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View Full Version : Truth or Dare....



Topsy
05-05-2010, 08:25 PM
Ok, this week's poll is totally anonymous and totally just for fun. Tell the truth now, everyone! Have you ever pretended to be a faith-based homeschooler in order to "fit in" ???

Oh, and if you DO vote honestly, then I DARE you to share your story! ;)

Shoe
05-05-2010, 08:34 PM
My religious views are known to the other homeschoolers I know in the world of flesh and blood (most of whom are faith-based, though I know a few secular homeschoolers too), but I've made no secret that I am looking for more secular materials and curriculum. Of course, it's reasonably easy for me, since I'm really a recluse and am not involved actively in any home schooling groups at all, and the faith based home schoolers I do know and I have already developed a mutual respect since we work together (in my non-home education job). I'm much more sociable on line than in real life...

JinxieFox
05-05-2010, 08:36 PM
I won't pretend, and couldn't if I wanted to. All of my work is published under my real name. Sooner or later, people might see my name associated with the magazines for which I write, and scream "IMPOSTER!" Ha ha. I am as "out" as they come in Paganism, and therefore secular homeschooling.

But I'm nice to everybody! My kindness and friendliness are genuine. The only fellow military spouse here who is my friend is a conservative Christian homeschooling her 5 children. Of all the Christian homeschooling families here, she is the only one who does not shy away from me. She knows what I am. That makes her friendship extra special. :)

Snoopy
05-05-2010, 08:48 PM
I wasn't sure where I should say "when hell..." or "other". I chose "other" because I wouldn't pretend to be a believer but also I don't make a huge deal of being an atheist. I wouldn't join a group specifically for believers just to get socialization and/or support though. But if a group isn't explicitely secular, then I don't mention it.

ginnyjf
05-05-2010, 09:23 PM
I chose "When in Rome" because I'm involved with a local Catholic homeschooling group, 20 members strong, and so far all are delightful people. I knew I was in the right place when I walked up to a group of women dressed exactly like me and they pointed out their boys, who were busily chasing each other around the playground with hand-carved guns. Zack was taken into the group, given a crossbow and was named Commander. I stood around with the moms and chatted and not once did anyone say "Praise Jesus" or make any mention of religion at all except to disparage Evangelical homeschoolers. I didn't think a general announcement about my intention to use secular homeschooling materials was appropriate, especially since no one in the group seemed to care. As I get to know everyone better, maybe I'll share it with them, maybe not. We talked about nearly everything except homeschooling and that was refreshing.

Teri
05-05-2010, 10:37 PM
I chose other.
When I am with a group of homeschoolers who are not of a like mind spiritually as myself, I choose not to make waves. I don't pretend to be one of them and I will tell them about my curriculum choice. I try to be as respectful as I can of their choices without compromising my values and choices for my family.

I do think that I could fit in very easily with a group of Catholics....I have not been around any Catholic homeschoolers at all here. I was raised Catholic and could fit in very easily with them.

Coralee
05-06-2010, 01:55 AM
I chose "other" too. I don't make a point of my religious position within the group, but I don't try to hide it either. I live in a relatively small town and I am new to the local HS group. I have not explicitly stated my position on the topic. however, they have probably noticed that they haven't seen me at the church they all seem to attend and when asked what curriculum I'm planning to follow I let them know I'm going with the government curriculum that is taught in the schools.

Now the predicament, I have been receiving e-mails from a particular group member that I find highly offensive (pressing her beliefs upon me) and I'm still trying to figure out a way to let her know that I'm not interested in receiving her e-mails in a way that does not ostracize me from the group. Notwithstanding this one difference between me and all of them, this is the first time I've been in a group where the people don't judge me or look at me sideways because I want to HS my kids. I have felt very comfortable at the meetings I have attended and religion really hasn't been brought up. I don't want to bring this issue to their attention and risk losing my comfort level with them, but I can't let it continue because everytime I get one of her e-mails it makes me so angry...any ideas or words of wisdom from people who are more like minded?

Melissa845
05-06-2010, 06:20 AM
Don't ask. Don't tell.
But, really, it's never been an issue at all in any of the groups I have spent time in.

Closeacademy
05-06-2010, 07:19 AM
I am Christian but I come from a family that values eccentricity and being well-read and self-educated. When I first started homeschooling, I kept a low profile and went along with the crowd. I tried various faith-based curriculum but it never felt right. It was too preachy and didn't talk about the God I knew (good and loving). I never did feel included even when I was sitting on the board of the exculsive homeschooling group. I felt like an imposter because I had different ideas and experiences. I didn't do first time obedience and bibilical discipline. I let my kids be kids and I talked to them. I also used Waldorf and eveyone knows what Mary Pride had to say about Oak Meadow what would she say about something like that?

When my bf moved to town, she freed me to be myself. I quit that group, we started our own. Most of our members are Christian but they use a lot of secular materials, unschool, do their own thing and I am finally out of the closet with my use of Waldorf (which works very well for us).

laundrycrisis
05-06-2010, 07:25 AM
I would never pretend to be religious and put on any kind of act or say things that aren't true to fit in. What is more likely is that someone will make the assumption that I share their religious views. When that happens, whether or not I clarify that we are not religious depends on the situation and my relationship to the person. If it is a person or group I hope to have any sort of ongoing friendship with, and religion seems to be important or a big factor, then I will want to find a way to out myself pretty early on. I do not want to get involved with a friend or group who might exclude my kids later on after the shock of finding out that we are not religious.

dottieanna29
05-06-2010, 08:56 AM
I voted "other" but really its never come up for me. There are many secular, inclusive groups here in NJ (probably more than those full of fundamentalists).
I'm also not really sure what to call myself these days. I know I am NOT a young earth creationists, a religious homeschooler or anywhere near a fundy. What I'm unsure of is what I AM. I was raised United Methodist (pretty liberal as far as Christianity goes), spent some time going to Catholic churches (1st marriage) and very occassionally go to UMC now. I believe in some kind of higher power/God but not really the Christian idea of God (I doubt the creator of the universe would really care what people do in their bedrooms); I dislike most organized religion because it is exclusive and separatist and more about power and population control IMO (and way too judgemental by definition); I think the Bible is an interesting collection of moral tales and allegories but I don't really believe much of it has any historical accuracy - the ways in which it has been changed and edited just take away its validity for me. The more contact I have with Christians (mostly online) through various groups, the less I want to be associated with it in any way.

So, that's where I'm at. I don't really mind going to the UMC because it is pretty laid back, less is taken literally and they are welcoming of anyone but I don't really believe. I take some comfort in the rituals and songs that are familiar from childhood (I have great memories of church with my grandfather singing solos in the choir, we went to a very small church with a wonderful community) but don't really believe in the ideas behind it.

Museling
05-07-2010, 10:39 AM
I guess I should have picked other but, when in Rome by myself, I will typically plead the fifth, when with Logan, I will tell the truth. I've made a good habit of only lying to him about Christmas. (Which, we do celebrate, I can't give up the consumerism of the holiday, it's just too much fun and I love the lights, smells, bells & whistles)

leav97
05-07-2010, 10:59 AM
My DH does most group get meetings because he is home m-f 8-5. We've been able surround ourselves with people that are either like minded or inclusive. I think it would confuse the kids to says we are something other than the truth.

LJean
05-07-2010, 11:13 AM
I chose "other" because the first two didn't fit. For the most part I like the "don't ask, don't tell". I am not one for organized religion, but do believe in God. I don't mind saying a prayer at the beginning of a meeting or praying for someone who is ill etc. I just don't want it to be all encompassing.

BPier12
05-07-2010, 12:44 PM
Well, I'm really glad this poll came up today because I've been thinking a lot about this very issue. The only homeschooling group that I've been able to find in our area is a Christian group but they say they "welcome all faiths". What I don't know is if they welcome people of "no faith". They have a meeting next week and I plan to attend but have been very confused about whether I state at the start that we are non-be;ievers or if I should just let it ride and see how the group interacts and how much religion is emphasized. I really would like to be able to have some support from others in the area who homeschool, but I don't want to put myself or my son in a position where we feel like we have to lie about who we are in order to fit in. Hopefully the group is truly inclusive and if I don't make a big deal about our beliefs and they don't make a big deal about their beliefs then we will all be able to coexist happily.

LJean
05-07-2010, 01:23 PM
Hello Beth, it couldn't hurt to test the waters with them first and see how things go from there. You just might get lucky. :)

Snoopy
05-07-2010, 09:19 PM
any ideas or words of wisdom from people who are more like minded? It's tough one. I always reply to people who do this to me that I "would prefer not to receive religious messages so please take me off your list" and put a smiley face to make the pill easier to swallow. Usually they're just acquaintances, not friends, so I don't really care if they get their feathers ruffled. I haven't had any problems with anyone confronting me on it but then again, I'm not in the situation that you're in where I could lose potential homeschooling friends. I tend to associate mostly with secular homeschoolers (as defined by this site... people of all hues but who remain secular in their homeschooling) anyway and they know to leave me alone when it comes to religion or politics :) Well, the 3 secular homeschoolers that I know!
Maybe you could just ignore the messages and not read them. Can you tell by the header that it's going to be something that will upset you and just delete it without opening it?

I have a situation where my best friend (not a homeschooler) has become very religious in the past few years and she now makes it a point to tell me that "she's praying for me" as if it were a great compliment, while I tend to consider that more of an insult because she is perfectly aware that I'm atheist. (I mean, pray for me if you want to but why the need to insist on telling me like I have to thank you for it?) I don't bash her religion so it bothers me that she disregards my position on this. Anyway, I don't see her very often but I have been trying to think of a way to ask her to stop without endangering our friendship. Because it might not sound like big deal to some and they might tell me to disregard it, but it's getting to the point that I'm reluctant to visit with her because I know those remarks will be made. She talks about how God has called her to do certain things (work and personal decisions) and I don't mind that so much because she's expressing her personal opinions, but when she's involving me in that, it really irks me. I really have to weigh the pros and cons of speaking up and sometimes it's just not that simple because she has been a great friend to me throughout the years.

Good luck to you!

Snoopy
05-07-2010, 09:25 PM
I take some comfort in the rituals and songs that are familiar from childhood (I have great memories of church with my grandfather singing solos in the choir, we went to a very small church with a wonderful community) but don't really believe in the ideas behind it.

Kind of like why, as an atheist, I still do Easter, Christmas, St Nicolas (tradition of the East of France)... I grew up with these traditions (Catholic family) and there are secular versions of these events anyway. But I don't believe in the religious stories behind them. It's more a way for me to pass down some family traditions from my French family down to my kids who are totally American, down to the fact that they don't speak a lick of French.

Snoopy
05-07-2010, 09:30 PM
Well, I'm really glad this poll came up today because I've been thinking a lot about this very issue. The only homeschooling group that I've been able to find in our area is a Christian group but they say they "welcome all faiths". What I don't know is if they welcome people of "no faith". They have a meeting next week and I plan to attend but have been very confused about whether I state at the start that we are non-be;ievers or if I should just let it ride and see how the group interacts and how much religion is emphasized. I really would like to be able to have some support from others in the area who homeschool, but I don't want to put myself or my son in a position where we feel like we have to lie about who we are in order to fit in. Hopefully the group is truly inclusive and if I don't make a big deal about our beliefs and they don't make a big deal about their beliefs then we will all be able to coexist happily.

Or you could contact the group leader in advance and ask her for clarification by asking her specifically if "all faiths" includes the non faithful or not. If she states that they do not welcome non-believers, you'll have saved yourself some time. It's been my experience that groups that will include believers and non-believers alike with use the wording "all faiths, including non-believers" or otherspecific language. Just my 2 cents ;) Good luck!

Melyssa
05-08-2010, 12:40 AM
I was going to say what someone above said. Don't ask, don't tell.
I've NEVER pretended to be something I'm not although I don't always go around making a big deal out of it if my lifestyle isn't the same as everyone else's whether it's religion or something else. But if I was in a Christian group of people and it came up, and I was asked, I'd just be honest. It doesn't' seem like a big deal to me.

crazymama
05-08-2010, 07:37 PM
We don't have a group around here.. at least none that I know of, if there is it's most likely religious and I wouldn't join anyway.

Now as far as other homeschoolers that I bump into.. for not having many around here we have bumped into a few... I have been completely honest if the topic came up. Once I was talking to a pastor's wife who homeschools using BJU and she said they had to record every lesson??? She was bragging it up and saying how great it was, I said it would never work for us, we use only secular material. I'm not sure she knew what to say...lol.