View Full Version : Who gives you the most grief about homeschooling?

04-28-2010, 09:55 PM
I've been following some interesting discussions on the forum this week about family members second guessing a parent's choice to homeschool. So I couldn't help but wonder if this is true for most of you, or if your "grief" comes from elsewhere. Do tell...

04-28-2010, 10:01 PM
We are very lucky. No one has given us any grief at all. Although it's not like I ask for their opinions. LOL

04-28-2010, 10:15 PM
I had a friend who gave me slight problems. We're no longer friends for other reasons, or maybe it was part of it. We were just too different in many too many ways.

My sister waffles, but respects, which is how I feel about her putting her baby in daycare. I don't say anything and neither does she. We both agree that we have the right to raise our families in our own way, even if it's dramatically different from each other.

So, I guess his doctor? Whatever. Do your exam and keep you opinions to yourself.

Maybe its my habit of not listening and/or not caring what people say as opposed to not being told?

04-28-2010, 11:08 PM
I was really lucky that when I chose to pull my specail needs kid out of school, his pediatricain, his psychiatrist, and his home-room teacher all praised my decision. When we later had a few visits with his old therapist, she kept telling me what a great job I was doing too. the only person who even looked at me funny was a neighbor who teaches kindergarten . . . and lets her destructo-boy run around the neighborhood unsupervised while she's on the phone or, at halloween, drinking in the street. So it didnt really matter to me at all.

04-28-2010, 11:52 PM
It's been pretty easy for us. Folks either don't care or keep their opinions to themselves. There's an occasional person who's genuinely interested in how we're doing, like the twins' speech pathologist.

04-29-2010, 12:09 AM
It's rare that I've gotten any grief over it but I think it has something to do with how I carry myself about it. I don't invite people to "go there" so to speak and nips things real quick if they do.

04-29-2010, 12:24 AM
It's rare that I've gotten any grief over it but I think it has something to do with how I carry myself about it. I don't invite people to "go there" so to speak and nips things real quick if they do.

Ditto. And I really dislike having to type at least 10 characters for my replies to appear. That is all.

04-29-2010, 02:14 AM
The grandparents questioned it, and did things like quizzed our kids on math and such. But no one else bothers us. Utah is a strong homeschooling state.

I think older generations find it harder to fathom...? There are plenty of homeschoolers... or people who would be, if they had kids... in my crowd. We're not the conforming type, and value learning (geekery!) and peaceful, egalitarian ways. The newer generations get it.

04-29-2010, 02:14 AM
The only flack we've ever really had has been from acquaintances or strangers. If anyone in our family ever had any misgivings, they've known well enough to keep their mouths shut about it ;) For the most part, though, even strangers have been positive. We've only had one truly nasty experience in the last 8 years, and it turned out that the woman was a public school teacher. Maybe she was feeling threatened...?

04-29-2010, 06:18 AM
I think people are used to hearing about homeschooling now. The worst attitude I get is from complete strangers (usually like retail store staff) but even that is few and far between.

04-29-2010, 07:18 AM
Surprisingly, we don't really get much flack about it. My mom (who I thought would be very vocal against it) was for it & has used me as her "expert" whenever anyone she knows is considering homeschooling or just wants more info on it. My dad had no comment about it (again, rather surprising). My stepmom (well, now she's my ex-stepmom) is a teacher in our district. Her response was "If my kids were still in school & had to go to this district, I'd homeschool too." She's been fantastic about it. No other family members have really voiced an opinion about it. Well, my ex-brother-in-law did, but his opinion never mattered to me anyway. I'm not sure if they don't voice an opinion because they know that I don't care what they think or because they don't have an opinion to voice. Even the kids Ped., Dea's therapists (every one she's had), and her psychiatrist have told us that it's a good thing we homeschool because the kids could never function in a public school environment. We've recieved a few looks or comments from strangers, but not many.

04-29-2010, 09:14 AM
I chose friend, with my inlwas being a close second. Since we're not completely out yet, so there isn't really any 'argument' on how we're damaging our child, but my friend is the most vocal about it right now. But I'm sure that we're going to have to have a nice long sit down chat with my in laws about what we're doing based on the responses when I first said, "We're sort of thinking about it as a possiblity." And I'll tell her that if she has that big of a problem with it, she can pay the 14 Grand a semeser for her grandson to go to a secular private school. (But even then, I'm not sure I would, lol!) The one thing I won't stand for is quizzing and testing him or probing his mind for satisfactory or unsatisfactory contents. I will remind them that they have ignored our wishes in the past and the consequences were limited visitation.

I've said it before, but I don't really mind letting people and their opinions in. What has been great about that is I've used the voices of opposition to help build my 'homeschooling empire' as it were (muahahaha:cool:) Such as it was when my mother in law said that I am not qualified because I don't have a teaching degree -I went and not only looked uo what it takes to be a teacher in Texas, but also how the curriculum is compiled and learned that I can download the ISD's curriculum for math right off the website so if I want to do exactly what they're doing for math in 1st grade. Over all, I learned I can use his ISD as a resources for material and inspiration (or amusement :D)

I'm glad that, for the most part, most of my conversations with homeschooling have been productive and given forth to some very positive things. However, I might have a different outlook after we announce to the in laws that we're not going back.

04-29-2010, 10:55 AM
My family and in-laws are the one's we've heard the most from. I don't really talk to either of my parents and if my father had a negative opinion I'd just ignore it. My grandfather is rather easy going and has been the most supportive on my side of the family. He even asks about how school is going. My grandmother seems to change her opinion based on her mood, sometimes she'll be really supportive and other times she'll bring up how she thinks my daughter would like public school. My in-laws mostly have expressed their views to my husband, and I think some of them were thinking this was just my way of putting off public school till Kindergarten. His mom is worried about her socialization and her speech, she's been improving with the speech and has more friends outside of a classroom setting than I did at her age (I had about 0). Though his one aunt had the worse reaction and I think she's mostly thinking this will be over next year. She stopped by one day to talk to his mom and said "Why are you in school?" to my daughter then turned to his mom and said "well she'll be in school next year because she'll be 5." I didn't say anything we'll just avoid seeing her on weekdays next year I suppose.
I come in a very good second place because I second guess myself over everything. I've really enjoyed this year, but every time I'm reminded I'm going against the norm I wonder if I'm doing the right thing. I'm not going to give up on this so easily though.

04-29-2010, 12:45 PM
My in-laws have been the most negative but they have an opinion about everything. Thankfully they live far far away so I don't have to deal with them much.

04-29-2010, 02:13 PM
Well one of my children voted in this poll while I was making their lunch so I don't know what my official vote was but I was going to choose other.

When I hesitantly mentioned it to my mother a year or so ago she was excited about it so she is really the only person that I talk about it with.

When my sister came to visit me after I had my daughter I was reading a book about homeschooling and forgot to put it up. So at that time I heard about how she thought about it but decided it would be too hard, blah blah blah. Who knows if she remembers that or not. I'm pretty sure that when we start homeschooling in a couple of months my sisters will have plenty of negative stuff to say but will keep it amongst themselves. In fact, last month I overheard them talking negatively about homeschooling so I'm wondering what they will say, if anything, to my face.

Other then that, I only tell people we will be homeschooling when they ask if Ethan will start kindergarten in the fall.

Oh and ETA, I don't have in laws to worry about. My husband's mom is dead and he hasn't had contact with his dad in over 25 years at least.

04-29-2010, 09:04 PM
Everyone who knows us is aware that our kids have some serious special needs and the public schools were SO not hacking it. They all sort of went, "Well, yeah. That works better, doesn't it?"

04-29-2010, 11:24 PM
We normally don't get grief, but when we do it is often from teachers at my son's public school( long story) or my inlaws neighbor, who is the principal for a Catholic school. We had some issues with the childrens godparents, but its been a year and they had to comment of the great improvements in my daughters speech, attitude, social skills(GASP!!!) and education. As for my inlaws neighbor, she is entitled to her opinion, but she has yet to speak her mind to me. She's obviously a very smart lady....LOL!!!

04-30-2010, 12:10 AM
We normally don't get grief, but when we do it is often from teachers at my son's public school( long story) or my inlaws neighbor, who is the principal for a Catholic school. We had some issues with the childrens godparents, but its been a year and they had to comment of the great improvements in my daughters speech, attitude, social skills(GASP!!!) and education. As for my inlaws neighbor, she is entitled to her opinion, but she has yet to speak her mind to me. She's obviously a very smart lady....LOL!!!

Yvonne, this is neither here nor there but I covet your hair. Just thought I'd say that.

More on topic, this afternoon I followed a link from a Google alert about homeschooling to some forum for new or expecting mothers because there was a thread about homeschooling. 99.9% of the posters were absolutely bashing it and surprise, surprise, a lot of them were teachers. Most of those people will never support us, no matter what our kids' achievements. To them, we are the enemy because we prove that we can do their job, probably better than they can, and for the most part without all the precious training and workshops that they claim are essential in learning how to share knowledge and information with a child. Remember, those are people who probably took on tons of debt going to school and who are now lamenting that they are not making enough to make ends meet, and that schools are under-funded no matter how much money is thrown at the schools.

How dare we show them that we can do it, be good (if not great) at it, and that and it doesn't have to be so darn expensive, and that our kids can do just as well as p.s. kids, oh and by the way they're not unsocialized weirdos either? By doing so, we are proving that they are redundant and who likes to feel that way? This is why WE don't like it when the government tells us to step aside and let them parent our kids for us, right?

Of course, all the teachers were sharing horror stories about the 1 or 2 homeschooler(s) that they had ever met and I wanted to post and say "between my 5 kids who go to p.s., I have had to deal with over 160 teachers (I kid you not, I just did the tally) and I think that this lands a lot more gravitas to my opinion of teachers than it does to your opinion of homeschoolers because my experience is based in REALITY and on a much bigger sample of the targeted population, not just a one-off experience that I trot out as a show and tell to put an entire segment of the population down because it makes me feel better about myself." But I would have had to create a user name for that forum and it's too much work and won't change their opinion anyway, so I didn't. But, UGH.

Such Lovely Freckles
04-30-2010, 02:03 PM
Among my American friends and family I'm not getting a lot of grief, except for the occasional, "I could never do this", or "What about socialization?" Hee hee... :) It's the Germans who are giving me a hard time about it, because they just don't get the concept of homeschooling and think that it's some sort of child abuse. Sheesh


05-02-2010, 12:48 PM
We've had nothing but positives. Sure, a few people who know nothing about home schooling and have never thought about it have said things like "Doesn't she miss out on friends?" but those are the kind of things that twenty seconds of, "Well no actually because..." have them responding with, "Oh. Right, yeah. That makes sense. Wow!" The most common response by far has been "Fantastic! I wish we could do that with our kids." Perhaps we're unusual but I suspect not. Anyone else seeing this kind of response?

Such Lovely Freckles
05-02-2010, 01:03 PM
Mike, I do receive a lot of positive replies from Americans, not from Germans. As a matter of fact, I just started a yahoogroup for secular parents recently, and many people who sign up for it, are homeschoolers... and when finally someone signed up who sends his kid to public school he felt the need to defend his decision. It was actually quite comical. :-) No need to defend your decision in my opinion, but oh well.

05-02-2010, 07:04 PM
We get tons of positive comments. I can't even remember getting a negative one, actually.

Homeschooling is illegal in Germany, isn't it? It must be difficult for them to process something that is not legal in your home country

05-03-2010, 07:18 AM
This has been an incredibly heartwarming poll to watch, btw!! SO glad most everyone is getting positive feedback on their choices. How encouraging!!!

05-03-2010, 01:33 PM
I've gotten a few positive responses, but mostly am met with silence or a token comment I can tell is not totally sincere. LOL But probably the best most positive response I ever received was while waiting in line at the post office. There was an elderly lady in front of us who was listening in on my daughter and me having a conversation. She made a comment about how impressed she was with what we were talking about and then asked what grade she was in. When I replied we homeschooled she smiled and said "Good for you!" and proceeded to tell me she was a retired school teacher. We had a nice conversation about the subject and she told me I was doing the best thing for her!

05-04-2010, 02:12 AM
We've had some concern expressed from my in-laws, but nothing disrespectful at all; just curiosity because it is completely foreign to them. I am glad that we live relatively grief free (except for our run in with social services last year . . . apparently a neighbor had a problem with our homeschooling but too the passive aggressive route).

05-04-2010, 10:15 AM
We haven't had any problems yet. But, I announced when DD was about 3 that we would probably delay K a year because she is a summer birthday. So, most of my family isn't expecting her to go to school until this fall. My Mom and Dad seem to be OK with it. My in-laws are concerned but, don't voice their concerns to me :). I'm sure my older sister thinks we are nuts and is hoping she will be sent to school this fall.

05-04-2010, 03:18 PM
I have experienced a nasty lecture from two neighbors....and then had them hold conversations with each other about all the reasons they think HS is a bad idea and shouldn't be legal...while I was standing four feet from them:mad: I voted "other" because they aren't family and I certainly don't consider them friends.

08-10-2010, 10:39 AM
I can honestly say that except for my son's teachers at PS (when I pulled him out during Xmas break several years ago) I've never gotten any flack from anyone. My DH worries a little bit about socialization but agrees that PS playgrounds is NOT where they should learn about the world. My little sister HS her son, and my parents are supportive because we were HS'ed. But really my family doesn't get into our business they just support our decisions and offer some adive here and there. The most I get from aquaintances and neighbors is "you can do that?"