = 3, Infants = 2, Adults = 23. Whew!

Riceball_Mommy
10-19-2011, 11:03 PM
I said "Just a couple," because really I just count her two aunts (twin 8-year olds). They come to her birthday parties and they get a few days a week to play. I'm sure if you asked her though she list every family member, my grandparents' dog, any kid she has every played with at the playground and any kids from homeschool events. To her she is making new friends all the time. I should also add my cousin's fiance in there, I think I'd count her too. She doesn't see her that often but she loves playing with her when she does.
For some reason though I usually only see the two and worry she needs more friends. Of course then I remind myself that inside of school I had about that many friends and once summer hit I was down to 0 friends, so she is doing better than me at her age.

hockeymom
10-20-2011, 07:00 AM
DS has 2 BFFs that he's had really his entire life, and with whom he shares an incredible connection despite the fact that we moved far away from them when he was only 5. He sees them once or twice a year and that's been more than enough to keep their friendships not just alive but the connections strong. He would love to still have them as neighbors but never complains about missing them. He holds them dear in his heart and is truly content with that.

Since we're new to our community he hasn't really bonded with anyone here yet but he does have plenty of social activities and is making his way through the crowd at co-op. I can see a couple of friendships coming out of sports activities in time, partially because our town is small and the kids are bound to have overlapping interests and run into each other repeatedly in various activities.

He also has a couple of close friends from our time in NB whom he'll see a couple times a year when they come down here for ski and camp vacations.

He's a social kid when he gets the chance, but is content with allowing friendships to form naturally. He's pretty choosy about who he spends his time with and would generally rather be by himself than spend much time with kids who annoy him or with whom he doesn't feel a special bond with.

Busygoddess
10-20-2011, 07:51 AM
I put other because we're somewhere between just a few and lots. Dea just had 2 friends move out of state, but still has one good friend in the neighborhood. She also counts her older cousins as friends & she shares some friends with them. They've got more acquaintances than friends, really - kids they get together with & play with, but they aren't close to. Both kids do better with older kids, which can be more challenging for a 7 year old. Dea has a few friends her age, but Jay really doesn't. He always wants to hang out with his sis & her friends. Dea's got friends her age & older & often ends up spending time with the younger neighborhood kids - almost like a babysitter.

dottieanna29
10-20-2011, 09:03 AM
I put none and we need help. Although it doesn't seem to bother my kids any. We have a group of kids that we see occasionally at park days and activities. We also just joined homeschool bowling and will see those kids every week. But the kids haven't formed any close attachments with any other kids - it's more just casual acquaintances that they play with when we are at things together but don't make any separate plans with. They are good friends with DH's great-neice who is 6 - DS says he's going to marry her when he's 18. :-) My closest friend has two kids around my kid's ages but they go to school so we don't see them much anymore.

Part of the problem is dh and I are pretty unsocial. We could join in our neighborhood events more often and the kids would get to know some of the other kids in the neighborhood but to be honest - they are a pretty obnoxious bunch. They are all slightly older than ds, they all go to public school (which may be irrelevant to the rest) and they seem to enjoy being really mean to him - taking things from him, acting like they want to play and ditching him, playing really rough games and he gets hurt as the smallest.

The other part of the problem is we can't really invite anyone over for playdates or anything. Our house is very small and there's not even room for my kids to play easily - adding any more kids is impossible.

I am starting a 4-H Cloverbud club and we are still hoping to rebuild our house. I'm hoping both those will help with getting them some more friends. I never had super close friends growing up (or since). Even the ones I saw regularly and did things with all the time, I never felt a huge connection to.

My oldest has a ton of really good friends but she is so different than I am personality wise - she makes friends so easily. My younger two seem to be fine with making friends with a new kid every place we go. I guess I'm the one most bothered by it.

kewb22
10-20-2011, 09:23 AM
My kids each have a few quality friends. However, they are both very social and would love more.

Gabriela
10-20-2011, 10:51 AM
My husband and I are pretty much recluses and live in a place with very few like-minded people. We have friends that visit us, most of them don't have kids, or are just starting to.
We get together once a week with some friends and their two daughters, who are also neighbors. The kids play well together but aren't super close.
There aren't a lot of chances for my son to meet new friends. We live in a tiny town where the locals are ALL uneducated christians,
and the foreign residents (back-packers who stayed) are mostly all hippie-dippy new age reiki freaks.
We don't fit in with either group, and neither does our son.
His local friendships don't last long because eventually the parents start wondering if the rumors of our atheism are true,
or my son does or says something that freaks the local christian kid out.
Friendships with the foreign residents' kids don't last because they are usually only here for a year or less,
or their parents are so extremely anti-everything that they don't let their kids come over because our son has a TV in his room or because he listens to "grown-up" rap music.
All of the foreign kids also go to the Waldorf school that my son no longer goes to, so he's an outsider in that sense too.

In compensation for all of this - the three of us have a blast at home and several of our friends who visit us way out here really love us, are awesome people and shower our son in attention when they are here. We also run an arts program for the local kids twice a week, and my son loves to participate in it and just have those easy, simple acquaintances that Busygoddess mentioned.
And I think that's how it is for most grown-ups too - some easy, pleasant, stimulating acquaintances; and a couple of close friends.

Amanadoo
10-20-2011, 11:45 AM
As to the corresponding question...I usually have 0-1 in-person friend at any given time (we move a lot). One person to hang out with every once in a while is totally enough for me. I have forever friends that I can talk to as much as I want online.The Huz loooooooooves talking to people about the various things he's into and so he tends to quickly find people to hang out with. We're very different that way.

My DS1 considers everyone he encounters a "friend." And though he's a super-social animal being mothered by a recluse, he doesn't miss out on anything. Like I said, he's got one real, close friend and then a whole neighborhood full of homies to yak at now.

raegan
10-20-2011, 01:22 PM
I think the corresponding question would be: Do you and your significant other/spouse (if you have one) have a bunch of friends or not? Are you happy that way? And do you think your own social acuity affects your children's? In my house, it's a perfect correspondence. DH has no friends outside of work; I have a huge circle of casual friends, half a dozen friends I call fairly regularly, and two or three REALLY good friends... I'd call them my BFFs, but that sounds so cliched.

That is exactly how I am, Sarah. :) My dh is social enough, but doesn't really have any friends (besides his former college roommate) outside of his family and work. He seems fine with it--and loves hanging out with most of the dads in our AP and hs circle(s) when we get together. He's just never going to go out of his way to hang out with anyone. Thankfully, he doesn't hold my intense need for regular social interaction against me! :P

My older son is very similar & has more friends than I can count. His two closest friends from the recent past both moved away, and we try to get together a couple times a year. I can see him and one of the boys growing apart because of totally divergent interests, though. That's actually one of my concerns for him--he's SUCH a jock (like his mom and dad), and many of his hs friends are decidedly NOT. But he's always had the ability to make friends instantly and thoroughly, so I guess I shouldn't worry about it so much.

My younger son is more like his dad, it seems--much more introverted, though he seems to be coming out of his shell a bit with strangers now. He has access to a slew of friends, and will sometimes play with them when we're together (they're pretty much the younger siblings of DS1's friends or other kids of my own friends), but not always. He is both endearing and annoying with his preference for my company over anyone else's. ;) He plays great with my older son and the even older neighbors, though--so again, I need to not worry about his ability to make friends, lol.

Ellenaj
10-20-2011, 03:08 PM
My husband and I have only a few close friends and 100s of acquaintances. Our kids are the same way. They each have 1 really really close friend and a few friends and then a bunch of kids from different groups they are their acquintances-they play or say hi to eachother but not on a regular basis and not with the same quality that they do with their few friends. My 6 year old loves every kids that crosses her path-but only plays with one friend on any sort of quality level and she likes it that way. My 10 year old has the patience to deal with 1 friend at a time- having her in a group of friends makes her a little uncomforatble.

momofgrlz
10-20-2011, 04:47 PM
Mine have lots of friends! We meet some on a weekly basis and my oldest also goes to a university style school 2 days a week so she has friends there as well as a few friends from Kindergarten and preschool. I am on a local mommy board that has a homeschool forum so she is also friends with all of those kids as well. She has about 2 best friends, a dozen good friends and who knows how many acquaintances. I can't count. we are just lucky to live in an area where homeschooling is just so huge that there is never a shortage of homeschool families. She makes a new friend every time we go to the park or library. Also, we are moving to a neighborhood in the spring that she has lots of friends in. 2-3 being homeschool families.

coloradoalice
10-20-2011, 07:47 PM
We only have a couple that we actually seek for extra time with. There are others too, friends at their home school enrichment and friends from various teams and rec center classes they take, my kids pretty much call anyone they are associated with a friend, lol. But real friends are few which is fine by me!

MarkInMD
10-21-2011, 12:59 AM
Our neighbors across the street have two kids virtually the same age as our two, so they pal around a lot. We also have another HS family that we've been close with even before the kids were old enough for HS, and Hurricane has a few good friends from karate. Not a lot, but enough. I don't think they really want more than they have, but they'd accept them if they happened to come along.

rumbledolly
10-21-2011, 10:35 AM
My DD has only a few friends. Two she's had since she was 4 - a brother and sister whose parents are close friends of ours. One friend she's had for the last few years who is a little bit younger than she is but they like a lot of the same things. Other than that besides a few cousins she only has acquaintances from sports. I think she'd like more friends but that doesn't seem possible no mater what activity she does or what group she belongs too. She has made a couple of friends at the co-op we joined, two boys her age and a boy and girl who are younger (one she really adores - hockymom's son).

She tried to stay friends with a few or her PS friends but that hasn't worked out very well. She is again being bullied - this time via the internet and email by the so-called friends who seem to have a really big issue with not being consulted over our homeschooling decision. Yes that's right - OUR decision - they feel they should have been asked before we did it. We're talking Jr HS girls! Her best school friend seems to the be ring leader and I doubt most of the other people she mentions even knows what is taking place. I think my DD has finally figured out this girl is not her friend!

Crazy right?

hockeymom
10-21-2011, 01:25 PM
. She has made a couple of friends at the co-op we joined, two boys her age and a boy and girl who are younger (one she really adores - hockymom's son).



Glad to hear co-op is working out for her, RumbleDolly. I can't imagine a sweeter girl, or one easier to talk with. It's a big commitment on your part to make that long drive, so it's great to hear that she's enjoying it and making some connections. I just wish it weren't so far away for you.

The hour long discussion DS and your daughter had about MarioKart (?) a couple weeks ago is still cracking me up! :)

Hampchick
10-21-2011, 01:35 PM
My kids have more friends now than before we started homeschooling! Partly that's the age though. I wouldn't say lots, but my 8 yo has about 4 good friends and my 5 you has maybe 2-3 that they play with almost daily, plus a handful other kids they play with less often. It's more than enough as far as I'm concerned! Most of them are schooled kids from the neighborhood.

Lak001
10-21-2011, 02:47 PM
Just a couple for my dd. I and my husband are not social butterflies. We have very few good long-time friends, that's all. But they all have smaller kids.

zcat
10-21-2011, 04:37 PM
I voted none and we like it. I guess it really depends on how you are defining friend though.
Dd has what I would call acquaintances. She plays with kids we know when they are there but hasn't really formed a special bond with any of them. She isn't unhappy about the situation so I'm not particularly concerned. I don't think I can force a bond between her and other kids.

FairyMom
10-21-2011, 10:50 PM
Just a couple and we like it that way. We have one homeschool neighbor friend, a couple from church (UU) and drama (which are the same UU kids). :)

raegan
10-21-2011, 11:53 PM
She is again being bullied - this time via the internet and email by the so-called friends who seem to have a really big issue with not being consulted over our homeschooling decision. Yes that's right - OUR decision - they feel they should have been asked before we did it. We're talking Jr HS girls! Her best school friend seems to the be ring leader and I doubt most of the other people she mentions even knows what is taking place. I think my DD has finally figured out this girl is not her friend! Crazy right?

One of my friends has 3 girls, the oldest of whom is now 16. When they first moved here from Florida, the oldest tried out PS, made some friends, but decided she preferred being at home to learn the things she wanted. Her school friends were hounding her, completely unable to fathom any 14yo girl preferring to hang out with her mom and sisters. (dad travels every week, too--so vacations are based on his schedule, not the school's.) She kept in touch with them, hung out occasionally--like meeting at the movies, etc, and then this past August she went back to PS and is friends with them again. Her mom is annoyed, but her daughter is so level-headed that she knew the decision was her own & not swayed by the sophomoric attitudes of these other girls.

:/

Jilly
10-23-2011, 12:33 PM
We live in a kid-friendly neighborhood, so we have kids around all the time. My daughter's best friend is over nearly everyday, and my youngest son's best friend lives a minute away. We also have several homeschool families that we are close with, so the kids always have someone to hang out with.

gidamom
10-23-2011, 12:42 PM
She tried to stay friends with a few or her PS friends but that hasn't worked out very well. She is again being bullied - this time via the internet and email by the so-called friends who seem to have a really big issue with not being consulted over our homeschooling decision. Yes that's right - OUR decision - they feel they should have been asked before we did it. We're talking Jr HS girls! Her best school friend seems to the be ring leader and I doubt most of the other people she mentions even knows what is taking place. I think my DD has finally figured out this girl is not her friend!

Crazy right?

This so reminds me of the situation we are in now :(

We just started hs, and I truly thought that the kids, especially dd would remain close with their school friends. they were both super social butterflies in school! the kind who were friends with everyone, had tons of things to do, involved in tons of activities, and had maybe 4 or 5 realy close friends in addition to the bunch of acquaintances. Boy was I wrong!! :(

Dd has gone to having only 1 friend from her former friends. And this one tells her how all the other "friends" are talking about her behind her back saying they don't like her and are happy she's no longer there. These were her supposed "good friends"!

She is totally heart broken, feels lonely and now hates it here. She is having a miserable time and I have no idea how to help her make new friends.
This may just break our hs career, she feels so sad and lonely :(

Ds is fine, does not miss being with his school friends all the time, but sees his band friends and friends from performing arts every week. He loves having many acquaintances, but is not one to want to have people over all the time.

They are both very social, and hs is making this a bit tough for us

bcnlvr
10-23-2011, 03:18 PM
We are lucky, too. There are 9 boys in our neighborhood who are the same age (7-10). It is perfect. There is little traffic and the moms are all "community raises a child", so we let them pretty much run amok (so to speak) and we play zone defense. We all have each other's numbers and we are surrounded by forest. Right now there are 5 kids on the trampoline. I consider myself very lucky. 3 years ago we were the only family in here with kids.

Mum
10-24-2011, 10:57 AM
My dh built a big skate ramp in the backyard. That attracts all the neighborhood kids. We also have a nice, big park a block away where my ds' old elementary school kids play so he has a nice group of buddies to pal around with. They all think my boy is the luckiest kid EVER and wish they could homeschool here with him. heh heh.

Shannon Hagan Dooley
10-25-2011, 02:40 PM
A man should choose a friend who is better than himself. There are plenty of acquaintances in the world; but very few real friends. -Chinese Proverb

raesrose
10-25-2011, 05:47 PM
My ds has no friends, but I think that is partly because of the Asperger's. He has cousins tho that he plays with frequently, so he does get some social interaction. We are new to homesch ooling, so as we find groups, etc. I am hoping I can find him a few little playmates. I'm going to follow his lead on that though. I'm extremely introverted and only have a few very old friends. DH has more and is more outgoing.

leanderthal
11-14-2011, 05:17 PM
My oldest has a couple, and my youngest doesn't have any that are very close-she is friendly with two or three girls, but chooses and prefers to keep to herself. They spend most of their time together and like it that way :). More often than not, they've been disappointed with the quality of their friendships, and we teach them it's just fine to be by yourself or with your sibling/family until a truly good friend comes along.